Entry 4:

Instead of getting out of bed I curled back underneath the covers and snored most of the day away . Thankfully my sleep was not spent suffering through nightmares of the winged monster. My rest was spent in a black void . A very boring place but a safe one .

At around one, I kicked the covers off me and decided to change out of my school uniform . The thoroughly wrinkled fabric was stained in black ink . I changed quickly into a sweater and plain black leggings.

Then I waded up the stained uniform before shoving it into a mostly empty waste basket .

To be honest I have little interest in going back to school . I wonder if Light would care enough to force me to finish the last few days left in our shared highschool life .

" He will not suffer having a failure by his side ," I muttered underneath my breath while letting my fingertips trail over book spines . Lights shelves were filled with textbooks of all sorts and hardly any fictional novels. The boy truly was a nerd .

My fingers collected only the faintest hint of dust in the midst of brushing along the shelves. He would definitely have a heart attack at the state of my home .

A little giggle drifted from my lips right before my fingers reached the end of one of the lower shelves. Dust was soon caked along my palm and underneath my nail beds .

Why had Mr. Clean Freak suddenly became neglectful with the dusting ?

I pulled out the dusty book to find that it was a hollow cover box holding a few magazines instead of a novel . A nearly completely nude woman stared up at me from the glossy cover .

She was rather pretty but her looks paled in comparison to the layers of dust clinging to the magazine . These magazines have not been touched in ages.

Sometimes I wonder if Light is really gay or at the very least Bisexual. It has been years since the boy has shown any interest in any female … why the fuck am I writing about this .

Light did kiss me in the past so there is that .

Sometimes I really want to slap myself to hell .

Akira you're an idiot .

Idiot . Idiot. Idiot . Idiot .

Idiot.

Idiot .

Stupid stupid idiot !

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Entry 5 :

It's amazing what a few strokes from a makeup brush covered in powder can conceal. The bruises born from Lights slap no longer catch the attention of my eyes while they stare into a mirror.

It is a pleasing sight that has my gut twisting itself into knots.

It really only took a day to break the promise about not using makeup to hide bruises like some abused housewife.

The brush hit the bathroom countertop with a loud bang. My hand swatted the makeup pallet off onto the floor where the shadows were smashed into fine powder . The powder was like a pile of sweeped up dirt that had been rotting along the tiles for years.

I wonder what Mrs.Yagami would say about that mess ?

Would she brush it off with a simple shake of her head or would she blame Sayu .

My mom would have blamed me and would have attempted to slap me . But due to her addiction to alcohol and other substances she would have ended slapping the ground with her own face .

What a pathetic woman .

Now I sit at Lights desk waiting for him to come home.

I searched every corner of this room for that fucking notebook. Underneath the bed , inside pillowcases, closet and drawers etc.

I found nothing.

In all honesty I hate being alone . A quiet house is too easy to fill with the phantoms of your regrets and fears .

Oh , I hear the front door opening.

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Entry 6:

" Your brother is looking for you ," Light said upon dropping his bag next to the bedroom door.

" Like I care ," I snapped before making myself busy with the act of spinning around in a desk chair. My eyes lingered on the plain ceiling until the dizziness caused dark splotches to take over my sight .

In truth that was not what really stopped me from spinning around in that chair . Light slammed his hand on top of the back of the chair to force it to still .

" He told me your mother died of a heart attack ,"He said ,the breath forming those words striking my cheek like a punch .

My lips were cracked open by a rumble traveling up from my chest .

I was laughing until my ribs started to ache .

I was laughing until my ass managed to tumble out of the chair.

I was laughing even when Light dragged me up by my hair .

My scalp was burning from all the follicles being yanked out from their roots . But a smile still graced my face . I was so fucking happy.

Light was snarling about his displeasure when my lips attacked his . My arms wrapped his neck like some starved python .

His nails clawed at my scalp upon having my teeth nibble on his bottom lip . The metallic taste lingering on my tongue seems to reveal that I had managed to draw blood .

Oopsies .

My lips retreated away from his after a minute. They were quick to follow and his hands that laid along the back of my head attempted to hold me still .

I was quick to form a fist and send it flying . It soared right into his face with a nice slap and a groan of pain .

Light went down and I scrambled to scoop up his book bag and my diary from the desk .

Then I was rushing out of his bedroom with the door slamming shut behind me .

Somehow I made it outside without being tackled or hit by a thrown object .

Lights shouts followed me down the streets for quite a few blocks . His shadow nearly bleeds into mine for a good part of the chase.

By the time I am leaning against a building wall of an alleyway my feet are burning. My shoes were back at the house .

Now the bare soles are red and scrapped . Lightly bleeding and threatening to form annoying blisters .

Great .

In the book bag I unsurprisingly discovered the death note . Flipping through its pages reveals a fragment of paper still clinging to the lining towards the back of the notebook.

Someone had ripped out a page .

I wonder if my drunk self has managed to slip out from the covers as Light snored away . Retrieve the book and write down my mother's name.

I wonder if drunk me attempted to hide this by throwing a crumpled up page into Lights wastebasket.

Maybe I ate the damning piece of notebook paper. My actions are often strange when alcohol has been involved .

It's so awfully funny but my heart feels like it's about to be thrown up .

My mother's dead and it would be all too easy to write down my brother's name .