here it is, chapter no. two of my newest 'Xiaolin Showdown' AU fanfiction based upon the premise of the hit film, '27 Dresses' about the perennial bridesmaid under the name of Jane Nicolas who met her true love in the last man she had expected to find him in. as my readers would more than likely already know just from chapter one alone, Kimiko Tohomiko is the Jane Nicolas in this little fanfiction parody.
this newer second chapter is a long one at over three-thousand words long, three-thousand-six-hundred-thirteen words long to be exact, give or take an author's note or two I've placed into and hidden within the storyline of this chapter, be it a comment from yours truly or a shout out to someone from my past. that storyline, however, doesn't include the two headnotes, either from just above or this one right here, nor does it include the disclaimer which makes up the following paragraph after this one.
disclamation: I don't own either 'Xiaolin Showdown' or its trashy reboot series that is 'Xiaolin Chronicles'. I also don't own '27 Dresses', not even on Blu-ray or DVD. 'Xiaolin Showdown' and 'Xiaolin Chronicles' are owned fully by Christy Hui. '27 Dresses' is owned exclusively by Anne Fletcher and is written solely by Aline Brosh McKenna.
Twenty years later, Kimiko finally wearing a wedding dress in a dress shop the heart of Orlando, Florida. Granted that it did not feel like just any wedding dress. It felt as though it was the perfect wedding dress for Kimiko, herself, to wear on her own wedding day. Of course, the women from the dress shop seemed to agree with Kimiko's own thoughts about the dress.
Bridal store worker: Oh, Kimiko, that's stunning. It really is. It's the perfect dress.
That was when another one of the employees from the same dress shop suddenly came up to Kimiko and the woman's co-worker and simply looked at Kimiko wearing the dress in awe, while covering her lips to symbolize her sheer awe.
Bridal store worker (continued): Oh, my god. You look so beautiful.
Kimiko could not believe what she was hearing from the exact same dress store employee as the one who had put her in the dress.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Really?
Then, Kimiko turned her entire body around to face the two dress shop employees.
Kimiko Tohomiko (continued): You really think so?
The same dress shop employee complimented her on the wedding dress she was wearing by then.
Bridal store worker: It's amazing, like it was meant for you.
Suddenly, the manager of the dress shop came over as she held the store's phone in her hands and brought it over to Kimiko.
Bridal store manager: It's for you. It's the bride.
Yes, that is correct. Kimiko was a bridesmaid at the wedding she would be attending a few hours after the session at the dress shop. Of course, Kimiko could never say 'no' to any bride who needed her help, she was so committed to helping other women.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Oh, great. Thank you.
Kimiko took the phone from the dress shop's manager and held it up to her ear.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Hi, Arlene.
Arlene's voice over the phone: Kimiko, is it ready?
Kimiko Tohomiko: Yeah, they just finished hemming the dress to your standards.
Arlene's voice over the phone: It fits?
Kimiko Tohomiko: I know. Thank god we're the same size.
Arlene's voice over the phone: So, you're coming over now, then, right, Kim?
Kimiko Tohomiko: Yeah, I'm gonna have it over in a minute. Don't worry about anything. This is your day.
Arlene's voice over the phone: Awesome, Kimiko. You're still the best ever, girlfriend.
Kimiko just laughed at Arlene's compliment towards her. Then, the girl prepared herself for the pink bridesmaid dress she had to wear to her friend, Arlene's, wedding. The only true problem with the wedding dress which she had to bring to Arlene was that it was not the only dress she was holding onto in her hands on the way to the church in which Arlene's wedding was going to take place.
A/N: just what is in the other dress bag in Kimiko's hands?
Kimiko walked all the way to the end of the street where she was to meet her friend, Arlene's, future sister-in-law, Jessie Bailey, and her friends who had all come to the wedding of their friend's elder brother, Clay. These friends of Jessie's were actually from her motorcycle gang days in a gang of lady bikers who were once led by her. Their entire gang was known as the 'Black Vipers' in their biker gang days, but had since retired from the street gang life. Jessie was the only one who did not look as ready as she was supposed to be for the wedding, and she was the maid of honor. Kimiko had even screamed at the sight of them all, particularly Jessie, herself, before realizing that it was only her and the ex-Black Viper gang.
Kimiko Tohomiko: There you guys are. You all look very and superbly great.
A lot of the members in Jessie's former gang of biker girls were friends of Kimiko's in her work office, as it turned out. Jessie's redheaded right hand in their former gang of biker chicks, Marie Burlington, was the only one to respond to her work friend, Kimiko's, compliment.
Marie Burlington: Thanks, Kim!
Kimiko Tohomiko: OK, come on, guys. Let's go.
On the way over, Kimiko finally noticed that Jessie did not look as neat or as put-together as the maid of honor was supposed to be.
Kimiko Tohomiko (continued): Oh, here you go, Jessie.
Jessie Bailey: What's this?
Kimiko Tohomiko: I brought you and the others shawls, Visine, Tylenol, and I brought you a back-up pair of my earrings for emergencies only.
Jessie Bailey, Marie Burlington and the (former) Black Viper biker chick gang: Ooooooooooooo.
Kimiko continued to walk across the street with Jessie, Marie and the other bridesmaids when she spoke to Jessie all of a sudden.
Kimiko Tohomiko: About your hair, Jessie…
Jessie Bailey: What now, Kim? My sister-in-law-to-be said 'up'. It's up.
Kimiko only chuckled at the maid of honor's rude sense of humor before responding to her work friend's former leader.
Kimiko Tohomiko: OK, then. Don't worry, Jessie. I'll just fix it inside.
That was when Jessie, Marie and the others all noticed the extra dress bag their friend, Kimiko, was holding onto in her hands.
Marie Burlington: Now, that's weird. What's all this stuff, Kim?
Kimiko knew just what Marie was talking about, but she had no time to worry about the contents of the additional dress bag. So, she only let out a groan at Jessie and her former gang.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Let's just hurry.
When they had finally made it inside the church, Arlene Moirano and her father were waiting for them all as the man was just getting ready to give his daughter away to Jessie's elder brother, Clay Bailey.
Arlene Moirano: Aren't the dresses just way great? And the best part of all about them is that you can just shorten them and wear them again.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Definitely. So true, Arlene.
It was then that Kimiko noticed that she was the only bridesmaid who was smiling for the bride. The wedding photographer was getting impatient for them all to smile for the camera.
Wedding photographer: OK, everybody. Give me a smile. Excuse me, give me a smile, everyone. Especially you, maid of honor.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Guys, smile for the photographer and for Arlene.
Jessie, Marie and all the other ex-biker chicks finally got the message and smiled for the photographer, but that did not mean that they had to like it.
Later at the altar, Arlene and Clay were finally ready and set to be married by a female minister in the church. Meanwhile, Kimiko just looked at her watch several times in a row for one reason or another. She had even looked as though she were trying to do two things at once.
Female minister: We are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Arlene Moirano and Clayton Bailey. This is a time of great joy, as we honor two people who have come together to be joined in holy matrimony.
As Kimiko continued to consistently look at her watch, a well-tanned young man from within the audience at the wedding seemed to notice her.
Later outside, Kimiko had left the wedding and was in a hurry after all and did not seem to pay attention to a lot of her surroundings on her way to getting a taxi cab.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Taxi!
A cab showed up at the wedding hall, and Kimiko sat down into said cab before bringing the other dress bag she had been carrying from earlier along with her friend, Arlene's, own wedding dress.
Kimiko Tohomiko (continued): Thanks. 2700 Delta Street, Camelia Gardens.
Kimiko then undid the fanciful bun in her hair for Arlene's wedding as she spoke to her driver, a gothic redhead with albinism by the name of Jack Spicer.
Kimiko Tohomiko (continued): Alright. I will pay you five-hundred dollars flat to drive me between here and the place I just told you to drive me on one condition…
Jack Spicer: Name it, Toots.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Be serious about this because my condition is that if you wanna avoid deductions, don't, under any circumstances, look into the rear view mirror. Do we have a deal?
Jack Spicer: Yeah, fine. You got yourself a deal, Doll.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Great.
Just then, Kimiko unzipped the additional dress bag she had on her when arriving at her friend, Arlene's, wedding to her other friend, Jessie's, elder brother, Clay. Then, she started to strip herself of the bridesmaid dress that she had worn to Arlene and Clay's wedding. Jack looked into the rear view mirror as she stripped herself of the dress to put on the other one from the dress bag.
Jack Spicer: What're ya doin'?
Kimiko Tohomiko: Hey, Jackie, you just cost yourself forty bucks.
Jack tried to reason with Kimiko as he looked at her.
Jack Spicer: I_
Then, Jack decided not to cost himself any more money.
Jack Spicer (continued): No one's lookin'.
By the time Jack had driven Kimiko all the way to Camelia Gardens for their stop assigned by her, Kimiko was wearing a very different dress. It was a purple Indian sari with a baby blue wrapping shawl and a magenta skirt to it.
Kimiko Tohomiko: I'll be right back, Jack.
With that, Kimiko headed into the church where her other friend was about to be married by then. Inside the church, Kimiko tended to several of her other friends as they readied themselves for a very different wedding. Her friend from back in Japan, Keiko Nakamura, was getting married to a German Jew by the name of Traugott Hoffmann-Shapiro.
A/N: the 'Nakamura' as Keiko's last name is a tribute to a Japanese exchange student who once stayed with my mom and I under our roof. Hi, Sachiko! how was your trip back to Japan? I hope it went well for you. the 'Hoffmann' in the last name of the groom to Keiko's bride, Traugott, is a direct salute to my maternal grandfather's true last name from back in Germany. thank you for everything you've ever done for me in life, Grandpa Hoffman/Hoffmann. I gotta know, though… exactly how are things up there in Heaven? did you reunite with Uncle Phil the minute you left us? I sure hope that you had.
Kimiko met up with another bridesmaid, Lucinda Gunderson, or 'Lucy' for short, for her oldest friend from Japan, Keiko's, wedding who was having a little trouble with getting ready for it.
Lucinda 'Lucy' Gunderson: Thank God you're here, Kim. I am so freaking out. I forgot my bridesmaid necklace for the Jewish part of Keiko's wedding to this guy.
Kimiko pulled a spare bridesmaid necklace from out of her purse.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Not to worry, Lucy. I've brought extra.
Kimiko placed the spare bridesmaid necklace around her friend, Lucy's, throat.
Kimiko Tohomiko (continued): Perfect.
Lucinda 'Lucy' Gunderson: Thank you. Thank you so much, Kim.
It was then that Keiko came out of the dressing room and presented herself in the bridal yukata and veil for her Japanese and German/Jewish mixed traditions wedding.
Keiko Nakamura: Hi, Kimiko.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Hey, what up, Keiko?
Keiko Nakamura: Aren't these dresses great?
Kimiko handed her best Japanese friend, Keiko's, own bridal bouquet to her.
Keiko Nakamura (continued): And the best thing about 'em is that you could just shorten 'em and wear 'em again.
Kimiko knew she had heard it several other times before then, but she still had to agree with her oldest friend, Keiko.
Kimiko Tohomiko: That is definitely so true, Kei.
Keiko's own father, Hiroshi Nakamura, had even flown in with her mother, Kanata Nakamura, and had been waiting to walk his daughter down the isle at her wedding. At the altar, the wedding minister of the church spoke with a heavily traditional German accent.
German minister: Villkommen, everyone. Ve are all gathered here today to join Traugott Hoffmann-Shapiro, known to his Freunde and Freundinne as 'Rudy', and Keiko Nakamura in holy matrimony. Traugott and Keiko are so Froh that so many of you are here today.
Suddenly, Kimiko had to go back outside into Jack's taxi cab. The gothic albino redhead was leaning against his own car when she finally came out.
Kimiko Tohomiko: What're ya doing? Get in the car. Come on. Go. Go. Go.
Upon Kimiko's demands, both she and Jack got into the albino redheaded goth's taxi.
Jack Spicer: Ya in, Sugar?
Kimiko Tohomiko: Yeah, and stop with the stupidly frilly nicknames, or I double your deduction rate.
Jack Spicer: Got ya, Miss Tohomiko.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Glad we're on the same page, now.
Kimiko got undressed from her bridesmaid's yukata from her friend, Keiko's, wedding and was desperate to get redressed into her other bridesmaid's dress from her friend, Arlene's, wedding. Jack looked into his rearview mirror once again as his female customer once again undressed and redressed herself in the backseat of his cab. The girl in the cab could suddenly see what he was doing.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Hey, hey, buddy! You are down to four-twenty. Are you sure you wanna keep this up?
Jack pondered Kimiko's question to him before deciding that the peeking was not worth any of the girl's deductions from what she would pay him for the evening.
Jack Spicer: No.
Kimiko Tohomiko: OK, then. Either you keep your focus solely on the road in front of you with a perfectly neutral expression on your ridiculous face, or I deduct your pay for the rest of the night even further than just to four-hundred-twenty bucks.
The two made their way back to the other church at which Kimiko's friend, Arlene, was still marrying her other friend, Jessie's, elder brother, Clay. Once inside the church, the Japanese girl had been struck up into a conversation with Jessie, Marie, and all the other bridesmaids.
Marie Burlington: OK, which one of 'em do you want? The brunet or the blonde? I'm not gonna lie to you, though. I kinda want the blond, Kimiko.
Brunette biker chick turned bridesmaid: Not fair, Marie. I wanted the blond. He's made for me.
Midnight-black-haired biker chick turned bridesmaid: No way, Susie. He likes me.
Jessie Bailey: I, myself, kinda want the redhead on the other side of the room.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Jessie, girls, can't any of you simply keep it up your skirts for just one wedding?
Marie Burlington: You're kidding us, right? The only reason to even wear this monstrous dress is so that some drunken groomsman can rip it to shreds with his teeth.
Meanwhile outside the church where Kimiko had to be elsewhere at the same time for the third time in a row for the night, the same well-tanned young man who had been in the audience earlier was talking on a cellular phone. He looked and sounded as though he were frustrated about even having to attend the wedding in the first place.
Well-tanned guy: What time is it now? Well, I'm just gonna be about two more hours, so_
That was when Kimiko came speeding down the entry way to the church just past the well-tanned guy in her bridesmaid's dress. She rushed to Jack's taxi cab as she passed the well-tanned guy on her way.
Well-tanned guy: I'll have to call ya back.
Unfortunately for Kimiko, the well-tanned guy from the wedding saw her as she got undressed in the back of the cab on her way to her oldest Japanese friend, Keiko's, own wedding to Traugott, the German Jew. Kimiko partied the night away at both of the weddings which she had promised to attend for her friends' sakes. All got done while driving in between both of the weddings via Jack's taxi cab. She did, however, fail to switch her shoes out at her friend, Keiko's, wedding once. Jack, the cab driver, alerted Kimiko to her little mix-up with the shoes for the weddings, though.
Jack Spicer: Hey, wrong shoes. Wrong shoes.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Jack!
Jack only tossed the correct shoes for her friend, Keiko's, wedding at her, though. After a bit of partying at her friend, Keiko's, wedding, the cab driver then drove Kimiko back to Arlene's wedding to the Texan cowboy, Clay. On the way back to her friend, Keiko's, wedding to the German Jew, Traugott, however, Kimiko managed to have yet another problem… with her yukata at that time.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Oh, geez.
Of course, there was not just attending her friends' weddings that she had to do as a bridesmaid. Kimiko also had to hold onto both Keiko, then Arlene's wedding dresses as they used the restrooms at their own weddings. Kimiko had to hold onto Keiko's wedding yukata while she tended to her basic needs on the toilet at her own wedding, because of the champagne she had managed to practically down from her time at the wedding buffet. It was even a French champagne from Traugott's family from their time in Paris when they had vacationed in France during their tour of all around Europe. Unfortunately, Keiko had failed to eat anything before drinking the champagne from her German/Jewish fiancé's family vacation to France the summer prior to their wedding.
Keiko Nakamura: Kim, I'm so hungry. Did you eat anything?
Kimiko Tohomiko: Oh, yeah, I have.
Keiko Nakamura: It looks gorgeous. I gotta tell you that I haven't eaten anything. And let me give you some advice; you should never, under any circumstances, drink champagne or any other hard drink on an empty stomach. I'll tell ya. Whoa, it'll fall right off.
After Keiko was done in the restroom, Kimiko finally had the chance to get back to Arlene and see if she needed to be helped in any way, shape or form by Kimiko's attentive hands. As it turned out, Arlene needed the same help with tending to her bladder when on the toilet as Keiko had.
Arlene Moirano: Did you meet my grandma?
Kimiko Tohomiko: Yeah. She was great. I really enjoyed her.
Of course, Kimiko did not exactly enjoy Arlene's grandmother for real. What the Japanese girl had enjoyed were Arlene's grandmother's stories.
Arlene Moirano: I think she's having fun.
Kimiko Tohomiko: Oh, yeah. Lots.
Then, Kimiko went back to her oldest Japanese friend, Keiko's, wedding to Traugott at the other church. Then, she once again went back to Arlene's wedding to her friend, Jessie's, elder brother, Clay, just in time for the two of them to shove the wedding cake into one another's mouths in that fun little wedding tradition. Only thing was that Kimiko had forgotten to take off her necklace from Keiko's wedding to Traugott when she had put her first bridesmaid's dress back on in between Jack's cab rides. Jessie and Marie seemed to notice it.
Jessie Bailey: Kimiko, what's with that necklace you're wearing 'round yer neck?
Marie Burlington: Yeah, I thought it was you that kept in with the wedding theme the most outta all o' us. What's that kinda necklace for?
Then, it was time for the tossing of the bridal bouquet at both of the weddings. Kimiko went to both of them, but at different times into both of the weddings. Arlene and Keiko both started out the tossing of the bridal bouquet with a speech about thanking a certain someone who had helped the two of them both with everything there was to help them with.
Arlene Moirano: I'd just like to take a moment to say a special 'thank-you' to a certain girl who had really gone above and beyond.
Then, Kimiko took the time to make it to Keiko's own wedding where it was also time for the tossing of the bridal bouquet.
Keiko Nakamura: The girl who not only hosted my bridal shower and helped me design the invitation, _
Arlene Moirano: _ but she also went with me to the caterer, florist, the wedding cake bakery_
Keiko Nakamura: _ and to eight bridal stores, where she helped me cling onto my self-esteem_
Arlene Moirano: _ as I tried on dress after dress after dress.
Keiko Nakamura: So, thanks, Kimiko!
Arlene Moirano: Thanks, Kimiko!
Kimiko could not stay for the remainder of Keiko's bridal bouquet toss, but she was incredibly willing to make up for missing her chance at Keiko's bridal bouquet at Arlene's wedding.
Arlene Moirano (continued): OK! Everybody ready?
Arlene then tossed her bridal bouquet up into the air. It was even headed towards Kimiko at the time, but several other women fought over getting to the bouquet along its path. Kimiko got pushed down and managed to totally and completely fall out of consciousness when she hit the floor. Every other woman who tried to claim the bridal bouquet as their own just seemed to fall onto the floor along with Kimiko.