Chapter 2 – Forever Stained
Author's Note: Enjoy the second half of this story! :')
Thank you all so much for reading, favoriting, following, and/or reviewing this fic! ^-^
~ Amina Gila
The urgency Anakin senses through the Force spurs him into motion, leaving Kanan behind to fight the last Inquisitor. Ezra. He needs to find Ezra. They'd been separated in the heat of battle. He can only be grateful he insisted on leaving Luke and Leia out of this, despite Obi-Wan's insistence. He doesn't trust himself to protect them anymore. He definitely doesn't trust his old master.
The sound of clashing lightsabers catches his ears, but he's already located their presences in the Force – one wild and bright though tinted with darkness, and another dark and fierce as the wolves of Malachor itself.
"You stand no chance against the Empire, child," the voice snarls, echoing across the otherwise empty expanse of the Temple. "Prepare to join the Force."
"Not this time," Anakin calls, stopping several meters away, hands on his lightsabers. He has no intent or desire to fight, but he's willing to if he must, as long as those in his family are here. "Let my nephew go, Ahsoka. I've had enough people in my family kill each other."
She turns, slowly, sabers still raised. He knows she's looking at him through the mask she wears that covers her face. He remembers that, and when he saw her face for the first time. He can see it in his mind's eye – Ahsoka glaring at him with every bit of the raw pain and fury she harbors, that stained her soul as black as the night sky.
**w**
Anakin knew, from the start, the mission to rescue... Minister Tua, she'd said her name was, would end badly, but the Rebellion – the one he and Padme so painstakingly built – thought it was a good idea. What he didn't count on was for their ship to be tracked and the Rebel fleet to be immediately attacked by Imperial Star Destroyers. Least of all did he suspect the Ghost to be caught in a tractor beam and pulled aboard.
As if anything works out well when he touches it – he doubts the Rebellion will stand, but Padme will thunk him over the head and tell him never to say that again if he tries, so he no longer mentions it. It's a fear, a constant knowledge, one that's settled into the back of his soul, burning it, ripping it to shreds. How long until Luke and Leia leave him too?
It had killed him, to warn Hera against finding Kanan, knowing they could all die. Better to lose one family than two, he had thought, but it turned out best... because she disobeyed. As always.
Anakin had taken off to disable the tractor beam himself while the others created a diversion so they could escape. It worked... until it didn't.
He was almost back to the ship when a ripple runs through the Force behind him, and he senses someone watching him. He's sensed Sith before, and he knows one when he feels one. "I know you're out there," he calls, hands tightening over his lightsaber hilts. "Hiding is pointless."
Danger flares through the Force as he keeps moving, and Anakin immediately swings his lightsabers up to block two red blades mere inches above his head. He shoves the figure back, finally getting a good look at them.
The figure is clothed in black armor. His heart skips a beat – he swore it nearly stopped – when he takes in the sight. The figure's helmet was pointed perfectly to fit its wearer – a Togruta. He freezes every time he sees one, only able to remember the sound of his padawan's scream and the sight of her falling, or the vicious golden eyes that nearly glowed in the darkness around them. Burning, like lava – and he loathes high temperatures too, like anything that reminds him of Mustafar. However pathetic it may be, he freezes every time something reminds him of it.
Her lekku are the only part of her body not covered, no doubt because it would be too difficult to clothe.
They're blue and white striped, like Ahsoka's.
For a moment, he can't move, and doesn't until the stormtroopers start firing.
The figure across from him stills, if only momentarily before jumping at him.
Literally.
Anakin pulls out his lightsabers, sapphire blades crossing to meet ruby. She lands with her whole weight against him, but he hardly twitches – he's held far more. She flips over his head, attacking him from behind, slashing repeatedly with the wild violence he could only attribute to another Inquisitor, though this one is... so dark.
She's holding her hilts in reverse – the same way Ahsoka used to.
Neither speak as they move at each other with fierce determination to put an end to one another's existences. She backflips in a way that reminds him yet again of Ahsoka, and he forces that thought from mind, because he knows how fruitless it is. Everything he does is about her, for her. He can't move on and let go. Had she died a Jedi, died a truly peaceful death, he thinks he would have – even if he'd still be mourning. Maybe. But no. She died a pointless, senseless death at the hands of his very own father, who Anakin has been unable to look at the same since.
He never will again, either.
Their bond has always been full of struggles and breaches in trust, with Obi-Wan never believing in him, and yet... Anakin would never have dreamed Ahsoka would be caught in the crossfire.
It had taken months, or maybe longer, for them to have a single extended conversation afterwards, and even longer for Anakin to look straight at him.
She's fighting just like Ahsoka though, just like how he remembers helping his padawan adapt her style. He knows her every move, and he hates how this Sith is fighting so much like her. It's like a pointed attempt to throw him off-balance.
The duo work their way across the hanger, a constant flurry of motion. No one so much as dares approach them – with good reason. The Sith is weakening though. Anakin pushes against her, shoving her back. She stumbles and he slashes at her again – letting himself into the Force to guide him, because it will if nothing else. If he lets the Force guide him, he can never make a mistake. So, when it tells him to aim higher and farther away than he would have otherwise to decapitate her and end it then and there, he obeys without question.
She yelps sharply, jerking her head to the side as his blade cuts clean through the upper right half of her mask.
The piece falls to the ground, smoking, and she stumbles back from him, trying to catch her balance. She hits the floor of the hanger on her back before flipping to her feet, glowering at him.
The world around him fades to nothing – just like it did a full fifteen years earlier, when he first saw her as a Sith.
He might only see part of her face, but it's enough. The diamond marking on her forehead is unmistakable, as is the mark right above her eye, which is now shaped slightly different – it's grown with age, as has the rest of her. Her eyes are still yellow, the area around them almost darkened from the rest of her orange skin.
"Ahsoka," he whispers. He feels faint. This doesn't make any sense. She had died, so how...?
"That is not my name," she snarls, and he can imagine her baring her fangs at him. But with her mask off, he can hear her non-mechanicalized voice. It's her. His child. His padawan.
He saw her die. For years, he thought she was gone, lost forever. He's frozen, rooted to the spot, and she lunges at him again. She might have successfully scored a hit if Kanan hadn't shoved her back with the Force.
"Come on!" Sabine's voice yelled, and when he doesn't move, he feels someone – Zeb, he thinks – drag him to the shuttle.
He collapses to the floor of the Ghost the moment they're safe, staring blankly at the wall.
Ahsoka's alive...
**w**
Luke is the first one to greet him when he gets back, tackling him in a hug. Leia must've been stuck elsewhere which is good because Anakin doesn't think he'd be able to look her in the eye after seeing his other daughter and knowing what happened to her. Luke – as sensitive as he is – knows something happened immediately. He leads Anakin to their room, never once letting go of his hand.
"Mom," he calls. "Something's wrong."
Padme freezes at the holotable with which the Skywalker family single-handedly runs the entire rebellion, turning towards them. "Ani?"
He shakes his head, struggling to find words. "Ahsoka's alive," he whispers finally.
"What?!" all four occupants chorus simultaneously. Padme gapes at him, and the twins look wide-eyed at each other and then at Anakin, and Obi-Wan visibly pales.
"How?" Padme asks, moving forwards.
Anakin shakes his head mutely. He has no idea. He saw her fall. He could swear he did, but – but... did he? It was so long ago that the memory has become blurred over with nightmares, but he doesn't remember seeing where she hit. Only that she was falling, and his memory had blacked out from there and he never asked Obi-Wan, because it wasn't something they talked about.
He doesn't know, but he left her again, when he should have stayed and asked.
**w**
"So, you remember me?" she asks, acidly. It burns through his heart as hot as the saber that took off his arm.
Anakin shakes his head, moving closer. "It's not too late. Come home."
"I am home, my old master," she drawls.
He does his best not to flinch at how she says it, with so much anger. What's worse is he doesn't know why. What changed? She had Fallen for him – at least he thought she did – but now it's like she wants to kill him. He doesn't know why, but he doesn't have the strength to fight her. He doesn't want to do that to Luke or Leia or Padme or the Rebellion, but... It doesn't matter. Talking isn't what he's best at, but he can do it. He has to.
"With the Dark Side? With Sidious? I cannot believe that." He looks away from her across the red and black Temple before his gaze returns to the visor of her mask – he wonders what it looks like in there. "With the Empire? What happened to you?"
He's asking genuinely, but she takes it the wrong way anyway. "Criticism even now, Anakin Skywalker? You are not my master any longer."
"I know, but that was your choice."
She doesn't argue it – they both know it would be a fruitless endeavor.
"You may not be my padawan, but you are still part of my family. Come back."
"Lies," she growls lowly. "You left me!"
He bites back a protest, instead looking away and closing his eyes. He doesn't know what he could do or say anymore. Slowly, he steps forwards. Ezra is taking the opportunity to back away to safety, and Anakin is careful not to look at him, because Ahsoka seems temporarily transfixed with him. "I know," he agrees. "I was unprepared to – I thought you were gone." His fist clenches as he struggles with how to say this. He hardly knows what to say. "I love you, Ahsoka. I always will, no matter what you've done."
She looks down, finally extinguishing her lightsabers. The way she twists her left wrist as if looking at it makes him wonder – he knows that himself. He's been there himself, standing over the bodies of those he's murdered and wondered if he can make up for it, if he can wash off the blood that has forever stained his hands.
"Let me see your face," he requests. "You have no need for that mask. You have nothing to hide."
He truthfully didn't think she would listen, but instead she reaches up, removing her helmet. Anakin sharply sucks in a breath as he comes off, seeing his child's face for the first time in sixteen years. His child who grew up without him. So many years they could have spent together which were ripped away, because of Sidious. (Because of Obi-Wan.) Never has Anakin loathed the ceaseless fight between the Jedi and Sith more, and he suddenly finds himself vowing not to fall for it again. He will not be drawn into that pointless struggle a second time. He will not fight her.
Ahsoka is nearly as tall as Anakin now.
He moves forwards, tears pricking his eyes. He remembers a day when this girl fueled him to keep fighting, to do what was good and who bound him to Light. Now she is darkness and all which comes with it.
"Do you see me, Anakin?" she asks, her voice is her own instead of muffled and mechanicalized. "Or do see who you want to, like you always have?"
"There is only you," Anakin replies, staring into her eyes, seeing her soul. "I do not care by which name you go. You are my child. We miss you. Come back to us."
And, he realizes suddenly, it's not only for his family that he's asking – that Padme can see her again, that Rex can be with his commander again, that Luke and Leia can get to know the aunt which they know so much about. It's not only to get her away from Sidious, from the Sith to where he knows she'll be safe – it's also for him. To have his padawan back again, the one person who understood him when no one else did. The one person who was willing to give everything for him. If he caused this, the least he can do is to make this right.
**w**
He regrets sending Kanan and the others to find Rex, because he knew how much his friend wanted a break from fighting, but there was little choice.
Their reunion was... it was. They mutually missed each other more than words can describe, and they're glad to see each other again, but in a way... it hurts worse to be together, because it's a glaring reminder of the other person – people – they mutually lost.
Rex is looking at him now, and Anakin sees his unasked question. His heart twists in his chest, clenching painfully over the gaping, unfilled hole that his padawan once occupied. His hand brushes over the second lightsaber on his belt, the last piece of her in his life. "I know," he whispers. "I miss her, too, but she's gone."
**w**
"I can't," she replies, firmly. "It was destined that we meet here."
"I will not fight you, Ahsoka."
"Then what? You will come with me? To face the Emperor?"
"If that is what must be done." He moves towards her again, unclipping his second lightsaber from his belt – her lightsaber – and holding it out to her. "It's not too late, Ahsoka. You can still leave with me."
"And leave the Empire I took so long to build?" she asks sardonically. "In another lifetime, you would have joined me. You would have done it yourself. It's what you wanted."
"With Sidious in control? No. Look around you, Ahsoka! There is nothing but chaos and death and suffering. There is no order. How can you turn a blind eye to it?"
"There is order in chaos," she replies, narrowing her eyes. "And there would be no chaos if there were no Jedi left to spark it. So, tell me, where are the others?"
"There are no others!" he snaps. It's a lie and they both know it, but he won't talk. He'll never betray his family. Maybe once in another world but not here. Not now. "The Emperor and his Inquisitors have seen to that."
"Well," she replies lightly, throwing a glance at Ezra. "Maybe where you won't talk, he will."
Anger flares inside him, hot and fierce. He will not fail another person in his care. He will not. "You won't touch him," Anakin snaps. "If you want to take me, then do it, but let them go."
"No!" Ezra protests.
"I'll come back," Anakin promises, but since when does he ever keep his promises?
"You expect me to think this not a trap?" she asks, crossing her arms, settling her helmet back on. "One of the last remaining Jedi, willing to come to his doom?"
"And you expect me to... what? Walk away and without looking back?" He feels sick at the thought. "Is that what you think of me? Perhaps another time, in another world, I would have walked away alone. But not now. Not here. I will not go home alone, and if you will not come, I'll go with you."
He turns his attention back to Ahsoka, who is continuing to stare at him. He's not sure what's going through her mind now, which is not normal – he usually knows. This is confusing though. Reluctance, relief, anger... he senses all of it, but doesn't know what's causing it. "He will show you the true nature of the Force."
"Let him try."
Anakin knows this will not be easy, but he doesn't have a choice. He won't leave her again. He can't come back and say he met Ahsoka again and did nothing. Not this time.
**w**
"I do hope your accommodations are to your liking," she remarks dryly. It sounds sarcastic, but he's not sure it is.
"I've had worse," he answers. He's had much worse. This position is not comfortable, and he has less maneuverability than he used to when Dooku captured him, but it doesn't hurt.
"I do hope you are prepared for this," she warns, pacing a short distance around him. They're alone together in her Star Destroyer now, on the way to Coruscant. He wishes he'd been able to say a proper goodbye to everyone because he may not have the chance now, but they knew the risks when he left to hunt the Inquisitors. "My master has waited for you for years. You were his favorite, you know."
He looks away from her, staring at the door across the room. It makes him sick to hear, even if he had suspected it for a long time. "How did you survive?" he asks numbly, the question he wanted to know most the entire time.
She paces a few feet away and turns her back on him, arms crossed. "Some of your training paid off," she admits finally, taking a much graver tone. "I shielded myself. I think the droids saw the disturbance and pulled me out before I lost concentration. I passed out right afterwards from overusing the Force. I don't remember it very well."
"Neither do I," Anakin whispers. He doesn't know what to think about that. She never should have gone through that. His only relief is that she was uninjured despite what happened.
Ahsoka reaches towards him, laying a hand on his cheek. It's the same thing she did so many years ago, and he forgets how to breathe for a moment at the contact. He wishes he could move, because he wants nothing more than to pull her into his arms and never let go again. "I'm so sorry," he breathes, "I thought – I thought I could help you. I knew Obi-Wan would try to hurt you, but I thought I could stop that."
"You took him there?" she asks, softly, betrayal ringing in her voice.
He could deny it. It would be easier to, but he owes her the truth. "Yes. Yes – I did."
"One time, I thought you were blindly loyal."
"One time, I thought the same of you."
She doesn't have a come back to that. "For years, I thought you would come back," Ahsoka admits finally. "Then I wondered if you just didn't want to see me."
"I thought you were –" he cuts himself off, unable to finish. "I thought I'd lost you," he settles on, leaning closer.
Ahsoka drops her hand to his shoulder, moving closer and awkwardly hooking her other arm around him the best she can, pressing them together. "This," she mumbles in explanation, "Is probably the last you'll have."
"Don't say that, Snips." It slips out before he can stop it, and he instantly winces. She's – that name doesn't fit her anymore, not when she's grown up. (He didn't see any of it. She's so old now – she's an adult and he didn't get to see it happen.)
Ahsoka stills entirely, her fingers tightening on his shoulder.
"Sorry – I didn't mean to say that."
"I know." She doesn't pull back, for which he is grateful. He doesn't feel trapped with her here, and if he did, he thinks he'd deserve it for what he did. He failed her in every way he could, and he will always regret that. It won't change the past though.
"I wish it didn't have to be like this."
"I cannot betray my master."
He won't ask why it's different for Sidious than him, because she walked away from him without looking back, but he knows rules have always been different, been exceptions for him. He can feel her guilt, but he's not sure if that's all which holds her back. Maybe it is. She won't tell him, so all he can do is make a best guess.
"There is still good in you, Ahsoka. I know there is. You can come back if you want to."
"You don't know the Dark Side, Anakin. I am a Sith. I owe loyalty to him, and I will not betray that."
Anakin wishes he knew what to say and finds his mind slipping back to the memory of what happened there, freely for the first time. Maybe – maybe if they come out of this together, he will finally be able to work through what happened there and accept and let it go. (Maybe he'll finally be able to forgive Obi-Wan. Maybe he'll be able to look him in the eye again without having a complete mental breakdown.) "I love you too," he whispers, remembering what she had last said, right before the end.
"He will use that against you," she warns, tilting her head back to look up at him, frowning faintly.
"I know."
"Come away with me," Anakin requests. "There's still time. We – we can do this, Ahsoka. There is still good in you."
"You underestimate the Dark Side."
"No," he objects with a slight shake of his head. "You underestimate the Force. The Dark Side is a part of me. It always has been, and it always will be."
"Well," she concedes, "You have changed. We both have."
Anakin opts to stop arguing – it's pointless. He resigns himself to the fact that they will meet Sidious, here and now, whether he's ready or not. He's not, but it doesn't matter. It's happening, and he can only trust in the Force to guide him.
**w**
"Do you forgive them?" Anakin finds himself asking. "For helping the others escape, instead of making it out to find you, knowing you were still out there and waiting?"
"They've been out of my life so long anyway."
"But do you?"
"I... don't know," the boy confesses. "Kanan says holding on to the past is not the Jedi way, but they were my parents. I wish I could see them again, but I don't know why they did it. Now that I know I never will, I don't want to tarnish their memory. They're my parents. I'll have to let go of it, right?"
He says it like it's so simple, which it's not. Not for Anakin, at least. It was a different situation, but he had to ask. He's been holding on to the past for years and he doubts he'll be able to let it go. Maybe he never will.
He doesn't want to accept that though.
**w**
"Master," Ahsoka's voice says beside him. "I have brought Anakin Skywalker to you. As you requested. Alive and unharmed."
He certainly doesn't feel unharmed, but it's a useless argument.
"Good." Sidious' voice sounds different, and he sounds so smug. Anakin has no idea how he and Palpatine could be one and the same – he knew it on principle but it's so different and much harder when he's facing the man in person. He lost Palpatine, Ahsoka, and Obi-Wan in a very short time frame. It's no wonder he's as big a mess as he is. "We have not spoken in far too long, Anakin."
"I don't know you," he shoots back, icily. Curtly. It angers him how the name of someone he once cares for is being used against him. This is what Ahsoka meant when she warned him about.
Sidious stands and approaches them, standing way too close. He knows Anakin well enough to know how much he despises that. He tenses, fighting the urge to lash out. The Sith – both of them – clearly feel it, because he senses Ahsoka's eyes on him and Sidious cackles. "How quickly you forget. Do you remember your padawan?"
"Ahsoka is right here." He inclines his head towards her. She's staring at Sidious and doesn't so much as twitch either physically or in the Force at her name.
"Ahsoka Tano is dead. You must see that my apprentice will never be turned from the Dark Side, as it will soon be with you."
"She's done the impossible," Anakin replies quietly, eyes narrowed. This is what he's been waiting for, but he's not ready. He never will be. "So have I."
"Your padawan?" Sidious muses, with a twisted smile that makes Anakin feel sick. "You left her, Anakin. Why should she be loyal to you above the man who rescued her?"
His heart twists in his chest, and he forces himself to slowly breathe in and out, trying not to react. It's what the Sith wants. "I thought –"
"And what did your old master tell you?" he asks, stepping closer. "Did he not betray you time and again? Why do you remain loyal to him?"
"This isn't about Obi-Wan," Anakin retaliates.
"Then who?" He's smug, as if he already knows the answer.
But it's not. It's about...
Okay. Maybe it is about Obi-Wan. Just a little bit.
"What I did," he retorts, "Is no different than what my padawan would have done."
Ahsoka shifts next to him, her cloak swirling. She seems... uncomfortable, for some reason.
"You cling to the past, even now. This is why you will never be a true Jedi."
"Why try?" Ahsoka asks, turning towards him. He can feel it, the golden eyes behind the mask boring into his own. "Why fight a battle you know you cannot win? Or has your stubbornness remained after so many years? Why remain firmly in the Light, denying yourself the power to protect those you love?"
For a moment, it feels like he can barely breathe. He swallows, gaze never leaving the red tinted visor. "It's what my padawan would have wanted." He resolutely ignores the image of his old master that flits through his mind. "I saw what path it led her down, and I will never do that to another. You were Light, once, Ahsoka. Everything I longed for but couldn't be."
"That name has no meaning to me," she snaps. "I may have been weak and fallen under the sway of the Order, but that life is no longer a part of me."
"It is your name," he corrects. "You've only forgotten. Never – never forget your name. In the end, it's all you have. It's who you are."
A sudden surge of fury flares up in the Force. "Shut up," she snarls. "I wanted the galaxy to have peace, and it will – once the Jedi are destroyed."
"You don't mean that. I am a Jedi, Ahsoka. You won't kill me. You couldn't. You might be a Sith, but you still... care for me. I've seen it."
"You lie to yourself," she snarls.
"As do you." He refuses to back down from this, though he won't argue any more in front of Sidious – it could be dangerous for Ahsoka.
"We shall see," Sidious replies. "Your presence here has doomed your pitiful band of Rebels."
"I will never betray them," Anakin retaliates.
"You will find you are mistaken about a great many things, my boy," he crows.
"Perhaps." He won't back down – he won't give ground to these Sith. There are people counting on him. People who need him. He came here because he wouldn't leave his child. Fighting the Empire is pointless, unless they're able to take down Sidious himself, and now that Anakin has the opportunity, he can't turn it down.
"You will tell me everything," Sidious continues. "Just as you always have."
"Not everything," Anakin argues, staring at him unflinchingly. It'd be incorrect to say he's not afraid – because he is, but that is nothing next to his determination. "And I am no longer the person I used to be."
"Soon you will be loyal to me," Sidious continues, "As your old padawan now is."
Anakin glances at her. She returns his gaze unflinchingly, but she doesn't deny it. Anakin knows the truth though. "She is not," he argues, "And she never will be."
Sidious cackles, and Anakin is struck by the sudden urge to throw him out the window (where he really belongs). The Force wraps around him, jerking him forwards and to his knees. Anakin lets him, because fighting is pointless. "Show him, my apprentice."
Ahsoka unclips her lightsabers, stepping forwards towards him. She's not hesitating, though. He doesn't know if she's planning to kill him, but he is willing to die if it is as the Force desires. All is as the Force wills it, he tells himself over and over. The Force wraps around him as if tensing for something to happen.
He breathes in and out, then reaches into the Force. This will not be pleasant, and it is all that can carry him through – as it always has, though he'll admit to having lost faith in the Force for a long time after Mustafar. Here surrounded by nothing but the energy that created him, he can feel that something is about to happen. Sidious is gloating – he likes to hear himself talk – and Ahsoka is stalking towards him, her anger and hatred for him back again, and that hurts but he doesn't focus on that. She does mean to kill him, but he doesn't think Sidious wants her to do it.
The lightsabers ignite, and he senses Ahsoka's conflict fade into a fierce determination.
She raises her blade.
Now, the Force whispers to him, and Anakin flicks a hand purely on the Force's command, shoving her blade forwards.
Quite cleanly slashing through her master's heart.
She lets out the world's most ungraceful yelp and jumps backwards.
Anakin blinks, looking up.
Sidious' body falls to the ground, dead in seconds. He can feel it in the Force – the Sith Lord had a backup in case he died, but his death was so fast and unexpected, he didn't have time.
Anakin should probably feel... something, but he doesn't. This is what they've been working towards for years: the Sith being defeated.
He spent three decades knowing his sole purpose in life is destroying the Sith... which would be easier knowing that the Sith weren't two of those he loved.
Palpatine is gone now, not only the Emperor. Anakin knew that a long time ago, but he never outright confronted it until right now.
Ahsoka lowers her lightsabers, turning around to face him. "What did you do?" she demands.
"Obi-Wan would say I'm fulfilling my destiny," he answers, numbly.
"As in destroying us?" she snarls. "Will you kill me too, now?"
"Go on," Anakin says, shaking his head. "If that is what you want – if you really think killing me will bring closure to us. If you truly believe it will bring you peace or give back all the time that was taken from us. I came here because I wouldn't leave you again. I love you, Ahsoka. I always will."
She steps forwards, hand trembling, blade hovering close to his neck.
He pushes back the instinctive urge to pull away. He promised her; he can't break that promise. Not a second time.
He also has his wife and children he doesn't want to leave. He's not afraid of dying, only of leaving them behind.
"I hate it when you're right," his former padawan huffs, extinguishing her lightsaber and stepping forwards, holding out her hand to him.
**w**
"You left me," she accuses, her voice ringing out through his mind. He can see her, as the last time he saw her in person, as she was on Mustafar.
"I thought you were gone," he protests, knowing how lame an excuse it is. Nothing can excuse what he did there.
"You promised me," she continues, voice shaking with rage, "That you would never let anyone hurt me!"
"I failed you. I thought – it was all I could do. I thought there was nothing left to go back to."
"Well, you're wrong," she snaps back with every bit of the fire she's always had. "And would that be the first time, Anakin? You abandoned me when I gave everything to you!"
He wants to protest but he knows the truth. She meant everything to him, too.
The image dissipates, and Anakin finds himself wondering if it was imagined or real. He doesn't know. She's gone. He could've stopped this – he knows he could have, but he failed. It's because of him that she Fell.
Why is it that he ruins everything he touches?
He's dragged back to present when the Temple itself shudders and starts collapsing. The Inquisitors have found them, and they need to hurry.
It's only the knowledge that Luke and Leia are out there, awaiting his return, that gets him up and moving again.
**w**
Anakin takes it, letting her pull him to his feet.
"Ahsoka, I wish I could tell you how sorry I am."
"I closed my bond off," she admits grudgingly. "You had no reason to believe I lived."
"Even so, I should have known. I – for years, I wondered how this happened. Can you... tell me?"
She turns sideways, half crossing her arms with her right hand near the base of her mask. "It's... complicated. I had a vision shortly before I rejoined the Order. I knew one of us would join Sidious, and if you did, Obi-Wan would kill you."
"He would never do that," Anakin argues.
Her arms fall to her sides, and she turns towards him. "Wouldn't he? Did he think before fighting you, even when you were a Jedi Master? When you were no more than a master trying to defend his padawan?"
"He wouldn't hurt me," Anakin protests. "He wouldn't."
"He did," she reminds. "Unless killing me didn't hurt you. Unless breaking your ribs and strangling you doesn't count. I saw it, Anakin. You taught me to trust myself, and I always have."
"I taught you to be compassionate, too."
She doesn't grace that with a response. "I saw him hurt you, Anakin. I saw it over and over, and I had to act. He – he rendered you defenseless, injured until you could barely move and left you next to a lava river. You can imagine what happened next."
He doesn't want to think about this, but what choice is there? He owes it to her after so long. "For a long time," Anakin admits, "I wondered what I did wrong. I couldn't figure it out. I – I was afraid of how it would be with L – my children. Twins. Ah – my son and daughter. Now I know I was lying to myself. I – I was trying to raise you as my padawan instead of what you really were. I never... asked how you felt. I only assumed. And I – I was too attached to teach you to let go."
She shrugs slightly, moving forwards. "I would have done it for anyone. It was the right thing to do."
"You killed thousands for me, then billions more at your master's orders."
"I couldn't stop him," Ahsoka retorts. "I know; I tried. I couldn't do it, so I did what he told me to and learned more about the Dark Side. I did what I had to. Just like you taught me." She's justifying herself in words, but Anakin knows she's being crushed by the guilt.
Anakin shakes his head. "You shouldn't have. I would rather that than... this. It would be better for me to die than you to sacrifice yourself."
"Not to me," she snaps.
What terrifies him is that Anakin knows he would do the same, and if he passed that on to his padawan, did he pass it on to his children, too? "No one is worth that much. Least of all me." She's too good for him – she may have had many struggles as a Jedi, but in truth, Ahsoka was always so light. She always saw light and good in him when he saw none himself.
He still doesn't.
"You would have done it for me."
"Yes," Anakin agrees. It's the truth. He would, and he's ashamed of it now that he knows the damage it could cause. "Because I'm not – I'm not rational, Ahsoka. I'm not as strong as I should be." Somehow, even now, he's not afraid to say this to her. Maybe because she knows it's the truth, even if she did betray him and everyone else. He doesn't trust her anymore, hasn't since she left the Order, and he probably never will again. It doesn't matter if she's alive though.
"So, I'm not, either?" she asks a bit sardonically.
"I... I didn't train you right." Sometimes, he wants to blame it on Obi-Wan and Yoda and the Council for forcing him to take her, but the truth is that he chose to. He took her, and he should have known if he couldn't do it. He should have told Master Yoda that, and he should have had Obi-Wan train her. He could have done it properly, unlike Anakin. "I was too... lenient with you. I was never a true Jedi and I taught you to be the same as I was."
"You taught me with the teachings of a Sith," she says, suddenly amused. "You taught me from what Palpatine told you as much as Obi-Wan."
That – it was another place he failed but dwelling on it won't change what he did. He can spiral forever down a hole of self-loathing, but it will change none of what he caused. "What will you do now?"
"I don't know. Sidious is gone, which makes me the... heiress. I don't want to be Empress."
"We can work something out," Anakin replies. "Or you could walk away."
"Walk away?" Ahsoka repeats incredulously. "From what I built my entire life?"
"You did before, didn't you?"
Ahsoka scowls. He can feel it more than see it. "Not this time," she snaps. "I might've abandoned my responsibilities once, but I won't do it again. I'm going to fix this."
Anakin nods, heart clenching. This is more like the person he thought he raised. "I want to, as well. We – we destroyed so much."
"I did," she corrects. "On Sidious' orders. It was my choice. Not yours. Sidious would have done it, with or without you. You destroyed him."
"I killed him," he argues. "I killed him when – he was my friend once."
"He deceived you," she replies. "As he did me and the galaxy. For years I told myself I hated you. I believed him because you did, and I knew the Jedi were... wrong. I knew from the moment you pulled your lightsaber on us on Mustafar that your loyalty was always with your family, and with everyone. Your Light was natural, not like ours. We... learned. I learned, and it's easier to let it go when it's not natural."
"I forgive you," he finds himself saying suddenly. "It was my failing. Not yours."
"No," Ahsoka objects. "I made my choice. You couldn't stop me if you tried, which you did. I knew I could leave and try to find you, but Sidious would go after you, and I didn't think you'd accept me anyway. Not after I nearly killed Obi-Wan."
"I understand," he admits. He does now. It took so long, but now he can understand why Ahsoka was so furious there. He still clearly remembers how she'd been vibrating with rage and radiating violence, and he'd never been able to figure it out... until right now.
"And then you disappear for years," Ahsoka continues. "Leading a rebellion and trying to make me think you were dead, and now you say you didn't know."
It feels like his guilt will swallow him whole, but that's hardly a new emotion. He's become well accustomed to it every time he looks out across the galaxy, knowing it's because of him it became this way. He should have stayed on Coruscant with his padawan. He should have stopped this. "I'm so sorry, Ahsoka."
"And I still loved you," she continues. "Sometimes I just wanted you to be here with me, but we chose different paths. You chose your master, and I –"
"I chose my children," he interrupts. "And my wife. Not my master. Obi-Wan – he stays with us of his own accord. He's not... For years, I thought he killed you."
"I don't think I can talk to him again," Ahsoka admits, pacing a short distance around Anakin. "Not after what he did and could have done."
"He was blinded by anger. We... all were back then."
"You weren't. I was, and so was he. Now that Sidious is gone, what will you do?"
"I'm staying here, Ahsoka. I'm staying, until we end this. We've been apart long enough."
She looks up at him, gaze steady beneath her mask.
"I follow the Force now, Ahsoka. I... have nothing else." Both the Jedi and Sith have ruined everything in his life, and he has nothing left with either.
"Teach me," she asks. "I know there is a strength to the Force the Dark Side does not have."
"I..." Anakin falters, stepping back. "I don't think..." He doesn't want to refuse her, because it feels like he owes her that much to help rebalance her after he caused this, but he doesn't trust himself to train her or anyone ever again.
"You were the only person in my life who was... stable, Master. Calm. Compassionate – and not in the feigned way the Jedi do it."
"They try," he argues.
"And argumentative."
"I am not –"
"Excuse me. Didn't you just tell a Sith there's nothing wrong with their worst enemy?"
She has a point. "Rex is still alive, too," Anakin tells her. "He... will want to see you."
"Pity," she replies, after a careful pause. "He no longer knows me."
"He never gave up on you any more than I did."
"I want to learn, Anakin," she says. She won't give on this. She's too stubborn. "You were my master once, and you taught me everything I needed to live. Sidious – he manipulated all of us, but he taught me, too, and I know there is no hope for the galaxy if not for the Empire. You believed in it once, too. Stay with me. We can fix this. I can't do it alone."
"I... need to think about it," he supplies lamely. He doesn't know what the Force wants for him. It's not an easy answer, and he knows he can't blindly follow her, obviously. She's still a Sith, even if she is his padawan. Obi-Wan may have insisted that there is nothing left of Ahsoka, but he's wrong. Anakin can see it now. She is so clearly Ahsoka, even if she's so dark now.
"We don't have long, Skyguy." she warns.
He nods, closing his eyes. "I know. I want to stay here with you, but I spent so long trying to destroy the Empire..."
"We can go back on everything Sidious did," she reminds. "Make the galaxy a better place, just like you wanted. No one else will grow up fighting like we did."
"Even an Empire," Anakin reminds, "Cannot help everyone. If it could, the Jedi themselves would have. They may have fallen, but they never would abandon those in need, had they a choice."
"The Jedi lack strength and the ability to use force when necessary."
"They fought in the Clone Wars, did they not?"
"Because the Senate ordered than too," she argues, pacing back and forth across the room. "I want to meet your family again, Anakin. For years, I... wondered where you were. I wondered if you had anyone other than Obi-Wan left. And I... am sorry. I was not in my right mind when I tried to kill him. I know how much he means to you."
The apology catches him off-guard. He doesn't know why he didn't expect it, though. Maybe his fears about Obi-Wan's insistence that she's gone truly was rubbing off on him. "I understand that too," he admits quietly. "And I..." He doesn't know what to say. He's not worthy of this much caring. For years he'd thought no one would care enough for him, certainly not to go to such lengths which he knows he himself would be ready and willing to do, but now he knows better. Ahsoka is, and he doesn't deserve her, because it was his presence that corrupted her.
He doesn't know how to put any of this into words, so instead he holds his arms out to her. She turns around, freezing momentarily before dashing forwards, throwing herself into his arms. "I lost both of you that day," he murmurs. It feels so... oddly right to hold her again, despite knowing everything she did, despite knowing what she's become. It feels like there's something light in his life again, something with which he can work. It's not the same gaping emptiness that it was right after Order 66.
"We still can't trust him."
"I don't trust you, either," Anakin reminds.
"Good. I'm not used to trust."
"Of course not. No Sith is. I need – I need to call Padme and the twins here. We can figure it out from there."
Maybe... maybe they have a chance at something better. Something lighter. He can only hope, but he can feel the Force whispering that this is as it was meant to be, that Ahsoka was right – it was better for it to be her than him, it was better that he was off Coruscant when it happened. If he hadn't, Sidious may truly have won.
The chances and possibilities don't matter, because time will only move forwards. Somehow, they can find peace – both in the galaxy and in their family.
And maybe... he'll talk to Obi-Wan about this. Finally.
Right now, he's content to just hold her.
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