A/N - It is estimated that 1 in 8 pregnancies will end in miscarriage. I have had four myself and the pain never really leaves you. This is just my interpretation of a very difficult subject so if you feel it might be triggering, please don't read. My intention isn't to upset anyone or cause hurt - I'm just writing what I feel. Xx

The twenty six years that had been before were now tarnished. Memories of happier times and a careless existence were gone, never to return. All that remained was a deep sadness that nothing would ever erase. No matter what happened from this point on, no matter what happy events or joyful encounters came her way - Elizabeth would forever live a lifetime of grief that would follow her until her last breath — Once again!

Her brain scrambled to try and remember exactly what was said to her but the words were lost, muffled by her unwillingness to believe them. Her whole body felt like ice and her heartbeat was keeping a steady thumping rhythm in her ears.

How could she possibly feel so numb and yet be in so much pain, both physically and mentally — It made no sense at all! None of this made any sense. Why her? Why did her whole life have to be marred by loss - It wasn't fair!

It must be her fault - What had she done that had brought about such anguish - Such despair - Such constant suffering? Or maybe it was something she hadn't done! Was she not grateful enough for the life she had? Did she not pray hard enough to deserve to be happy? Was she just not worthy of a life filled with love? Whatever the reason - She didn't know how to go on!

The nausea rose in her chest, filling every last crevice of her exhausted body, sticking in her throat like an evil reminder. She couldn't breathe - She couldn't think and why the fuck couldn't she cry? Every part of her wanted to scream - She wanted to beg and plead - She wanted to pay whatever amount of money it took to change the outcome. She just wanted to go back twenty four hours and pause time - To feel the happiness and excitement in her soul! But all she had left was a gaping chasm of grief.

"Elizabeth, sweetheart?"

Henry's voice had always soothed her. From the first time he had spoken her name, it sounded so right falling from his lips. He was everything that remained beautiful in her world - But even that felt foreign now. She couldn't bring herself to talk to him because if she spoke about it - It would become so very real and she could not handle that. She could not handle his grief as well as her own. It was too much and she wasn't prepared. Ignorance would be her own bliss for as long as she could shut it all out.

His hand on her back usually caused goosebumps to erupt across every inch of her skin, to make her tingle with anticipation and remind her just what love felt like. He never failed to make everything better, no matter what she was going through or how lost she felt - Henry talked her away from the edge and pointed her back in the right direction. But now - it didn't matter what direction he pointed her in - The feeling would be the same. He couldn't make this better no matter what he said or how hard he tried. He was just making everything feel worse.

"I want to help you! Please talk to me."

Talk to him? What the fuck was she supposed to say? Why was he looking to her to start a conversation that she never wanted to have? How could he expect her to find words for emotions that were currently tearing her apart? Why was he so desperate to find closure when all she wanted to do was cling on to every last tiny morsel of hope. He was making her angry and she knew that wasn't fair - This wasn't his fault, it was hers - But the deeper her grief burrowed, the more the rage seeped into every pore and Henry seemed to be at the centre of it all.

Her knees drew closer to her chest, her back arching and pushing into the cushions lined up at the back of the couch. She wanted to be enveloped by them, to disappear into the comfort they held, to hide from the world so nothing bad could find her - But it was too late! The darkness that claimed her after her parents died by the side of the road, the darkness that she fought so damn hard to overcome — It had found her again. It smelled her fear and uncertainty, she had drawn it back in and it had claimed its prize!

Her body was begging for the pain to ease, but her mind welcomed it, hopelessly needing it to last, to remind her of what once was, even if it was for the briefest of times. She needed to hurt because without it, there was just an endless expanse of nothing.

Without warning, her tears finally found their escape, sliding freely down her cheeks and coming to rest in a salty pool within the tiny recess of her ear. She had wanted so badly to cry but now that she was, a fear gripped her right - What if she could never stop? What if the tears had no end and her heart would continue to break with every breath she took until the end of her time?

Her fingers tried to grip the cushion, but found Henry's hand instead. She didn't want his comfort and she didn't deserve his empathy. Because of her, their future, the future they had planned and wanted so badly, was now nothing more than a tragic pipe dream. She had brought this curse into their relationship, into their home and Henry deserved better.

"I can't —." Those were the only two words she could manage. The only two words she had spoken since this all began. She didn't even know what she was trying to say but somehow Henry did. He always seemed to know - But how could he possibly want to be there for her now? How could he ever look at her the same way again. That blame, that resentment, that hatred, was sure to come.

She could feel herself being shifted gently into his arms, strong and safe around her, holding her together when she was absolutely certain she would shatter into a million pieces at any moment. His fingers ran through her tear sodden hair, soothing her in a way only he knew how. The rise and fall of his chest against her back was a reminder of everything they still had — But she needed to break, she needed to grieve and shout until her lungs burned because it was all she had. It was the last bit of control over anything in her life right now. It was hers to own.

Her body shuddered as she released it all, allowing the pain to have a voice and the louder she screamed, the tighter Henry held her. She could feel the tickle of his tears as they dripped onto her bare shoulder and the tremble in his hands as they gripped hers. He was hurting too - He was grieving for what they'd lost - just not in the same way.

The sobs ripped through her body, stealing her breath, making her ribs ache from exertion, hurting in ways she never thought possible. It was excruciating to the point of insanity. How on earth was she supposed to survive this? If the physical agony didn't finish her off, the emotional torment surely would. It was all morphing together and she no longer knew where one ended and the other began. It was all just blinding torture.

The room was deadly silent, their breathing so shallow it was almost non existent. They were bound together in sorrow and it was the only thing that would get them through it. They had to speak it, they had to face it and they had to move on from it - But that was all for another day. Right now, rationality had no place there with them. They were allowed to wallow and crave another outcome — To close their eyes and hope to god when they woke up it would be different.

With a shuddered breath, Elizabeth opened her eyes and looked at her Husband

"Henry — It's gone isn't it? Our baby's gone?"

Henry nodded sadly, "Yes sweetheart."

How do I say goodbye to someone I never got the chance to meet but loved so much?"

"We find a way together."