JENNIE
The moment Karen leaves to take Jisoo to the airport, I instantly feel it. I feel the loneliness creeping in, but I have to ignore it. I have to. I'm fine by myself. I walk downstairs to the kitchen after my stomach's refusal to stop growling reminds me how hungry I am.
Marco is leaning against the kitchen counter, tearing back the foil wrapper on a light blue frosted cupcake. "Hey, Jennie." He smiles, taking a small bite. "Grab one."
My grandmother used to tell me that cupcakes are food for the soul. If I need anything, it's something for my soul.
"Thank you." I smile before licking a stripe across the top. "Don't thank me, thank Karen."
"I will." This cupcake tastes incredible. Maybe it's because I've barely eaten in the last nine days, or maybe it's because cupcakes truly are good for the soul. Regardless of the reason, I finish it in less than two minutes.
After the glow of the treat washes away, I can feel that the pain is still present, steady as my heartbeat. But it's no longer overwhelming me, no longer pulling me under.
Marco surprises me by saying, "It'll get easier, and you'll find someone who is capable of loving another person besides themselves."
My stomach churns from his sudden subject change. I don't want to backtrack, I want to move forward.
"I treated Lisa's mum terribly. I know I did. I would leave for days at a time, I would lie, I would drink until I couldn't see straight. If it weren't for Christian, I don't know how Chit and Lisa would ever have made it through . . ."
With his words, I remember my anger toward Marco when I heard about the origin of Lisa's nightmares. I remember wanting to slap him right across his face for ever letting anything hurt his daughter in that way, so when he says this, it stirs my stored anger. I ball my fists.
"I will never be able to take any of that back, no matter how hard I wish that I could. I wasn't good for her and I knew it. She was too good for me and I knew that, too. So did everyone else. Now she has Mike, who I know will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. There's a Mike for you, too, I know it," he says, looking at me in a fatherly way. "My daughter hopefully will be lucky enough to find her Karen later in life when she grows up and stops fighting everything and everyone along the way."
At the mention of Lisa with "her Karen," I swallow and look away. I don't want to imagine Lisa with anyone else. It's way too soon. I do wish that for her, though; I would never wish for her to be alone for the rest of her life. I just hope she finds someone who she loves as much as Marco loves Karen so that she can have a second chance to love someone more than she loved me.
"I hope she does, too," I finally say.
"I'm sorry that she hasn't contacted you," Marco says quietly. "It's okay . . . I stopped expecting it a few days ago."
"Anyway," he says with a sigh, "I better get upstairs to my office. I have some phone calls to make."
I'm glad he's excusing himself before we get any deeper into the conversation. I don't want to talk about Lisa anymore.
WHEN I PULL UP in front of Rosé's apartment building, she's waiting outside with a cigarette behind her ear.
"You smoke?" I ask and crinkle my nose.
She seems puzzled as she climbs into my small car. "Oh, yeah. Well, sometimes. And you saw me smoke that night at the frat house, remember?" She pulls the cigarette from behind her ear and smiles. "I found this one in my room."
I laugh a little. "Yeah, after the beer pong and Lisa yelling at us that night, I guess the smoking thing slipped my mind." I give her a smile but then realize something. "But wait, so not only do you plan to smoke, you plan to smoke an old cigarette?"
"I guess so. You don't like cigarettes?"
"No, not at all. But hey, if you want to smoke, you can. Well, not in my car, obviously," I say.
Her fingers move to the door, and she presses one of the small buttons.
When the window is half down, she tosses the cigarette out the window. "Then I won't smoke." She smiles and rolls it back up.
As much as I despise the habit, I have to admit there was something about the way she looked with her hair styled neatly, her dark sunglasses, and her leather jacket that made that cigarette look stylish.