Scarring
Hermione sat in a paper gown in her patient room at St. Mungo's waiting for the results of her medical workup. She kept checking up at the clock and chewing her lip while she twirled her engagement ring around her finger.
The medical workup was something all witches and wizards had to go through before getting married. She and Fred both did theirs yesterday and he got an owl this morning stating everything was normal. Her owl stated that she needed to come in to be looked at further.
Fred had wanted to go with her, but it was Saturday and she knew the shop would be busy. She promised him she would be fine and would floo home immediately after to tell him what happened. She thought about asking Ginny to come, but she didn't want to worry anyone. It could end up being nothing; maybe someone just did a spell wrong.
There was a knock on the door.
"Come in!" Hermione called, looking down and making sure the white blanket they gave her covered everything that the paper gown didn't.
A woman with short blonde hair and green eyes entered. She looked to be in her mid thirties and had a small smile on her face. Hermione smiled back, feeling comforted by the witch.
"Ms. Granger?" Hermione nodded. "I am Healer Melanie." She held out her hand to Hermione and Hermione shook it.
"Could you lie down for me? I want to look some things over."
Hermione did as she was told. Healer Melanie slipped the white blanket down to cover her legs and opened the front of the gown by her stomach, making sure to keep her chest covered.
"I know it's hard to stay modest in these paper gowns, but I'll try my best to keep you covered." Healer Melanie mentioned.
Hermione smiled. "Thank you." She decided that she liked this Healer very much.
She started with pressing on her stomach and abdomen asking if anything felt tender. Hermione didn't feel any tenderness.
The Healer pulled her wand out, a light came from the tip like a lumos, but this light was silver.
She pressed it to Hermione's abdomen and a 3D image popped up between them that reminding Hermione of an ultrasound.
"Healer Tess, the Healer in training you saw yesterday, had let me know about some scarring in your womb. I wanted to see for myself and ask you a few questions."
Hermione bit her lip. "Okay…"
"Do you live alone?"
"No, I live with my fiancé, Fred." Hermione answered, confused.
"Do you feel safe at home?"
Hermione was taken aback by her question. "What do you mean?"
"Is there any fighting at home? Any hitting or wand use against you?"
Hermione's jaw dropped. This woman was asking if Fred abused her.
Healer Melanie noticed her face. "I don't mean to offend you or your fiancé, but you need to be honest with me."
"Of course not." Hermione answered quickly.
Healer Melanie nodded. "I know you went through a lot during the war… have you ever suffered the cruciatous curse?"
Hermione nodded. "Yes."
"Ever in the stomach?"
Hermione chewed her lip, trying to remember. "I don't know… it was multiple times close together and I can't be sure where they all hit."
Healer Melanie frowned and shook her head. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you asking me this?" Hermione asked. The last thing she wanted was to be pitied for that.
Healer Melanie sighed and pulled her wand off Hermione's abdomen, the picture in the air disappearing.
"You have some scarring in your womb from the curse hitting you in the abdomen. It will most likely get worse as you age… we've seen this in the last wizarding war." Healer Melanie started to explain.
"So, what does this mean?" Hermione asked, wanting to get to the point.
"You might have some infertility issues. If you want children, you might want to start now. The longer you wait, the smaller your chances get. If you decide to start now, I can prescribe some fertility potion to help you along… although, I warn you that it could cause multiples.
"If you do get pregnant, I want to see you twice a month in the beginning and then we'll spread it out to once a month. It will be a high risk pregnancy and there is a chance of miscarriage. It is completely up to you, but if you do get pregnant I would advise that you not work." Healer Melanie explained.
"And there is a chance I can't have children at all?" Hermione asked.
Healer Melanie nodded. "There is."
Hermione felt her heart sink into her stomach. She knew Fred wanted children; the thought of being the reason that he couldn't sickened her. They had a lot to talk about when she got home.
"Can I wait to accept the fertility potion? I'd rather we try on our own first if we decide to have one now." Hermione asked. She didn't want the risk of multiples. If she'd be high risk with one, she didn't want it to be even riskier having more. The thought of a miscarriage felt even more devastating than not carrying one at all. Having the joy if getting pregnant and then planning for the baby only for them to be ripped away from her not long after... she couldn't imagine.
"Of course. Let me get you a prenatal potion. I want you to take it even if you aren't going to try right now. It's full of vitamins and minerals and it might slow the scarring down. Take two drops under the tongue once per day. It might make you a little queasy, so a lot of witches have said it helps taking it before bed." Healer Melanie explained, handing her a vial.
"This will last you a month. Every month I'll have the hospital owl you another vial the week before the month is up." The Healer wrote down the potion order into her chart.
"Thank you." Hermione said, looking at the light pink liquid.
Hermione wasn't sure how to react to all of this. Every time she thought her life was going to level out and run smoothly, something got in the way. She knew at that moment, all she wanted to do was cry at the thought of having to tell Fred.
XxXxXx
Hermione floo'd home and went straight to the bathroom to find her composure and make herself look presentable.
She gripped the edge of the countertop while she tried to get her heartrate to slow. She took deep breaths trying to calm down, but Fred's face popped into her head and the thought of her having to crush him made her throat constrict and sobs start to escape. Tears came soon after and she found herself sitting on the floor, her legs pulled up to her chest as she sobbed into her knees.
It took her a full ten minutes before she calmed down enough to stand. She splashed cold water on her face and dried it with a hand towel before looking at herself. Her face was red and blotchy, her eyes also red and swollen.
She took her time changing into her WWW button down before heading down to help the others in the shop, hoping her face would return to normal.
She managed to make it down to the sales floor and begin to assist customers before she saw any sign of Fred. She was extremely grateful for this. She promised she would come home and tell him, but this wasn't something she could tell him in just a couple minutes. They would need to sit and discuss what they should do; what he thought was best for him.
XxXxXx
Fred stormed out of the back room in a huff. "What is taking so long? She should be back by now!" He complained to Verity, plopping down on a stool behind the counter.
"She's been back for half an hour, Fred." Verity answered, pointing towards the second floor of the shop where Hermione was straightening shelves.
Fred hopped up, his eyes following where she was pointing.
"Why didn't she tell me?" He could feel himself becoming angry. He hurried up the stairs and found Hermione.
"Hermione!" Fred said loudly, causing her to jump. "Why didn't you tell me you were back?"
She bit her lip, her eyes still on the shelf. "Not now, Fred. We'll talk later."
He furrowed his brow. "But, what did the healer say?"
Hermione shook her head, refusing to look at him. "Not now." She answered, her voice cracking.
Fred felt his stomach drop; it became harder to take breaths. He reached out for her, touching her arm. The simple gesture made her turn and throw her arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly while she buried her head in his chest.
He rubbed her back. "Hermione… Tell me you're okay." Terrible things were going through his head. Surely, fate wouldn't take her away from him already. He had waited for too long.
She turned her head to the side and pressed her cheek to his chest. "Oh, Fred. It's nothing like that. We will talk when the shop closes." She should have specified sooner. His face was pale and when she reached up to rest her hand on his cheek, he was cold clammy. She had scared the life out of him.
"Then I'm closing it early today." Fred answered.
"Fred!" She pulled away from him and frowned. "You will not."
He looked at the clock. 3:07. "We're closing at four. Why don't you go home and relax for awhile. Take a hot bath and add some lavender and chamomile? You love that."
She shrugged. "I guess I could." The shop wasn't too crowded and Verity didn't look frazzled, so she figured she might as well. A hot bath did sound lovely.
He escorted her down to the first floor and held the door to the back open, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she disappeared into the back.
"We're closing at four, Ver." He mentioned, passing the registers on his way to post a note to the door.
"Everything alright?" She called out, watching him walk away. She noticed his shoulders raise in a shrug.
XxXxXx
When Fred finally made it up to the flat at ten past four, he found Hermione sitting on the sofa still in her workwear with two cups of tea in front of her.
He sat down next to her and she turned herself towards him, tucking one leg under her and leaning against the armrest. She looked down at her hands as they played with the hem of her shirt.
"I figured I'd find you in the bath."
Hermione shrugged. "I couldn't sit still."
"Hermione… tell me what happened." He said, while reaching for his cup and taking an sip. A dash of honey and a bit of milk... just as he liked it.
She took a deep breath, trying to calm her rapid heartbeat.
"I'm going to tell you something really heavy. I want you to take your time thinking about it and I whatever you decide you want to do, I will understand."
"What did you find out?" Fred was completely confused by her admission.
"The healer said I have scarring in the womb… from the cruciatous curse. She said that it will become worse with time." Hermione started to explain.
"What does this mean?" Fred asked, setting his cup back down and turning his body towards hers, mimicking her sitting position.
"The scarring..." She sighed, her heart aching. She didn't want to tell him, but she knew she had to. He deserved to know. "It... it causes infertility… she said the longer we wait to try to have a child, the harder it will be. She said that there's a small possibility I already can't have children and it's also possible that if I do get pregnant, I'll miscarry." Hermione bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. She kept her eyes on her hands, unable to look at Fred. This could ruin them.
"Hermione… I'm so sorry." He told her, his own eyes filled with tears. He reached for her hand and held it between his.
"She said that if I do get pregnant, she advises that I stay home because it'll be high risk… she said that it was up to me to decide though.
"I don't want to be a burden in any way…whether it be financially, or because I can't have a child, or because I forced you into fatherhood to soon. I know you want children at some point and I think we should think about things and talk this over again later. I won't be angry with any choice you make. I'm sorry it has to be this way, Fred, but I will be patient and if I need to, I'll leave. I know how important children are to you. Just mull it over for awhile. I'm going to take a bath and then I'll make you dinner." Hermione stated, standing up and excusing herself.
She was halfway to the bedroom when he found his voice. "Any choice I make? What is that suppose to mean? You think I'm that type of bloke? That I would just leave because I don't want to deal with it?"
She turned around in the kitchen. "No. You're the type who wants children and the type who has his future planned out even though he refuses to admit it. I'm not going to stand in your way if you are looking for something else. Let's just take a bit to think about it. We've got time and there are lots of options." She turned on her heel and continued to the door. Her hand was on the knob when he spoke again.
"You know you don't get to run off every time something gets hard. I'm not Ron. Get back here." Fred demanded, pointing to the sofa.
"Fred…"
"Hermione."
With her jaw set, she made her way back to the sofa and sat. "I wasn't running, Fred. I was giving you space."
"Dragon shit. You said that our best chance of conceiving is now?" He asked.
She nodded.
He took a moment to mull it over, chewing the inside of his cheek. "Well, we have a few choices. We could try now… if that is what you want… we could wait for a few years like we talked about and then try, or we could wait and pay a surrogate or maybe just adopt… there are plenty of ways to have children, Hermione. Tell me what you want… I want you to understand that the one thing I will not budge on is that if we have a child naturally, that you will not be working during the pregnancy. If she labeled it as high risk I am not willing to risk your life or our child's." He lifted a hand and tucked a curl behind her ear.
She chewed her lip. "Well… hmm." She looked down at her hands, mulling it over in her head. "I don't want a surrogate. If anyone is carrying your baby, it's going to be me. The thought of another woman carrying and bonding with our child makes me sick to my stomach; I'd rather adopt. As for having our own... I'd love to carry your child, Fred, but I don't like the thought of being a financial burden. I don't want to be useless." She confessed.
"Hermione. You are not a financial burden in any way… and I wouldn't call making and carrying my child useless. Tell me what option you want. I want to do what's best for you." Fred told her, as he entwined their fingers.
"I don't know how you feel, but if you're up for it… I mean… I would rather have my own… well…I don't want to pressure you into an option that you don't feel comfortable with, but I honestly wouldn't mind trying now… I haven't heard back from the ministry and if we have one soon, maybe a position will open up soon after? I would hate to have to quit after starting…trying now might be good timing… what do you think... tell me how you feel about it."
He stood up, pulling her with him and picking her up.
"Fred!"
"No better time than the present! You did say now." He mentioned, carrying her into the bedroom.
"You could have just told me." She giggled as he plopped her down on the bed.
"Now, darling, you should know by now that that's not the way we work… now…less talking. More action." He climbed into bed and wiggled his eyebrows.
She sighed. "Come here, then." She commanded.
XxXxXx
They laid in bed a half an hour later, Hermione laying on her back and Fred laying on his side propped up on his elbow while his hand slipped under the sheet and rubbed her stomach.
"Come on boys, do your job!" He told her stomach.
She laughed. "You realize some of them are girls right?"
"Have you met my family?"
"Yes, I've met Ginny. I have yet to meet George's twins, but I'm pretty sure they're girls, too. You do have the capability of having girls." Hermione answered.
He grinned. "It's so odd not doing the charm."
"Are you sure this is what you want? If you'd rather do the charm, it's alright with me… we can think on it a bit more." Hermione told him, giving him an encouraging smile.
"No, I want this. I want a baby, Hermione, and I want it with you." Fred looked down at her sheet covered stomach and found that his throat was tightening and his eyes were welling up.
"Fred, are you sure you're okay?"
He cleared his throat and nodded, smiling. "We're going to have a baby… you are going to have my child. Merlin… Hermione Granger is going to have my baby." He knew that she would have been doing it anyway, but it was a shock to his system that it would be happening soon and he found himself emotional.
"I'm going to try… we don't know if I can yet, remember? And don't forget that if I do end up pregnant, we could miscarry. Don't get too excited, yet." Hermione suddenly wanted to cry herself, but her tears weren't from excitement. Her chest ached with worry, seeing him so emotional. The thought of not being able to give him a child was devastating. She wished he was downstairs so she could sob into her pillow for awhile.
"Things will happen like they're supposed to." He reassured her.
"Fred?"
"Yes, love?"
"Please don't tell anyone about my problem… George is okay… but not anyone else, alright?" Hermione asked, turning on her side to face him.
He shook his head. "I wouldn't do that to you. I wasn't even going to tell George."
"I don't mind if he knows and I think it would be good if you had someone else to talk to about this." She snuggled closer to him and he rolled onto his back so she could curl up to him.
"Don't you worry about anything, love. There is a solution for everything. We'll be fine." He whispered, kissing her forehead.
She wished she could stop, but she knew it wasn't as easy as that.
"I can smell your brain overheating, Tink. We'll have a baby one way or another. Plenty to adopt if your body can't handle it. I'm not worried." He patted her bum, trying to get her to calm. "Now let's take a nice nap and we'll try again when we wake up. I'll even do that thing with my tongue you like."
She grinned against his chest and snuggled in closer, hoping her brain would calm enough for her to rest. Fred was so wonderful to her and she wanted to be able to give him the child he desired so badly.