CHAPTER 26 - Loin des yeux

The house is surprisingly quiet when Christian and Sawyer finally get back home that late Friday afternoon, after being away for five days. Technically, the problems were solved or at least on the right track as early as Monday afternoon after merely a few hours of investigating, negotiating and making decisions.

But as both Christian and Sawyer had been in contact with quite a few people at the shipyard and at GEH, Dr Grace Trevelyan Grey recommended that they stayed away for a while. So they isolated themselves for a few more days, with daily testing and regular checks of their body temperature. They were finally given the green light a few minutes ago. Christian could not stay away any longer, so they rushed back home immediately.

These days apart have been very hard for Christian. First, because after spending so much time with his children this past month, it felt strange to suddenly be by himself for long days. Christian chose to stay on his boat, in the marina. Somehow, the idea of staying at Escala, which would have been more comfortable, was unappealing. Christian has always found some kind of solace when on his boat, and that was all he needed this week, if he could not be with the children and Ana.

Ana, the second reason why it was difficult to be away these past few days. He missed their closeness, their discussions, that bond that got more and more evident after almost one month of living under the same roof. He missed her kind smile, the depth of her blue eyes, her sweet angel voice, her wits, the way she is with the children. He simply missed her.

The absence was even more vivid during his working out time in the morning or in the evening after dinner, as somehow his herbal tea did not taste the same without her warm presence.

Of course, after their last exchange, just before he had to leave that eventful Sunday, he knows that things have probably changed on Ana's side, and he hopes that they can talk about it and find a way to go back to where they were, because he misses it so much and does not know how he could go on living without it.

These past five days, Christian followed Elliot and Kate's advice: he gave Ana some space to think and make her own choices about their relationship. It was not easy not to address the elephant in the room when they exchanged pleasantries every day. Instead, he politely asked how she and the children were doing, if they needed anything, and gave updates about his isolation situation. It killed him to hear her voice so cold and detached, so different from how it was when they were joking and teasing before.

Before he revealed to her how he tried to cope with his loneliness and hunger. Before he talked to her about his one-night stands and regular sex partners.

Kate explained to him that it is a lot to take for any woman, and that Christian should be patient with Ana. His sister in law seems to believe that in the end, things will work out because he has been honest with her. Frankly, Christian is not so sure about it anymore. What if Ana realized that she deserves more than him with all his baggage? And how could he go back to what his life was before when he had a glimpse of what it could be with Ana? These questions have been bothering him these past few days.

Christian leaves his luggage in the entry way, and signals to Sawyer that he can go to his place now, things are okay. Sawyer takes his leave and Christian walks towards the main room, where he expects to find everyone.

And there they are, sitting at the table, obviously quite busy. They are not expecting him to come back tonight, Christian wanted it to remain a surprise. And Christian can see what a surprise it is when his son lifts up his eyes from whatever he is doing.

"Daddy!" Teddy says as he rushes to jump in his father's arms, almost spilling some paint in the process.

"Daddy!" Phoebe imitates her brother and stands next to her father, hugging him.

Christian relishes in this moment as he is holding his children close to him. After a few seconds, he lifts up his head to meet wonderful blue eyes staring at him. Christian smiles lightly, and for a second, he believes that he sees her smile back shyly. "Hi Ana." He acknowledges.

"Hi Christian" she answers in a low voice.

"Daddy, come and see my egg. Ana says it is absolutely beautiful!" Christian nods and lets himself being led to the table, where a few colored eggs are aligned.

"It is Easter on Sunday. As we cannot go to Grandma and Grandpa for the egg hunt this year, Ana said we could create our own, and the Easter Bunny will collect them to hide it so we can find it." Phoebe explains.

"The Easter bunny will put chocolate and sweets in it before it hides it." Teddy completes.

As Christian sits down on the chair where Teddy had been just before, with his son on his lap, Ana gets up, excusing herself, explaining that she has to get dinner ready. Christian is about to interject, when he meets her eyes and understands that it would be useless to say anything. As he had feared, things had definitely changed between them, and it feels like a knife has been stuck in his heart. He tries not to show his disappointment as he starts painting Easter eggs with his children.

Ana had not expected Christian's return before tomorrow morning, so seeing him like this in the main room took her by surprise. It has been five days since he left that evening, five days during which she has been thinking about him and their budding relationship. Did she want more with him? Could she trust him? How could she be sure that she would be enough for him? So many questions and in the end, no definite answer, up to now. Until that moment when she saw him again, holding his children. In that instant, Ana knew that the answer to all her questions was not in her head like she had wished but in her heart. And right now, her heart's decision could not have been clearer; she had to have this man in her life.

When Christian left, Ana had been glad for the opportunity to think without him around. But quite quickly, she realized that no matter how much she felt uncomfortable with what he had told her, about all the women he has slept with, she missed him. Very much. She tried to reason, to convince herself that after so many years only counting on herself, she could go on that way once her job here is over. But she was just fooling herself, she realizes this now; she needs these children and their father in her life.

This revelation overwhelms her so much that she needs to leave the room now. Ana knows that her reaction is quite childish, but there is nothing she can do about it, she needs to calm down, and she just cannot do it with Christian so close to her.

After about thirty minutes during which Ana managed to calm down and focus on cooking, the children and their father come into the kitchen, followed by Prescott. Ana is sitting at the table, peeling carrots. Teddy and Phoebe sit down next to her while the adults are standing next to the door.

Then she hears his voice "Ana, can we talk? Prescott will keep an eye on the children."

"Hm, okay, sure, give me five minutes." Ana manages to answer. When she is done with peeling the carrots, she cuts it and places it in the bowl with the rest of the vegetables. She then washes her hands and moves towards Christian who is still standing by the door. He signals to her to follow him. But he does not stop in the main room as Ana thought, he keeps moving until he is out in the garden, holding the door for Ana to follow him. They walk in silence until they reach the pontoon. Their pontoon.

"Okay, so what do you want to talk about?" Ana asks after a few minutes of just standing there, staring at each other, remember the other times they were there.

"Ana, I…. well, how did things go when I was away? No problem with the kids?" Christian asks awkwardly. It is clear that he is as uncomfortable with the situation as Ana.

"Well, the children missed you." Ana answers.

"And what about you, Ana. Did you miss me?" he is staring at her, which makes her weak on her legs.

"Maybe a little." She finally answers. It makes him smile.

"Ana, I've been thinking a lot as I was away. I missed you terribly, you and the children. It felt abnormal to be far away from you." He stops for a few seconds, then goes on "The last time we talked, you said you needed time to think about what I told you, about my past." He is talking fast now, as if he all he wants is just to get it all out of the way. "It has been a few days now and I need to know how you feel about it. What do you think? Do you think you can overcome it?" He asks. Ana is glad with this initiative, she prefers things to be clear with nothing left untold between them. "Please Ana, tell me that it does not matter to you, that we can build something together." He says hopeful.

"Christian, I've been thinking a lot as well. And I did miss you too. It felt… strange without you." She then breathes out "This week did give me time to think. Can I ask you a question, Christian?"

"Sure." He answers quickly, his voice less confident now.

"How could you be sure that if we were to get together, I would be enough for you? After all, you have been with women who could give you what you wanted, sexually I mean, and I am a virgin. What if I am not enough?" Ana is standing by the edge of the pontoon, holding strong on the handrail. She is relieved that she managed to get it out, as this doubt inside of her was killing her.

Christian smiles lightly before answering "Oh Ana, you are enough. You are so much more than enough. You are amazing. I have been with a few women, Ana" He grimaces as he says that "but I never felt the way I am feeling with you. So I know that anything we will share will be more intense than what I have ever lived. Trust me."

Ana releases the breath she had been holding then goes on "It is difficult for me to trust anyone Christian, you know that, because of my own past."

Christian nods slowly. He knows what she means and it feels like his world is crashing down. She cannot trust him, she will give him an opportunity to prove to her that she can trust him. He places his hand on the handrail, needing help to keep standing.

But then Ana continues "But somehow, deep inside, I know that I can trust you, and the children. I think I want to give it a try?"

Christian lifts his head up, not believing what he just heard "Really?" he asks.

"Yes." Ana answers, smiling and placing her small hand on Christian's on the handrail. Christian turns his hand to take hers in his, caressing it slowly.

"Oh Ana, thank you, you won't regret it, I swear; we will be happy, the four of us." Christian promises, and Ana knows that he really means it. She falls in his arms, placing her head on his shoulder, feeling so good like this, so comfortable and so safe.

After a few more minutes, it is time to go back inside to have dinner together. They walk back there hand in hand, both at the same time thrilled and unsure of what the future holds for them. But convinced that they need to follow their heart.