56

Jack stood beside Ianto with his hands clasped behind his back, at parade rest. Ianto stood with his head held high defiantly staring straight ahead as they were spoken to about the happenings the night before.

Both General Fuckface and Colonel Doringly stood beside them with equal looks of nonchalance as everyone hoped to get out of this with their arses intact. Of course, the only one rolling his eyes was the one who had no fear.

"Now, we have reviewed the camera footage and we are most displeased with the firsthand accounts of our men who were there at the time" Herself growled. "Now colonel Helmsby…"

"It's General Your Majesty" he blurted before he could stop himself and they all looked at him aghast at his stupidity. Did he REALLY just correct herself?

"Is it? Is it really? Maybe it WAS. Unfortunately hitting my godson in an unprovoked attack that I could see and hear over the security cameras begs to differ as to your rank and stature here!" she snarled back, her teeth now flashing as she forwent the third person and addressed him directly.

Ianto let a snort escape before pursing his lips in a thin line like he was trying not to laugh and she glared at him before refocusing in on the hapless fool "I suggest you go to your superiors and ask them what happens when you shit in my rose garden sir!"

"I beg your pardon… I never promised you a rose garden… along with the sunshine…" Ianto started to sing softly under his breath.

"And as for you… cut that out!" she swung to Ianto and then started to cackle softly "You always were a little shit! You and Edward were always playing games and sword fighting all over the palace!"

"Can I help it if this place gives such wonderful angles for sparing?" Ianto shrugged then added softly "aunty."

"Stop it" she said again much in the same way the Doctor say sit to Jack, then she smiled softly with raw affection "you cad."

Ianto swung to stare at the general who was still sanding stock still gaping at Her Majesty and said "Well? You were dismissed man. Go on. Toodle Fuck offity Pop old chum."

"Pendy!" she said with a scowl and he shrugged back at her, his childhood name one only she ever used these days.

"Pendy. Awww… OUCH!" Jack yelped as his attempt to croon was cut off with a sharp dig to the ribs.

"Watch it Captain Rear of the Year!"

"I mean it... I will put you in a time out!" she laughed happily, her hands clasping together "What a couple you make. Both so handsome. Such a shame you can't procreate, what sweet… oh. Oh right."

Ianto turned back to her with a look of interest as she rarely stopped her train of thought before the disembarking of it completely at the first station. He then looked at Jack who had a look of indecision on his face before he turned to face Ianto "she means that I can get pregnant. Or rather… if I was careful and drank filtered water and such… I might."

"Seriously? Huh. Well… OK."

"OK? OK as in… alright thanks for the info or OK as in…."

"Yeah. OK."

Jack grinned as he got the go ahead to loosen up on the natural birth control and see what happens.

.

.

"So what did you do?" Owen asked with wide eyes.

"We had high tea and she showed Ianto some of the latest baby photos" Jack replied happily "She is still so damned sprightly."

"And you weren't in trouble?"

"Nah, Ianto is her favorite godchild, she thought it was funny. Did you know Ianto and Edward dressed up and went on a tour of the castle with some tourists and they didn't know the two rowdy kids wresting in each room was them!"

"Ianto… wait. Did you say he is her Godson?" Owen gaped.

"Yeah… right? Well it makes sense I guess, he is of royal blood after all. The Pendragons go way back with the bloodlines" Jack waved a hand, dismissing the question like Owen was just being annoying now.

"So… the upshot of everything is that the bigoted fucker is in deep shit and we came away with another invitation, this time to some gala thing." Jack finished.

"Gala… are you shitting me?"

"I don't have a single thing to wear" Jack lamented as he rose from the workstation he had been perched on "I need to go peruse my closet in the lower bowels."

"Why do you always call the lower levels that?"

"I like bums" Jack shrugged "Shoot me."

Owen shook his head as he made eye contact with Ianto across the Hub, the man seemingly resigned to Jack flouncing for the day.

Like a child with too much sugar in his system.

Owen watched Jack bounce across to kiss Ianto on the cheek before bouncing off again.

Ianto ignored him.

Things were sort of normal I guess in the Torchwood Hub.