"Well, I hope you're happy about this."
"Oh yeah, I'm delighted that we're currently being held hostage, Deeks," Kensi drawls, straining her neck to see the side of Deeks' face. "Why would you even say that?"
In his peripheral vision, Deeks see their captors leaning against the wall a few yards away. They're armed, hands lazily balanced atop automatic rifles. Keeping his face annoyed, he flexes his wrists a few times against the ropes binding his hands together. If Deeks stretches just enough, he can feel Kensi's fingers on the other side of the support beam they're tied to.
"Um, because this is totally your fault," he responds, pulling at the ropes again.
"It is not!" Kensi gasps, sounding thoroughly outraged. "How dare you."
"I'm not the one who said, 'Hey, let's check out the abandoned warehouse on our own'."
"And I'm not the one who tripped on a pipe, alerting everyone to our presence."
"Well, maybe if you'd turned on your flashlight like I asked—"
"Maybe if you weren't an insufferable ass!"
"Hey, quiet down," one of the men orders, coming forward. He's tall and burly and looks fairly annoyed.
"Excuse me, I'm trying to have a discussion with my fiancé," Deeks tells him, sparing half a glance that makes the guy's mouth tighten.
"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that," Kensi says around a harsh chuckle. "After today, I'm seriously reconsidering marrying you."
"Seriously? What about all the drama I put up with you? You're a control freak, and your, your complete inability to throw one single candy wrapper away. Even though there's a garbage can three feet away." He feels Kensi gently grip his hands and squeezes back. "And on top of that, you hit me all the time."
"I said shut up or else," their captor repeats, bending to get in Deeks' face. The second he does, Deeks rips his hands free from the remains of his bounds, yanking the guy froward by his neck, while Kensi grabs the gun from his holster. The man's head makes a sharp crack as Deeks smashes it into the pillar. The other guy doesn't even get a chance to fully lift his rifle before Kensi shoots him.
He groans, clutching his thigh. Kensi rushes forward to disarm him as Deeks makes sure his own thug is completely out and cuffs him.
"Well, that was fun," he says, just ever so slightly breathless. Kensi walks over, carrying a rifle, glock, and pocketknife.
"Mm, I wouldn't want to get tied up with anyone else but you." She kisses him briefly. "But did you really have to make that crack about the candy wrappers?" she asks.
"Hey, I love you, but I will take any opportunity to bring up your chronic messiness."
Kensi rolls her eyes but doesn't say anything else as she reaches for her phone, leaning into Deeks' side as she calls Nell.
A/N: Yes, this is fully ridiculous. But I decided it would be fun to write a little fic where Kensi and Deeks aren't in serious danger and have either a secret, or unspoken code for how to get out of this kind of situation.