Chapter 3: The war begins...and ends
*Wiener Schnitzel and the German soldiers are already inside their mobile
suits, the one Wiener Schnitzel is sitting in is about twice as big as
the Virgos the soldiers are using, it has two large cannons on its shoulders*
Wiener Schnitzel: Ok, soldiers, our target is Paris, the clones are
ready to be deployed and are waiting for us to arrive, has anyone got any
questions before we leave?
*A random Virgo raises it's hand*
Wiener Schnitzel: Yes?
Virgo-pilot: Warum reden Sie Englisch mit uns, mein Führer?
Subtitles: Where do all the babys come from?
Wiener-Schnitzel: Shut up! I forbid everyone here to talk German, because
these mad subtitles are trying to make fun of us!
*The soldiers remain silent*
Wiener Schnitzel: I think it's time to begin. Auf in den Kampf!
Subtitles: All your base are belong to us!
Wiener Schnitzel: grrr...
*And they take off and fly towards Paris, meanwhile, the Gundam Pilots
are still moving towards Berlin*
Heero: Everyone! I'm being hailed by Noin. Opening channels now...
Noin: Heero! The Germans are heading for Paris with great speed, you
will have to go there first!
Heero: Sorry, but it's more important to kill Relena, she's probably
still in that laboratory.
Noin: No, information says that there are about one and a half million
Relena-clones stationed at the northern side of Paris, and all of them
are carrying the virus!
Heero: Mission accepted, everyone, we have to go to Paris at once,
to kill an army of Relenas there.
Duo: Who in the world would want Relena to be cloned so many times,
I mean, what could she do anyway?
Heero: All clones have the virus, it's going to be very difficult from
now on.
*and they changed course to Paris, the original Relena is still in
Berlin, tied up and locked in a small room*
Relena: These damn ropes are just so uncomfortable, and where's my
food! How am I supposed to produce more blood if I don't have my daily
caviar! ...Oh, Heero, I wish you where here right now...*silence for a
few moments*...I said, I wish you were here right now, Heero!...oh darn!
*But sudenly, a small and skinny figure in a ninja-suit kicks the door
open*
Relena: Heero...I knew you would save me.
Ninja: No, Miss Relena, it's me, Pargan.
Relena: Pargan? Did you come to save me?
Pargan: Yes, I did, I drove all the way from Sanc Kingdom, following
that plane, after I had knocked the guards unconscious, my back really
started to hurt. I just wish I was 50 years younger.
*Pargan unties Relena*
Pargan: Now follow me quietly, I'll drive you back to Sanc.
*Pargan and Relena leave, now the German troops have reached Paris,
Wiener Schnitzel has oppened a channel to the commander of the Relena-transporter*
Wiener Schnitzel: Release the clones!
*The clones are released in the northern part of the city, immediately
an enormously loud shouting begins, so loud and annoying, that the heads
of all nearby persons and animals burst, also those of the German soldiers
inside the transporters, all nearby cars explode, including the transporters,
and the buildings the horde of Relena's clones pass collapse*
All of the Relenas: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE ARE YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!
*Meanwhile, the German Virgo suits and Wiener Schnitzel are destroying
the south side of the city when suddenly the Gundams arrive*
Heero: So the troops are here, but where are the Relenas?
Quatre: Noin said they were at the other side of the city.
Duo: Right, I think Heero and I should go after them, while Trowa and
Quatre stay here to fight off the Germans. Wufei, you can go home and fix
dinner for us.
Wufei: Shut up, Maxwell! I'm fighting the Virgos, too!
*Heero and Duo take off again and Quatre and Wufei charge towards the
Virgos, Trowa fires his Gattling Gun at the Virgos. A few rounds hit a
Virgo, destroying it, but just then a blast of another Virgo hits Heavyarms,
knocking it backwards. Wufei reaches a Virgo after having evaded all the
blasts it has fired at him. He stabs it with Altron's Twin Beam Trident,
causing it to be destroyed, but just then another blast hits Altron from
behind. When Wufei regains control over Altron again, he turns around and
rushes towards the Virgo and uses its Dragon Fang to crush this one as
well. Quatre heats up Sandrock's Scimitars and throws the heat waves to
destroy another Virgo. The fighting goes on for a few minutes, but the
3 pilots are outnumbered, and have already taken severe damage, especially
Trowa, who has to retreat from battle due to both of his Gundam's arms
being disabled*
Trowa: Sorry, but I don't think Heavyarms can take any more hits, I
have to leave you guys.
Quatre: Oh no, we don't stand a chnace against so many Virgos, Wufei.
*Wufei destroys another Virgo with his Flamethrower, when suddenly
a Virgo-pilot shouts*
Random Virgo-pilot 1: STOOOOOP! This war thingy just sucks, I wanna
go back home to Frankfurt and eat at McDonald's.
Random Virgo-pilot 2: I'm also sick of having to kill people! Anyway,
Buffy is on right now.
Random Virgo-pilot 3: And I haven't played Metroid Prime for ages!
Wiener Schnitzel: Silence! We Germans don't need all these stupid things
from the US and Japan! We Germans have better things to do! Fast food,
American tv shows and Nintendo are forbidden from now on!
*As soon as he has finished the sentece, an uproar goes through the
crowd of soldiers*
Random Virgo-pilot 4: World domination sucks!
Random Virgo-pilot 5: Back to Germany everyone, if we're fast we might
miss Buffy but we can at least watch Angel!
*And so they all took off to Germany again, now only Quatre, Wufei
and Wiener Schnitzel are left on the battlefield*
Wiener Schnitzel: At least I can finish you, DIE, Chinese boy!
*Then he fires lots of blasts from his two shoulder canons, which are
just two fast to evade for Wufei, leaving his Gundam disabled on the ground*
Wiener Schnitzel: HAHA, you don't have a chance against my Virgo Deluxe,
no one can defeat it alone!
Wufei: What? I'm not alone, where did that anxious Arab go?
*At that precise moment Sandrock jumps at Wiener Schnitzel from behind
and lets its Heat Scimitars slice through the Virgo Deluxe*
Quatre: I'm sorry about killing you.
Wiener Schnitzel: Bastard...you always say that nonsense!
Quatre: ...Hey, someone noticed! Alright, I just love killing people,
but I want to keep the nice boy image.
*And the Virgo Deluxe explodes, Wiener Schnitzel dies. Meanwhile, Heero
and Duo face the army of Relenas*
Duo: Death has some work to do here!
*But before he can reach them, they all start screaming*
All of the Relenas: HEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! YOU CAME FOR
ME!!!!!!
*Duo's Gundam collapses and all systems malfunction*
Heero: DUO! Damn, I've got to think of something fast or Duo will die!
......I'VE GOT IT! Activating loudspeakers...REEEELEEEENAAAA!!!!!!! YOU'RE
BUTT-UGLY AND I HATE YOOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!
*All Relenas in hearing range collapse and die instantly*
Heero: DUO! Are you allright?
Duo: Yeah...Heero...I just wanted to say...thank you.
Heero: * actually smiling* No problem. But you'll have to excuse me,
I've got to fly around Paris and kill all the Relenas.
*And Heero does just that, all Relenas die on hearing his fatal message,
after some minutes the Zero system shows that there are no more Relenas
alive in Paris*
Heero: Mission accomplished...well almost, now for the original Relena.
Hnn...I guess she's still in Berlin, I've got to fetch the others.
*So the pilots flew to Berlin, not knowing that Relena was already
on the way to Sanc Kingdom, they search the porn theatre for over 30 minutes
before giving up
Quatre: Maybe...she was with the clones in Paris?
Duo: Nonsense, they need at least one to produce more clones. *He looks
at his watch*...oh...fuck...
Heero: What is it?
Duo: We have about ten minutes left to save the Earth!
*Meanwhile, Pargan is driving on some freeway in Switzerland with Relena*
Relena: Can't you go any faster, Pargan? I'm tired and want to sleep
in an expensive, extra-fluffy bed, and not in the car.
Pargan: I'd...love...to...Miss Relena...but...I'm...having...a...heart-attack...right
now...
Relena: ARGGGHHHHHH! PARGAN, THE ROAD!
*So they crashed against a tree, the G-boys are still in the porn theatre,
totally confused*
Duo: Two hours passed since the virus should have broken out, and we're
still alive...I guess you were right, Quatre. I think we should go home.
*So they went home and got to bed, the next morning Heero reads the
newspaper, while Duo is making breakfast*
Heero: ...hnnn...so Paris is still piling up the bodies of Relenas
and repairing all the damage...WHAT? Duo, you must see this! It says here
that another Relena was involved in a car accident in Switzerland, with
Pargan driving the car! They say Pargan had a heart-attack, which was the
cause of the accident, but he's already recovering, while Relena's spine
broke...They had no airbags in the back.
Duo: Why, that's great, it's a good thing Quatre sang all these prayers.
End of last chapter
If you found anything offensive in this story, please e-mail me and
tell me what it is, because I'm sure I didn't realize that when I wrote
it and will appologize my E-mail adress is ChristopherRausch@web.de