Chapter 11

"Well, you can't go."

Niles sighed.

"I know."

He'd put off telling Daphne about Mel's latest request for a few days, trying to work out the best way to broach the subject. Niles didn't want to go, but the prospect of having his divorce by the end of it was too tantalizing to pass up. Mel was going to be down there for the whole two weeks, but by the sound of it, Niles wouldn't need to be there for more than three, four days tops.

Niles had cleared his calendar for the entire two weeks anyway, with the plan to take Daphne away on a romantic trip after he got back. Partly to ease the blow of what he had to do, partly because he was hoping they could finally move things to the next stage of their relationship. As patient as he was trying to be, Niles desperately wanted Daphne. Recently things between them had been getting more and more passionate, only to stop before going too far. Daphne still wanted to wait until the divorce was final before they slept together. Niles understood, but it was damn frustrating.

He continued, wanting to explain the whole situation to Daphne before discussing his plans for a trip away together after he got back.

"I don't want to go either, but-"
"No. I didn't say I don't want you to go, I said you can't go."

Daphne's tone was hard as she cut him off. She looked at Niles as if she thought him insane for even considering it. He blinked, confused.

"I-I thought you wanted me to end things with Mel?"
"I do. But I don't see how you need to go away on a trip out of state to achieve that."
"This is what Mel wants. She-"
"And what about what you want? What I want?" Daphne raised her voice, getting more and more upset. "I want a relationship with you, a real relationship. Not... whatever pathetic excuse of an affair this is. You might be fine with whatever this is, but I'm not. I don't want to have to check to see if you have plans with your wife before every date. I don't want to feel like I'm constantly being judged when we're out in public. I want to be the only woman you're involved with."

Niles tried to defend himself.

"Daphne, that's not fair. You are the only woman I'm involved with."
"Then why are you going on a trip with a different woman? Why are you still married to a different woman? Why are we planning our lives around a different woman?"

Niles didn't have a simple answer.

"I hurt Mel. I owe it to her to let her exit this relationship on her terms."
"Initially, maybe. But it's been over a month, and now she wants to you wait another, what? Another month? Two months? And that's if she doesn't change the terms again!"

Daphne stood up and stormed off towards her room. Niles followed, still trying to get Daphne to see his perspective.

"She's not going to do that, Daphne. She wants out as much as I do."
"How do you know that? If I was Mel, I'd want to divorce you as quick as possible so I can move on. Not keep opening myself up to more hurt every time I saw you and had to act like everything is fine! Not wanting you to go on a trip where you'd be expected to share a room - share a bed!"

Niles was angry. It was like Daphne didn't believe that he hated every second he had to pretend with Mel.

"You're acting like I'm not bothered by any of this!"
"Well, you seem to be going along quite willingly with whatever she wants!"
"Because I feel guilty! I feel guilty for hurting Mel like this! Especially because I know what it feels like to be left for someone else!"

Daphne softened slightly, remembering how devastated Niles was when Maris cheated on him. But she still wanted Niles to see how this was affecting her.

"How would you have felt if you had to go through all this with Maris in that scenario, Niles?"
"That situation was totally different to our-"
"Oh, I'm sure." Daphne snapped, cutting him off.

Niles snapped back at Daphne, infuriated that she wasn't even letting him explain.

"I don't want to go through another drawn out divorce process! The one with Maris was agony for me. I don't want Mel to do the same!"

Daphne looked at him, incredulous.

"How can it possibly be anything like that? You were married to Maris for over a decade. Every aspect of your life was tied up with hers. With Mel, you were married less than 3 days when you decided to leave her for me. You haven't even lived together. How much can Mel do, Niles? If anything, you're giving her more to work with by continuing to pretend to the whole world that you're in a happy marriage!"

Nile shook his head, exasperated.

Daphne doesn't understand, she hasn't been through a divorce before.

"Well, I still think I should go. It's not for another month yet, and it'll only be three days, maybe four before I'll be back in Seattle. I've taken the week after off, I wanted to go away with you somewhere when I returned. I-"
"What makes you think I'd want to go away with you after you spent several days playing happy marriage with your current wife?" Daphne put emphasis on the word current.
"It's not like that, I don't even want to go away with her!"
"Then don't!"
"It's not that simple!"
"Then make it that simple! Grow a bloody spine and file for divorce!"

They stared at each other, both angry and frustrated at the turn the argument had taken. Daphne broke eye contact first, and headed to grab her coat and bag.

"Where are you going?"
"I've got an appointment this afternoon. I... don't want to discuss this anymore today. I think it best we don't see each other tonight."

Daphne left. Niles stood in the living room for a moment, furious and upset at the turn of events. Both with himself, and everyone else.

"Fuck!" Niles swore, mostly at himself.

He stormed off to pour himself a drink.

"Did Daphne leave?"

Niles turned, seeing his father standing in the hallway.

"Oh, Dad. I didn't know you were home. Yes, she left. Had an appointment."

They stood there awkwardly for a moment. Niles suddenly felt drained and depressed now the initial rush of adrenaline from the argument had dissipated.

"So, how much did you hear?"

Martin shrugged.

"Nothing specific, but from the volume I guess things aren't going well."

Niles sat on the couch, and sighed.

"Daphne's mad that I have to go with Mel on some vacation before we file for divorce. I tried to get her to see my point of view, but it didn't go well."
"Well, you probably don't want to hear this, but I'd side with Daphne on this one."

Martin sat down in his chair, and looked at his son. Niles stared back, confused.

"Wha-? I thought you and Frasier agreed that playing along with Mel's farce was best for everyone."
"Well, yeah, when it was just your wedding reception. Let her save a bit of face in front of her friends. But now..." Martin paused, thinking on what to say next. "You know I love Daphne. And I'm happy that the two of you are together. But you know I've never supported you pursuing things while you're married. Even though I would have traded Maris and Mel for Daphne in a heartbeat, you need to be an adult and end your relationship before starting something new. It's not fair to Mel. Or Daphne."

Niles looked down. He could try and claim that Daphne didn't know what he, or Mel, was going through because she hadn't been married, or cheated on by a spouse. But Niles knew he couldn't say the same for his father, who knew exactly what that was like.

"I know. That's part of the reason I never told Daphne how felt until... But, she's acting like I'm not frustrated too."
"Well, she's got a point. You seem content to juggle both women, trying to keep them both happy."
"It's easier to work with Mel when I go along with what she wants."
"But that's a sure fire way to piss Daphne off, as you saw. There isn't a middle ground here, Niles."
"If I don't do what Mel wants, she'll make things more difficult. Why would I want to do that?"
"Because sometimes doing the right thing is difficult." Martin looked at his son sympathetically. "You either go on this trip with Mel, and damage your relationship with Daphne, or you do what Daphne said - grow a spine and file for divorce now."

So, he did hear the argument.

Niles finished his drink.

"Thanks, Dad. I'll... think about it."

Daphne exited her first therapy session feeling a lot lighter. She had intended to tell Niles she was seeing a therapist before she went, but the bombshell he dropped on her earlier today had pushed all thoughts of doing so out of her mind. Daphne wasn't sure if turning up to her first session with Gloria as emotional as she was after her fight with Niles was a good thing, but it allowed them to cut straight to some of the key issues bothering Daphne right now.

And it felt good to vent.

Daphne felt bad that she lost her temper the way she did with Niles, but she couldn't believe that he didn't see the issue with Mel's request. When Niles told Daphne that Mel wanted him to go to California with her to stay with friends for a week or two, it felt like a dagger in her heart. It didn't matter that Niles didn't want to do it. It didn't matter that it would potentially speed up Niles' divorce. It didn't matter that he insisted he didn't feel anything for Mel. It didn't matter that he said he loved Daphne.

All that mattered was that it hurt more than anything else Daphne had dealt with so far.

Daphne had originally tried to be okay with Niles playing along for the short term because she knew she would have done something similar for Donny if he needed it. But now it was going too far. Daphne knew immediately that Niles would have had an issue with her doing the exact same thing with Donny if the roles were reversed, regardless of what she said. Daphne thought about Donny again. She had seen him earlier that week at the courthouse with another woman. Kissing another woman. Daphne was surprised that he had moved on so quickly. It left her feeling strangely hollow inside, even though she knew she should be feeling happy for him.

Gloria has said that what she was feeling about Donny is normal. While Daphne may have moved on, there can still be conflicting emotions around the person you had shared a part of your life with doing the same. That Daphne might be struggling to see Donny with someone else within a month of them ending things, as it might feel like their relationship didn't mean anything.

"If you think about it, even though you left Donny for Niles, you said that you fell out of love months ago, you had already moved on. Whether this new relationship for Donny is genuine, or his way of coping with the loss of his relationship with you, we can't know. But our subconscious will try to tell us that if Donny did love you, it should have taken him a similar amount of time before moving on. And seeing him so soon after the end of your relationship with someone else, makes it feel like your time with Donny meant nothing."

It made sense. It didn't make the feeling hurt less, but at least Daphne felt validated in feeling as hurt as she did. For the most part, however, their session mostly focused on her relationship with Niles, namely his current situation with Mel. Gloria recommended stepping back for a while until the divorce was filed at the very least, but Daphne didn't know if she wanted to. Or if she could.

What if by stepping back, or asking to put things on hold makes Niles think I've given up? What if he decides it's too hard to have a relationship with me? What if he goes back to Mel?

These were the questions swirling around in Daphne's head that they weren't quite able to address today. Gloria had been quite happy to schedule a second appointment in a few days so Daphne could continue to process her current feelings on everything.

The thing Daphne got most out of this session today, however, was that she felt heard. That was the issue with her argument with Niles today. He seemed to think Daphne would meekly accept what he was saying, agree to what he was going to do, without having a problem with it. When she didn't accept it and was upset, Daphne noticed the way things had shifted, as if Niles didn't expect her to fight it. Niles had seemed genuinely surprised that Daphne had an issue with it, like it had never occurred to him that it would upset her. Daphne wondered how much thought into her feelings on the matter Niles had given it beforehand. Sure, it might be easier for him, but it was hell for her.

When Daphne returned home, Niles wasn't there.

It was a couple of days before Niles came back. He wasn't sure if Daphne wanted to see him after their argument, and Niles wasn't sure how to continue the discussion without another fight. Niles had thought on what his father had said, and realized that Martin was right: He couldn't make both women happy.

Initially, Niles had been taken aback by how angry Daphne was over Mel's plan, and felt slighted by Daphne's reaction.

This isn't a picnic for me either. I thought Daphne would be more supportive.

But as he thought on it more, Niles realized that he didn't seem to have considered how dragging things out with Mel would make Daphne feel, and he kicked himself for being so inconsiderate. That thought by itself had made Niles feel completely miserable and guilty for letting Daphne feel that way. Niles had been torn on what to do since the fight, but knew that they needed to talk about it again. He just hoped it wouldn't turn into another argument. If it did, Niles wasn't going to argue or defend his actions. Whatever Daphne was feeling was valid.

He'd been standing outside Frasier's apartment for several minutes going over this in his head. He was about to ring the doorbell, when the door opened. Frasier was surprised to see him standing there.

"Oh, Niles."
"Hello, Frasier. Um, is Daphne home?"

Frasier shook his head.

"She's out currently. I don't know when she'll be back. I'm just heading out myself, but you're welcome to wait for her."

Niles nodded, and headed in, saying goodbye to Frasier. He stood in the living room for a moment, before sitting down on the couch. He ran through what he wanted to say again in his head. He wanted to apologize, first and foremost. He also wanted to make sure Daphne was okay. Beyond that... Niles didn't know.

Daphne arrived back with Martin shortly after. She saw Niles, who stood as they entered. Daphne suddenly felt embarrassed and upset, the emotions from their last conversation coming back.

"Hey, Niles." Martin walked in and let Eddie off his leash, not noticing the tension initially. "What brings you by?"
"Hi, Dad. I came to visit Daphne."

Niles glanced over at Daphne, who had moved to hang up both her and Martin's coats. She gave him a small smile. Martin looked up, and noticed the awkwardness between them.

"Well, I'm just going to go to my room and watch TV. Come on, Eddie."

Martin left, and it was just the two of them.

"Hello, Niles."
"Daphne, I want to apologize for the other day."
"It's all right. I didn't mean to lose my temper like that."
"You had every right to be upset. I'm sorry I didn't see sooner how hard this had been on you."

Daphne came over and hugged Niles. He held her tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Daphne."
"I'm sorry, too. I know this isn't easy on you, and I know you want to avoid what you went through with Maris." Daphne felt herself staring to tear up. "I'm just finding it harder and harder to share you with Mel. It's just little things, like the fact you went to the gallery with her first. It makes me feel like I come second to her."

Niles pulled back and looked at Daphne.

"Nothing is further from the truth. I never want you to feel that way again."

Daphne dabbed at her eyes, and sat down. Niles joined her. He decided to just launch back into the conversation, knowing it needed to be said.

"I've been thinking everything over and... I've decided I'm not going to go with Mel on that trip. Her friends are leaving this week, and there isn't anything Mel wants me to attend with her at the moment either. I... want to just focus on you. Next time I see Mel, I'm going to tell her that I'm done with this whole thing. She's had ample time to work out what she's going to tell people."

Daphne looked at Niles gratefully.

"Thank you, Niles." She hugged him again, and Niles kissed her.
"I should have done this from the get go. I've just been so wrapped up in making the whole thing with Mel easier on me, I didn't consider how hard it was on you."

Daphne shook her head.

"I don't blame you. It's not easy to end something like this. At all. And, it's not exactly been an easy week for me, so when you told me about that trip with Mel, it was like the last straw."

Niles looked surprised.

"What do you mean? What happened?"
"Well, you know I had to go to the courthouse on Monday, to file that therapist report? I... saw Donny."
"Did... how is he? What did he say?"
"Nothing. He didn't see me. But... he seems to have moved on. He was... kissing another woman."

Niles wasn't sure how to process that.

"And that upset you?"
"Well, yes. Sort of. I've had some conflicting feelings about it. Gloria said it's completely normal, considering how things ended between me and Donny."

Now Niles was confused.

"Who's Gloria?" He racked his brain, trying to remember if Daphne mentioned a friend by that name.
"She's- oh, I didn't get a chance to tell you. She's a therapist Dr McCaskill recommended for me."
"As part of your court ordered therapy?"
"No. Just as someone to talk things through with. I saw her on Thursday. And I'm seeing her again Monday. Gloria was quite helpful in working through some things. Especially after our argument."

Niles didn't know how to feel about this information. On one hand, he was glad Daphne was seeing someone if she felt she needed it. On the other hand, Niles wasn't sure how reputable this Gloria was. Especially if she was comfortable being on a first name basis with her patients. Niles wanted to say something about that, but decided against it. Daphne did look vulnerable at the moment, and he knew better than anyone that he couldn't help her with this. He couldn't act as a therapist for her. And this Gloria at least could be someone unbiased for Daphne to talk to.

Niles kissed Daphne again.

"Well, I'm glad you've got someone to speak to. I hope that talking to this Gloria is helpful for you."
"Thank you, Niles. I love you."
"I love you too."

They spent the rest of the afternoon together on the couch curled up in each other's arms, watching some movie Daphne put on. Glad that they were able to make up after their fight, Niles didn't really register what they were watching. He was hyper aware the whole time of how close he was to Daphne, of where their bodies made contact as they snuggled together on the couch. Niles still wanted Daphne desperately. He hoped that he could get things with Mel sorted out quickly. Niles still wanted to take Daphne on a romantic trip, wanted to take their relationship to the next level. That thought itself helped Niles with his decision to refuse to continue playing Mel's game.

Niles just didn't know how to tell Mel.