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Blotched Job III
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"You know, we could skip the reception and just go," Draco whispered into Harry's ear.
They had done the obligatory dance together, and they had been patient while Ron gave his Bestman speech. Unfortunately, Ron had been drunk and had begun crying while reciting every brave thing that Harry had done, and how Harry looked so pretty in the dress. Even though Harry wasn't wearing a dress. Now they were sitting through Snape's fifth rendition of 'My Heart Will Go On'.
"Kill me now, it's more humane that way," Harry whispered back.
They were the only ones at the reception who hadn't been on the drink, or so it would seem. Hermione and Ron had disappeared, strange noises came from their room and no one would be going anywhere near there for a few hours.
Neville had been knocked out and dragged off by Millicent Boulstrode and Harry was complaining that that was illegal but Draco didn't seem too bothered.
"It's the only lay Neville is ever going to get," Draco said. "Let him enjoy it."
Just then, Remus who usually would never get drunk, stumbled into Snape while he was singing and started weeping for Sirius. Snape, not knowing what to do, made a quick grope and convinced Remus that a night of lurve with the Potions Master would cure any ailments he had. Remus didn't think about it for very long. The words 'take', 'me' and 'now' were distinguishable.
Harry would have protested but anything to stop Snape singing was a good thing. Remus, after all, should be happy after all those years without Sirius.
"Harry," Draco whispered in his ear. "Nobody would notice if we left a little early."
"Draco!" Harry admonished. "It's wrong and deceitful!"
"So? The place is practically a wreck and anyone who isn't off having carnal drunken monkey sex is. asleep on the floor with the hem of her skirt over her head," Draco replied.
"You just lost me." Harry said confused.
"That's McGonagall. with her skirt over her head!" Draco cried gleefully.
"Oh Merlin. I don't think that sight is ever going to leave my head. I'll need therapy! I'll never enjoy sex again!" Harry cried. Draco slapped him. "Sorry, Draco, thanks for bringing me back to my senses."
"No trouble at all, now, let's GO," Draco said.
"Are you sure?" Harry asked.
"I've never been as sure of anything in my life!" Draco said urgently.
However, Lucius who had stumbled to their table and was leaning against it heavily blocked their escape.
"Boy," Lucius sobbed as he pointed at Harry, "I just want to tell you, you're a lucky ducky. My son's a good man. He'll treat you right. Draco! If you're only marrying him because you knocked him up I'll slap you! Slap you I say! Beware of the trousers! Beware! For they are leather and will reap the Malfoy revenge on you all!"
Narcissa arrived, gave a hearty wink to Draco and Harry and began to lead her husband away quietly.
"Such a pretty wedding! Such a pretty bride! I shagged his father at school." Lucius said through sobs.
"That's nice dear," Narcissa replied as she got an eye full of Minerva.
"Honestly, I think my mother is happiest when she's slipping drugs to my father," Draco reminisced.
"You've got a strange family, Draco," Harry muttered.
"They're your family too now, Harry," Draco replied cheerfully. "C'mon, let's go!"
Draco and Harry got up and were walking through the hall stealthily when Pansy gave out a battle cry and crashed into the Goblin orchestra.
"Take that you damnable Goblins! You haven't seen the last of me!" she cried as the violinist went flying and she set to work on the Cellist.
"Is that normal, Draco?" Harry asked, as Draco was shielding Harry from a raving Pansy.
"You won't believe the stories I have on that girl. Remember that night in first year when we were in the forest and we saw that thing drinking the unicorn blood?" Draco asked.
"How could I forget?" Harry asked as the slid along the wall, trying to stay out of range.
"I only ran because I thought it was Pansy." Draco admitted.
"And if you'd know it was Voldemort?" Harry asked.
"I would have sat down and had tea, complemented him on his robes and enquired about his latest travel," Draco replied coolly, still shielding Harry from Pansy's view.
She'd just dispatched the Cellist and Violist and turned her attention to the last Goblin, the Flutist. The poor little goblin was running around in circles while trying to play as Pansy angrily charged it.
"Should we be doing anything about this?" Harry asked.
Draco looked down at the Violinist. "Nah, they'll be fine."
They continued to creep out while Molly, Arthur and Bill darted passed them in an attempt to rescue the Goblins. As they got out the door, they found Fred and George. They were in the process of taking photos of Dean and Seamus making out.
They hushed Harry and Draco. "We're working for the Coven," Fred whispered.
Bewildered, Harry and Draco ran - as quickly as they could.
"Harry, promise me we'll never renew our vows," Draco said.
"Believe me, Voldemort was never this bad," Harry replied as they made their escapes into the night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Pansy attacking the band was flogged in an almost vicious manner from the hilarious fic Harry Potter and the Something or Other.
The whole first year forest thinggie was snatched from Maya's Draco Malfoy, the Amazing Bouncing.Rat? Which is, as always, a great inspiration to me and insanity in general.
The rest is all me, baby.
Blotched Job III
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"You know, we could skip the reception and just go," Draco whispered into Harry's ear.
They had done the obligatory dance together, and they had been patient while Ron gave his Bestman speech. Unfortunately, Ron had been drunk and had begun crying while reciting every brave thing that Harry had done, and how Harry looked so pretty in the dress. Even though Harry wasn't wearing a dress. Now they were sitting through Snape's fifth rendition of 'My Heart Will Go On'.
"Kill me now, it's more humane that way," Harry whispered back.
They were the only ones at the reception who hadn't been on the drink, or so it would seem. Hermione and Ron had disappeared, strange noises came from their room and no one would be going anywhere near there for a few hours.
Neville had been knocked out and dragged off by Millicent Boulstrode and Harry was complaining that that was illegal but Draco didn't seem too bothered.
"It's the only lay Neville is ever going to get," Draco said. "Let him enjoy it."
Just then, Remus who usually would never get drunk, stumbled into Snape while he was singing and started weeping for Sirius. Snape, not knowing what to do, made a quick grope and convinced Remus that a night of lurve with the Potions Master would cure any ailments he had. Remus didn't think about it for very long. The words 'take', 'me' and 'now' were distinguishable.
Harry would have protested but anything to stop Snape singing was a good thing. Remus, after all, should be happy after all those years without Sirius.
"Harry," Draco whispered in his ear. "Nobody would notice if we left a little early."
"Draco!" Harry admonished. "It's wrong and deceitful!"
"So? The place is practically a wreck and anyone who isn't off having carnal drunken monkey sex is. asleep on the floor with the hem of her skirt over her head," Draco replied.
"You just lost me." Harry said confused.
"That's McGonagall. with her skirt over her head!" Draco cried gleefully.
"Oh Merlin. I don't think that sight is ever going to leave my head. I'll need therapy! I'll never enjoy sex again!" Harry cried. Draco slapped him. "Sorry, Draco, thanks for bringing me back to my senses."
"No trouble at all, now, let's GO," Draco said.
"Are you sure?" Harry asked.
"I've never been as sure of anything in my life!" Draco said urgently.
However, Lucius who had stumbled to their table and was leaning against it heavily blocked their escape.
"Boy," Lucius sobbed as he pointed at Harry, "I just want to tell you, you're a lucky ducky. My son's a good man. He'll treat you right. Draco! If you're only marrying him because you knocked him up I'll slap you! Slap you I say! Beware of the trousers! Beware! For they are leather and will reap the Malfoy revenge on you all!"
Narcissa arrived, gave a hearty wink to Draco and Harry and began to lead her husband away quietly.
"Such a pretty wedding! Such a pretty bride! I shagged his father at school." Lucius said through sobs.
"That's nice dear," Narcissa replied as she got an eye full of Minerva.
"Honestly, I think my mother is happiest when she's slipping drugs to my father," Draco reminisced.
"You've got a strange family, Draco," Harry muttered.
"They're your family too now, Harry," Draco replied cheerfully. "C'mon, let's go!"
Draco and Harry got up and were walking through the hall stealthily when Pansy gave out a battle cry and crashed into the Goblin orchestra.
"Take that you damnable Goblins! You haven't seen the last of me!" she cried as the violinist went flying and she set to work on the Cellist.
"Is that normal, Draco?" Harry asked, as Draco was shielding Harry from a raving Pansy.
"You won't believe the stories I have on that girl. Remember that night in first year when we were in the forest and we saw that thing drinking the unicorn blood?" Draco asked.
"How could I forget?" Harry asked as the slid along the wall, trying to stay out of range.
"I only ran because I thought it was Pansy." Draco admitted.
"And if you'd know it was Voldemort?" Harry asked.
"I would have sat down and had tea, complemented him on his robes and enquired about his latest travel," Draco replied coolly, still shielding Harry from Pansy's view.
She'd just dispatched the Cellist and Violist and turned her attention to the last Goblin, the Flutist. The poor little goblin was running around in circles while trying to play as Pansy angrily charged it.
"Should we be doing anything about this?" Harry asked.
Draco looked down at the Violinist. "Nah, they'll be fine."
They continued to creep out while Molly, Arthur and Bill darted passed them in an attempt to rescue the Goblins. As they got out the door, they found Fred and George. They were in the process of taking photos of Dean and Seamus making out.
They hushed Harry and Draco. "We're working for the Coven," Fred whispered.
Bewildered, Harry and Draco ran - as quickly as they could.
"Harry, promise me we'll never renew our vows," Draco said.
"Believe me, Voldemort was never this bad," Harry replied as they made their escapes into the night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Pansy attacking the band was flogged in an almost vicious manner from the hilarious fic Harry Potter and the Something or Other.
The whole first year forest thinggie was snatched from Maya's Draco Malfoy, the Amazing Bouncing.Rat? Which is, as always, a great inspiration to me and insanity in general.
The rest is all me, baby.