12. Blasé Faire.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
~

"So that's the situation," Misato said, regarding her laptop open on the kitchen table of her apartment. "The French and British NERV branches were working together, using Grenoble's two Eva units and Cardiff's AT field-powered bunker-buster to invade Tokyo-3 NERV directly. The Cardiff MAGI were able to control and divert a whole array of satellites so we wouldn't detect the Evas' approach until it was too late – they would've succeeded if Kaworu hadn't been testing in Unit 00 at the time."

She frowned, obviously annoyed at having to admit there was any benefit to Dr Akagi's underhanded action two days ago, and sipped her coffee. At her shoulder, Asuka separated three sections of Misato's hair and began to twine them around one another.

"The French government has rescinded NERV's legal status and assumed control of the Grenoble branch. There was initial resistance – half the lower levels were flooded with Bakelite, apparently rather than let the national government get their hands on certain materials and data. But the state military threatened to use B-C weapons, and the ranks turned against the officers and forced the surrender. Both the vice-commanders were killed in the mutiny, and five of the rebels, before the national forces secured the facility. All personnel have been arrested, documents and computers seized, activities and experiments frozen."

"That's horrible," said Shinji. His hands were motionless around the mirin-bathed rice of the onigiri he was making, and his expression indicated he was paying no attention to his task. "NERV and the Evas were supposed to fight the Angels, but people are using them against each other..."

"A human work, however noble, inevitably risks being corrupted by the baser ambitions of its makers," I mused.

"You could just say 'people are bastards'," Asuka commented.

"Kaworu prefers his cynicism to have a philosophical flavour," Misato said dryly.

"Realism," I corrected absently, and cut the tag off another of the new shirts she and Asuka had instructed me to purchase during our shopping trip earlier that day.

"Potayto, potahto."

(…What had root vegetables to do with the topic of warfare? And did anyone actually pronounce the word as 'potahto'?)

Misato continued her briefing: "When the British government forces descended on Cardiff NERV, they found that the entire base had already been locked down by their own MAGI – but the computers had been hacked by the United States' MAGI, at their Massachusetts base."

"They took over the British branch?" I asked. "When was this?"

"After the attack," Misato said. "A defector from the UK branch, a staff sergeant named Owens, had escaped to America and joined NERV there – when Commander Van Statten granted her application for asylum, Sgt Owens used her knowledge of the Cardiff MAGI to remotely hack it, then force the shutdown of the base, trapping everyone inside."

"Trapped?" Shinji echoed. "Were they okay?"

"Everyone was fine," she assured him. "The military got there a few hours later, and then when they saw the situation the British Admiral handed the base straight over to Massachusetts control. There were some casualties, just sickness and minor injuries from a couple of places where mild anaesthetic gas had been used as a suppressant – not enough to induce unconsciousness or restrict breathing."

Shinji still looked troubled. "They can do that, using the MAGI? Could our MAGI do that to the base if someone was controlling them?"

Misato looked awkward. "Well, technically yes – we have the same fluid releases and atmospheric controls as they do. But they'd only be used if the base itself was under attack."

"But if another MAGI took over ours..."

"The Tokyo-3 MAGI units are the most powerful in the world – they're the original, after all. Plus, Ritsuko knows the systems better than anyone. With her, we've got the best cyber defences possible. No other MAGI could compromise our system."

"Well now you've jinxed it," said Asuka pessimistically. She looped a hair elastic around the end of the plait she had completed in Misato's hair, and patted it down to sit against her collarbone.

"Jinxed?" Rei echoed. Her own hair bore twin braids, one side noticeably messier than the other owing to Misato's ambition outstripping her faintly-remembered skill.

"To foredoom something to failure or misfortune," I explained, "by expressing confidence in an expected result, and thereby 'tempt fate' to prove one wrong."

"I see. So when Ikari said that he had definitely prepared enough food for Soryu's guests…"

Shinji made a strangled noise, and hurriedly resumed pressing and turning the rice bundle in his hands.

Misato chuckled. "Disaster impends. –I think that's everything important," she summed, scrolling swiftly down the screen. "Commander Van Statten's offered Tokyo-3 the use of U.S. mainland launch facilities for satellite repairs and replacements … all the Grenoble Eva materials are going to Matsushiro, though General Watanabe says she'll send most of them onto us after some recusing for Unit 09. The rest is minor logistical details and some personnel profiles..."

"May I see that, Misato?" I asked.

"Sure, though it'll probably just bore you." She leaned across the table to slide the laptop over to me, before settling back in her seat.

The information she had dismissed extended to an overview of the physical status of the Third and Fifth Children, including Dr Akagi's assessment and treatment after the battle. However, it didn't provide the results of my EEG scan, details of the injection she had given me, or the medication I had been prescribed. I wondered if I should attempt to get into the doctor's private records – I wanted to know what she was doing to me, and whether it had any connection to my recent inability to use my powers.

I had spent so long operating as a normal human that I was out of the habit of utilising the (relatively limited) Angelic extra-sensory perception available to me in my current form. This was only partly due to keeping a low profile under NERV's surveillance, and more to do with becoming so immersed in the role as to genuinely forget that those abilities were an option for me. If I had been keeping in practice, I might have had a better idea of when, exactly, this 'block' had appeared – whether it truly correlated with Dr Akagi's ministrations, as I thought.

Taking a calming breath, I attempted to extend my senses to Shinji's surface intent, and find out what he was planning to make next (and whether there would be enough for me to share).

But the effort was to no avail; I was promptly stymied by the same crushing mental fog as yesterday, and swayed in my seat; for several moments I was stunned to weak, fainting stillness.

"Nagisa?"

I blinked, and with an effort returned to reality. Rei's face swam into view; she was looking at me across the table with just the shadow of concern on her still face.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine," I managed. "In fact I'm totally normal now."

As the import of my words sank in she frowned, but a glance at Misato beside her indicated that we could not discuss it then.

Unnoticing or unconcerned, Asuka swanned over to the counter where Shinji was working. "Ooh, you didn't say you were making this many onigiri – don't mind if I do…"

But he slid the plate of finished pieces out of her reach. "Not those ones!"

"Huh? Why?" she whined, then acquired a teasing veneer. "Are they for a Certain Special Someone?"

"Shut up," Shinji muttered.

"They are? You really are hopeless," she scoffed. "Wait, what flavour are they? Don't tell me—"

He hesitated, then admitted, "…Plum."

Asuka barked a laugh. "Is this because Sugi's coming over? Wow, you bitch!" But the tone of her voice was admiring, in contradiction to the insult. "Didn't know you had it in you!"

"Shut up," he grumbled again.

(Briefly I wondered what was 'bitch'-like about Shinji's actions – perhaps he was 'showing off' his superior culinary skills? But he had earned them with hard work and much time practicing, so his pride was warranted…)

My priority, however, was for another piece of information.

"Asuka," I spoke up, "what time are you expecting Sugimoto to arrive?"

She did not glance around from prodding and poking Shinji's cheek. "Oh, pretty much any time," she replied offhandedly. "Why, you want to avoid her? Or see her?" She smirked at her victim from point-blank range, and he ducked away, glowering.

"I do not want to avoid her exactly," I said carefully. "But would it be best, after our … conversation … the other day, if I am not here when she is trying to pass a pleasant evening with her friends?"

Misato rested her chin in her hands. "Aw, that's really sweet of you to think of that, Kaworu."

Asuka snorted. "More like afraid to face the music."

I tilted my head. "Why would music be frightening? Unless it is the motif from that shark movie Kensuke insisted that I watch…"

"As in the emotional consequences of your actions, dummkopf." Asuka rolled her eyes. "How one person can be so clueless, and so creepy, I'll never know."

"I am naturally talented," I shrugged.

"Pfft, nothing about you is natural."

(Of course, she did not know how true were her words…)

It was on the tip of my tongue to mention Asuka's own artificial conception, but I hesitated, wondering whether it was a sore subject, given her parental bereavement.

Shinji, surprisingly, did not hesitate. "This from a person who brags about being an IVF baby." Misato spluttered her coffee.

"That's different!" Asuka snapped, and flicked his forehead with a finger, hard enough to bruise. "And nobody asked your opinion anyway."

Misato laughed. "But Asuka, obviously Shinji's going to defend Kaworu, it's his favourite hobby."

Endearingly, Shinji's face went bright red in the space of an instant, and I felt an irrepressible smile bloom.

"Your support makes me very happy, Shinji."

Apparently dragged against his will, his eyes met mine, and he mumbled, "It's what friends are for, right?"

"Oh my god," Asuka muttered, looking disgusted, but my grin only broadened.

"Right. And we are friends." Still! Despite everything I have done, everything I am, still we are friends!

"…Right. Friends," said Shinji again, but a tone had entered his voice of … defeat? Why…?

But before I could question this, the door buzzer sounded.

"Yay! Party time!" In a moment Asuka had bounded from the kitchen down the hall, and there was a burst of chatter from the entryway.

My chair scraped against the floor as I shoved to my feet; I looked around, searching for a retreat route…

"Oh. Hi, Kaworu."

Sugimoto stood in the kitchen doorway, face blank – but even I could see it was a deliberate, artful blankness.

"Hello, Yuko. How … are you?"

"Fine. I'm fine." She nodded sharply. "You?"

"Yes, fine. As well. Thank you." Privately, I decided I had already had my fill of the human experience called 'awkwardness'…

Asuka barged through, breaking our gaze. "Well, now that that's out of the way – come in! Sit! Settle! Don't mind us, First…" as she stepped carefully around Rei to turn on the television to a music video channel.

Hikari appeared behind Sugimoto. "Hi everyone, thanks for having us. Oh, Ayanami, your hair looks so cute!"

Rei blinked, and her cheekbones dusted rose. "It does? I mean, thank you for the compliment. Soryu and Major Katsuragi put styles in it." She turned a slightly-lost look on Misato. "Was that a suitable response?"

"It was fine, Rei, but please," the major almost begged, "call me Misato already?"

"…M … Mis—… Misato. Miss Misato." The effort was visible.

A rueful smile. "I'll take it."

Sugimoto and Hikari made their way to the lounge to seat themselves at the coffee table; each placed a grocery and a gift bag in front of Asuka.

"Are you staying for the party, Ayanami?" asked Hikari. Fretfully she added to herself, "I hope the drinks I brought will be enough…"

Rei shook her head. "I visited here for the debrief of the battle the day before yesterday."

"Battle?" blurted Hikari. "There was an Angel attack? What happened? Was anyone hurt?"

Sugimoto's eyes snapped to me; when they made contact with my own we both looked away.

"Everyone's fine," Misato reassured them, "and the damage to the city was actually really light – mostly the non-residential shielding."

Hikari still looked upset. "At this rate my family will never decide to move back," she said sadly, and Asuka and Sugimoto each promptly took one of her hands comfortingly. "I thought after the disaster my oldest sister might be brave enough…"

"She's worried about what's left of her family," said Sugimoto gently. "And after two of your grandparents passed…"

"I know," Hikari sighed, "and you're right, of course. No use dwelling – I just miss you guys, and Toji – that's all."

"Will you be visiting Toji while you are here?" I asked, trying to distract her melancholy.

Pleasingly, a soft smile lit her face. "Yes! I dropped into the hospital for a bit this afternoon, and I'll be going again tomorrow before I have to go back – before I go home."

"That is good to hear," I said, smiling in return. "He talks about you quite a bit."

"Yeah," Shinji piped up in agreement. "He says you always win at card games over video chat – I don't know if he's annoyed or proud!" Hikari laughed.

"Definitely proud," I confirmed, and she glowed.

At that point Shinji made his way over to the lounge area, bearing a tray of sweet sesame snaps. "Here, I made a bunch of snacks for tonight. I hope you all like them."

"Thanks, Ikari!" chorused Hikari and Sugimoto.

He looked over at me. "I'll just grab my bag and then we can go, okay?"

"You're not staying?" Sugimoto asked him, but her sidecast look at me showed relief.

"No, I'm going to be with – staying with Kaworu, at his place tonight." His chin lifted and he seemed to be speaking with unusual distinction; with deliberate movements he picked out a particular tray from amongst his collection on the kitchen counter, and passed it to me.

"Oh," I said happily, "did you make snacks for us, too?"

"/They're as hopeless as each other,/" groaned Asuka in German.

"/What do you mean?/" I asked, but she waved a hand dismissively, refusing explanation.

Shinji, meanwhile, had evaded Sugimoto's quizzical look to his room to collect his overnight bag, and Rei got to her feet.

"I'll be leaving also. I hope you enjoy your farewell party," she said to the other girls, her speech rote-formal but sincere.

"Thanks, Ayanami," said Hikari warmly, but Sugimoto was glancing back and forth between Rei and myself, looking like she wanted to say something.

"Are you going with the guys, Ayanami?" she blurted at last.

"No," Rei replied, nonplussed, "I am going to my home."

"Oh … okay." She seemed mollified. Out of her line of sight, Asuka covered her mouth her one hand, visible expression pained but amused.

Shinji rejoined us then, and as we headed toward the door I looked back over my shoulder.

"I hope you have a fun evening."

"Thanks, Kaworu," replied Hikari; "More fun once you're gone," smirked Asuka; Sugimoto did not answer, but gave a tiny wave. I took it as a good sign.

Night had fallen by the time we reached my home (having escorted Rei safely to hers in the interim), and Kaji met us at the door in a state of excitement.

"You're just in time! It's supposed to start any minute!"

"What's starting?" Shinji asked, as we were bustled inside.

"A report from one of the NERV branches?" I guessed.

Kaji shook his head. "Nah – well, there is one due later, but first – the fun stuff!" And before we had even set our bags down he dragged us out onto the balcony. "Look!"

The full moon hung high in the sky – or rather, I had thought its phase to be full, but one side seemed less rounded than it ought to have been.

"Just wait," Kaji whispered, suddenly reverent, and in contagion with his mood Shinji and I stilled ourselves to watch…

…and slowly soft darkness curved into the lunar disc.

I gasped. "An eclipse!"

"A blood moon?" Shinji exclaimed. "Cool!"

The night weather was clear, and only a few whispy clouds meandered nearby, not enough to disrupt the spectacle of Earth's shadow passing over the face of the moon, as the planet passed directly between the Sun and its satellite. Mottled white-and-grey was suffused and replaced with deep reddish-brown, and the few stars visible over the obscuring glow of the city's artificial lights stood out more clearly than ever.

At my side, Shinji let out a peaceful sigh. "Thanks, Kaji. I'm really glad we got to see this."

"Happy to share," said Kaji. "Eclipses happen a few times a year, but of course it depends where you are, how much coverage, for how long… I've seen a couple of really good lunar ones, but never a full solar eclipse."

"I don't think I've ever seen one before. What about you, Kaworu?"

"Not from this side," I replied quietly, and the two humans started in surprise as they took my meaning. "When the Earth and the Moon were young they were closer together, and it was much easier for the Sun's light to be fully obscured, as the apparent size of the Earth in our – the moon's sky was much larger." Leliel, I remembered, had delighted in those times, as Night was their title and aspect.

"As we – as the moon moved further away, the Earth receded and its coverage grew smaller, and so eclipses became less frequent. –I suppose solar eclipses would also have decreased at the same time, though I have never seen one of those."

The warm darklight of Adam's vessel, my former home, was gentle to my eyes. "There are many reasons why I am glad for the unintended arrival of Lilith's vessel to this planet. Today I have learned another." I met Kaji's disconcerted gaze. "Thank you."

He recovered his composure to sling an arm around my shoulders, and the other around Shinji's. "We're glad to be here too … with the most senior citizen ever."

I chuckled. "Adam is older than I am – as my parent, how could they not be? And though she awakened later, so is Lilith."

"From where I'm standing, there's not much difference," said Kaji drily, "…cradle-snatcher." Shinji squawked.

"'Cradle'…?" I echoed. "I do not steal babies – or are you calling me fey-like?"

"That too," said Kaji cheerfully.

Shinji buried his face in his hands.

I looked between them expectantly, but both studiously kept their eyes on the deep-shadowed moon, and I gave up and did the same. I was and remained happy to have met the Lilim, but it appeared I would not understand them fully any time soon.

This did not distress me – far from it; there was no tragedy to spending one's life in pursuit of connection with others. I had been shown, time and again, that even through incomplete bonds could kindness be gifted, and meaning created. In this moment, witnessing with my friends the rare and enchanting dance of the heavens, this perfect imperfection was both enough, and all.