Chapter 53.

Usually, it was quite easy for Cas to lose himself in his cosmological reformation. It was complex, multi-faceted work and occupied his time and his mind as completely as he wanted it to. On this occasion, though, his mind kept straying, worrying about Dean and Anael.

It was, admittedly, going better than he had expected. The sleepovers had to be a good thing. After all, his own blissful relationship had begun with sleepovers, sharing space and exchanging intimacies without the pressure and confusion of sex.

He remembered how afraid he had been of taking that huge step, but he had been an angel and even if it had never been said directly by God, it was generally understood that sex with humans was not acceptable. That was a problem for him, at the time and on top of that were his feelings of being unworthy of her.

Dean had or should have no insecurities or doubts about sex. It was uncomplicated for him. Love was more of a minefield, but he seemed to be picking his way through that one. The stuff Cas had struggled with, Dean had always taken in stride, except for that unworthy feeling. Dean also felt he couldn't possibly deserve to be loved, especially by her.

Cas wished he knew enough about the whole thing to be a wise counsellor, as Dean had so often been for him. He could advise Anael, being more aware of the ways of humans and their emotions than she was, but Dean, he could teach nothing. Dean had taught him.

He thought he was doing a good job of hiding his concerns in a flurry of work, until Bobby called out from the kitchen, "Hey, Cas, can I get a hand in here?" As soon as he was in there, Bobby said, "Is there something I should know?"

"About what?" said Cas.

Bobby frowned at him. "Well, I'm pretty sure you know that. If I have to guess, I'm gonna say the bunker. I'm hoping you or Sam would tell me if anything were wrong with Eileen. Dean would be my next thought, but are you really gonna make me go through the whole list? Something's on your mind, so spill."

Cas sighed and lowered his voice. "I'm worried about Dean and Anael." He said, "They're together, but not and any time I try to help, I just make things worse."

"Then quit trying to help." said Bobby, not unkindly.

"I have, but now I just feel like a bad friend." Said Cas, "He helped me when my relationship with Jules was confusing."

"So, is he confused?" said Bobby, "Dean, confused about a hot redhead?"

"I know it seems unlikely, but yes, he is. It's partly that she's an angel and partly that she wants to be human and partly that he doesn't believe in happiness, at least, not for him."

"But you said they're together."

"But not." said Cas.

"Yeah, well, that's just Deanspeak for not making any binding commitments. How together are we talking?"

"I really think you should ask Dean about that." said Cas.

"Yeah, great idea, except he ain't here and he ain't gonna be here anytime soon if he don't feel like talking about Anael. He knows I can't travel to the bunker as long as I'm in deceased form, halfway between Heaven and Earth."

"You could call him." Cas suggested.

"You think he'd pick up?"

"Probably not."

"No, he wouldn't." said Bobby, "So, tell me what you know. What's Anael like?"

"She's an angel, but doesn't want to be." said Cas, "She's mostly been a good friend, except when she tried to kill us all."

"I forgot about that. Has Dean?"

"I think so. He was reluctant to let it go at first, but they became friends eventually."

"That boy can hold a grudge."

"As Sam was one of her intended victims, I think she's lucky he ever got over it." said Cas, "I can't criticise him for that. I had a hard time letting go of the fact that Anael is an angel. She wants to be human and Jack says he will make her human, subject to certain conditions, but it made me angry, that any angel would forsake Heaven, forsake Jack, when Jack gave us back our wings."

"But now, you're fine with it?" said Bobby.

"Jules helped me to understand that Anael needs to choose her own path. For a long time, I thought she would regret becoming human, but now that she's with Dean, it seems like the best thing."

"He'd be happier with a human." said Bobby.

"Yes and a human lifespan, filled with love and a home and a family could be better for Anael than eternity alone." Cas looked to the doorway, beyond which the two demons were bickering about desk space. He turned back to Bobby, "She loves him, Bobby."

"It's about time someone did. He's been lonely a long, long time."

"If she becomes human, they can have a good life together. They can have children."

"Dean, surrounded by rugrats. Now that's a happy thought."

"But for now, he's not ready. He's not making long-term plans."

"Because he doesn't believe in good things."

"And because he doesn't want her to give up what she has for what he can offer."

"Can you get him to come hhere and talk to me, or at least call me?"

"I don't know. I can try."

"There are a lot of advantages to straddling the veil like this, but the biggest disadvantage is that I can't rock up to the bunker and talk some sense into those idjits."

"True, although, to be fair to him, Sam is making good decisions these days. He and Eileen are very successful."

"So he's not in a panic about becoming a dad?"

"Not so far. He's just happier than I've ever seen him. Eileen too. She smiles all the time and her smiles spread joy."

"That girl is the best decision he ever made. That was obvious at the wedding." said Bobby, "And their kids are gonna have a great start to life. Hope the one on the way gets her brains and Sam's hair."

"Unless it's a boy, of course." said Crowley, coming into the kitchen, "Sam's hair would look ridiculous on a boy."

"This is a private conversation." said Bobby.

"About my godchild." said Crowley, "I think I have a right to be included. Besides, the whore has her feet on my desk."

"My desk." Said Bobby.

"Yes, well, let's not quibble over details. Clearly, Castiel needs to be firm with her. You deal with that, Castiel, whilst Bobby and I discuss this angel Dean has taken up with."

"What angel?" said Bobby.

"Come on, Bobby! I have excellent hearing. Am I to understand that Dean considers himself to be in a relationship with this harp monkey?"

"It's none of your business." said Cas.

"Of course it's my business, Dean is always my business and he has a regrettable tendency to like angels."

"Dean does?" said Cas.

"He says they're all dicks." said Bobby.

"And yet he always seems to be closely involved with them." said Crowley, "So tell me, what makes this Anael so special?"

"Are you jealous?" said Bobby.

"Jealous? Me? Don't know the meaning of the word! I have nothing to be jealous about. Call it concern for an unwise friend who has made this particular mistake too many times before."

"What mistake?" said Cas, aware that Dean had only had three real relationships in his life and this was the first with an angel.

"Trusting an angel." said Crowley, "I mean, obviously, not including you in that, boss. After all, you're an archangel, a cut above and all that."

"What are you talking about?" said Bobby.

"Subtitles and explanations for the chronically slow to comprehend will be provided later." said Crowley, "All you need to understand right now is that I am able to go to the bunker and talk sense into Dean."

"If you try," said Cas, "I will snap off your arms and legs and then smite you."

"How are you in favour of this?" said Crowley, "You know what angels are like! You think any of them can feel anything for Dean or give him any of the things he wants?"

"I suppose you think a demon could?" said Bobby.

"A demon tried. A demon failed," said Crowley, "And when we can't satisfy someone's deepest desires, you know that person cannot be satisfied."

"Or wants something a little deeper than hedonistic gratification." said Cas.

"And what would you know about that?" said Crowley, "You think any ice cream with more than three ingredients is decadent and corrupting."

"You were smearing it all over their bodies!" said Cas, remembering the time he had been shown the importance of appearing outside Crowley's hotel room and knocking loudly.

"And both ladies thoroughly enjoyed the experience, at least until the horrified angel appeared at the foot of the bed and expressed his opinions." said Crowley, "Which merely serves to underline my point that an angel, any angel, cannot be said to be a good match for Dean."

Cas glowered at him. "If you make the slightest attempt to interfere ..."

"Fine! I'll stay out of it, but you know as well as I do, it's a bad idea."