Disclaimer: Ownership is a very touchy subject among copy rightists…for who are we to say if anyone truly owns anything? An idea is shared by many…stories, songs, great sagas are all shared and better spread around, unsure of it's origins…in the case of Marvel characters, I am using their character concepts…a concept is an idea, guidelines…so how can anyone own it? *receives insta-subpoena* Darn…okay, Marvel owns yadda yadda.

Author's note: I did not receive suggestions for what the plan should be…so I created my own. I am still taking suggestions for what Bobby should do at the wedding!

Best Laid Plans

Puppets

"Why do ah have to check?"

"Chere be almost ind'structable…an all Remy's cousins hidin in de danger room…"

          Rogue crossed her arms over her chest and glared "It's just Bobby!"

          "Non, tis Bobby, free of restraint an sugarless…he want te kill us all"

          "Then why don't we simply get Jean to scan for…"

          "Non, Jean not listen te us after dat incident…she an Scott happily lost in each o'ter"

          "Ah still don't see why ah have to go…"

          "She has a point Remy…" Ororo's smooth voice cut in "Does not the dashing hero always go out fearlessly seeking adventure?"

          Rogue smirked as Remy gaped, then made up his mind "Remy go wit"

          "Mah hero"

*   *   *   *   *

          A few hours later found Rogue and Remy both plastered to Hank's door listening to the insane chuckling coming from within…puzzlement and slight fear raced across their features, then they shrugged. "Sounds like tha boys are havin fun…"

          "Remy wonder what de be doin…"

          "Why don't ya go in an check swamp rat?"

          Remy looked at Rogue, long and hard, artful tears making the crimson fire of his eyes swim with a heart melting effect "Chere don want t' marry Remy?"

          "A course ah'm marryin you!"

          "Then why Chere ask Remy t' go in der an die?"

          Rogue threw her hands up in the air, exasperated "Fine, we'll go tell everyone that the coast is clear…and post a guard on this door…"

          "Remy like dat idea better"

*   *   *   *   *

          The first guard shift of Storm and Cannonball went fine…

          The next, two cousins, went fine as well…

          The third…

          The fourth…

          Three days passed, with no appearance of either Hank or Bobby. The insane chuckling continued at odd intervals, spooking the guests, but otherwise, the week was slowly dribbling away.

          Two days to the wedding…and they emerged.

          Rogue and Remy snapped to alertness as eth door creaked open and Bobby stuck his head out "Hello Rogue…" a slow evil smile spread across his face and he pointed a large metal rod at her.

          Rogue eyed the contraption and looked at Remy as if to say "What tha hell?" she smiled at the obviously demented man and raised her hands "Hey there shugah…"

          Bobby completely ignored Remy, seeing only the southern belle "My twinkies are missing Rogue…you are going to help me find them…" he pushed a little blue button and the rod hummed, shooting a small beam at Rogue.

          Remy had had enough. With a flick of his wrist his staff was a millimeter from Bobby's eye "Gambit no like hittin the obviously ill, but he make an exception for you…" To his immense annoyance, Bobby ignored him, and soon well known, slim arms wrapped around him from behind and tightening with iron strength.

          Rogue lifted the surprised Cajun off his feet and tossed him down the hall, a small spot on her chest glowing from the beam. Bobby laughed "It worked! Now, Rogue, did you touch my twinkies?"

          "No"

          "Do you know who did?"

          "Yes"

          Bobby danced around in glee for a moment, and then swayed dizzily "Man, how long were we in there?"

          "Three days"

          Down the hall, Remy was standing up, eyes smoking and leaving light trails as he moved "What you done to ma petite?" he growled, staff held loosely in his hand. His trench began to rise and float on heat waves as Gambit's power began to charge dust motes around him.

          Seeing this picture of infernal wrath, Bobby did the only thing he could think of…he hid behind Rogue. Rogue's face was a study of confusion as she watched Remy approach. She tried to fight the odd restraints on her mind and muscles…and failed. Behind her, Bobby chuckled "Rogue…stop him, he's annoying."

          "Gambit show you annoyin…" A few moments later, a large explosion rocked the hallway.

          Hank opened his door, curious, to see Gambit, now lolling unconscious in Rogue's arms and Bobby…on the far end of the hall, shirt singed and holding the remains of the twinkie detector. "Oh my…"

          He swallowed as Rogue glared at him "Just what was that Hank?"

          "That was the twinkie detector, it was keyed to sense the unique chemical coding of twinkies and sound an alarm…"

          Rogue stood, Remy in her arms and nodded at Bobby "He used it te control me Hank…like a puppet. Ah didn't like it an neither did Remy."

          Hank blinked "It wasn't supposed to do that…" he shuffled over to the smoldering remains of the confection finder and retreated into his lab with it, leaving Bobby in the hall.

*   *   *   *   *

          Logan looked down at Remy, laying on the cot in Medlab. "Seems we've in here more during the wedding planning than any other time huh gumbo?"

          Remy winced and closed his eyes "Not so loud, Remy's head be exploding…"

          Jubilee bounced onto the edge of his bed "I'm like, so sorry Remy! I didn't realize this would happen…I just wanted to wrap it and put the card with it…Wolvy forgot to do that before he gave them to Bobby…"

          "Remy kill you both when he can stand…"

          "Ah, you're just saying that…you wouldn't hurt us before the wedding…"

          "Non, Gambit would. Get you b'fore you breed…"

          Jubilee pouted "Fine, be that way." She picked up a pillow "Too bad, you and Rogue were a cute couple…"

          Remy cracked an eye open "Petite…put down de pillow…"

          Not only did the valley girl keep advancing, but Logan held Remy's shoulders down "You threatening us still Cajun?"

          "Non!!!!"

          "Good, then we'll see you later okay?" Jubilee put the pillow down and walked out, Logan following behind.

*   *   *   *   *

          Bobby blinked his eyes open and groaned. The last thing he remembered was…was…a bunch of guests on the doorstep…

          He sat up and tried to decipher exactly why his clothing was charred and large black scorch marks covered the hallway.

          When no clue decided to surface, he made his limping way to his bedroom…swinging open the door, he saw a neat package and a card sitting in the exact center of his bed.

          Curious he opened the card…it showed a black and white ferret bouncing on the front, a large smile on it's face…

          …I just want to say Thanks!!! Oooo…shiny!!!!

          The inside showed a cute grey and white bunny…with a switchblade.

          …Time to die Nerd Boy!

 

          Beneath that was Jubilee's distinctive scrawl…

          …Saying thanks Bobster! I would have really sucked to be catatonic through my own wedding! I owe you one! Oh, word of warning…you mess up my wedding with a prank and I'll kill you.

          Love and stuff

          Jubes.

          "Okay…that's slightly disturbing…" he dropped the card and ripped open the package, face filling with delight "Twinkies!!!!! And they're all mine!!!!"

*   *   *   *   *  

          Remy found Rogue sitting in the recreation room…alone…curled on the couch and watching a movie. He sat on the back of the couch and slid his fingers into her hair "Remy's cousins all be leavin chere alone?"

          Rogue rolled onto her side and arched her back under his hand like an immense cat "Ah haven't seen your cousins for two days…"

          Remy grinned "Oh, Remy sure they bein polite an givin us some privacy non?"

          "Your cousins? Polite? Ha!"

*   *   *   *   *

          Ororo grinned at the circle of men…it was quite a sight. With simple skill she shuffled the deck of cards she was using, the elegant hands bridging the deck easily and dealing with a sparkling eye.

          The men groaned.

          "Chere have no mercy…"

          "Chere have no shame!"

          "What we going te wear te de weddin?"

          Ororo raked her winnings in and smiled, a single strand of ivory hair falling across her eyes…the cousins all caught their breathe for a moment as her delicate shoulder rose in a shrug "You will wear what you can find I would assume…" with that she rose gracefully to her feet, carrying the basket of clothes with her…and leaving several heart-struck, speechless, naked thieves behind.

          In the hall she listened for a moment as the men she had just left broke out in sobs or screamed, depending on their nature. She slipped the cards back into her pocket. "Still got it"

          She handed the basket to a very startled Jean-Luc and smiled "I told you I could beat your little pups…"

          The eminent, honorable, stoic leader laughed "So you did…so you did. As agreed, here are your winnings" he drew a large silver necklace out of his sleeve, the band meant to fit snug to the neck while several silver chains depended from it in a fan of glittering metal. In the exact center, a lightening bolt was etched.

          Jean-Luc bowed over her hand, kissing it lightly "T'anks for teachin the pups some humility…Jean_Luc say you keeping de clothes fer anot'er day…" his eyes sparkled with mischief.

          Laughing, Storm clasped the necklace on "It shall keep things peaceful for another day at least…"

*   *   *   *  *

And there's another chapter! Next chapter…the wedding!!!!! I promise!