Illusion is Reality

-Chapter 187

I found the prisoners easily. "Khb, brx jxbv rn? L'p jrlqj wr vhqg brx krph, li brx nqrz wkh frruglqdwhv." I asked.

The three of them gasped when they saw me. No recognition of who or what I was, but there was something else in those expressions when they saw I wasn't human.

Hope.

"Bhv! Sohdvh! Rk wkdqn wkh juhdw prwkhu!" The F'neri almost sobbed.

It took a bit of questioning for me to figure out where everyone's home was. I sent them off, the best I could. I Blinked them away and home. The gratitude they gave me was… awkward. I waited until I could compose myself before it was fine to look through the rest of the facility. I was rather angry with the humans here. With what they did to innocent extraterrestrials. They were simply here on Earth by sheer coincidence, their ship ran out of fuel, or they got caught in a spontaneous wormhole that shot them out here. And the humans had concluded, after being unable to communicate, that they must have been scouts for some alien invasion.

Ugh.

Anyway, they were free and home now. I couldn't afford to worry about them anymore, too stressful. Instead, I focused on destroying everything here. I made my way through all the rooms, floors and even checked the training halls and shooting ranges. All the cameras malfunctioned as I went, all their footage lost. I watched the computers glitch into static, everything wiped entirely from the hard drives and servers and then fried for good measure. I picked up a pile of papers off an ornate desk and flipped through them absently, sitting on said desk. "Hm hm… yeah, they don't have much info. Nothing accurate at least. Most aliens coming to Earth are careful enough not to get caught. And this planet's out of the way enough to make it rare enough for anyone to visit anyway." I tossed the stack of papers away, letting them burn to ashes before they hit the ground.

It was too easy, wasn't it? I just put everyone to sleep and I was free to walk through this whole place as I pleased, no challenge. How disappointing. Ugh.

I know it's safer this way. No one gets hurt. But damn was it boring. I slid off the desk and walked over to what had to be the leader, if the fancy office and many guards slumped around the room was any indication. He was leaning bonelessly over his chair, snoring softly.

I leaned in close, watching the way his eyes twitched. Hmmm I think this one's dreaming about being chased through the halls by his own shadow, which had lifted off the ground and began stumbling towards him. I patted the guy's nose, have fun dude. I left the office to search around some more. Gotta say, being in a building so quiet was a little unnerving. But I stepped over the bodies and reassured myself that everyone was still here, I wasn't alone in the building. I was startled by the phone ringing from another room.

I picked it up without saying anything.

[Sir! There's a hostile– it's the one we discovered in Oregon–]

"Yup, that's me. Hostile from Oregon." I grinned. "I've already taken care of things here. Don't worry, no one's dead." I sneered as the man panicked. "You may have shot me, but these people haven't personally done anything to me, so I'm letting them off easy " I leaned against a nearby desk as I watched a woman whimper where she laid."They're all asleep. And I'm just about done with my rounds here. Say~" I drawled, "How much money in damages do you think I'm causing if I destroy all your systems? And stole all your guns?"

[You monster!]

"Dude, I wouldn't even be messing with you guys if you didn't fucking shoot me." I brushed my hair out of my eye. "This isn't what I planned to do today, y'know? I was hoping for a chillaxing day of hiking through the woods and chasing frogs." Maybe I'll take the kids to the lake tomorrow. Have I cleaned the lake yet? Note to self, ask about permission to purify the lake. I've already filtered out the toxic waste and shit that runs off the Northwest factories, but that didn't make the lake clean. Then again, the kids needed exposure to bacteria and pathogens to build up immunity so perhaps I'll let them experience normal (non-toxic) lake water.

[You say that, but you're enjoying this!]

"Sure I am. Who wouldn't enjoy freeing innocent prisoners and causing trouble for the 'bad guys' who wrongfully hurt them?" I flopped onto one of those wheelie chairs and spun around a little. "Though to be honest, I'm actually kinda bored. Taking over your facility wasn't as fun as I thought it would be." I had to confess. "Anyway, I'm just about done here. So I'm gonna head back and go watch anime or something." I hung up on his sputtering.

Before I could leave, one last thing…

Carl Carlson had a hard childhood. It happened when your parents thought they were being funny and oh so clever when naming you. But he made the best of it, vowing to gain power and respect so no one would ever tease him over his unfortunate moniker ever again. Eventually he found himself in more and more important positions, even placed in charge of a secret organization. (It had started as a pyramid scheme, a con, as it were. He never admitted it, but he actually didn't believe in aliens, this job was meant just as a way to boss around these crazy people who clearly watched too many movies growing up.) But Carl had built enough of a following, with some members who were literally part of the American government, that he was given the funding and authority of a real governmental agency. Technically off the books, he didn't have to report to the president, nor was he known by them. Just those members in the cabinet and other positions who 'believed' and supported him and his organization as their own secret 'army'. Because who didn't think it was useful to have their own military force that they could control without the president's knowledge?

Carl was content to lead his organization, and the hefty paycheck that came with it.

But when they actually found and killed a creature that couldn't possibly be of earthly origin, Carl was flabbergasted. Aliens were real? What else was real? Face huggers? Parasites that would lay eggs in your stomach?! A viceral fear gripped Carl that day, and he threw himself into his work harder than he ever had before, now with a terrified desperation. Or perhaps an obsessive frevor?

Anything that was not of earthly origin must be destroyed. Just in case. Because all it would take was one shapeshifting monstrocity who could assimilate a human and begin spreading through the planet. And Carl wouldn't allow that. He and his troops were the first line of defense against the horrors that awaited out there.

He had members who worked in the organization who were in charge of all paranormal and extraterrestrial investigations as official parts of the federal government. They were his spies, bringing him info that they couldn't find themselves.

Many years ago, something had been discovered in Oregon, and then…. Nothing. The entire investigation had just been dropped, with no explanation. With no records of anything to show for it. Even his own men had come back, confused but convinced that there was nothing strange about… what had they even been doing?

Which raised every paranoid flag in the book.

Something had happened in Oregon. Something big. And whatever it was, it had the power to alter memories.

Unfortunately he had no idea where in Oregon it happened. So he sent his agents out, and they spent years searching through all the major cities and towns. Finally, one of his employees brought up, "Hey, you know that scientist who created Plantimals? Like, isn't that super weird? How'd he even do that? Animal and plants can't just be mixed like that so easily, right? Maybe they're actually aliens."

And Carl had dismissed her observations at first, because scientist Stanford Pines was clearly exaggerating his Plantimals. Or perhaps the news headlines were. News couldn't be trusted, every paper had their own agendas. This was clearly a bid for attention for the sake of the 'Climate Crisis' (Carl snorted) using some animatronics or something. It was well known that Fiddleford McGucket, an extremely successful engineer, was Pines' business partner. Building lifelike robots would be child's play.

But then McGucket became president. Solving a global pandemic and winning the sheep over to his side. And then the man began cutting funding for all military persuits in exchange for (ugh) public education and healthcare. The man was clearly insane.

Worse, many of Carl's sponsors from the government were fired or demoted and he began to believe this was a deliberate attack on his organization. Clearly, there was something in Gravity Falls that was controlling people. Clearly, it was taking out Earth's defenses. Clearly, it was planning an invasion.

So he sent people to investigate.

And aside from some ridiculous talk of dragons (there had been reports of dragons for the last few years, insane ramblings from trash workers who were clearly not right in the head), and an Indian goddess (what even the fuck), there hadn't veen anything Carl thought could be the culprit.

But then the reports came in about a cyclops creature. Yes, that sounded more like an alien! Dragons weren't aliens, they were dinosaurs that humans thought were magical creatures. An Indian goddess? Ridiculous, only the Christian God was real! Don't bring savage religion to his desk again!

But a skinny creature with one huge eye, yellow skin and four fingers? Now we're talking! So Carl had assigned several teams to capture or kill the specimen. Preferably kill…

Carl startled, blinking blearily as his heart pounded. Ugh. Did he fall asleep? He shuddered, that was a horrid nightmare he just had. He sat up, rubbing his face and taking a deep breath before he lowered his hand and saw me lying on his desk, staring right at him.

He froze.

I waved, "Hi, I just finished going through your life's history, and I just gotta ask, you believe in aliens, but not dragons?"

Carl screamed, kicking himself back to roll his chair away from me. I winced at how high he reached. Damn dude had a set of vocals on him. Yeesh. "Dude," I moved to sit up.

"AauuAaaAAAHHHuuugHHHHHAAAAHH!" He continued screaming, backing himself until he hit the wall and then falling off his chair and scrambling along his carpet to the door.

"Uh, dude, please calm down–"

He flung the doors open smacking against a few of the men passed out on the ground, his guards, were they dead? Had the creature killed them all?!

"I haven't killed anyone– I just wanna talk!" I got off his desk and was walking slowly with my hands at my sides, trying very hard to be as unthreatening as I could.

"EEEEaaaauuuAaaHHahahahhh!" Carl continued screaming, stumbling over the unconscious bodies of his security guards and getting out into the hallway, calling for help.

I sighed, following him out of his office. "Can you at least stop screaming? It's very annoying."

My request was not answered. The guy was terrified.

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm not the type that lays eggs in stomachs?" I called out to him down the hallway. "Also, you're not my type." I added, in hopes that would help.

From the continued sounds of screaming and sobbing, I don't think it did.

I followed him through the halls, several flights of stairs, multiple floors, and eventually I caught up to him vomiting on the ground.

"Hey, do you wanna sit down? You don't look good." He really didn't. "Just catch your breath, ok?" I stood a few yards away, just being glad I didn't have a nose as William. Carl gasped desperately for air. He coughed, spitting out more bile. Ewww…

"Do you need some water? A chair?" I asked, unsure if I should feel bad for the guy. He was clearly not in good enough shape to have run that far. He continued gasping, whimpering and trying to put more distance between us. I sighed.

"Look dude, I'm just here to tell you to leave me alone. And also, in case you were worried, I haven't harmed any of your employees. They're just sleeping." I backed off a few steps before crouching down so I wasn't looming over him. I… dunno if he heard me. Well, I tried. I'm sick of being here. "Anyway, just leave me alone and I'll leave you alone, 'kay? Okay. Good talk. Bye dude." I waved before Blinking away and allowing everyone to wake up from their dreams. I left a note on his desk for when he calmed down and went back.

I reappeared back in Gravity Falls, mulling over the feelings inside me, trying to figure out what it meant. I was antsy and jittery and annoyed. I wanted to cause trouble. I wanted to make myself everyone's problem. I wanted to have fun to make up for the utter disappointment that was my 'attack' on the ECU base.

Sure, I destroyed all their data, weapons, computers and various stuff, which only barely scratched the itch for me. I groaned, rubbing my face. Fuck this stupid existence of mine. Is there any way I could satisfy this awfulness inside me without bothering anyone?

I blinked slowly.

I mean, there was the obvious. I sighed. Was it ok for me to do that?

"William!" I jumped as Ford rushed over to me. I leaned back as he began inspecting me all over. "Are you alright? You just– you hung up on me!" It looked like he had been waiting at the Shack for me to come back. (Xin hadn't returned, I went back to my Island to avoid the unicorns who'd followed me and begged me to help them get back in their Glade. Too annoying, I escaped to my Island and didn't let them in. I probably can't be out and about as Xin for a while, since the unicorns are definitely gonna try and find me. They know Ford's my partner, they would definitely come by the Shack to look for me. Luckily they don't recognize Yun and William as me, so I should be able to hide out this way.)

"Oh." I blinked slowly. "I took care of things, kinda? I sorta stopped caring halfway through."

Ford made a frustrated sound. "What. Did. You. Do."

"I scanned and then erased and destroyed everything on their computer systems, tracked down any scraps of data that were sent out of the facility, copied them and then destroyed the originals of those as well, traced even more data of any emails or such that they've sent out and away from the facility," I rambled off, "Also, I need to show some of these emails to Fiddleford, there are several members of the congress and other politicians who were secretly part of this…"

Ford just stared at me. "...what?"

"This goes pretty deep. I'd almost want to make an Illuminati joke, but these guys are nowhere near that powerful. Their only concern was extraterrestrial life and dissecting the dead aliens they managed to get hold of, because they were thinking they could learn something from it, not that they did." I continued rambling. "They mainly just spied on civilians and occasionally caught aliens. But they would present stuff to their sponsors to try and show that they were actually doing something with all that money…" I trailed off. "Anyway, I made copies so I could look through to see if they actually have anything important."

"If you destroyed their computers and deleted everything, doesn't that mean you don't have proof to convict them?" Ford stressed.

I gasped. "Fordsie! You logicked the issue! I'm so proud of you!"

"Don't try to distract me." He held my hands. "If all the evidence has been destroyed, how are you going to prove their crimes?"

"Oh I don't plan to." I tilted my head, "I don't need them arrested or anything. I just want them to give up and stop doing what they're doing."

"Destroying all their records and information won't stop them." Ford sighed.

"Not on its own." I agreed. "I asked their boss to leave me alone. I dunno if he understood me. So I might pay him another visit later. Either way, I know destroying their work won't stop them. But I also got rid of their weapons, supplies, and if things pan out as I predict, they'll lose their funding, which means they won't get paid to do this anymore. And generally humans need money to survive, so they'll have to do something else."

"But it won't stop them from being able to just come up and shoot you again."

"And I'll deal with that when it happens." I deadpanned. "They have a strict 'no harming humans' policy. I can survive whatever shit they throw at me, it's you all I'm worried about."

"But I'm worried about you!" He pulled me close, staring right into my eye, despite how much both of us didn't like prolonged eye contact. I looked away first.

"I know you're worried. And… I'll be careful."

Ford raised a hand from my hands to place on my cheek. "I just feel helpless to do anything to help you." He turned my head to face him again. "I want to protect you too, you know?"

"I know. And that makes me happy." But you don't have to. I didn't say. But he clearly heard it.

"Why do you keep pushing me away when I want to help?"

"Because I think it'd be a better use of your time and energy to worry about the kids' safety instead. They're the ones who need protecting." Not me.

"Then tell me what you would want me to do for you. What's something that I CAN do for you in these situations?"

I was going to dismiss him again, but his expression was just…

I'm hurting him, aren't I?

I squashed the immediate urge to leave so I wouldn't have to see it. It wouldn't be right to turn away and run when he's trying so hard to reach out to me. I know this. I know this.

"...be here for me to come back to." I finally said. "Be somewhere, someone, I can go to, can return to, after I'm done with my work."

"You just want me to wait for you?" His voice was soft, and I still couldn't meet his eyes.

"It's important to have someone waiting for me to come back." I leaned into his hand. "It's important for me to know there's someone who wants me to come back."

"So that you'll come back." Ford placed both hands on my face now. "Alright. I can do that." He leaned in. "Can I kiss you?"

If I had a heart, I'm sure it would flutter. As it was, I just felt warm. "...ok…" I closed my eye and felt Ford's lips brush against my cheek.

Ford knew I wasn't too big on kissing. But I allowed it because he discovered he liked kissing. Just like how Ford allowed me to touch him and caress him because I like it.

Still, Ford knew I wasn't too big on kisses around my mouth, so he started with my cheeks, and the space where a nose would be if I had one, and my chin, and the sides of my mouth…

His lips were a little dry, I could feel the sharp edge of the dry skin scrape across my skin.

I jolted a little.

More than the soft rubbing, sucking kisses, the harsh scratch was… quite pleasant. For the first time, I moved my own lips a little, rubbing myself against his. Ford paused a little, but his hands pulled my face closer. I made sure not to open my mouth, keeping my kiss lips only. I couldn't afford to open my mouth for fear of my teeth getting involved with Ford's throat so close. I moved my head against his hands, he lessened his hold on me so I could move as I wanted. I threw my hands over his shoulders and pulled myself up higher, closer, mashing my cheek against his lips and shuddering at the sharp, almost pain across my face.

Ford sputtered, one of his hands moving to my lower back and leaning his head back, "William? What the–" He paused. "Your cheek!"

I hummed in response, still feeling the light sting on my face. "Keep going…" I pulled myself towards him again but he held a hand on my chin and pushed me back a little.

"Did I scratch you?" Ford's brows furrowed. He moved his hand to his lips, feeling around. "Oh."

"It's fine, I liked it." I fluttered my eyelashes. "I'm not bleeding, you can keep going."

For a moment, Ford just stared, then he sighed. "Of course you'd like the way it hurts."

"Feels goooood~" I purred, trying to rub myself against his lips again. "How bad is the scratch? You can see it? Is it in a cool spot?"

"William–" Ford started to say before we're interrupted by a high pitched, "Oh my!"

We both turned to see a couple unicorns staring.

A bright pink unicorn let out a mortified gasp, "You're cheating on the dragon?!"

Ford went pale and then bright red in rapid succession. "No! William is– Xin knows! He's fine with–"

"We're in a group relationship." I grinned, floating so I could continue hanging off Ford's neck and shoulders comfortably. "We all sat down and agreed to share Fordsie." I pet his fluffy hair as Ford sputtered some more.

The unicorns looked skeptical. "Why on Earth would– what's so great about that human, that you'd even want to share him?!"

"For one thing, he's got a huuuuge di–" Ford covered my mouth. "William!"

The unicorns now looked contemplative, which made Ford sputter even worse.

"Regardless, can you help us? We wish to speak with sir Xin. But he refuses to let us into his Island."

"Uhhh not really my problem. Now kindly leave me to my sexy times with my boyfriend." I made a shoo'ing motion. Ford turned to me, "What did you do?" He deadpanned.

I gasped, placing a hand on my chest. "Moi? I have done nothing to them, how dare you even suggest!?" I continued to complain dramatically until Ford snorted and ruffled my hair, "Ack!"

"One of our herd made a Deal with sir Xin, we… hadn't been aware of the full wording of said Deal, and now we can't… go home."

I could feel Ford's stare. I shrugged, "Still not my problem."

"Please, can you at least ask sir Xin if he could… talk to Elizabethabellethabeth and get her to… can you get him to talk to her?"

I rolled my eye. "Well, from what I know of what Deal went down, miss Elizabethabellethabeth is the one in charge of the Glade now because she paid for said Deal, so whether or not she chooses to let any of you in is her decision alone. Not Xin's problem, and not mine either." I paused, "Nor is it Fordsie's." I added, just in case they tried to get him to somehow convince me to go and talk to a mostly bald and vindictive unicorn. Hell no. I ain't touching that with a thirty nine and a half foot pole.

"B-but– where will we go? Please help us. We… we can give you our hair– a little bit of our hair!"

I couldn't stop myself, "Should have offered that earlier when Liz begged you all to help her." I waved my hand, activating my OWN protections and security around the Shack and pushing the unicorns off the yard and back into the forest. "Maybe go and offer her your hair and see if you can appease her." I didn't want to deal with this. I was having a great make out session with my boyfriend and fuck them all for interupting us!

"...William…"

"They're facing the consequences of their own cruelty, I'm not gonna help them overcome it. They need to do that themselves." I hissed.

Ford sighed. "Want to talk about it? Inside? So we aren't… um…" He flushed, "...out here where anyone could see us…"

I giggled and nuzzled against his chin and neck. "What if I like having an audience~?"

"I don't." Ford pouted at me, which just made me laugh harder. He rolled his eyes and went back inside the Shack carrying me. I stroked my fingers through his hair, "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" I huffed. Much as I enjoyed our sweet debauchery, I did have to be the one to worry about his stuff. Maybe that's too micro-managey of me?

"I left early for an emergency." Ford took his shoes off and left them on the rack I made for them. "I want a full brief on what happened today."

"Uwu~"

"You can't uwu your way out of this one. You were shot, you retaliated, and apparently made a Deal with some unicorns?"

"The unicorn approached me for it, I didn't initiate." I said first as Ford got to his bedroom. Could it be ours someday? I shouldn't dream.

"Well, you're not going to help them? You usually jump at the chance to do stuff for other people." Ford took off his jacket and I let go to float beside him as he got changed into his indoor clothes. After admiring the view for a bit, I took this time to change out of my suit and into some casual around the house clothes too, a large shirt that hung long and loose on my frame, and nothing else except my underwear.

Ford looked up from pulling on an at-home turtleneck and just stared. Finally, he found his voice, "Are you wearing my shirt?" His ears were red, how cute.

I grinned and flapped my arms, "It's comfy~" I floated over to kiss his nose.

Ford cleared his throat. "Isn't it 'dirty' since-nevermind, you cleaned it the moment you touched it." He rolled his eyes in what I'm hoping is just fond exasperation. It better be!

"I wanna be comfy as you continue to ravish me~" I floated lower to hang off his neck again. Ford walked over to his bed and sat down, "Tell me what happened first, then we can go back to the kissing and touching."

I wasn't gonna be able to charm my way out of this one, huh?

"So~ I went to the ECU base, put everyone there to sleep inside a shared nightmare, went through their systems to copy and destroy stuff, freed some prisoners and sent them back to their own planets, tried to talk to their CEO but he was too scared of me to listen…" I listed off the basics. "Destroyed so many things that'll cost them money to replace and I'm just hoping the sheer inconvenience and financial costs would make them give up on messing with me." I added, "Since the CEO didn't talk to me, I left them a note saying to leave me alone or I'll cause them more trouble."

Ford nodded slowly. "But you haven't killed anyone?"

"Nope." I tried not to bristle. Even if I was allowed to, I wouldn't have killed them all. Hmph! If I was allowed to do what I wanted, I would have turned them into turtles and dropped them off at the local reptile rescue. Transforming people was the best solution to all my problems! But… I don't think I'm allowed to do that anymore unless they attack me first. And even then, wasn't there something about consent to use magic on people? Then again, I kinda just… do it. Ugh. But how the fuck do I ask an enemy for consent to use magic on them? They're not gonna agree to it! So what, just back to square one, roll over and let people attack me with no consequence?!

"You're upset about something." Ford lifted me by my hips and sat me down straddling him. He laid back against his pillows, "Is it because I asked about you killing people or?"

"Eh, it's not a big deal. Just… kinda frustrated. About lots of things."

Ford rubbed his hands along the tops of my thighs. "If you had killed someone while you were attacking their organization, I wouldn't mind."

I stilled.

"Don't say things like that." I told him.

"I'm serious. I talked to the man who shot you. He's… incredibly close minded. He doesn't even see non-humans as people deserving of basic decency or rights. If this is the type of people that organization employs–"

"They're just scared of threats to the Earth." I don't know why I was defending them, they weren't people who would be nice to me or anything non-human. But they weren't Evil. They liked humans, they wanted to protect humans.

"If they were so concerned with threats to the Earth, they would have used their energy and resources to fix the climate instead of killing people." Ford deadpanned. "The Earth is in more danger from pollution than invasion." He left his hands on my legs, rubbing his thumbs across my skin. "They just want to hurt people so they can feel superior."

"Most people do, in my experience." I shrugged. "Many people like feeling higher than others. Most people aren't even malicious about it." I trailed my fingers along Ford's chest, stroking his curly chest hair. "You always liked getting better grades than everyone else. And I like knowing more things than everyone else. I have a bad habit of assuming I'm the smartest in the room."

"..." Ford sighed, "You're trying to shift the topic away."

"I just don't want you giving me your approval to kill people. You shouldn't do that. Because I'll take it." I warned him. "I'll kill people. So many people." I leaned down, "And then you'll feel bad and blame yourself for giving me the permission to do so. And I don't want you to be hurt like that."

"So you did want to kill them." Ford said instead of responding to my warning. I gave him a pained, tight grin.

"I always want to kill people." I confessed. "Life would be so much easier if I could just get rid of everyone I didn't like. Though, I will admit, given the choice, I'd rather just turn people into small animals than outright kill them." My smile turned sharp, "Because then I can just say I don't have their deaths on my conscience, and I've gotten rid of them being a bother to me and my plans."

"And what are these plans?" Ford wasn't shoving me away, or berating me for being evil right now. For some reason that annoyed me. Look at me Ford! I've pretty much admitted to what a horrible person I am! Why aren't you telling me I can't do things like this?!

"I just want the world to stop being so upsetting." I finally put it in words. "I just want to be able to go through life without having to constantly distract myself from everything that upsets me, just so I wouldn't be wanting so hard to just die to get away from it all!" I gripped his shoulders. "I just want existence to stop being a fucking shitshow where everything always hurts and everyone's always suffering and people refuse to just get over themselves and get along!"

Power? Wealth? Social status? Why the fuck were people always so hung up on that? I could just give everyone whatever they wanted, but they'd still find some way to hurt others. Why? Why?

"Why do people always have to be mean to each other?! Why can't those fucking unicorns just fucking help a friend who's crying and begging for help?! Why do they have to make it MY problem?! Why am I the bad guy for being bound to my own Deal? They're the ones who refused to help her!" My vision blurred as something inside me broke down.

"Why do people keep hurting people? Why does rape have to exist? Why do people keep killing children? Why does everyone hate me? Why do people keep trying to take rights away from others? Why do people have to die? Why is it wrong for ME to try and help?!" I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't even see anymore through the tears. "I don't– understand–" I choked on a sob, "It's so stupid! It doesn't make any fucking sense!"

I was dumping this all on Ford. I know I shouldn't. It's bad to force him to listen to all this shit. But I couldn't stop.

"I keep trying to understand but I just can't and–" I rubbed at my eye but the tears kept coming and they wouldn't stop.

"I don't un-understand why –Shapes have to be treated worse just 'cause of their sides– I don't understand w-why they had to be so mean to me– I don-don't u-un-unde–" I couldn't even speak anymore. I just cried and cried.

I could feel Ford pulling me down against his chest. I was getting his chest hair all wet, but I couldn't stop. So I just kept crying and rubbing my face on him to wipe the tears off.

I always tried to rationalize it. Always. Because there had to be a reason for why people did the things they did. Shapes were split by shape for jobs because some were better built for it. That was why triangles were labor workers. But… why were they limited to only labor work? Why can't they also do other jobs if they wanted? I understood that other shapes couldn't physically do labor because they'd break, but why did that mean triangles couldn't be allowed to do anything else? Why were squares merchants? Why were people limited on what jobs they could have depending on their shape? It couldn't be an intelligence thing. Will was so clever and he learned so quickly. If the triangles I met weren't intelligent, it wasn't because they were stupid, they simply weren't educated. But they were still limited. Why? I just couldn't understand, even when I tried to rationalize it. Ultimately it just became a, 'That's just how the world works and there's nothing to be done' sort of thing.

I understood why the Federation began. I understood the reasons for what they did and why. But my understanding seemed to corrode over the years. Or perhaps it's because the Federation itself lost sight of what it was for. Back in times of danger and chaos, they banded together with the goal of helping each other. But when the multiverse began building order and rules to protect everyone, they began to hurt people. It wasn't about protecting people because they cared for anyone's safety and survival anymore. It was spreading their version of what they saw as 'correct' and if anyone they met had a different idea of 'correct' they would fight. What began as a way to help people had become an excuse to hurt people.

What a paradox. What insanity.

And wasn't I the same? I also wanted things to be my version of 'correct' and I would hurt and kill people for the sake of my own selfish ideas. But everyone else did it. This is just how the world worked. I'm just as awful as everyone else. Except I'm worse, because I have more power than anyone else, so everything I did would be much more terrible.

Great power. Great responsibility.

And what the fuck was I supposed to do? I found people who I could ask. They were supposed to be my moral compass for me. Because I couldn't trust my own judgment.

But Queen suggested I just kill people. Pyronica does too, but she's Pyronica. Wanda and Tina don't want me killing anyone, because they're normal people. But goddammit Ford, you can't go agreeing with Pyronica about killing people! I'm getting mixed messages. Is killing ok or not?!

Ford ran his hand through my hair as my sobbing slowly subsided.

I laid there for a while, feeling the cool touch of Ford's body. Finally, I spoke up, "Sorry for using you as my emotion dump."

"Any reason why you don't use your therapist for that?" Ford asked instead of just accepting my apology.

"Miss Linda's compromised by me. I'm ruining her. I don't think she can handle it. She can't make herself care less, and it's affecting her judgment."

Ford did a double take. "What?"

"I've managed to talk miss Linda into doing things she normally wouldn't, and knew better that she shouldn't. I'm not good for her." She wanted to help me, even if that meant going against what she knew were others' boundaries. Not really a surprise considering she threw out patient confidentiality just so she could sleep with Lucifer… it was something she was prone to. And I guess hanging out with Lucifer made her even worse, a terrible influence, demons like us.

Ford deadpanned, "So you're not telling your therapist about the things that really bother you because you think you're not good for her?"

I huffed, nuzzling into Ford's chest again. "I'm not good for you either."

Ford snorted, "Well I'm quite the unhealthy guy, and I like you regardless."

"By all rights, you shouldn't." I wasn't sure if I was joking or not right now. But Ford seemed to get that I wanted to make fun right now since he responded with, "Too bad, you're stuck with me."

Any witty response I would have given was interrupted when I shrieked, "EeEEEaaaHHH!" And jerked, headbutting Ford in the chest. ("Ooof!")

I rolled off his lap and rubbed the back of my neck. "Did you just fucking TICKLE me?!" I tried to ignore how my voice warbled.

Ford gasped, placing a hand on his chest. "What? Me? Tickling you? How could you EVEN think that~?"

I narrowed my eye at him. He fluttered his eyelashes at me with his Princess Unatainabelle face. I raised my hands while glaring unblinkingly at him. And I plunged my hands into his armpits.

Ford let out a scream and jumped, dislodging me from his lap and sending me tumbling across the bed.

"Payback BITCH!" I cheered even as I fell off the bed. Ow.

Ford rubbed his armpits, "That almost hurt."

"It's what you get!" I stuck my tongue out.

I waited for his response, but Ford's eyes had gone wide and he was staring at something… behind me? I glanced back and blinked.

Long black tendrils swayed slowly. My gaze followed their length down to where they originated from; under my shirt. Oh. D-did I just sprout tentacles?! Wait, no, those were just my tongues. Phew, I was worried for a moment there. I pulled up my (Ford's) shirt and saw that my 2nd muth was indeed open. The bricks along my chest had slid open and my tongues had slithered out.

"...Can I touch them?" Ford asked, making me whip my head over.

"No, you've already touched them before." I pulled the shirt back down.

"But I didn't get to study them." He whined. Well, yeah. I didn't let you handle them too long because you could have gotten yourself eaten! What kind of idiot comes that close to my 2nd mouth?!

"Too dangerous." I said, instead of the multitude of things I wanted to scold him for. Like dating a Siren. Or getting suckered by his lab specimens. Ford was way too reckless!

"Aww please~? What if I'm super careful?" Ford flopped his way over to the edge of the bed where I was. He gave me the cutest looked, batting his eyelashes. Dammit! Stop looking so cute! You stupid owl!

I clutched my tongues and huffed. "...ground rules, no getting close to my 2nd mouth." It was hidden under Ford's shirt, I'm hoping that's enough to keep him away from it. "Dunno why you're so into studying my tongues anyway."

Ford's face turned red. I stared, what? He coughed into his fist, clearing his throat. "Well, I… enjoy the way they feel and…" Wait. WAIT.

"You like them." I gasped. That was definitely a faint hint of Lust coming from him. Ford didn't deny it, though he did clear his throat again. "Well, I admit I find them pleasant to touch and–"

"And you're a monster fucker, is what it is." I shouldn't be surprised. Why else would Ford have been interested in me? I didn't know how to feel about it. I mean, I'm glad that there's FINALLY something about me that he finds physically attractive in a way that actually excites him. I know I liked how Ford wasn't interested in sex, but I also still wanted to be sexually attractive to him, ok? I know it's stupid, and contradictory, but that's just how I feel!

I just wanna feel attractive. I wanted to feel wanted. And dammit, I may be ace, but I'm a horny son of a bitch and I want debauchery!

"It's not– I don't want to fuck– wait, how would that even work?" Ford stopped his denial to look contemplative.

(((((((((*(((((((((((((((Lewdness warning))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I slowly relaxed, keeping my tongues behind me. "Well, there are many ways. I could wrap my tongue around your dick and slurp you. I could stick my tongue up your ass. I could stick my tongue down your throat." I listed off.

Ford gasped, turning redder and redder as I continued to list off things that could be done with tentacles– which my tongues essentially were. To be honest, I never actually thought about it that way before, I never used my tongues while masturbating as William after all. Maybe I should, it sounded interesting. Goddamn, how long has it been since I masturbated? I wasn't horny enough right now, though if Ford starts kissing me again, I might– pp"And I could wrap them around your arms and legs and hold you restrained while I had my naughty way with you…"

"Do you want to have your naughty way with me?" Ford interrupted. "Have you ever thought about hentai'ing me?"

"Oh, all the time dude." I blinked. "I would never actually do it in real life, but I love fantasizing about fucking you." Because the thought of it was pretty hot. And I could do all sorts of things in my imagination, without anyone getting hurt or uncomfortable by it all. "Or you fucking me. Like, I've never actually done it, so I don't know what it actually feels like, but I can fantasize about it."

Ford was still bright red, but he was slowly turning back to normal. Less embarrassed once he knew how I also fantasized about him. Well, he was still embarrassed to know that I fantasized about him, but like, in a different way.

I carefully got up, floating back onto the bed. Ford scooched back to lean against the headboards as I moved to lean against a puffed up part of the blankets at the foot of the bed. "I wouldn't want to actually do it, but I have fantasized about having you stick your dick up my ass. Trying to imagine how wonderful it would feel." I cackled, "Mind you, I'm sure in real life it wouldn't actually feel all that great. But hey, I'm just imagining stuff for my own pleasure."

Seemingly spurred on by my words, Ford gained the confidence to say, "Sometimes I fantasize about kissing you. A-about the really deep kisses." He rubbed his neck, "With all the tongue and stuff." He glanced over at me, as if checking for my reaction. When I wasn't disgusted with it, he continued, "Or about having you lick and suck on my fingers."

"I wouldn't mind doing that in real life, but there's a chance I might bite off your fingers." I deadpanned. "Which is also why I'm not gonna ever suck your dick in real life."

Ford pressed his legs together, "Noted."

(((((((((((((((((((((((Ok these horny bitches are done)))))))))))))))

"We're really a pair of idiots, aren't we?" I laughed. "We like imagining all the sexy stuff we'd like to do to each other more than actually doing it!"

"I don't see what's wrong with that." Ford noted. "If you're unable to control your bite reflex, this might actually be the safest thing to do, in fact."

"Hmmm…" I kneaded the blankets in front of me. Then I slowly scooted over to sit besides Ford, my tongues moving to lay in my lap. "I suppose you're right." I could see him eyeing my tongues.

"If you do not go anywhere near my mouths, I'll let you touch my tongues to your horny heart's content."

Ford flushed. "Um… yeah. That would be nice." He paused. "There… is another part of you I would like to study."

"Y-yeah?" I was quite warm right now.

Ford leaned over, brushing my hair out of my face. "Your… your Eye. I… er… I wanna know how it works."

I blinked. Eh?!