Brittany was tender and careful with her, washing her hair loving, making sure to scratch her scalp in the way she knew Santana liked, working the shampoo through her hair thoroughly before guiding her back toward the spray, letting the weight of Santana's head fall into her hand as she gently eased her head back, letting the shower water run through her hair and wash out all the conditioner. She knew Santana was in her own head, feeling it in the way her body was a bit more withdrawn and muscles a bit stiffer, feeling sorry she'd plunged them into the deep end so quickly, even though they'd both been wrapped up in it in the moment.
When Santana spoke though, promising her she wasn't afraid of her, Brittany grinned, picking up the conditioner bottle next and beginning to apply it to Santana's hair and the ends of her hair. "Good," Brittany said softly, "Because I'd never hurt you." Her voice is simple, a promise she can be sure she'll live up to. "But I'm sorry," She added gently, "I shouldn't have done that, it was a little too fast, huh?" Brittany said softly, admitting to her wrong. The two of them knew each other so well, knew each other's bodies, that it was so easy to push and pull at each other, falling into their rhythm, knowing they could take each other past their limits. It was hard to remember things were different now, and she had to love Santana a little more gently.
Once the conditioner was worked in, Brittany pressed a small kiss to Santana's shoulder before handing her the shampoo bottle, turning obediently so Santana could wash her hair too.
Santana was back in control until Brittany answered her. She had been taking comfort in how gently and lovingly she touched her, how she washed her hair exactly how she knew Santana liked best, and she was starting to think things might be okay, that maybe she was just overthinking. Maybe they could fall back into their former easy rhythm again and it was all okay.
But then Brittany answered. It was fine at first- a confirmation that she would never hurt her, which Santana already knew. Physically, Brittany would never hurt her. But whether or not either ever wanted to think about it, whether Santana wanted to admit it, emotionally was another story, though Brittany would never intentionally hurt her in that way either.
Brittany was sorry. Brittany wished she hadn't kissed Santana like that, or touched Santana like that, or let Santana touch her. Brittany did regret it. Brittany was taking it back.
Santana's stomach churned with sudden nausea, and she paled, her chest flooding with pain at what felt like a wrenching twist of her heart. She had to put all her effort forward into not letting herself cry as Brittany pressed her lips to her shoulder and turned her back to her, and her hands shook, her throat too tight to speak as she washed Brittany's hair. She told herself it was the steam of the shower along with the water itself causing her vision to sting and blur as she focused the best she could on rinsing Brittany off without words.
She wasn't sure if she was imagining it, but Santana's hands felt fumbling and unsteady as they washed Brittany's hair, so different from her usual sure and steady hand. Brittany tried not to think too much about it and tried to stamp down her guilt. She knew she hadn't taken advantage of Santana and that Santana had wanted to do all those things, but she had to remind herself that Santana was relearning her boundaries and had to feel things out to see if she was comfortable with them. Although they knew each other's bodies and what they liked and where they liked to be touch, Brittany knew things were much different now, and Santana had to explore how she felt and be given the slowness and space to decide what felt good and what didn't. Their shower make out had been hot and fast, quick hands roaming and hips pushing against each other. It was definitely not slow and gentle and Brittany couldn't help but feel like she should've backed off sooner or not been so frantic.
Brittany took in a deep, steadying breath, knowing Santana wouldn't want her to feel guilty and would assure her she didn't do anything wrong if she even tried to bring up the fact that they'd went too fast. To Brittany, Santana was delicate, almost too fragile for the world, and especially since she'd gotten back, Brittany had wanted to shield her from anything bad in the world and always be a safe place she could land. She felt reignited in this purpose as Santana rinsed her hair, silently promising to be more gentle.
When Santana was done putting conditioner in her hair, Brittany began gently washing Santana's body, touching her in an entire different way, her touches soft and loving rather than rough and passionate. Santana felt tiny and sharp under her palms, and she wished more than anything that she could coax away some of that tension. As she always did, when it came time to wash between Santana's legs, she let her do it, washing her own body and then tugging Santana under the water, wrapping her arm around her waist. She knew they didn't need to speak, bathed in the comforting silence, lulled by the sound of the shower water. As she rubbed her hands over Santana's body to make sure the suds were rinsed off, she tried to be extra loving, giving her a reassuring smile.
Turning off the water, she reached out and grabbed a towel, folding it around Santana first and handing her another for her hair before wrapping one around herself, stepping onto the bathmat. She was busy with wringing out her hair, the steam in the bathroom clearing as they both dried off, glancing to Santana and then turning her head back sharply at the bruise she'd left on Santana's neck.
"Oh my God," Brittany giggled, a flush spreading across her cheeks. "I am so sorry," She reached out, tracing it with her fingertip. "I got you good," She admitted bashfully, trying to ignore the way Santana with a hickey was insanely hot.
Santana still didn't speak as Brittany helped wash her, numb with grief at Brittany's regret. She could feel that Brittany was trying to show her she loved her and cared about her, to put things back to how they had been before as she touched her gently and carefully, lightly rubbing her hands over her skin. But it wasn't as comforting or enjoyable as it normally would be when Santana still felt so disappointed, so barely in control.
She leaned back into Brittany, keeping Brittany's arm tight around her and trying to keep her from seeing her face. When Brittany smiles at her, wrapping her in a towel, Santana smiles back, but it feels anxious and close to sticking in place. She doesn't want to let Brittany step too far away; she feels she needs her to keep touching her, keep showing her they can still at least have what they had before if not anything more. She doesn't want to let her step too far away or even let go of her, so when Brittany touches her bruised neck, giggling, Santana grabs her hand and grasps it tightly.
"It doesn't hurt," she said quickly. "I don't care. It's just a little mark, it's still okay. We're still okay." Right? Weren't they?
Brittany was startled at how tightly Santana grabbed her hand, taking a step closer to her unconsciously, surprised at how quickly she blurted out the words. "We're okay," She repeated quietly, rubbing her thumb over the spot on Santana's neck. "We're okay, you just look like a teenager who just had their first make out," She giggled, but brought one hand up to rest on Santana's side over the towel. "Are you okay?" She wondered softly, leaving her hand where it was on Santana's neck.
Santana had that wide, darting look in her eyes, like she was waiting for the world to cave in on her any moment. "We're just going to get dressed in comfy clothes and hang out with Rachel and Kurt and watch a movie or something." She reminded her gently, stroking her neck for another minute before she moved. Brittany knew when Santana had that look in her eyes she sometimes balked at doing the little things, and for Brittany, the easiest way to comfort her was to care for her. She did just that, pulling the body lotion and hair detangler out of the drawer, crouching down to smooth lotion on Santana's legs where she stood.
"If you want, I can tell them not to come over," Brittany offered, "It can just be a you-and-me day." She said it like it was special, even though every single day was a Brittany-and-Santana day, save for when they were in class. Rubbing the lotion into Santana's legs, she did her own next before capping the bottle, steering Santana to stand in front of her before beginning on her hair, her hands practiced and smooth in their motions.
Santana didn't giggle back at Brittany. Teenager was exactly what she was afraid of. She didn't want to go back to hiding and stressing out about what she was to Brittany, how she could and couldn't be to Brittany. She didn't want to be afraid of what would happen if she made one wrong move. She didn't feel okay at all, but she also didn't feel like she could explain to Brittany why without forcing Brittany to hurt her, however gently the girl might try.
Instead she said nothing, biting her lip and looking away. She covered Brittany's hand on her neck with hers, squeezing her fingers, and when Brittany rubbed lotion into her legs, her muscles twitched at the contact. It took effort not to melt against her right then. As Brittany did her hair for her, Santana started to work on pushing her emotions back down, though they remained fragile and close to surface.
"They can still come," she said quickly; in a way she wanted a buffer, just in case Brittany decides to force her to talk about what happened. Surely she wouldn't with Rachel and Kurt there.
Brittany let Santana dodge her question, feeling a pit in her stomach at her silence. She figured Santana might be confused about everything that just happened and needed time to settle and decide if she really liked it or if it was too much too soon. She didn't say much either, slipping into the familiar silence and knowing outside of physically being there for Santana, that wasn't much else she could do to comfort her, not wanting to fill the silence unnecessarily if Santana needed time to really think about things.
Nodding when Santana said they could still come, Brittany agreed. "It'll be good to see them, I actually miss them," She admitted, even though her thoughts about Kurt and Rachel had definitely been less favorable in the Fall when Santana ended up in the hospital. "They probably really want to see you too," She added, slowly dragging the brush through Santana's hair. Even after everything that happened, it was clear to Brittany that Rachel and Kurt still cared deeply about Santana, especially Rachel. She was grateful that she'd reached out, and grateful it was something casual that was taking place in their apartment so Santana could relax fully and enjoy herself.
Standing behind her, Brittany took care to pull the brush lovingly through Santana's hair, taking time to be extra gentle and comforting. Even after her hair was tangle free, she set the brush on the counter and ran her fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp gently, as if she could press calm through Santana's skin and into her body.
"Let's get dressed and I can check my phone to see when they're coming over," Brittany guided, taking Santana's hand as she lead them to the bedroom. Santana still seemed unsteady, so Brittany after Brittany pulled on her underwear and clipped her bra behind her back, she pulled out two of her shirts and comfy joggers, deciding wrapping Santana in another layer of her would only help.
She grinned, pulling Santana toward her in her bra and underwear. "We can both wear my clothes today," Brittany suggested, even though that wasn't a unique occurrence and happened more often than not.
She was soft and loving as she eased her shirt over Santana's head before stooping, tapping one of Santana's angles to her her to lift it, easing one foot into her pants and then the other, struck with the realization that this was the second time in 12 hours that she'd dressed Santana, at least from the bottom. Pulling her pants up, Brittany pulled her own shirt over her head and then her joggers, on running her fingers through her hair.
Santana remained quiet as she let Brittany brush her hair, trying to psyche herself into giving more verbal snark, as was her usual mode of talking about her former roommates. It feels like an effort, and she knows it doesn't land as it usually would.
"They're going to start going on about how amazing I look which means I don't look like I'm Mary Kate Olsen. If they make any comparisons to JLo or a Kardashian I will not be held responsible for my actions."
Santana let Brittany continue to stroke her hair, trying to take comfort in it, but the gentle gestures are pushing her closer to tears. She bites the inside of her cheeks savagely until they recede, taking a few breaths through her nose that she hopes Brittany doesn't notice, then lets her guide her to the bedroom and dress her. She's surprised that Brittany is doing this, treating her so delicately, even putting her in her own clothes, which she knows Santana likes as added comfort. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for her rejection?
When Brittany is finished dressing herself and her, Santana grabs her hand and latches onto her, wrapping herself around her tightly and pressing her face into Brittany's chest. She doesn't say anything, just clinging on, unsure of what she could or should say. She squeezes her, then finally let go when she's pretty sure she has her best resting bitch face back on.
"Ready for some the dorky dynamo?"
Brittany smiled at Santana's snark about Rachel and Kurt. "I think they'll just be thrilled to see you," Brittany giggled, "I'll add no JLo or Kim comparisons to our list of rules for them." She promised, silently hoping Rachel and Kurt wouldn't make any comments about her physical appearance, wanting to trust them but also knowing that their compliments and expressions of concerns didn't always necessary land.
She was about to collect their towels and bring them back into the bathroom when Santana grabbed her hand, pulling her toward her and burying her face into her shirt. The action made Brittany's heart squeeze with love, and she slid her hands around Santana's waist, holding her too her just as tightly.
"It's okay," Brittany hummed into Santana's wet hair, inhaling the smell of their shampoo. The gesture sent a wave of love and relief over her, the fact that Santana had still reached for her for comfort, had initiated it. So much of the time Brittany reached for Santana to comfort her in moments of need, the fact that Santana had just reached out for her had made Brittany's eyes still, momentarily overwhelmed with love for her.
They stayed like that for she wasn't sure how long, soaking in each other's comfort, knowing Santana needed it to steady herself, but knowing that she needed the contact just as much as Santana did. When Santana pulled away, looking more composed than she had been when they got out of the shower, Brittany nodded, bringing her hand up to cup her face gently before taking her hand.
"I'll come in with you," She said, gathering their towels in her arms before leading the way back into the bathroom, now not even asking Santana if she wanted her in there, deciding to just be there.
"I'm actually excited to see them," Brittany grinned as she put face lotion on and brushed her own hair before putting all their products away. "I feel like it's nice that they're coming over here and we're not just hanging at the loft like always, I think they want to see our apartment, and maybe they're a little nosy," Brittany giggled as she hung their towels on the back of the door.
"Can we make an official document of rules and force them to sign it? Rachel would totally go for that, it could actually work," Santana mused. "We could call it the Dorky Don'ts Document and add some fun things in there too, like they have to take a shot every time they mention fashion or musicals."
Santana was glad when Brittany didn't overreact to her hugging her, and in fact simply hugged her back, telling her that it was okay. She breathed in Brittany's scent, feeling somewhat safer as she's completely engulfed in it, wearing Brittany's clothes and wrapped in her arms, with her face pressed into her body. She tried to take in as much energy and relief as she could from the embrace, needing to feel completely how Brittany still loves her, still wants her around, even if she doesn't want her sexually. Things don't have to totally change.
She was further relieved when Brittany stroked her face when they pulled apart, giving her a smile of such loving gentleness it melted Santana inside, and she couldn't resist smiling back. She actually took time to put on a little makeup, not because she needed to impress those dorks- okay, maybe not impress, but she did want them to think she was okay, or more okay. Makeup was a part of that portrayal. The last time they had seen her she was practically walking dead, so it wouldn't hurt to show them how she was fine now.
Even if she was still convinced that she didn't need to eat like Brittany thought she did.
"THINK they're nosy?" Santana rolled her eyes at Brittany as she finished her eyeliner, turning towards her with a hand on her hip. "They are drooling with nosiness. Rachel's massive schnoz has been working overtime for weeks, hinting around wanting to know "what kind of place" you have and practically asking for sex tips. That woman needs to get laid more,I'm telling you. You know I caught her with her hand in my underwear drawer one time?!"
Santana has told this story multiple times, but she gets fired up every time in indignation.
"Her hand was almost touching my vibrator! She claimed she was looking for a scented candle, but come on, why the fuck would I keep a candle with my panties?! She was snooping on what sex toys I kept, all she had to do was ask if she wanted opinions on what to shop for!"
Then she paused. "Actually, no, she should do that all on her own. I don't want to know and I don't want any mental images, ever."
Brittany shook her head with a fin at Santana's ranting, unable to help complimenting her again. "Your make up looks pretty," She grinned. Truly, she hadn't seen Santana with makeup on since the holidays, and she too could barely remember the last time she'd worn it. They were so bare and raw with each other, it was usually not even something Brittany thought about, especially now that she wasn't performing on a daily basis. She preferred to go bare faced anyway, or at the very least, wear minimal makeup, two things that were basically impossible when she was performing.
"Oooh, do my makeup," She said, perking up at the idea, sliding to sit up on the countertop, her hands in her lap, grinning at Santana patiently. She loved outsourcing her makeup, especially when Santana was the one doing it. When they were younger, she'd ask Santana to do it just for an excuse to feel Santana's hands on her skin, and it was still something she loved. Santana knew how to do her makeup best, even though it was completely different than how Santana did her own makeup. Santana never used eyeliner or dark makeup on Brittany, even though Santana always looked good with it on, knowing what complimented Brittany's features the best.
Brittany giggled as Santana kept speaking, "Oh God, I forgot about the underwear situation," She said, "I would've paid to see that, Rachel probably died." It was a hilarious dynamic, especially when it came to Rachel asking Santana about sexual things. "Your fault for hiding a vibrator in your underwear drawer though," She smirked, closing her eyes to let Santana do her makeup, parting her legs so Santana could step up against the counter.
"That's like, the most obvious place on the planet," Brittany teased. "The purple one?" The conversation made her wonder where her vibrator was, she hadn't really thought about it since she'd been back, but while Brittany was on tour, both of them had gotten to know their vibrators very well, usually on the phone with each other while it was happening.
Santana smiled shyly at the compliment, peeking under her eyelashes at herself in the mirror. She generally has been avoiding looking at her reflection over the past several months, not wanting to see the drawn, darkly circled face with sharply angled cheekbones that she knew would show itself to her. But it's necessary when putting on makeup, even and when she looks at herself a little more fully, taking in the overall look, she doesn't think she looks too bad. Not her all time hottest by any means, but certainly better than she has any time recently. Mascara, eyeliner, foundation, and light lipstick- she definitely had chosen a more dramatic look before, but she actually sort of likes what she sees today, at least.
Santana's smile became a little fuller and more confident as she rifled through the drawers for Brittany's makeup, using a lighter touch than her own as she gave her light mascara, a hint of silver eyeshadow to bring out the blue in her eyes, and light foundation. She used a lipstick called Dusty Rose, which was a color somewhere in between dark pink, brown, and gold, with a hint of sparkle in its materials. Stepping back to examine her work, she nodded in approval.
"Gorgeous."
She groaned loudly, slapping her hand over her eyes as though trying to keep herself from a horrific mental image as Brittany teased her about Rachel in her underwear drawer. "Yes, the purple one. And why, why, why would anyone dig through someone's underwear for any logical reason, including looking for a "scented candle?" she used large sarcastic air quotes around the last two words. "There is no reason beyond perversion or creepiness that she should have done that. NONE. Zero. And yes, I did find a new hiding place for my vibrator."
She paused, then muttered, "Under my mattress. Okay, we don't have a lot of hiding places in the loft, there is very limited privacy!"
Brittany was perfect still as Santana did her makeup, reveling in the feeling of Santana's hand swiping across her cheeks and feeling Santana's face just inches from hers. When Santana slid up close to her, Brittany opened her knees to let her come closer, swinging her legs out and locking her ankles around the back of Santana's thighs, her hands coming to rest on Santana's hips as she worked, calm and patient. She loved the gentle intimacy of things like this, missing that about their relationship and when they'd lived together before the breakup. Being and living with Santana was always warm and comforting because of tiny gestures like this, little things that they did without even thinking about it, favors they did each other, like Santana doing her makeup or Brittany straightening Santana's hair for her.
When Santana stepped away, Brittany grinned goofily at her, blushing when she called her gorgeous and nodded in approval. Laughing, she reached out to grab Santana's wrist and pull her hand away from her eyes, hopping down off the counter.
"Yeah, the underwear drawer thing is pretty weird," She smiled, shaking her head at Rachel's antics, honestly surprised that Rachel got up the courage to even go looking through Santana's things, knowing a wrath would surely follow if she was caught. Smirking when Santana confirmed that yes it was the purple one, Brittany raised her eyebrows at her new hiding spot. "Is it still there?" She wondered, leading them out to the main living area before picking up her phone again, checking to see if they'd responded. "Also, how did you get away with using a vibrator in a loft?" She wondered, realizing the curtains wouldn't really do anything for the sound.
Flopping onto the couch, she announced. "They said they'd be here in ten minutes and that they're very excited," Brittany giggled, glancing up to Santana. "Do you think that means musical theater?"
Santana felt her face briefly heat up when Brittany pulled her closer against her with her legs, and she hoped her makeup hid this. As Brittany hopped down off the counter, pulling her hand away from her face, Santana slipped her hand into Brittany's, entwining their fingers and leaning her hip into hers as she continued to overly dramatically shudder about Rachel's nerve.
"Yeah, it is. Unless Revved up Rachel managed to find and confiscate it for her own disturbing use. She makes good money, why the hell can't she just hire an escort to help her figure shit out? I mean, I know guys suck at pleasuring women but do I have to buy her a night out of sin or something to get it out of her system?"
She shuddered again as Brittany asked about using the vibrator in the loft. "We had rules. If someone put out the pink coffee cup on the coffee table, empty, that meant everyone else was supposed to go behind their curtain and use headphones or earplugs. Believe me, I didn't break that rule after a few of Kurt's extracurricular activities. I'm telling you, that boy may be high pitched anyway but you have heard nothing until you hear his high pitched sex noise, it was practically a dog whistle. Also, I had to put alcohol in my ears to cleanse the horror after that."
When Brittany sat on the couch, Santana immediately sat beside her, curling in close and throwing her legs over Brittany's lap. "Very excited does not sound good. Very excited sounds like charades and pink girly drinks and yes, musical theater. Is it too late to pretend they have the wrong address when they show up?"
Brittany shook her head when Santana curled up next to her, her hands automatically coming to rest on her legs. "I don't think a night of sin is really Rachel's vibe, I honestly can't believe she even went looking." It seemed so unlike Rachel, but at the same time, so very like Rachel to do that. "She probably thinks it would make her better as an artist or something like that." Brittany shrugged, Rachel was always doing things she couldn't even pretend to understand.
"Hey, I'm very good at charades!" Brittany argued, knowing it wasn't true, she was not at all good at charades, at least if you asked other people. Brittany herself though she did pretty good at them, it wasn't her fault other people couldn't guess them. As they set, she rubbed Santana's legs over her joggers soothingly, massing the joints of her knees and ankles.
Soon enough, she heard a quiet commotion in the hallway, paired with a quick and sharp knock on the door. Grinning, she met Santana's eyes, picking her legs up and sliding out from under her to skip to the door, pulling it open to reveal Kurt and Rachel. No sooner were they inside did Kurt wrap Brittany up in his arms in a bone crushing hug, assuming Rachel was doing the same thing to Santana.
"Wow, hi," Brittany giggled, pushing the door shut as the moved into the living room of the apartment, Rachel already doing a perimeter lap and surveying the space.
"Gross, you're probably right," Santana rolled her eyes. "She probably didn't even intend to actually do anything with the vibrator, she probably just wanted to be able to say she saw one up close. She would probably use it as a makeshift microphone or something, knowing her."
Santana broke into a grin when Brittany told her she was good at charades, nodding and patting her shoulder sympathetically. "I know you are, Britt. You can't help it that everyone else sucks at understanding your acting genius. I mean, they seriously thought you believed dolphins were gay sharks for like, two years, so how can you expect them to understand your superior skill?"
Santana understood Brittany's charades, after all. They had been accused on more than one occasion of cheating somehow because no one else could, but clearly, everyone else was just an idiot.
Santana's muscles relaxed a little under Brittany's familiar touch, and she leaned into her more, enjoying how the other woman knew exactly where to be gentle and where to dig in with more pressure at her joints. She was starting to close her eyes to further savor the massage when the knock at the door made her jump and slowly get to her feet.
As Brittany hurried to the door, Santana hung back behind Brittany, feeling strangely awkward and nervous at the prospect of seeing Rachel and Kurt in the apartment. It was just them, the last people on earth she should worry about making any kind of impression on at all. But she hadn't seen them often in the past month, and they had never been in the apartment. She almost felt like they were possibly threatening her "bubble" of safety that she had managed to conjure, the world of just her and Brittany, safe and secure and solitary.
She shouldn't care what they thought about the apartment, or her relationship or confusing status of it with Brittany, or her appearance or anything else to do with her life. But she did, for some lame reason. So she hung at Brittany's elbow as she opened the door, only leaping back when Kurt practically attacked Brittany with a hug. She couldn't avoid the blur of hair and excited exclamations that was Rachel though as Rachel grabbed her by the upper arms and pulled her close enough to hug her tightly. Santana briefly stiffened, then after a moment, gave Rachel an awkward hug back before squirming free. Kurt didn't try to hug her, perhaps fearing she would knee him in the groin if he tried, but he did give her a beaming smile and a shoulder squeeze before the flurry of words began to assault her ears.
"Oh my goodness, this place is adorable!" Kurt exclaimed, half turning on his heels as he surveyed what he could see of the apartment. "It looks like the perfect combination of Brittana, I see both your influence in the decor. It's a tad minimalistic but I suppose you haven't had a lot of time yet to really make it homey, and it's lovely regardless. And speaking of lovely- look at you two!"
He gestured with what Santana thought exaggerated flourish towards them. "You both look wonderful. Santana, living with Brittany is clearly agreeing with you, you're practically glowing!"
"Oh my god, he's already starting the sex innuendo, I think Rachel's corrupted him on the way over," Santana hissed in Brittany's ear, even as Rachel practically skipped around the living room, pointing out various details of the apartment she appreciated.
"It's so cozy and warm-looking! I suppose a bit small, but it's only the two of you and I suppose you never have minded being close. Santana, you look amazing, I'm so proud of you! You're so beautiful now!" she squealed, grabbing Santana's hand and squeezing it. "Not that you weren't before, of course, but you look so- so healthy!"
Santana, uncomfortable by the intense beaming smile directed at her and the way Rachel had very obviously just looked her body up and down, yanked her hand away, crossing her arms and pushing her body up close against Brittany again. "Yeah, yeah, I've gained weight, let's all put up a billboard about it alongside your next performance ad, okay? Santana Lopez is HEALTHY," she said with the same disdain she would have said the word "fat"- and meaning exactly the same thing. "What, does that humongous beak of yours smell the blood or something?"
Rachel blinked, looking confused and more than a little taken aback. "Blood? I was just saying, you look really wonderful, you do look healthier!"
Santana groaned, turning into Brittany and lightly banging her head into Brittany's shoulder, wrapping an arm around her waist as though to hide. "Is it too early to threaten to pull out her tongue if she keeps talking yet?"
Brittany grinned at Kurt's examination of their decor, following him as he walked around the apartment, paying more attention to the overall decor and vibe of the apartment than Brittany or Santana ever had. It was entertaining to watch, and Brittany suspected it was only a matter of time until Kurt took over and redesigned their apartment. She blushed and ducked her head when he then trained her gaze on Santana and Brittany, covering her mouth to choke down her laugh when Santana hissed in her ear. "We forgot to cover your neck," Brittany whispered out of the corner of her mouth as Rachel too commented on the apartment.
"Thanks Rachel, and Kurt," She added, rolling up on her tiptoes and back down to her flat feet, giddy with the joy of having her friends over. They were big and boisterous and loud, but having them around felt like a warm, very familiar hug, even though she knew having them around for extended periods of time was slightly hard to deal with. Still, they both seemed be buzzing with energy and happiness and their mini reunion, even if they didn't live that far apart and weren't doing anything other than hanging out at the apartment.
She hummed when Santana pulled her hand from Rachel's and folded herself into Brittany's body, wrapping an arm around her back and patting her hip to settle her, knowing the comment about her being healthy would strike a chord in Santana, especially after their conversation that morning. She almost flinched at the way Santana said the word healthy, as if it were offensive, but was caught off guard by Santana's snarky question, stilling momentarily, shocked that she'd brought up blood.
Brittany paused at Rachel's question, seeing the confusion writ across her face, wrapping both her arms around Santana as she rested her head against her shoulder. "Be nice to our guests, she's complimenting you," Brittany teased, patting Santana's butt, but holding her close to her, knowing Santana was a little overwhelmed. "She got her period," Brittany mouthed, barely above a whisper, holding her finger to her lips, eyes sliding to Kurt. She hadn't planned telling Rachel about Santana, but she could see the question on her face when Santana had asked if she could smell the blood.
"How have you guys been?" Brittany asked, moving toward the center of the room and dragging Santana with her, still holding her by the waist. "You guys also both look great," She grinned, "Can we get you anything? Like water or snacks or something?" Brittany hesitated for a moment before confessing, "Rachel, I really don't know if anything we have is vegan, but you can totally read the labels and check if you want."
"Of course! And you guys, any time you want to add to the general scheme of the place, please, let me know what you're thinking, I can direct you to all the best places to get almost any sort of decor for reasonable prices!" Kurt assured Brittany, seeming genuinely thrilled at the idea of having the opportunity to do so. "It would be a wonderful day out!"
Santana shuddered at the very thought, not lifting her face from Brittany. "Please leave me out of your weirder, gayer Martha Stewart shit, and please ask my express approval before bringing anything to this apartment that I'm supposed to look at every day."
He had turned to examine the kitchen area when Brittany whispered to Rachel that Santana had gotten her period. Rachel's face lit up with first comprehension, then surprise, then excited congratulation as she grabbed Santana's hand, even as Santana burrowed further into Brittany, refusing to look up.
"Oh, but that's amazing news, Santana! I'm so happy for you!"
"Why, because you enjoy my torment? Because you're wishing me to suffer?" Santana muttered melodramatically. "She's being mean to me, Brittany."
Rachel and Kurt had not missed Brittany patting Santana on the butt, nor dragging her by the waist with her as Santana clung to her like a monkey around the neck. Both looked wide-eyed as they followed their movements, and Rachel actually gave an excited start and clap when she spied the bruise on Santana's neck, elbowing Kurt to make sure he saw it too. She wasn't subtle about nodding in her direction, which Santana misinterpreted as them still talking about her having her period.
"They are laughing at my suffering!"
"Santana, Midol is apparently a miracle invention, perhaps try it," Kurt quipped, unperturbed as he turned to answer Brittany. "Anything hot to drink would be good, it's quite, er, nippy out there." He snickered, amused at himself as he looked again towards Brittany's neck, and Rachel hushed him.
"Kurt, stop it, don't make fun of her. I think it's really, really cute that they're together again! And obviously so good for them both!"
"What?" Santana said hurriedly, pulling her face back from Brittany and turning her head to stare at Rachel, though still entwined around Brittany as she put on her best dismissive, incredulous tone. "We're not together again, why would you think that?"
Rachel blinked again, looking confused. "I mean...well, you live together, Santana. And you're looking so good, and the, um, well the injury around your, well, you know, the obstructed blood vessels in your neck area. And-"
"The fact that the two of you have yet to separate your bodies at any time for even five seconds," Kurt interrupted more bluntly. "You literally never let there be an inch of space between you, do you?"
"Of course we do, what are you talking about?" Santana said indignantly, even as she left not an inch of space between herself and Brittany. "We weren't touching at all when you two attacked us with hugs!"
"You can come over and decorate anytime," Brittany grinned, giving permission a second after Santana insisted they had to get her approval for anything they brought into the apartment. "I would like any animal statues or paintings of animals," She requested with a grin, keeping her face passive when Kurt and Santana's faces displayed looks equally perplexed and horrified. Rachel, surprisingly, seemed to think the suggestion was kind of cute.
"Oh stop it," Brittany rolled her eyes at Santana's moping and drama, waving her hand to dismiss her complaints as she pulled Santana toward the couch. "Rachel is happy for you, because all these things are good things," She reminded, not being able to help how adorable she found Santana's pouting. She wrapped both arms around her, lacing her fingers together at Santana's side as Santana burrowed even further into her body, reveling in the feeling of her body pressed against hers.
She scrunched up her face at Rachel and Kurt's silent conversation, eyebrows raised. They weren't doing anything particularly weird in that moment, and it wasn't like their physical contact was new to Kurt and Rachel, they'd surely seen their fair share of it in school and when Brittany had come back to New York and been in the loft.
At Kurt's request, Brittany almost told him they didn't have anything hot to drink besides coffee, when Rachel cut her off, making Brittany tilt her head a little, glancing down when Santana clarified that they weren't together. For some reason, that admission stung, and Brittany almost wanted to say something, to confess what she'd been thinking about lately, but obviously, she didn't.
She answered Kurt's question at the same time Santana spoke, "Of course not," right when Santana said, "Of course we do." She blushed, but her blush deepened to an even more red tone when Rachel explained what they meant and it clicked for her. "Ughhhhh," Brittany groaned, clapping a hand over her eyes, "I told you I was a sorry about your neck," She groaned to Santana, still blushing deeply. "We just like to be close to each other," She explained to Kurt and Rachel with a sheepish grin, even though it was obvious that they had been closer than close lately.
"Sit," She instructed Rachel and Kurt, curling on the couch. "I want to hear about your guys' lives," She said with a smile, trying also to take the spotlight off of her and Santana, feeling Santana squirm under the attention. "Kurt, if you really want something hot to drink, all we've got is coffee." She added.
"No you can't, Wannabe Christopher Lowell," Santana grumbled at Kurt after Brittany's invitation for him to come over and decorate. This meanwhile was betraying the fact that she herself had watched HGTV enough to know who some of the gay decorators were. Kurt seemed to catch this as he grinned at her, not taking offense.
"Sorry Santana, I already got the invite from Brittany, be on the look out for amazing new things arriving your way. Um, I suppose perhaps I could work with animals prints in tasteful styles? Would that do?"
"Not a good thing," Santana muttered at Brittany, not really loud enough for the others to hear, still pouting. "It's terrible. And it's worse that no one will shut up about it."
As Brittany sat on the couch, Santana immediately sat in her lap, not only because this was her general accustomed spot, but also because she needed the added reassurance today. She leaned back into her chest, defensive when Kurt and Rachel sat down on the loveseat perpendicular from them. To her, it almost felt like they were talk show hosts grilling her, united together as they both continued to regard her and Brittany with undisguised curiosity and delight.
"No, I don't need anything," Kurt said in response to Brittany's question about coffee, and Rachel chimed in, "We both already ate, we supposed it would make Santana more comfortable if there was no pressure to eat anything."
"Guys, really?" Santana snapped, her body tensing up. "Do we have to just a press conference about this? Should I just throw it out there? Santana doesn't eat, everyone wants Santana to eat, yay, Santana eats now and got fat enough to have a period. I'm surprised you didn't bring party hats and confetti to celebrate."
"Santana, will you chill?" Kurt sighed. "Also, um, not that I want to talk about that, ever, but, that does sound like a good thing?"
Rachel looked at Kurt, actually contemplating. "That would have been really nice actually. We could have had a party! We still could, we could go get a cake or-"
"Oh my god no!" Santana buried her face again against Brittany's neck.
By some miracle, both had been so distracted that they actually hadn't talked about themselves or their own lives- definitely miraculous with Kurt and Rachel. They seemed far more fascinated with what was happening between Santana and Brittany.
Brittany turned her face, humming into Santana's hair above her ear when she pouted that it was a terrible thing, wordlessly voicing her disagreement in a way that only Santana could hear her, not interested in directly challenging her in front of Rachel or Kurt. She patted her side in silent comfort, knowing Santana was slightly uncomfortable with all the attention on her, and discussing one of the most vulnerable subjects at that.
Guiding them toward the couch and hoping to shift the conversation off of Santana and more toward Rachel and Kurt's latest updates, Brittany was unfazed when Santana sat directly into her lap not a second after she'd gotten settled on the couch, sliding an arm around her waist discreetly, tucking her back against her chest. She could tell that Rachel and Kurt's boisterous enthusiasm and joy at hanging out, coupled with their questions and comments was slightly overstimulating for Santana and even for Brittany a little, being that it was the first time they'd ever had anyone else in their apartment.
She smiled when Kurt promised he didn't need anything, grateful because Santana had just settled into her lap and she didn't want to have to get up again to get him coffee, although his confirmation that he didn't want anything only confirmed to her that his quip was directly related to Santana's neck. When Rachel chimed in though, her smile wobbled a little, the subject of Santana's eating coming up again when Brittany had been trying to steer the conversation away from it.
She could feel Santana tense up in her lap, and Brittany automatically ran a hand along her thigh soothingly as she snapped, bristling at Kurt and Rachel's confession. "Stop, Babe," Brittany whispered, low enough that only Santana would hear it, wanting to settle her. She kept her hand where it was, continuing to rub heavy, slow strokes along Santana's leg until she felt her body relax a little against her chest. "It's okay," She murmured to her.
Brittany smiled a little at Rachel but shook her head, giggling when she felt Santana twist in her arms to hide her face. "It's actually easier for Santana if we don't talk about food that much," Brittany said gently. "All those things are good things," She added, "But when Santana's ready to have a party you two can definitely be in charge of throwing it," Brittany nodded, not wanting to kill their dream, instead deflecting and promising a party further down the line.
"But how are you guys? I feel like it's been way longer than it actually has since we've hung out," Brittany admitted, expertly trying to turn a corner and flip the conversation back toward Kurt and Rachel, knowing Santana had been under scrutiny since the moment they'd walked in the door.
"Oh, we're sorry! We'll stop, will that be better? Um, we're both great," Rachel said, seeming to finally get the hint that Santana was not just being overly dramatic but truly overwhelmed and finally accepting the need to shift focus. "My show is coming to a close and I'm sad about that, of course, but there's another I'm trying out for this week. And I'm strongly considering trying out for a movie. Did you know they are remaking A Star Is Born again? I know I'm not really a movie actress, but I would love to be one of the many who took on that challenge, and well, Barbra herself played the role."
"You'd be great and you know it," Kurt reassured her. "She's right though, things are going well for us both. I'm starting a new line for the spring soon, and I'm also considering joining a band. I met some pretty cool people, Elliott and Dani, and they want a third or maybe fourth to join. I think I really might go for it. Of course it's just a small indie kind of thing, mostly playing at bars probably."
Santana gradually relaxed as the attention shifted off her and Brittany rubbed her leg. Shifting to turn towards them on Brittany's lap, she said genuinely, "Hey, congratulations. Both of you. That does sound badass."
"Maybe you should join with Kurt!" Rachel enthused. "Dani is a girl, so that would even it out, it could be really fun for you, Santana!"
Santana automatically cringed. Back even a year ago she might have seriously considered it, even if she had to mock it first. Now the idea of performing repeatedly to crowds in bars, vulnerable and exposed, would undoubtedly trigger anxiety.
"Nah, that's more a you guys thing," she deflected. "Not my speed. Anyway I'm busy."
"Looks that way," Kurt couldn't resist adding with a smirk, again eyeing her neck, and Rachel chimed in brightly.
"It would be really interesting if you did join though, because then all the band members would identity as gay or lesbian! They already do of course but adding a fourth would be really cool!"
Santana stared at Kurt. "What did you do, answer a Grindr ad? If you end up chained to a bed or thrown in a vat of acid don't blame me."
Brittany smiled, shaking her head to let Rachel know it was okay, but appreciating the conversation change. She was actually grateful that Rachel started talking about herself and Santana didn't have to directly participate in the conversation, giving her a few minutes to breathe and take in everything. "Oh, when does it close?" Brittany asked, eyebrows raised, smiling at Rachel's admission that she may try out for a movie. "That's awesome Rachel," She nodded, truly enthusiastic for her. While she'd once been at odds with Rachel over her and Kurt's failure to notice how bad Santana had gotten, she knew they both genuinely cared for Santana and Brittany, thinking back to how concerned and upset Rachel had been at the hospital.
Her eyebrows shot up when Kurt said he was thinking of joining a band, automatically assuming it would be a rock band of something entirely out of Kurt's wheelhouse, but nodding when he explained more. "Wait, that's so cool!" Brittany gushed, glancing down as Santana to congratulated them. Brittany had felt a little guilty that the two of them had been in their own little bubble lately, but was happy that Kurt and Rachel seemed to both be doing so well and didn't seem too put off by Brittany and Santana's isolation from the rest of the world.
At Rachel's suggestion, Brittany perked up, even though she could basically feel Santana curl into her more at her words, instantly turning down the offer. Brittany squeezed her a little with the arm that was holding her around the waist, rolling her eyes and giggling at Kurt's side comment, but chiming in, "I think that's a great idea. I mean, even if Santana doesn't want to perform yet, what about just rehearsals?" She asked Kurt and Rachel. "Like, can she just do songs with you guys but not have to get up on stage if she doesn't want to? Like an understudy or someone?" Brittany asked. She knew performing in a bar was out of the question right then, and they hadn't really even gone into any restaurants, even for breakfast or anything, all of the people being far too nerve-wracking and overstimulating.
"I think it's a good idea, even if it's just a rehearsal thing," She shrugged, eyes flicking down to Santana in her lap to gauge her reaction.
"It closes in two weeks," Rachel told Brittany, her face and body language showing some sadness before she brightened. "But I would love you guys to come to my last show, I can get you tickets anywhere you want! A box seat maybe, if you prefer! You wouldn't be around hardly anyone then, Santana!"
Santana looked at Brittany, actually considering this. "Um...we can talk about it. Maybe?*
"Oh, that would be great, Santana!" Kurt said genuinely, turning a hopeful smile her way. "Come on, at least come to a rehearsal. See what you think. We can both be newbies together!"
Santana thought about this, squeezing Brittany's arm. She was a little overwhelmed at the thought of two huge steps socially, but they were both appealing. Mostly. "Maybe. Don't start making welcome banners though, I said maybe."
Rachel clapped her hands excitedly. "Maybe for Santana usually means yes, this is so exciting!"
"Clap those hands again and I break them, Flipper," Santana threatened, but there was no real animosity to her voice.
Brittany had intentionally not asked if Rachel could get them tickets, knowing a a cramped, dark theater would've been a nightmare for Santana, but at her offer, she grinned, nodding when Santana suggested they could talk about it later. Even if Santana didn't last throughout the entire performance or they needed to step out and get air, at least trying would be a big step, and she knew would mean a lot to Rachel.
She smiled at Rachel, promising, "We'll definitely see if we can come." She knew it wasn't certain, but she thought it would be fun to at least try and support their friends, and would probably be good for them to disrupt their routine of just going to classes and then coming home and spending time together.
"Where do you rehearse?" Brittany asked, feeling Santana squeeze her arm, rubbing up and down her side to soothe her. "We can definitely try to come to rehearsal, even if just to watch you guys perform," Brittany nodded, knowing that even if Santana didn't want to participate, it would be nice to support their friends without having to attend any performances in a bar while it was open knowing that alone would be way too much, especially at night with crowds that were drinking.
Grinning ear to ear at Rachel's clapping, Brittany laughed out loud at her statement and how bluntly she called Santana out. It was true, and everyone, Brittany especially, knew it. Half the time Santana only ever said maybe to look cool and hide how excited she got about certain things, even though this time, Brittany knew they really were maybes - both situations being totally new to Santana and things they hadn't tried out yet. Still, it seemed like they could succeed in making little adjustments to make sure they weren't there when things were too crowded or dark or they could go to rehearsals instead of the real performances, and Brittany felt a spark of hope, like they could start taking more baby steps like this and that adjustments were possible to make Santana's life easier while still supporting their friends.
"You guys both sound like you're doing such cool things," She beamed, reminded of how much she missed their big personalities now that they'd all settled a little, happy that they'd gotten the chance to just hang out and catch up. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?" Brittany asked, cocking her chin toward where the remote was on the table, not being able to get up because Santana was sitting on her. "Netflix and Hulu and everything is set up, but Santana and I decided that if you guys burst out into song more than two times we can remove you from the premises, so choose wisely." She said, her face absolutely blank and serious, blinking at them. She bounced one leg discreetly, knowing Santana would feel it from where it was folded underneath her, letting Kurt and Rachel gape at her for a few more seconds before cracking her facade, giggling.
As Kurt and Rachel continued to provide information about performance times and rehearsal locations, Santana continued to relax against Brittany, easing her tension. She threaded her fingers through the hand on her leg, listening, and nodded with a far more serious expression when Brittany threatened Rachel and Kurt if they sang. Brittany might be joking, but Santana had to at least act like she wasn't.
"No Disney," she warned, because she didn't want to cry in front of them. "Far too much singing. No weird ancient black and white movies either."
"Oooh they have the Barbra version of A Star is Born!" Rachel enthused, doing a little bounce in her seat. "Of course I've watched it but I need to continue to research and perfect, although they are apparently making quite a few changes and modernizations to the script and songs."
"Do not sing, Berry," Santana warned. "Or keep a running commentary. Take notes on a notepad or something, but if we're gonna watch this thing you are keeping your mouth shut."
She doesn't protest the movie choice as she isn't familiar with it. Besides, if Rachel is trying out for it, she should at least be knowledgeable enough to support her, she figures. Even if she's pretending total boredom.
Rachel sets the movie up and eagerly leans forward as it begins, practically mouthing along the words she clearly already knows by heart. Santana shakes her head but smiles, letting it go without comment.
But within twenty minutes of the movie's start, the main character is drunk and in a bar with a fight breaking out. Santana goes rigid, her heart pounding, and although she doesn't move to hide her eyes, she is drawn back mentally to her own bar her own night, and she starts to tremble a little, eyes on the movie but not really seeing the screen. Rachel and Kurt are intent on the movie and don't notice.
Brittany smiled at the gesture of Santana threading their hands together as she listened to Kurt and Rachel provide the details of everything they needed to know, promising to text it to them later as well. Santana's protest against Disney and black and white movies made her laugh, and she almost argued with her about it but let it go, knowing those movies made both of them weepy.
She had also never seen A Star is Born, and shrugged her shoulders when Rachel looked to them to get their thoughts. "Works for me," She said, settling back into the couch even more, grinning at Rachel's insistence that she needed to do research for her audition. If anyone could walk into an audition and nail it, it was Rachel Berry, but Brittany loved seeing new movies, so she let her put it on, thinking it actually be cool if Rachel ended up in a remake of the movie they were watching.
Automatically, Brittany was rooting for the main characters, John and Esther, invested in their potential romance and honestly thinking Rachel had great taste in movies. However, when John ended up in a loud, bustling bar fight, with grunts and the sound of breaking glass filling the room, her hand flew up to Santana's eyes in the same moment she felt her begin to tremble, her entire body tensing up on the soft of Brittany's lap. She turned Santana's head to the side, her hand still resting across her eyes and the bride of her nose, their hands still joined. Almost silently, she ducked her head down murmuring, "It's just a movie, Babe, they're acting out a scene and it'll be over in a minute," She promised, continuing to mumble mostly so Santana had something to focus on other than the sounds of the TV. "I'll tell you when it's over," She hushed, her thumb gently rubbing against Santana's forehead where she had her eyes covered.
Santana blinked when Brittany covered her eyes and moved her head, the added contact and distraction helping break her from her brief anxious trance. She turned her head so she could better hide her face, pressing it against Brittany's cheek even with the awkward tangle of their hands and her twisted torso. Santana tried to listen to Brittany, to hear her instead of drunken male voices yelling, but her heart is still hammering, and she continues to give a shiver occasionally as she tries to calm down.
Kurt noticed, not quite as zeroed in on the movie as the still mouthing Rachel, and frowned, looking at the other girls with concern. "Is she okay? Do we need to pick a different movie?"
Rachel, startled out of her reverie, frowned, also growing concerned. "I can fast forward this part, I'm sorry, I didn't think it- do you want me to turn it off?"
Santana shook her head against Brittany, taking a deep breath, though she still didn't look up.
"No...it's fine. It's okay."
She slowly pulled her head up and turned back around, though her heart was still beating hard. The scene had changed, so she started to calm down.
Brittany cooed when Santana pressed their cheeks together, letting her twist away from the TV in her lap. "It's just a movie," She repeated, her voice whisper soft. "It's just making you think of things that already happened, but you're okay. I won't let anything happen to you," Brittany whispered, her eyes flicking to Kurt and Rachel to gauge if they'd noticed yet. She was trying to make a not-big deal out of it, reading Santana's body language and assuming she'd be okay once it passed. She didn't think the scene would upset Santana to the point of tears or her needing to take her out of the room, so she tried to downplay it, content to just steady her and let them keep watching the movie once she felt her body go soft.
When she looked up though, she locked eyes with Kurt, who had noticed and was observing them. She gave him a small smile, her hand still over Santana's eyes, shaking her head against her cheek when he asked if they needed to pick a different movie, the question disrupting Rachel's trance. Brittany noticed how instantly concerned they were for Santana, Rachel even offering to turn off the movie completely. She was surprised when Santana answered the question on her own, but took it as a good sign, a sign that she'd be fine once the scene was over. Brittany nodded in agreement, but pulled back so she could look Santana in the eye for a moment, reading her face to make sure she really was okay, silently searching the depths of her eyes and the muscles in her face across a single second, meeting her gaze both so she could examine her features and so she could reassure Santana.
"She's okay," Brittany repeated with an understanding smile towards Kurt and Rachel. "You don't have to turn it off." It was the first time anything like that had ever happened before, but she noticed how easily Santana calmed down and how it passed quickly once the scene was gone, settling Santana back in her lap and taking her hand off her face. Santana's body felt noticeably more relaxed and calmer, and Brittany calmed too, relaxing into the cushions, their hands still laced together and resting on Santana's leg. With the hand that she'd covered Santana's eyes with, Brittany started playing with the hair at Santana's temple and above her ear, idly twisting strands around her finger as they continued watching the movie.
Santana further relaxed as Brittany played with her hair, leaning her head back against her shoulder while still watching the movie. Her fingers twine again with Brittany's free hand, stroking her thumb over her knuckle.
Kurt and Rachel, meanwhile, are clearly sneaking not so secretive looks at her, both looking amazed. Santana is a little annoyed at first, thinking they are still making a big deal out of their affection, and snaps, "What? She's an awesome pillow, and no, I'm not sharing. You two can feel free to snuggle each other though. Actually, please don't, seeing that level of repulsiveness might scar me more than I could ever come back from."
"No, it's not that," Kurt said slowly, seeming genuine in his response. "Just...we haven't seen you do that before."
"The fuck, where were you since we were fourteen onward?" Santana sputtered. "Blind? With your head up your respective boos' asses?"
"No, not that," Rachel clarified. "You...you were scared, and you calmed down. Really fast. We haven't seen that. That was...we aren't trying to upset you, or make you uncomfortable. It's just... we're glad, Santana. That's all. We're really glad you're doing better."
Santana looked down at her legs, feeling a little embarrassed and also guilty for snapping. It was true; they had never been able to calm her near like Brittany could, and she was getting better at calming down faster on her own.
"Whatever, let's watch this lame sap fast movie so Berry can be the woman she's already a clone of."
As fast as the anxiety and stress had came, it went, both of their bodies heavy and soft and relaxed, molded against each other. Brittany kept brushing through Santana's hair, occasionally stroking her forehead as she smoothed her hair back, idly twirling it around and letting it drop before doing it again, a lulling comfort she barely paid attention to as they both went back to the movie. She wasn't sure if there'd be another bar scene, but she found that she wasn't at all stressed if there was, she'd just cover Santana's eyes again and they'd be fine. It was good to know how quickly she could settle after something like that, and Brittany found herself relaxed, instead of anticipating future scenes of the movie.
Rachel and Kurt were sitting closer to the TV than she and Santana were, and she picked up on their glances every now and then but didn't say anything, assuming they felt bad that the movie upset Santana and were looking back to make sure she was okay. Santana's head was against her chest, and she couldn't tell if Santana picked up on their glances, keeping her eyes forward on the TV when Santana spoke, clearly aware of the looks they were giving them.
When Santana called her an awesome pillow she beamed, as if it was something she'd been working hard for, evidently realizing that Santana had thought they were staring at them to watch their little touches and affections. That hadn't occurred to Brittany, but when Kurt spoke, she realized they'd both been wrong- they'd been looking back at them because Santana had calmed down so quickly. She thought them looking back to make sure Santana had been okay was cute, but this was so sweet Brittany felt her throat tighten just a little, patting Santana's leg to reinforce Rachel's praise.
Santana had been doing better at calming down quickly when she was nervous. Of course, there were times when she was genuinely upset about something and needed Brittany to hold her and talk her down, but for little things like getting startled or seeing something triggering on the TV like she just had, Santana was getting pretty good at settling down if Brittany intervened early enough, both of them working together to calm her rather than her tipping towards a full blown attack.
Brittany, of course, had been practically dumping praise on her every day, but she was glad that Santana was getting the chance to hear it from someone else, even if that someone was Rachel. "Santana is doing way better," She nodded, "When we went home for Christmas, a guy sat in our row on the plane and she was okay the entire flight." Brittany added, bragging a little on Santana's behalf, knowing that story would shock Rachel and Kurt. Granted, Santana had fallen asleep, but when she'd been awake, she'd calmed herself down and not even cried really, calming enough against Brittany's neck to sleep.
Santana's face fully flushed now at Brittany's praise in front of them, and she lifted her chin, trying to put on the body language and expression of someone who was bored with the entire conversation. "Like I said, whatever. It's not exciting or interesting. Yay, I occasionally don't act like an extra from Girl Interrupted, only less white-washed and old school."
But Kurt and Rachel are indeed amazed by this news from Brittany. Rachel actually goes so far as to turn her full attention and head away from the TV to gawk at Santana, and given that her beloved Barbra was on the screen, that was an enormous deal.
"Oh my gosh, Santana, seriously?!" she squealed, giving another excited bounce in her seat and clapping twice, despite Santana's earlier warning not to again. "That's amazing! Brittany's right, you're doing so much better!"
"That is wonderful," Kurt backed her up, nodding, although with less fervor, he too was smiling with true gladness . "You shouldn't be embarrassed, Santana, how is making progress worth dismissing? You should be proud too."
"I am NOT going to be proud every time I manage to act like a halfway normal person, just like you guys shouldn't constantly throw parties every time you manage to have a sentence that doesn't contain four syllable words and really dorky references," Santana groaned. "Turn your overly shiny faces back to the TV before I have to hit the glow out of you both."
But she is proud of herself, despite not wanting them to know that. And she's kind of happy they noticed that she did calm down more easily than when she lived with them.
Brittany nuzzled her cheek against Santana's, her head tucked down to hers, knowing she just embarrassed her by bragging about her accomplishments to Kurt and Rachel, but not regretting it in the slightest because Santana didn't talk about her own accomplishments much or even at all, and Brittany was always proud of her for something or other. In this case, she was very proud of her for each little step that she made, each little hurdle she overcame made Brittany's heart burst with pride for her, and now, she was happy she had an audience to tell besides her family.
"She's so modest," Brittany teased at the way Santana brushed off Kurt and Rachel's praise, squeezing Santana around the waist gently, a huge smile on her face. One of the best things about Kurt and Rachel, she decided, was that their big and dramatic personalities also translated into them being equally as excited and bursting for other people whenever their was good news, so long as that good news didn't involve stealing Rachel's spotlight or something like that. She settled back into the cushions, relaxing her hold on Santana, knowing that even if she didn't admit it, she was proud of herself, which was more than enough for Brittany.
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, Brittany keeping up her idle touches without even realizing she was doing it, playing with Santana's hair or lacing and unlacing their fingers, letting Santana pull her hand into her lap and play with her fingers idly while she rubbed her leg. It was so natural, they both worked off each other without even consciously registering their actions, small comforts exchanged back and forth as if they were having their own private conversation.
She had to admit, the movie was way better than she thought it would be, and she was as equally invested into the plot as Kurt, Rachel and, she assumed, Santana, based on how little she was complaining throughout the film. About three quarters of the way through though, Brittany shifted, her hands on Santana's waist so slide her off her lap. "I'm going to get Goldfish, does anyone want anything?" Brittany asked, her eyes flicking down to Santana before up to Kurt and Rachel.
Santana scowled at Brittany, but didn't fuss at her for her calling her modest. It was hard to be mad with her hugging her and giving such a big proud smile her way. Santana was unaccustomed to people showing such unabashed pride in her, and she enjoyed it even as she wondered to herself how much she actually deserved it.
The movie set her into anxiety a few more times, mostly during a scene when Jason shot at a helicopter, which made her jump, blurt a shaky curse, hide her face against Brittany, and again need some time and brief reassurance from her to calm back down. A sex scene in the movie, although consensual, also made her squirm and reach for extra comfort. But both times she was able to keep from uncontrolled panic, and she was proud of herself for continuing the movie.
When Brittany slid her off her lap to get a snack though, that to Santana was unacceptable. She whined wordlessly in protest, reaching to hook her arms around Santana's neck in unspoken request for Brittany to carry her with her into the kitchen.
Brittany was quick to offer extra comfort to Santana when she sensed her getting agitated or restless in her lap, whether that was reaching up to turn her face and rest a comforting hand on her cheek, nestle her body closer to her or duck her head down and whisper in her ear, quietly reminding her it was just a movie and murmuring a few loving things until the scene had changed and she could settle her again. She was proud of Santana then too, not only for calming herself down, but for knowing what she needed. Brittany noticed how fast she was in identifying the fact that she didn't like something or figuring out what she needed from Brittany to calm down, whether she just wanted to be held, wanted Brittany to rub her leg or smooth her hair or if she needed to hear the sound of her voice.
At Santana's whine, which sounded adorably whimpery and cute, Brittany glanced down, a knowing smiled on her face when she felt Santana's arm lock around her neck. "Come on," She patted her back reassuringly, picking her up with her as she stood, feeling her legs wrap around her waist securely, quick and tightly holding on. Brittany was holding her, but she was pretty sure if she took her hands away from where they were supporting Santana under her legs, Santana could easily hold herself up with how tightly she was holding on. Brittany easily carried her into the kitchen, sitting her on the counter while she stood on tiptoe beside her to reach into cabinet to get the Goldfish.
Pouring them into a small bowl, she asked in a low voice, "You okay?" Her eyes meeting Santana's, aware that Kurt and Rachel were in the same room and probably staring at them, but wanting to check in and make sure Santana was okay from being startled and also with the overstimulation of the last few hours.
Santana was able to fall into a rhythm pretty easily with Brittany. The movie was more intense than she had expected, but she didn't get overly upset. Each time a scene bothered her she was able to distract herself with Brittany until the scene changed. It was requiring effort and vigilance, but she was proud to realize it wasn't beyond her capability..
She was nevertheless relieved when Brittany picked her up and carried her with her into the kitchens, feeling the need to keep being close. She was aware of the other two watching but no longer caring or embarrassed by it. Clearly they were going to be entertained by anything she did, so she might as well give a show that was worth their entertainment.