The sound for this chapter - specifically the final scene - is Scars by Papa Roach.
PROLOGUE: Exit Music
Chapter 2: Scars
Monday, April 15, 2019
3:23 PM
Yuri sighed as she walked into the office, prepared as she could be for her interview with the new science startup that had propped up in Kyoto a couple months prior. She mentally reviewed her notes for the topics she thought would come up and checked her prepared answers one final time as she greeted the interviewer and the members of the leadership team that were also present in the room. Internally steeling her nerves, she finally sat down.
While the interviewers took a few moments to check their notes on her application, she reflected on the last few months of her life, feeling a pang of sadness and sorrow as the worst thing that had happened - the simultaneous suicide of both Michael and Sayori - came to the forefront of her mind.
Sayori, for as long as she could remember, had always been a sort of rock for the rest of the group, helping everyone stay positive even in the most dire of circumstances. This rang even more true after Natsuki's own suicide a year prior, at which point Sayori, already getting proper treatment for her depression, started to help everyone else in their close-knit Literature Club overcome Natsuki's sudden absence from their lives.
Even though she hadn't known him nearly as long, Michael had been a beacon of calm confidence and reassurance that everyone in the group, Yuri especially, could rely on for advice and support. He had always done his best to be there for everyone, even as he struggled with severe PTSD in the wake of Sayori's initial suicide attempt. He had tried to hang on and give everyone strength until his own actions, innocent and well-intentioned though they may have been, inadvertently caused Natsuki to commit suicide.
It wasn't a stretch for Yuri to silently admit that Michael had never been the same after Natsuki died. His PTSD had left him in a barely functional state, and whole weeks, perhaps even months, passed by without a single change in his emotional state. If one looked into Michael's eyes after his failed initial attempt (which Sayori herself had stopped), they looked hollow, as if he'd utterly lost the will to live. It had been three months after his initial attempt that he'd truly given up, and Yuri had to rein in her emotions before she teared up.
As the interviewer began, she refocused on the task in front of her, not trying to worry about anything else. She answered every question asked of her, solved every scenario presented to her, and corrected every problem thrown at her with a practiced ease borne of her numerous hours of study and experimentation, and it wasn't a stretch to assume by the looks on their faces that the interviewer and leadership team were immensely surprised by Yuri's knowledge and capability.
Yuri exited the interview feeling very confident in her ability to land the job, and took her time in exploring the suburban area of Kyoto, doing her best to calm her nerves and enjoy the scenery. She sat down at a tea shop and drank a calming chai blend as she watched kids playing in a nearby recreational park, their parents standing close by to intervene in case of an accident. Idly, she wondered where the time had gone, remembering her days as a child and preteen spent poring over numerous books in her father's study.
After paying for her experience, Yuri made her way to a nearby farmer's market, picking up some groceries for herself and Monika to last the next week before Monika got paid. The two had started sharing an apartment as soon as Yuri graduated from her fast-tracked university studies, and Mobika supported them with her computer programming career while Yuri worked to pick up the skills and experience necessary to land a job with a big research company.
Yuri pulled out her phone as she got on Kyoto's newly-commissioned Maglev train and texted Monika to let her know she was on her way home.
' Got the groceries, I think the interview went great! On the train now, should be home soon.'
' great! see you soon, ill have dinner prepped for us when you get here! 3'
Yuri smiled as she put her phone away and took out a book she'd been reading due in part to Monika's insistence, flipping it open to her bookmark and continuing where she'd left off. The book was called Gunmetal Gods, and it told the story of a former legend named Kevah, fallen from grace after the disappearance of his wife, who had to reclaim the glory and prestige he once held to defend his kingdom from a legion of angered warriors who wanted blood for the actions he'd taken to write his name in the annals of history.
She read the book for twenty minutes until the train pulled into Shin'enji's central station, placing her bookmark and storing the book away in her handbag as she departed the train with several other passengers. She took a deep breath, smiling faintly as the spring air surrounded her, and began her journey home.
Shin'enji was a quaint town nestled between Mount Fuji to the east and the coastline farther south. A fifteen-minute train ride from Kyoto, it was an ideal place for independent or nature-loving people to settle down and enjoy the scenery, and a good place to grow as a person, which was what both herself and Monika had been forced to do in the wake of their three closest friends all suddenly leaving their lives.
Yuri walked down the nature path near the main road of Shin'enji and admired the blossoming sakura trees, resolving to take a walk through the nature path in the nearby park at a later point in the week. She turned down one of the residential districts and headed into the ten-story apartment building she and Monika lived in.
A short ride up the elevator later, Yuri set her bags down in front of room 714, getting out her keys and unlocking the door. She gently pushed it open and picked up the bags, walking through the doorway and closing the door behind her with her shoe. "I'm home!"
A rustling sound could be heard as Monika, dressed in a casual pair of overalls and blue jean shorts, came up to Yuri from the living room and gave her a hug and gentle kiss, which Yuri returned. "Why don't I help you with the groceries, and you can tell me how your interview went?"
"That sounds lovely, blossom." Yuri slowly released herself from Monika and the two quickly got to work putting up the groceries in the pantry. All the whole, Monika asked Yuri questions about the interview.
"... and you wouldn't believe the interviewer's reaction when I solved his most difficult problem! It looked like someone had just insulted his family's honor right to his face!" Yuri exclaimed as she finished putting up the last of the fruits and vegetables.
Monika guffawed as she held her side. "Lemme guess, it was… hah, supposed to be an impossible problem?"
"Exactly. And he wasn't the only one, either - everyone was floored that I had found a way to answer a problem they couldn't solve for twenty years!" Yuri laughed out loud along with Monika for a good two minutes as they doubled over on the island, catching their breath.
Once Monika finally shook off her fit of laughter, she wiped a tear of mirth from her eye. "I've got our movie ready for the night and I'll go ahead and make some tonkotsu, so why don't you go get your shower, and join me when you're done, Wildflower-chan?"
Yuri groaned at the exuberant and childish nickname Monika had taken to calling her since the event that had kickstarted their relationship, and quickly fired back with her own nickname for Monika. "Okay, Ecchi-kun~!"
Monika blushed profusely and started stuttering for a moment, before regaining her composure and playfully glaring at Yuri, shooting her with a handwave. "Off you go, you tease."
Yuri laughed melodically as she gracefully turned heel and made her way to the bathroom, stopping momentarily to grab fresh bath linens from the closet in the hallway. Once putting them in the bathroom, she made a quick stop to their bedroom and pulled out her favorite turtleneck sweater and a pair of form-fitting pajama pants out, before heading back to the bathroom.
As she entered the bathroom and turned the water knob for the shower to the desired temperature, she took the clips and hairpin out of her long hair, letting it flow freely. She opened her vanity mirror and took out her special keratin comb, along with half-full bottles of shampoo and conditioner, and deposited them in the shower stall. She undressed, setting her used interview attire neatly in the dirty laundry bin and stepping into the shower.
An audible sigh escaped unbidden from her lips as she felt the warm water cascade over her body, and she smiled slightly as she felt the tension in her body slowly ease. Ah, nothing beats the simple comfort of a warm, relaxing shower after a mentally exhausting day of job-seeking.
She reflected on the interview and her ability to breeze through the questions and problems presented to her, and she smiled a bit more at Monika's playfulness and shared mirth at her own reaction. Laughing was always cathartic in a good way, especially when you had to hold it in to avoid a faux pas.
She grabbed her personal sponge and put some of her favorite body lotion on, rubbing it to get a good lather going as she washed herself down under the water. Once finished, she wrung out the sponge to get the soap out, then hung it back on its place in the rack and took a moment to watch as the suds slowly fell into the drain.
She grabbed the shampoo next, closing her eyes as she set her comb next to the conditioner on the rack and getting a good amount before slowly running through her hair with both the shampoo and her comb. Taking plenty of time to work out the knots she found in her hair due to the hairspray she'd had to put in earlier in the day, she failed to notice as the door to the bathroom opened and Monika slyly crept in.
Because of the open floorplan of the apartment they'd selected, sections such as the bathroom didn't have individual doors inside them, and the floor of the bathroom was sloped with a drain to catch water from the shower. This meant that, since Monika had succeeded in getting past the main door without being detected, Yuri didn't know her girlfriend was in the bathroom with her.
What she did notice, however, thanks to her keen sense of smell, was the savory scent of the freshly-cooked tonkotsu wafting in from the kitchen, and as Monika finished getting undressed and was about to surprise Yuri, her eyes opened.
Monika pouted for a brief moment at failing to get the drop on Yuri, and she crossed her arms, deliberately giving Yuri a show of lifting her buxom breasts up. "Damn, what gave me away? I thought for sure I had you this time."
Yuri smirked at Monika's act to get her aroused, and she giggled as she pulled Monika into the shower with her. "You took the tonkotsu out to check that they were done, didn't you? I can smell them from here."
Monika's eyes widened in realization. "Aww, dammit, of all the things for you to catch!" She pouted even more, pretending to be upset. "It's not my fault they burned the last time because someone distracted me."
(Explicit content ahead. CtrlF or CmdF "END OF SCENE" without the quotes to skip.)
Yuri laughed as she pulled Monika in close, slowly moving her hands across Monika's lithe, toned body. Monika moaned lightly, trying to focus. "It's not my fault the 'greatest programmer in Japan' didn't know how to work the oven's keep-warm function."
Monika moaned again as she felt Yuri's hands snaking over her body, growling both at the jibe and the fact she knew Yuri was teasing her. "Will you stop… mmm-stop teasing me about that? I already -ah! F-fixed that problem!"
Yuri smirked, daintily raising an eyebrow. "Really now? So if I walk out there right now and check the oven, the tonkotsu won't be slowly burning to a crisp? You know how upset the landlord gets when the smoke alarms get set off."
Monika hastily nodded, quickly losing the battle against her own arousal. "Y-yes! I made sure to-SET it correctly!" She shivered as one of Yuri's fingers glided over her nipple. "Dammit, don't do that!"
"Aww, is the cat in the cradle?" Yuri relentlessly teased Monika, knowing through Monika's reactions that Yuri had her wrapped around her pinky finger. Seeing and feeling her girlfriend rendered so powerless by her touch always gave Yuri a euphoric rush. Huh, she idly thought. Could make that into a poem.
"W-Will you stop teasing me already?!" Monika tried to demand, only to blush as Yuri laughed at the suggestion. "W-What's so funny?!"
"You tried to sneak up on me and now you're going to try and bargain with me because you set yourself up for this?" Yuri leaned down and gently bit on the nape of Monika's neck, and Monika moaned more loudly than before. "No, I think I'm gonna take my time with you. It's not like you can stop me."
Yuri and Monika's relationship dynamic was fairly unique. Both were used to being able to charm their way into pretty much whatever they wanted, especially as they rapidly destroyed their university studies and finished in record time. Because of their respective silver tongues, they understandably ran into brick walls in the form of one another, so they made a deal when they moved in together. They would take turns making any significant decisions, and the other had to accept it. This way, the balance of power would never stay on one side for too long and potentially cause problems.
They discovered when they began dating two months ago that that power dynamic had never really gone away, but instead laid dormant. And when the two became intimate for the first time, this manifested in the form of power play.
Monika growled huskily as she broke free of Yuri's grip, turning around and slamming Yuri roughly against the wall as she ran a hand down Yuri's inner thigh, making the taller woman shiver in delight. She grabbed Yuri by the neck and smashed her lips into Yuri's as she pressed their bodies together. It wasn't hard to tell that, even though Yuri could break out of Monika's relatively weaker hold at any moment, Yuri wanted Monika to be the one in control for now.
Monika broke the kiss and stared lustfully into Yuri's eyes. "You were saying?" she said as she bit down on Yuri's collarbone, making Yuri moan loudly. Yuri wrapped her arms around Monika's waist, pulling her closer as Monika's hand roughly grabbed Yuri's ass.
Monika let off and lowered herself, mouth clamping down on one of Yuri's hard nipples as her hand went inside Yuri's thigh and started playing with her wet pussy. Yuri let out a loud moan as she felt Monika's ministrations, and she barely remembered to set the shower to wide spray as she and Monika slowly let themselves slip to the floor, the water cascading down above them.
As the two of them sat up against the shower wall for support, Monika wrapped her free arm around Yuri and started playing with her other breast and nipples as she and Yuri locked lips in a heated kiss. Yuri snaked her other hand down and started playing with Monika's clit, and they moaned into each other's mouths as they both fought to make the other cum faster.
Yuri tried to break off the kiss, but Monika reached her arm back up and grabbed her neck, locking Yuri into the kiss as she shoved her tongue down Yuri's throat. While Yuri tried and failed to hold off Monika's tongue, Monika took two fingers and pushed them into her pussy, causing Yuri to moan loudly into her mouth as Monika worked her fingers around. Yuri responded by taking her free hand and surprising Monika, putting a finger in both her pussy and her ass, and Monika broke off the kiss, leaning her head back and almost screaming as her body shook in response to the sudden intrusion.
Monika panted as the two paused for a moment, looking into Yuri's eyes and growling as she restarted her ministrations. For the next two minutes, Monika and Yuri feverishly fought to make the other cum first, but neither succeeded - Monika reached down and roughly pressed Yuri's clit at the same time she leaned up and roughly bit and pulled Monika's earlobe, and both of them screamed as they came at the same time, collapsing on top of one another as their bodies slowly recovered from their impromptu romp.
Monika panted as she slowly lifted herself off of Yuri, moving to lay back against the shower wall as Yuri sat up slowly beside her, resting her head on Monika's shoulder. The two held each other for a few minutes as the warm water ran down their bodies, slowly taking their mess with it into the drain. Eventually, the two stood up and began to clean themselves off, leaning on one another due to their legs still being shaky.
(END OF SCENE)
"Itadakimasu~!" Yuri and Monika both called out as they dug into their tonkotsu, savoring the flavor of the packed balls as they watched the sunset from their apartment window. As they finished, Yuri got up, closing the curtains and taking her and Monika's dishes to the sink to wash.
As she washed the dishes, Monika cleaned the dining table off, setting up the television and mood lighting in the lounge. "Love, would you mind bringing us the omurice on the stove?"
"Will do, blossom!" Yuri called back out, retrieving the omurice from the stovetop, setting it onto two plates and bringing it into the lounge, where she set it on the lounge table and sat down on the couch next to Monika. She sank into the cushions with a drawn-out sigh as Monika started the movie and leaned into her.
Halfway into the movie, both plates of omurice finished and the dirty dishes set off to the side of the table to be taken care of later, Yuri couldn't help but think of Sayori amidst a more light-hearted scene in the movie. The main character did their best to defend their classmates against a verbal lashing from the principal, taking the blame unto themselves so that their classmates wouldn't suffer any consequences, resulting later in the movie in the student's expulsion from the school.
Yuri sighed longingly and Monika turned to give her a concerned face. "You okay, Yuri? Something on your mind?"
"Yeah, it's just… this whole scene with Okuda reminds me so much of Sayori, it's almost painful."
Monika winced and paused the movie, wrapping her arms around Yuri and running a hand idly through her hair. "You're not the only one, Yuri. Y'know… I miss all of them so much, sometimes. I look back on everything that happened and wonder where things came crashing down so badly.
"For those first few days we had Michael in the Club, things were great. Better than I think they'd ever been, even. We had a new member who was genuinely invested in the Club and literature as a whole, and then he turned out to be an awesome friend and confidant on top of it."
A tear slowly rolled down Monika's cheek as her eyes watered, unshed tears sitting on the edge. "I loved them all. Not even just as friends, but as just good people. I did the best I couldn't but I couldn't help any of them, Yuri. I couldn't even admit my feelings to them before things went to hell."
Yuri's eyes widened in surprise. "Monika, are you telling me-"
"That I had a romantic interest in them, too? Yeah… yeah, I am. Funny, isn't it? The ever-popular Monika Sasakibe, the most desirable girl in the school, wasn't even confident enough to tell her own best friends how she felt. Too afraid of the damage it could cause… And now, I'll never be able to tell them these things. I couldn't even face my feelings for you at first; you literally had to drag them out of me!"
Yuri held Monika close as she started crying, Yuri shedding some tears of her own. "It's not fair! Why did Natsuki have to grow up with an abusive father who made her dread coming home?! Why did Sayori have to grow up with crippling depression?! Why did Michael have to be the one to try to handle everything they were throwing at him?!
"I still have nightmares! Nightmares of the day I went with Sayori to Michael's house! I still remember Sayori opening the door to greet him and seeing that… that soulless look in his eyes! He looked like he had given up entirely! I couldn't stand to see him again after that!"
Yuri was about to try and console Monika, her own heart throbbing in shared pain, but Monika continued, gripping Yuri even tighter. "I should have been there for them! I should have helped them! I could have saved them! Now they're all gone, and I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life! Why, Yuri?! Why am I such a coward?! WHY?!"
Monika lost any strength she may have had left, and sobbed hysterically into Yuri's sweater, holding tight to her as if Yuri would disappear at any moment. Yuri, now silently crying herself, returned the embrace. "There… there will always be things we wish we could change. I miss them so much, it hurts sometimes. None… none of them deserved what happened to them. Circumstances, things we never knew. Things happened so quickly, none of us knew how to react.
"I regret not mending my relationship with Natsuki before she died… I regret not trying to help Michael when he clearly appeared to be at wit's end. There are things about what happened that I can't take back either, blossom. No matter how hard I wish for it.
"Sometimes, when I have trouble falling asleep at night, it's because I think about the incessant cruelty of the world. Who or whatever created us, and why. Why people have to be born capable of doing such good, but stricken down by such evil. Why we have to suffer in order to live life to the fullest, and why people with such good hearts have to suffer more than anyone else. Natsuki, Michael, Sayori, they didn't deserve any of the battles they had to fight. And you're not the only one who regrets not admitting their feelings, either."
Monika looked up at Yuri with surprise, an unspoken question hanging on her lips. Yuri silently nodded. "I had feelings for both Natsuki and Michael, but didn't admit that to either of them until they had already become a couple. And after that, I chose to keep my feelings to myself because I didn't want to put undue strain on their relationship. I told Sayori at one point, but until now, she was the only one who ever knew."
"So… I'm not the only one suffering?" Monika whispered in a frightened tone of voice.
"No, blossom… I'm right there with you. We can work through this like we always have. It's what they would have wanted. I miss them terribly, but we can't live in the past. We have to take their ideals and their memory and carry on, build a better future for them so people like them, like us, don't have to suffer anymore. Create a world where no one feels oppressed or isolated. It's why I decided I wanted to become a physicist, remember?"
"Yeah…" Monika sniffled as she sat up, still holding tightly to Yuri, and for the first time since the start of the movie, she smiled. "Thanks, Yuri. At least I know you're here for me. We will get through this. It's just… hard sometimes, remembering why we have to fight in the first place."
"I know, Moni-chan. I know. I wish things didn't have to be this way, but in our world there can be no growth without conflict. We just happened to collectively deal with some of the worst conflicts the world has to offer. And it's changed us in ways we can't avoid. We have to face our reality and do the best we can with what little we have left."
Monika yawned, finally letting her exhaustion show and letting go of Yuri, even if only for a brief moment. "Can we just crash on the couch tonight? I don't wanna get up."
Yuri laughed, Monika joining in a moment later. "Sure, blossom. We can stay out here and sleep in."
The two packed up the movie and set a soft lofi tune on the Bluetooth speaker next to the TV, grabbing the dishes and cleaning everything up before dragging a spare blanket and pillow set out of the closet. Monika prepped the impromptu bed as Yuri walked back in, and the two laid down, dimming the lights as they stared out the window into the night sky.
"Do you think they would be proud of us, Yuri?" Monika asked, yawning as she rested her head on Yuri's shoulder.
Yuri thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yes. Despite everything that's happened, we've still done our best to persevere and stand tall. We've withstood things no one should ever have to go through, and even though we have the scars to remind us of our ordeal, at the end of it all, we're still here. I think that's all they could have ever asked for."
Monika sighed as she settled in next to Yuri. "Thank you, Yuri. For everything. I don't think I could have made it through all this without you." She turned her head for a moment and gazed into Yuri's eyes, entranced by the reflection of the moonlight. "I love you."
"I love you too, blossom." Yuri smiled and kissed Monika, before the two closed their eyes. "Good night."
"Good night."