"Hey Britt-B?"
Brittany's mum walked into her room early on Saturday morning, stopping dead in her tracks as she saw the familiar sight of Santana asleep in Brittany's bed, the girls tangled up in each other. She smiled sadly. She knew long ago that her daughter's best friend was so much more than just that. She knew very early on, that Brittany was simply completely taken with her best friend, but that for some reason they were not ready to be with each other. She didn't know the intricate details of their relationship, but it was painfully obvious to her last year, that neither of them were going to be able to stand the strain of the limbo their relationship was in. When Brittany had brought home that Artie boy, Susan had tried hard, but she could not stand him. He was…weird. It was no secret to her that her daughter was very popular, and this Arthur kid was just…not. She saw, even though Brittany tried to be happy, that she was often bored. In her opinion, the two of them just did not belong in each other's worlds. He could not keep up with Brittany's strange sense of humour or her insane imagination, so she never expected them to last very long. But then Santana had stopped coming over. Susan didn't see her for nearly two months, and it was one of the hardest two months of her life. She couldn't count the number of times she stood outside Brittany's door listening to her crying, not being able to do anything about it. It was the saddest she had ever seen her eldest daughter, and even though she didn't know what the issue really was, since Brittany insisted on saying everything was fine, she knew it had something to do with Artie.
Santana and Brittany finally making up was, in her opinion, though exactly what everyone needed, the beginning of another difficult period in her life. She could see that Santana wasn't okay, if for no other reason than she spent almost every night in her house. On nights like last night she would leave after dinner, and then sneak back in to Brittany's room. Susan had long since decided to pretend she wasn't aware of what was happening. It pained her though, feeling like Santana didn't trust her, or feel safe enough to tell her what the problem was. Almost three years of watching Santana trying to pretend like she was fine, like she didn't need her parents, and like she wasn't scared of being in that big house all alone, had chipped away at her. She was getting dangerously close to storming into the Lopez house and knocking some sense into Maribel and Stephen. Santana was younger than her own daughter, just having turned 16, yet they treated her like she was in her mid 20s. They acted like giving her limitless credit cards and a driver was the same as taking care of her. Susan just could not stand it. It was no wonder Santana was as defensive as she was. No wonder she hated when she or Pierce would ask about her day, or try and give her a hug. She had of course gotten used to all of these things and more, like them making sure she'd done her homework, or showing up to her cheerleading and glee performances, but that took a lot of work on their part. A lot of persistence and follow through. Yet still, Santana didn't seem to fully trust them. She was still so used to being on her own, that it didn't even occur to her to talk to Susan or Pierce about whatever it was she was running away from in her house.
Susan sighed, slowly closing the door. All of this needed to stop, she just didn't know how.
"Hi ASP" Santana said cheerfully as Susan pulled open the front door at 8 am. Susan smiled, reminding herself why she kept up this charade.
"Hi there Santana dear. You're here early." She ushered her in.
"My fault mum" Brittany said, coming down the stairs. "I begged her to come super early."
"You guys have something planned?"
"Not really….just gonna hang out" Brittany took Santana's hand, pulling her back up the stairs.
"Well…okay. Santana do your parents know you're here?"
There it was. The defensiveness, the fear. Susan could see it in the way Santana's smile dropped. In the way she averted her eyes to the ground. The way her body tensed. It made her so sad.
"Uh yeah" lie. "They're at work, but I told them I was coming over yesterday." Susan was always impressed with Santana's lies. There was always just enough truth in them to be completely believable, and most of the time she worded them so that technically she wouldn't be lying. From what Santana just told her, she deduced that she probably told her parents earlier in the week that she was coming over on Friday, yesterday, not that she was sleeping over, which she hadn't even told Susan. She smiled and nodded.
"Okie dokie then. You girls have fun. I'm almost done with breakfast so you can come down then, unless you've already eaten Santana."
"No I haven't, thanks Mrs P" she called from the top of the stairs as Brittany continued dragging her up the stairs. Susan tried not to think about what the rush was as she heard the door slam.
"Of course you haven't. You slept in my house"
"Talking to yourself love?" Pierce asked making his way to her. She shook her head with a laugh.
"Oh you know, they say teenagers make you crazy." They both laughed.
"Was that Santana I saw?" he asked after kissing her good morning. She nodded, walking to the kitchen. "She sleep over again and then pretend to arrive in the morning?"
"Yup"
Pierce shook his head. "That's the…."
"Fifth time this week. Correct."
"What are we going to do?"
Susan looked down at the egg she'd just cracked into the pan and sighed.
"I don't know. We've spent two years just watching, trying to be there for her, give her the safe environment she needs, but…."
"We have to talk to her. Or them. I don't know, but we have to talk to somebody. Right?"
"What do we tell her?" Susan asked, putting the egg on a plate. "Hey sugar, we've noticed you sneak into our house five out of seven nights a week, and we just wanted to know….why is that? Do you need us to talk to your parents, or grandmoth-"
"No don't!"
Pierce and Susan whipped around, seeing a wide eyed Brittany in the doorway.
"Britt"
"Dad, you can't say that"
"Your mother wasn't really-"
"You can't say anything. She won't….she'll freak out and then…." Brittany was fighting tears. "And then she won't want to come over, and that can't happen again. I can't…you can't…"
"Brittany calm down. Breathe" Susan walked to her, rubbing her back soothingly. "Just breathe." Brittany took a deep breath.
"Your mum and I weren't really going to talk to her parents or grandmother. We just..."
"Honey we're worried about her. We want her to trust us."
"She does" Brittany insisted. "Why do you think she comes here? She feels safe here. She likes how it feels to be here and have parents."
Susan's heart squeezed at the sadness of that statement. She wasn't even sure if Brittany knew what she'd just said.
"Okay…we want her to talk to us then" Piece said. "To tell us what's going on."
"She talks to me. I know what's going on."
Pierce sighed. "A grown up Britt-B"
"If there was anything serious I'd make her tell. But there isn't. She just…her house is empty dad. That's all. Even when her parents are there, her house is empty. So she prefers to be here."
"Are her parents there now?"
Brittany shifted nervously, looking around the kitchen, then sighed, shaking her head.
"How long have they been gone?" Susan asked cautiously.
"They haven't been there for two weeks."
Pierce swore, standing up. Susan shook her head. "That poor child" she said.
"Please…please don't talk to her" Brittany begged. "Please mum."
Susan stared at her daughter. "Fine. But Brittany, I trust you to tell us if things got serious."
"Promise! Thank you!"
"Britt?" Santana called down the stairs.
"Coming S"
"Can you bring me a soda too?"
"Sure" Brittany turned back to her parents.
"When you go back up, tell her I want her to stay here." Pierce said.
"Dad."
"I'm serious Brittany. Tell her I've missed her, and I want to watch some football with her, but the games are on late so I want her to stay. I never got to watch football with that Artie kid"
Brittany laughed. "You never even spoke to that Artie kid dad."
"Well….such a shame…and now he's gone." They all laughed. "He is gone right?"
"Yeah….we broke up a couple months ago."
"That's g…I mean…I'm sorry honey" Susan said. Brittany laughed.
"You'll find someone better honey-B" Pierce said. Brittany smiled, unconsciously looking back to the stairs. Susan and Pierce shared a knowing smile.
"So you're not going to talk to her right?" Brittany confirmed, getting two sodas from the fridge.
Her parents looked at each other. "No. We won't." Susan finally said.
"Okay. Thank you. I promise she's okay."
"Don't spoil your appetite with those!" Susan called as Brittany left the room.
As they heard Brittany running up the stairs, Pierce turned to Susan shaking his head.
"She is most definitely, not okay."
Susan pressed her lips together, nodding sadly.
"She will be. We'll make sure she will be."
An exhausted Santana came walking through the sliding glass door, Kyler hanging loosely in her arms as Jesus followed crawling behind her in tears. She dropped Kyler to the floor in the play pen, picked Jesus and placed him there as well, before collapsing on the couch next to Brittany.
"Help me" she whispered. Brittany laughed, sitting up so Santana could lay her head in her lap.
"Tired?"
Santana responded with a grunt.
"Mami" Jesus called. Santana squeezed her eyes shut.
"Yes mi amor?"
"Go" he responded, pointing his tiny finger at the backyard. Brittany pursed her lips sympathetically.
"No papi mami is tired"
"Go"
"Mama can go with you. Mama loves looking at flowers right mama?"
"Yes" Brittany said, standing and moving towards Jesus. "I love flowers. Will you show them-"
"No…no….no go. Mami go…mami"
Brittany sat back down on the couch, running her fingers through Santana's hair. "I tried baby."
Santana groaned into a pillow. "I can't do it B. I can't go out there and walk hunched over helping them walk and saying 'sun' over and over again. Not even for another minute."
"Mami" Kyler called.
"Kyler?"
"Mami"
She opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him.
"Yes baby?"
"Go…go. Peess?"
Brittany whistled, looking down at Santana. "He said please." She laughed.
"I hate you"
"It's not my fault. I tried to take them remember? You're the one who has been going off to work for the whole day. They miss you."
"Mami"
"Mami"
"Ookay….okay mami is coming." With a great effort, Santana pushed herself off the couch and crawled to the play pen.
"Up" Kyler immediately said.
"Yup…I'm going to pick you up, and then you're going to want to go down so you can walk, and then I'm going to be bent over for the next hour."
"Up"
"Yeah, yeah I heard you" As soon as she picked Kyler up, Jesus began to cry, lifting his hands up in the air. "I didn't forget about you amor." She put them down, and they began to walk. She sighed. "Why were we so excited about them learning to walk again?" she asked Brittany as she held their hands tightly in her own, supporting them as they walked to the door. Brittany laughed.
"Something about them being tiny humans"
Santana stopped walking for a second, straightening her back and groaning. The boys started whining almost immediately, pulling at her hands.
"Go"
"Mami"
"Go…GO"
"Brittany, can you stop laughing and help me? I thought you're supposed to love me." Santana whined. Brittany laughed harder.
"Oh I do love you. I love you very much honey."
"Then help meee" she pleaded.
"I have an idea, but I don't think you're going to like it."
"What?" instead of answering, Brittany stood up, taking off her shirt. Santana's eyes widened. She looked down quickly to the one year olds attached to her. "Uhh…I don't think this is the time for that B"
Brittany smirked, taking off her jeans as well.
"What are you doing Susan?" She laughed at the use of her middle name. Santana only called her that when she thought Brittany was being crazy. In one swift motion, she scooped up Jesus, ignoring his protests, and ran with him to the pool. Before Santana could process what was happening, Brittany had jumped into the pool. As Kyler screamed in excitement, Santana's jaw fell open.
"Mama" Jesus was screaming.
"Brittany….what…what?"
"This way, there's no pressure on our backs. They love the pool."
"I know that, but he's in his clothes. He has on his regular diaper, which I'm not even sure was empty."
Brittany shrugged. "We'll take them off"
"What if he shits in the pool?"
Brittany rolled her eyes. "Ky you want to go swimming?" he nodded, pointing at the pool and kicking his legs. Santana sighed. "You want to get in the pool? Say pool bud"
"Go" Kyler said, pointing again. "Go."
"Fine" Santana said. "I guess I'd rather swim than walk around like the fucking hunchback of Notre dame"
"I thought we said we were going to stop cursing."
"I did stop" Santana said, raising a confused eyebrow as she stripped Kyler of clothes.
"You just cursed"
"When?"
"Just now"
"No I didn't"
"You said shit, and fucking hunchback of Notre dame"
"Aaah" Santana said, picking Kyler up and walking to the edge of the pool. "Well…okay, but see now, so did you. So let's just let it go" she winked at her.
Brittany narrowed her eyes, taking Kyler from Santana and giving her Jesus to strip as well.
"Mama" he said, pointing at her and opening and closing his fists, telling her to come.
"Mami has to remove your clothes first handsome." He shook his head, but allowed Santana to remove his soaked clothes.
"Ata"
"What's that papi?" Santana asked. Jesus pointed to the pool.
"Ata" she looked at Brittany with a frown. "Ata" he pointed again. Brittany looked at the pool, then back at Jesus' pointing finger. "Ata"
"Water?" she asked.
"Ata"
Santana's eyebrows raised.
"You want to go in the water?" Santana asked. He nodded vigorously.
"Ata"
"Oh my gosh" Brittany said, bouncing Kyler up and down. "Your brother said a new word my love!"
Santana kissed all over his face, making him laugh.
"Mami"
"Jesus you clever boy"
"Ata"
"Okay…let's go in the water.
Santana and Brittany carried the two exhausted boys out of the water and straight to bed.
"Getting a pool was the best decision we ever made." Santana sighed.
"Yeah" Brittany giggled, toweling her hair dry. "How are you feeling? Too tired?"
"No I'm okay. I had breakfast remember?"
"And you kept it down?"
"Yes..." Santana averted her eyes. She hated how concerned Brittany always was. Of course she knew it was par for the course. She nearly fainted a few days ago, and that could have happened while she was in the pool. She could have drowned. Or worse yet, the thought that had been plaguing her, she could have been holding one of the babies. It was why she'd decided to go get the therapist's card from her office. The experience had been a wake up call. She wasn't in high school anymore, where the only person she was hurting was herself. She was married now, so everything she did affected Brittany, and she was mother, with sons that needed her alive and healthy. So though she hated therapy, she would keep going.
"Okay." Brittany said quietly. "I'm gonna go get ready. The caterers should be here in a few minutes."
"Okay. I'll let them in and then come up."
Soon their house was buzzing with activity. They had the caterers setting up in her kitchen, taking over her stove and fridge, the party people outside setting up the ball pit and bubble machine, and the sound guys, who Santana was refusing to call a Dj, setting up his speakers and equipment on the outside patio. Santana was ready before Brittany, because she decided not to take a shower so she could oversee all the set up.
It looked great. Over the top yes, but only because it was a one year old's party. Truthfully they hadn't done much. They hadn't invited that many people, only the kids in their mommy and me class, Quinn and Puck, and of course their families. Santana didn't think they'd gotten anything that they boys themselves would enjoy, except the food, but they had to feed the guests above two years old.
Everything was set up by 11, which was perfect for Santana and Brittany to get the boys changed and have them eat lunch before everyone arrived. They ate upstairs so they didn't see the surprise downstairs. Brittany wisely suggested it, knowing they would not eat a bite once they saw all the balloons. Definitely not if the bubbles were up and running. Just as they finished eating, the bell for the gate rang.
The Pierces arrived first, Ashley and Pierce immediately volunteering to take the boys outside to the ball pit.
"Not going to fight them today mum?"
Susan handed Brittany her purse and rolled up the sleeves of her blouse until they reached her elbows.
"Oh I will. But I'll give them a few minutes before I go take my babies."
Laughing, Brittany led her mother to the living room, where they had set up a table for all the presents.
"Wow Britt-Bee. This is really something."
"I know…" Brittany said nervously. "We were a bit excited."
"It's perfect." Susan rubbed Brittany's arm. "Your child's first birthday is most definitely for you, not for them. It's a celebration of your first year of parenthood. A day you will never forget."
"So you still remember my first birthday?" Brittany asked skeptically.
Susan raised her eyebrows at the challenge. When Brittany did the same, she sat down on the couch closest to her and crossed her legs.
"You slept in for the first time in your life." Susan started. "Didn't wake up until 11."
"What?" Brittany sat next to her.
"Yeah. We wondered if maybe you were sick or something, because you had slept early the night before, so you were going on fourteen hours."
"Wow."
"I bet you wish your boys would sleep fourteen hours."
Brittany sighed dramatically. Susan laughed.
"Anyway, when you finally did wake up, you were your usual ball of energy self. Pierce and I had planned to give you a cupcake, a small cupcake" Susan emphasized, "For breakfast, but you didn't want it."
"What?" Brittany asked in disbelief. "Now you're just lying."
"No" Susan laughed. "Maybe you didn't like the flavour….I don't know. But you preferred to play with it. Mashed it all over your feeding table and managed to get some on your dad too. His beard was covered in it."
"Oh yeah I forgot dad had a beard back then."
"He wants to grow it out." Susan rolled her eyes.
"You don't like the beard mum?" Brittany giggled.
"It's fine when it's fully grown. It's the stubble I hate."
Problems Brittany was never going to have to go through, she thought gratefully. Santana barely let her leg or armpit hair grow. As soon as she saw the signs of their return she would get out the wax and get rid of it. Brittany didn't think she'd ever seen Santana with armpit hair. She imagined that even if Santana could grow a beard she'd have it clean shaven too.
"So how did you get the pictures you took on my first birthday, if I was being so uncooperative? I know I've seen some with me in my feeding chair eating cake."
"Well, it was very clever on our part. We had balloons, which of course you loved. So we tied the balloons to your chair to distract you, put another cupcake in front of you and then your dad smeared cake on your face to make it look like you were eating it."
"Oh my god" Brittany laughed. "That seems a little…."
"Over the top?" Susan laughed along. "Well like you said, we got a little excited."
Brittany shook her head.
Santana came down when Brittany was still with her mother. She was wearing a black jumpsuit and had her hair in bouncy curls over her shoulders.
"Ah, she's finally ready." Brittany said, as Santana walked into the living.
Santana smiled, a tight lipped smile that Brittany couldn't tell if it was forced or not.
"Hi Susan" Santana said, bending to hug Brittany's mother.
"My dear you look gorgeous." Susan said, standing.
Again, Santana's smile seemed off.
"Thank you. So do you. I love this sweater."
"I got here actually, the last time we were here to visit. Oh what was the name of the store?"
Gently shaking her head, Santana touched Susan's arm to bring her out of her thoughts.
"Wherever it was, the style looks good on you."
Beaming, Susan sat back down next to Brittany.
"I was just telling Brittany about her first birthday. Care to join us?"
"Of course, I would love to hear about Britt's first birthday, but Quinn is about to arrive and I was supposed to get the kitchen prepped for her."
"Quinn's cooking?" Brittany asked. "But we have caterers."
"No she just brought some desserts from Elise that need to be put together here."
"Oh."
"But you guys enjoy. Susan you may have to tell me that story later."
"You got it."
Brittany watched Santana walk back up the stairs to the kitchen.
"Are you alright dear?"
"Yeah" she dragged her eyes away from Santana so she was looking at her mother. "Anyway so after you faked my cake eating, then what?"
Santana found it easy to lose herself in the day's events. Between entertaining children, the oldest of which was two, and their parents, who Santana didn't really know very well, she was busy enough that her brain had no time to think about anything else. It was exactly the kind of day she needed after the stressful week she'd had.
As she sipped her wine she walked from the backyard, where Puck and Brittany were playing with the twins in the ball pit, into the kitchen. It would be time for naps soon, so she needed to get the cakes out.
She wasn't sure what flavours Brittany had chosen, though she'd been told, but the cakes were different, so she knew she wouldn't mess them up. She took out both boxes from the fridge and placed them on the counter, took out the candles and lighter from a drawer.
The first box had Jesus' cake. It was white, with multi-coloured polka dots all over it, and Elmo on the front. Santana carefully removed it from the box, discarding the box on the floor quickly so she had space to put the cake back down.
Kyler's cake was green, with Timmy the sheep, who Santana was convinced was just Shaun the sheep, sitting on top of it on a red and white picnic blanket, holding his teddy. There were small flowers scattered around to make the cake look like a cute little patch of grass. Santana couldn't help smiling down at it.
She stuck the candles, which were large number ones, into each cake. A red one for Jesus and a yellow one for Kyler.
"They look great don't they?"
Santana turned to find Brittany standing at the door to the backyard, watching her.
"They really do. Good job babe."
Brittany walked to stand next to her, both of them looking down at the cakes.
"Can you imagine they're already one?"
"I cannot." Santana said honestly.
Granted, they hadn't had the boys for an entire year, so it made sense that it felt too quick for them, but she suspected they would feel that way even if they'd been the ones to give birth to them.
"Thank you." She said quietly.
"For what?" Brittany asked.
"For giving them to me."
"Santana what-"
"B. You're the reason we have them. If it had been up to me we would have left them in Brazil because I didn't think it was possible. I only looked into it because you were so upset. Because of the fight we had."
"I don't think that's true." Brittany stepped closer, taking Santana's hand and looking into her eyes. "I think it might have taken longer for you to get there, maybe after the investigator you wanted to hire ended up not being able to find any family for them. I don't think you would have been able to just come back home and forget about them."
"Yeah well…" Santana shrugged. "That would have been time wasted. So I still should thank you."
Brittany smiled.
"Thank you. I have this life because of you…always because of you. I love you."
"I love you too."
By 1:30 Santana and Brittany were carrying the cakes outside, with all the parents, their family and friends singing a, quiet, rendition of happy birthday. Jesus and Kyler were in high chairs in front of the bubble machine, looking around with wide eyes.
"Hold their hands please." Santana told Puck and Quinn. When they had, she and Brittany put the cakes in front of the babies. "Thanks."
She took over for Puck, holding Kyler's hands in hers so he didn't try to swipe either the cake or the candle.
"Emo" Jesus said, fighting Brittany, who had taken over holding him from Quinn, to try and grab Elmo.
"Yeah that's Elmo buddy" Brittany said. Do you wanna blow the candle so you can touch Elmo?"
"Emo, Emo, Emo"
"Yeah"
Everyone laughed.
"Let's blow these out so you can let him go before he gets upset.
They counted down from three, and then blew out the twins' candles.
Everyone cheered, quietly, so as not to startle the babies.
As soon as Brittany let Jesus go, he was grabbing at the Elmo on his cake. Trying to peel it off.
"You want some cake amor?" Santana asked Kyler. He was staring mesmerized at his cake. "You want some cake?"
He pointed at the cake, but didn't touch it.
"Yes?" Santana asked.
He pointed again.
"Okay I'm going to take that as a yes." She laughed, taking the knife Puck was handing to her.
Both boys completely demolished each cake. They ate the cupcakes Brittany had made for them, and then began eating the cakes in front of them, grabbing handfuls with their tiny hands and shoving them into their mouths.
"Can you get cavities when you barely have teeth?" Quinn asked, as Jesus leaned forward and planted his mouth right on the cake, forgoing using his hands.
Santana shook her head.
"We're going to have to brush our teeth, that's for sure."
While the boys were distracted, Santana had both sets of grandparents, Ashley, Quinn and Puck take pictures with them. Ashley allowed them to smear cake on her face in the name of feeding her, and Santana knew those were the photos she would cherish more than the ones with pretty poses.
It wasn't long before babies started dropping like flies after that. The five kids from their mummy and me class all fell asleep within minutes of each other, so they left less than half an hour after cake cutting. After that, people seemed to decide the party was over, which Brittany and Santana were grateful for. It had been a long day which had started early for them both, so even though it was just past two o'clock, they were ready for a nap too.
Their parents were the last to leave, kissing both boys, who were still valiantly fighting sleep, hugging Brittany and Santana and promising to come by the next day.
When the house was empty, Santana took Jesus upstairs to wash his face and hands and change out of his birthday clothes. While the jeans and suspenders that he was wearing were absolutely adorable, she couldn't let him fall asleep in them. Not when she as an adult found them so uncomfortable to sleep in. Plus, she was sure he needed a diaper change.
She took him into his room and laid him on the changing table. As she usually did before changing their diapers, she rubbed his tummy for a few minutes and stretched his legs, pulling and then pushing them against his stomach. Jesus giggled. Santana had started doing this after a few incidences of the boys either messing up the new diaper she had just put on, or pooping as she was changing it. Getting poop on her hands three times was enough for her.
When she was done with the stretching, she took a wipe and ran it across the base of Jesus' stomach. Five times back and forth, and Jesus' lips were forming a tiny 'o'.
"Aha!" Santana grinned, lifting the wipe. "Gotta boy."
Sometimes Jesus and Kyler would look at her and Santana felt like they understood her. Like right now as Jesus looked up at her with a half-smile, his fingers finding their way into his mouth, she swore he knew she'd just outsmarted him. It was almost like he was saying 'yeah okay. You got me this time.'
All of a sudden Santana felt tears spring to her eyes. She picked Jesus up and cradled him to her chest, trying to take deep breaths as the tears rolled down her cheeks.
"I'm not sad." She told the baby, as if he was worried about that. "I just love you so much mijo."
Her life had changed a lot over the last few years. From becoming famous to finally marrying Brittany and then becoming a mother. It all had happened so fast, and sometimes Santana couldn't even believe this was her life. Three and a half years ago she was living in New York, and that had all still felt too good to be true. She had Brittany back, was in the city of her dreams and working a job that while maybe not the glamorous life she'd envisioned as a teenager, she still really loved. She'd been lucky, Santana knew that. Given how awful she was for most of her childhood, she knew it would have been fair for the universe to dish out some karma. That was what sixteen year old her thought when Brittany was dating Artie, or eighteen year old her when she had to break up with Brittany. But ever since, she'd gotten everything she'd ever hoped for. Babies so perfect she couldn't have even dreamed them. And Brittany.
By all accounts she didn't deserve the kind of happiness she had. She didn't deserve Brittany. But she was going to try like hell to become someone who did.
As she stopped at a red light, Santana glanced at Brittany, who was sitting in the passenger seat. She could tell that something was on her mind, something serious, and the fact that Brittany hadn't brought it up yet was worrying her. Brittany never kept anything to herself. Especially if it was bothering her. She said she hated keeping those kind of thoughts in, because then you just brood and brood and never really find an answer. But when you share it with someone they can help you get it off your mind pretty quickly. Or so Brittany said.
"You've been kind of quiet today" Santana finally said, as the light turned green. Brittany turned to her.
"Have I?"
"Yeah"
"I didn't mean to be. I'm sorry."
"Did you not like my valentine's gift?"
"What?" Brittany straightened in her chair, taking Santana's hand from the gear shift to hold in her own.
"Of course not baby. That was…" she broke of, grinning. "Santana that was the greatest valentine's gift I've ever gotten. It made me so happy that you wanted to show me off like that. That you announced our relationship to everyone there. That you danced with me." Brittany leaned towards Santana, kissing her temple. "That you kissed me like that in front of everyone. It's all I ever wanted babe."
Santana smiled, turning her hand over to lace with Brittany's fingers.
"I'm glad."
Brittany nodded, placing a kiss on the back of Santana's hand, resuming her staring out of the window. Santana licked her lips, sneaking a peak at Brittany again. Whatever was weighing on her mind was really important, and Santana wasn't sure they should talk about it in the car, when she couldn't even look into her eyes. So she decided not to push.
They drove to Santana's house in relative, comfortable silence, trading kisses at red lights, and singing quietly when a good song came on the radio. When they arrived, they went straight upstairs, where they soaked in the bathtub together for close to an hour, got dressed and cuddled in bed. Brittany got to pick what movie they were going to watch, and Santana had smuggled a bunch of snacks from breadsticks, which she spread across the bed, alongside a bottle of Brittany's favourite cherry champagne and some snacks she'd actually bought beforehand. Just as the movie started, Brittany draped her leg over Santana, wrapping both her arms around her stomach and resting her head just below Santana's chin. She sighed heavily.
"B" Santana called into the semi-dark room, combing her fingers through Brittany's hair. Brittany hummed in answer. "Are you okay?"
"I'm perfect."
"Are you sure?"
Brittany lifted her head to look at Santana. They stared into each other's eyes for several minutes.
"Yeah…I am" Brittany finally said. "I'm just…I've been thinking a lot today."
"About what?" Santana asked. Brittany lay her head back down.
"About Rachel and Finn getting married"
Santana chuckled. "It's insane right? They're totally not gonna last a month, but I told Rachel we'd be at the ceremony."
"It's completely crazy, and rushed and not thought through at all, but…they can do it."
"Really? I mean, they're not the worst couple. A little disgusting but, I can't say they're horrible together. I guess they deserve the right to try and-"
"So do we" Brittany cut in sadly. "I've been thinking about what happened today with Figgins…." Santana sighed, clenching her jaw and trying not to get angry again. "Santana it's not fair."
"No it isn't"
"Finn literally had a kissing booth in the middle of the corridor where he made out with basically all the girls in school. He kissed Rachel on stage in front of maybe thousands of people."
"I know."
"I hate him. I hate them both actually."
Santana didn't speak. She knew Brittany didn't mean it. That she could never really hate anyone, but she understood the sentiment. It was injustice, and what had happened today had been equal parts humiliating and infuriating. Nobody wanted to be called into the principal's office to be told they weren't allowed to kiss. Not even if it was for a legitimate reason, like if she had shoved Brittany against the locker and was halfway through tearing off her clothes. But knowing it was because they were both girls just made it so much worse. Not to mention did nothing to help Santana's paranoia that everyone was watching them. It was why she had kissed Brittany tonight at breadsticks while the spotlight was on them. Since she was convinced people were looking at them anyway, she decided that instead of hiding, like her instincts told her to, she'd give them something good to see.
"And now, they're getting married. They just turned 18, and everyone knows that it shouldn't be happening. Their parents, their friends, Mr Shue. Everyone. But…they can."
Santana continued to remain silent.
"With us, it wouldn't even matter how old we were, how long we'd been together, how right it was. We still wouldn't be allowed."
"I know"
"We wouldn't be ALLOWED Santana."
"I know Brittany. Don't you think I know this? I lost half of my family because I decided I didn't want to hide anymore. HALF! I can't even go to church anymore because my dad doesn't want anyone to upset me. Not that I care about church anyway, but it means I can't go to the family lunch afterwards."
Brittany sat up facing Santana.
"Believe me, I know how unfair it is. And I hate that you have to go through all of this because of me."
"What?" Brittany asked, scrunching up her face.
"You could be with a guy, if you wanted. You could be with a guy and be happy, and get married at 18 if you wanted to."
"But I don't. God Santana, how many times do I have to tell you that just because I'm bi doesn't mean I want to be with men, or that I miss dick or…I don't even know what else."
"I'm just saying that-"
"I know what you're saying, and I'm telling you it's not true." Brittany shook her head in irritation. "Do you think about other girls?"
It was Santana's turn to scrunch up her face.
"What? Of course not."
"Now that we're officially together, do you think about all the other girls you could be having. Red heads and brunettes or-"
"No! Never."
"Then why do you think I think about boys?"
Santana bowed her head, conceding the point. She knew she was being irrational, but for some reason that particular insecurity was impossible to get rid of.
"Besides, I couldn't be happy marrying any other person anyway, so the point doesn't matter. As far as I'm concerned I'm not allowed to get married."
Santana smiled sadly, nodding her head.
"When do you think we'll get married?"
Brittany smiled crookedly, like she couldn't even believe Santana had asked that question.
"I think we'll get married a year or two after college. We'll have been together for 6 or 7 years, hopefully lived together for like, 4 and have been working for a year."
"Why only 4?" Santana asked, pulling Brittany back down to lie on her chest again.
"Well if we go to the same college, then I guess technically we'll have been living together all through, cause we'll be rommies."
"Of course"
"But if we don't, then we'll be staying in separate residences, at least for the first year. And obviously we don't live together now."
Santana smiled, leaning down and kissing Brittany's head. "You're right."
"We'll be adults, who have grown together and built a life together and proven that we can do it, you know? Get married and start a family."
"A family huh?"
Brittany tilted her head back, grinning. "Yeah."
"Let me guess….three kids"
"Five."
"Five? Brittany!" Santana laughed, pushing Brittany playfully off her. Brittany rolled almost to the edge of the bed, then rolled back, giggling. Santana scooped her back into her arms.
"Okay four. I want a big family with you S. I want our house to be full of noise and laughter and as many tiny little Santana copies running around as I can have."
"Whoa…who said they'd be like me?"
"Please! Look at Ashley. There is no kid in the world who can grow up around you and not want to be exactly like you."
"Shut up, it's just cause Ashley sees me as her sister's cool best friend. No kid thinks their parents are cool."
"We shall have to wait and see won't we."
They both laughed.
"I guess we will" Santana said, squeezing Brittany tightly. After a few minutes of silence where they both half-heartedly watched the movie, Santana tilted Brittany's head back, looking into her eyes. "All it means, is that the world has six years to get its head out of its ass" she said seriously. "Because whatever happens, we're going to be getting married."