Happy Little Accidents - Part 2 – Now For Something Completely Different
The Furthest Ring – Irrelevant Timescale
Jack Noir was running scared; which is a pretty big deal for a guy who killed an actual universe.
Part of it was the dame that was chasing him. Crazy dame, with a carapace hide, dog's head, bird's wings, and a sword through her chest; in short, the same freaky powers he had, but she had a score to settle with him.
He honestly didn't get what her deal was. So what? He'd violated some postal norms and killed all her friends, big whoop! He'd killed lots of people, just the cost of doing business. You didn't see their loved ones coming to duke it out and get vengeance. Well… successfully that it.
So yea, that was a thing. He wasn't chicken, he'd actually tried squaring off with her a few times already as they flew through this stupid place. Each time he'd only narrowly avoided evisceration. It was clearly no-dice so he wasn't going to try any more. Jack was a lotta things but he was no gambler with his life, mamma didn't raise no fool. He knew when he was beat.
The dame wasn't even the worst of it though. There were these random explosions that kept going off, big ones that cracked the void itself and set it aflame. They were so bright and loud that the dog-side of him, which gave him most of his power, couldn't handle it.
The stress of it all was causing him to lose his mind. Luckily, the dog-side knew just what to do to find safety. The dog's owner, Jade, the Witch of Space, wasn't in this space-time right now, but she was going to be. He could sense where she was going to show up, he just had to get there. It looked like a calm place anyways, a bubble of normal space-time in-between the monsters and the explosions, a Session.
Once he got there Jade would protect him from the mean lady and the mean noises, right? Right? He started his way there, the angry mail-lady right on his heels.
Reset (Alpha) Human Session – 3 Hours after Jane's Entry
Meanwhile, the human known as Jane Crocker was also having a stressful day. What had been slated to be a nice, relaxing, weekend spent inside playing a new videogame (SBURB) with her online friends; had quickly gone awry and spiraled far out of control.
First, the game had allowed one of those friends to perform a physical re-arrangement of her house. Then she had almost been killed by a meteorite, only for her and her house to be teleported away at the last second by the game. Now? She was marooned on a strange alien land, her house was trapped out-of-reach at the bottom of a pit, and her father was missing.
For the last three hours she'd been following the directions of the above-mentioned friend, one Dirk Strider; sending her back-and-forth across the alien landscape. The barren land seeming to be filled with nothing but colorless grass and ruins, with the occasional hill breaking up the horizon.
After some exploring, they'd found that ruins had inscriptions on them. Which turned out to be a series of annoyingly cryptic puzzles and mirthful riddles. While convoluted in their diction, they seemed to be strangely geared towards guiding her though the exact situation she found herself in.
The inscriptions also, helpfully, gave the name of the planet, LOCAH, or the Land of Crypts and Helium. The Crypts were obvious, but the mention of Helium in the name led into the last notable fact about the planet Jane was on. The seed pods.
They resembled hot air balloons in both size and coloration, missing only the basket underneath. They paradoxically rose when filled with water and fell when drained. The repeated mention of the pods and their mechanics in the inscriptions is where she'd gotten the name for the objects, along with an idea.
Using the instructions and with Dirk's help, she'd completed a series of steps that should have lifted her house from the pit using one of the pods. With any luck the effort of the last few hours would prove worth it. Dirk had reported the efforts as a success from his computer-based vantage point, but she had yet to see the fruits of her labor for herself.
Dirk had logged off for the moment, something about "taking care of some problems" (whatever that meant). Which left her to walk the last quarter-mile back to the hole alone, except for her companion that is.
She looked down at them again, a small robot made to resemble a bipedal bunny rabbit. Being Dirk's own creation, it of course had a sword and was wearing triangular anime shades. She'd taken to calling it Little Sebastian and had so far received no complaints from either party.
The two of them crested a rise in the landscape, and lo and behold there her house was, floating just above the rim of the hole, no worse for wear. There was however one small aberration. A figure stood in front of the house, one who was clearly not her father.
She took a breath and steeled herself. She was not going to be dissuaded from approaching her own home. Prudence dictated caution however, so she drew her weapon from her strife specibus. The weapon was long and held three points at the end, not unlike a trident. Sebastian likewise drew his sword and the two of them continued their approach; weary of this newcomer and unsure of what they might be capable of.
As they drew closer, she began to discern details about the stranger. Foremost of these was that he was clearly not Human. He appeared Human-like, possibly even 16 years old like herself. But the Human traits were offset by his grey skin and foot-long orange horns. He wore a purple jester-like outfit with pointed curled shoes and a tall hat. The fashion police would have had a field day with him
The alien noticed her approach and gave a lazy wave, his face mellow. She noticed a trio of scars across his face, not quite covered by a layer of clown makeup. She also noticed a fridge, not her own, laying on the ground besides him. The day just didn't stop giving.
She and Sebastian stopped what she hoped to be a safe-enough distance away and she called out to the strange creature. "Hello! Who are you and what are you doing in front of my house?"
"My name is Gamzee." He replied, giving a flourishing bow. "I'm simply a humble merchant looking to sell my wears. I found myself weary from my travels, and so when I happened across this seemingly abandoned hive," He gestured to the house. "I sought to take a rest here. Terribly sorry to intrude."
Jane lowered her guard a fraction, still suspicious of this strange man regardless of how friendly and forthright he was being. She decided to test him. "Where are we? I've gathered I'm no longer on Earth."
Gamzee shook his head gravely. "Oh, no, no, no. You're currently in the realm known as the Medium, as for this planet's name, I'm not too sure myself." His look turned thoughtful, and he appeared to appraise her with new interest. "You are a player of the game, yes?"
Answering hesitantly Jane responded. "You mean SBURB? Yes. I'm a player."
The Alien smiled. "Splendid, splendid. Then I'm to assume that is your Kernel-Sprite up above?" He motioned to the balcony on the upper level where the glowing orb still rested; having been released as part of her entry process into the game.
"Yes. Why?" Jane replied, her apprehension growing. There was something off about this Gamzee character, as if his behavior was a hastily put together act.
"Well part of my wears" He began, patting the fridge as if to indicate that was where he stored them. "are things you can put into your Kernel-Sprite, to turn it into a guide that will help you through the Medium. Please, allow me to give you a sample, as repayment for the temporary use of your 'house'." Gamzee turned and opened the fridge, rifling through its unseen contents.
As she stood there watching, a thought ran though her mind. It was something she remembered Dirk had said earlier, back when they'd been performing the entry process. He'd seemed to indicate that the Kernel-Sprite was important, extremely so, even if he wouldn't tell her why. Making it ill-considered for her to let a total stranger mess around with it.
She had opened her mouth to ask Gamzee to stop whatever it was he was doing when an excited whisper addressed her from behind. "Psst. Hey. What's he doing?"
Jane froze, almost screaming but cutting off the noise in her throat. Gamzee meanwhile, didn't seem to notice, oblivious as he sorted through his wears. Jane turned around slowly, her knuckles turning white from her tight grip on the trident. As she turned, she saw that Little Sebastian already had his sword trained on the newcomer.
Turning fully to face the newcomer. Jane saw that they were a girl, seemingly of the same species as Gamzee. Whereas Gamzee's horns were mostly straight, hers were curved like a ram's. She also had a pair a translucent-red butterfly wings sprouting from her back. Her outfit was similar but different to Gamzee's as well; red, sporting coattails and a simpler hood. A gear symbol printed on the chest.
Unsure of what else to do, she responded to the newcomer's question in a whisper matching how it was asked. "He said he's looking for something to put into my Kernel-Sprite. But… I don't think I should let him. Who are you?"
"My name is Aradia" Said the girl. "And I have to agree with your assessment. Letting Gamzee prototype your Sprite for you would be most unwise."
Jane mulled this information over. Now stuck between two strangers and their opposing claims "Then what should I…" She started, but a scathing rage-filled voice exploded from behind her "What the HELL are you doing here?"
Jane and Sebastian whirled back around to face Gamzee. Whatever act he had been going for was now dropped, a mad rage in his eyes as he glared at Aradia. In his hands, pulled from the fridge no doubt, was some sort of lizard-like stuffed animal and a unicycle. He quickly dropped these into his sylladex, along with the whole fridge. All the objects vanishing to thin air.
Movement from behind her told Jane that Aradia had started walking around her and Sebastian. She snuck a glance and saw the red girl's eyes staying steady on Gamzee. Jane returned her gaze to the angry alien as Aradia called out to Gamzee in reply. "Hello Gamzee, it's nice to see you again, it's been a while… Though as to your question; I could ask you the same thing. A Rage player doing Time-travel? The other Sessions will talk." She ended the last bit with a conspiratorial wink.
The levity seemed to further frustrate Gamzee. He pointed at Aradia accusingly. "Don't play coy with me Aradia! The only reason you would come here would be to act against the Messiah, and I'm not going to let that happen."
Aradia stopped. Jane and Sebastian no longer between her and Gamzee. She smiled lukewarmly and shrugged. "You're free to try and stop me."
Gamzee launched forwards with no warning, letting forth a screeching "HONK" as he charged at Aradia. The girl flew upwards with her wings, Gamzee careening violently through the space she'd occupied only an instant before. Creating a deep rut in the dirt as he ground to a halt.
Using his little rabbit arm, Sebastian tried to steer Jane away from the confrontation, but she was to dumbfounded to do anything but stare at the unfolding insanity.
There was a twinkle in Aradia's eye as she looked down at Gamzee and gave a little laugh. "Missed me!"
Gamzee tried again, leaping upwards in a tall arc to try and grab her. But Aradia narrowly dodged to the side, causing him to miss. She gave another taunt. "Oops, try again."
The game of cat-and-mouse continued as Jane watched on in utter bewilderment, trying several times to speak up and put a stop to the antics but at a loss as to what to say. The pair worked their way to the edge of a cliff, with Aradia hovering just out of Gamzee's reach past the edge. Gamzee for his part was starting to look ragged, having put so much effort into the bursts of speed.
Not really needing to, but in the mood, Aradia cupped her hands around her mouth to throw her voice. "Hey Gamzee, are you out of breath yet? It's a shame you're not really God-Tier, if you had wings you might be able to catch me!"
Gamzee glared daggers at her but didn't otherwise respond, sweating and breathing hard. To add insult to injury, Aradia decided to punctuate her statement by turning around, bending over, lifting up the coattails of her outfit, and spanking herself in Gamzee's direction.
That got Gamzee's attention; pissing him off and giving him his second wind. He leapt over the edge of the cliff at Aradia, a savage scream coming from his throat. He was faster this time. So fast that Jane was sure Aradia would be mincemeat. She threw her hands over her eyes so she couldn't watch.
Seconds ticked by with no sound of impact or yelling. Hesitantly, Jane cracked her eyes and peeked through her fingers. Aradia was still hovering were she'd been; with Gamzee, hands outstretched, frozen right in front of her; red energy crackling around him.
Catching Jane's stare, Aradia turned to look at her, saying. "Well that was close." Before giving another sly wink.
Jane just stared at the scene in from of her in confusion. "Bu… wha… huh?" She finally managed to stutter out.
Seeming to understand the strangeness of the situation, Aradia simply gave a friendly smile. "Well… it was nice meeting you. See you around." Then, with a flash of the red energy, she disappeared.
With Aradia's departure, the energy holding Gamzee in place abruptly vanished. Leaving him to resume his trajectory off the cliff edge. He screamed and floundered for a moment before pulling something out of his sylladex. Disappearing in a similar red flash after shouting "That's bullshit!"
Jane just stood there for a few minutes before Dirk finally logged back with his update. His typed message said. "Ok all of our friends are in deep shit but I think I have it covered for the next few seconds. What's happening? … Jane? … Is everything alright?"
Jane rubbed the temple of her head with her fingers. Typing out her reply on her outmoded PDA "I think I have a headache."