Disclaimer: I do not own Pippin, Legolas, or any of the other characters that appear in this fic. But I do love them all, with the exception of Mary-Sue Legolas, of course! Hehe ^_^
A/N: I'm SO sorry for not updating in such a long time. I was just so busy with studying for MCAT and my trip to California, which I must say was LOADS of FUN, that I really didn't have the time. I'm done with it now, however, and it's the longest chapter yet! It'll make you cry, it'll make you laugh (hopefully), and, by the end of it, you'll be begging for more (hehe…probably not ^_^)! I hope you have loads of fun reading it! :)
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A nest situated twenty feet above the ground on the tallest branch of a redwood tree contained four birdlings, their beaks wide open, calling out for food. The mother, hearing her babies desperate cries, could soon be seen soaring through the skies, intent upon satiating her hungry youngens with the tantalizing worm she carried in her mouth. Perched upon the nest, she regurgitated her children's food into the tiny openings of their beaks. Ensured that her young ones were satisfied for the moment, the mother bird lifted into the air with full intention of returning to the fertile ground in order to search for more food for her babies. This was not to be, though, for upon leaving the safety of her nest, within only seconds, she found herself on the ground, writhing in pain, blood spewing forth from where an elven arrow had pierced her through her chest.
"Hah! I nailed her on the first shot! Beat that, Mary-Sue!" cried a haughty Legolas to his challenger.
Walking over to the dead body, he bent down to pick it up and displayed it for all to see, an arrogant grin plastered all over his conceited face.
"Alright. I shall try. But I do not know how well I shall succeed, for I have never tried shooting an arrow before."
Pippin held up his bow and arrow, positioning it within his arms expertly and arranged himself into a stance that would impress even the most experienced archer. The rest of the fellowship were clearly stunned, even Legolas himself, much to his chagrin. However, Pippin was the most surprised of all. He did not allow this to show in his features, though, for the others would surely suspect something amiss if he had. But there was no need to cover up his thoughts.
Wow. I actually know how to shoot an arrow. These perfect elven girls are amazing! Pippin thought. Suddenly, a devious grin appeared on his face, scaring the others around him, but especially Legolas, for Legolas somehow knew that that grin was meant only for him.Let's teach Legolas a little lesson!
With that thought in mind, Pippin raised his bow, aimed, and released the arrow. All, except for Legolas who had turned away in anger so that his back was to the others, watched intensely as the arrow whizzed through the air and landed dead center in Legolas's buttocks. A girly scream escaped Legolas's mouth as he hopped around, clutching his posterior in pain. It was a very amusing sight to behold and soon, after the shock wore off, everyone was shaking with laughter, tears pouring out of their eyes.
"Oops. Sorry,"
said Pippin, chortling. But he was clearly not sorry at all.
Legolas, sensing this, without removing his hands from his rear end, turned to face "Mary Sue", anger and pain radiating off his tear-streaked face.
"How dare you!" he cried. "I am the Prince of Mirkwood, and nobody can treat a Prince this way and get away with it!"
"A prince? A lowly prince?" Pippin scoffed. "Why, that is no such thing to boast about, especially if you have no chance in becoming a King since you're father is an immortal elf. If that is the standards you are going by, then surely Aragorn has more to boast about than you, being, not a mere prince, but the King of all men, a fact which I learned from speaking with Lord Elrond."
Aragorn beamed at this, while Legolas scowled. Pippin's pleasure was mounting, and he had no quirks about showing it this time, a satisfied smirk creeping up his face.
"You creep!" Legolas angrily exclaimed. "You cannot speak to me in that way! I may not be a King, but I am of higher status than you. Being a lowly subject, you are required to treat me with respect! I will see to it that my father cut your head off if you do not!"
Pippin was unfazed by Legolas's admonishments. His perfect elven state allowed him to easily think up a lie before Legolas even finished speaking.
Wow! This perfectness must get very annoying really quickly! Pippin thought.
He could not dwell upon this fact, though, for Legolas had just finished speaking.
"You should not assume anything, my dear Prince, for if you do, you will find yourself usually in the wrong. This case is no different, for, you see, I am of equal status to you. I am a Princess!" Pippin declared, lying smoothly.
Legolas scoffed. He clearly did not trust this Mary-Sue lady at all. And maybe he was just an eensy bit jealous of her as well. He could never admit that, though, and he never would. He had to say something to this deceiver, though. He would not let her have the last word!
"You lie! I would know if you were a Princess, for, being an Elven Prince myself, I am acquainted with each and every Elven Princess, and you are not one of them."
"Well, perhaps that is because you have no knowledge of the Elven kingdom of which I am a Princess," Pippin retorted.
"Busted!" shouted Merry randomly, eliciting laughter from the other members of the fellowship.
"That is not true!" cried Legolas, defensively. "Being an Elven Prince, I am also required to know all the Elven kingdoms and their location."
"Clearly you don't know all of them. Otherwise, you would have known about mine, and you clearly do not."
"I do not know about the Kingdom which you claim you are the Princess of because you are not a Princess and the Kingdom you refer to does not exist!"
"Would you believe me if I told you the name of this Kingdom?" Pippin asked. Outwardly, he seemed very sure of himself. Inwardly, though, Pippin was in a panic. He tried to rack his perfect Elven brain for the perfect Kingdom name, but none was coming to him.
Uh-oh! It must mean that I won't be staying in my perfect lady elven state much longer. I better change plans and get as much Legolas humiliation as I can before I turn back! he thought.
While he was thinking this, Legolas was impatiently waiting for an answer.
"Well?!" he prodded, his hands on his hips. "What's the name of the Kingdom?!"
"Nevermind that!" Pippin said. "I have a challenge for you."
Not being able to resist the chance to redeem himself, Legolas met this challenge.
"Yes? And what is the challenge of yours?" he asked, his eyes lighting up in excitement.
"Well, I claim that I am a better swords person than you. Would you like to challenge that with a fight?" Pippin enquired, a devious plan entering his mind.
"Of course I challenge that, for I am the best swords master in all of Middle-Earth!" Legolas stated.
Aragorn cleared his throat.
"I must interrupt, for I have to say that I am a much better swords master than you are, Legolas."
The rest of the fellowship, minus Legolas, and Pippin, for he was not supposed to know how good of a swords master Aragorn was, nodded, agreeing with Aragorn's statement.
Legolas growled. "This isn't your challenge, so stay out of it!" he barked at Aragorn. Then he turned back to Mary-Sue.
"Grab your weapon and let's start fighting!" he roared.
Legolas unsheathed his sword from his side, while Pippin politely asked Aragorn if he could borrow his sword.
"Anything for you, milady."
Aragorn, a wide smile plastered on his face, placed his precious sword, Elendil, in the hands of this beautiful elf maiden.
Pippin giggled flirtatiously, while laughing outright in his mind, and graciously thanked Aragorn before going back to the fight.
Pippin held the sword high up with his hands and quickly turned around, immediately clashing his sword with Legolas's.
And so the fight began as the rest of the fellowship looked on in awe.
Determination shone through both fighters' eyes, Legolas looking to redeem himself and Pippin to humiliate Legolas.
Every thrust of the sword was followed by the block. Every powerful offense followed by an equally powerful defense. The fight went on endlessly this way, the deft skills of both the sword holders leaving the fight in a stalemate…
Until…
SWOOSH!Legolas dropped his sword as a cry of anguish left his mouth. He dropped to the ground, his knees bent and silver tears pouring forth from his tortured eyes. His hands roamed the ground, his sight muddled by his tears. He continued to search with his hands until he felt it. He clutched the soft silky substance with his left hand while his right hand clenched the air where his hair used to be.
"Oh, my hair! My long, gorgeous hair! What have you done, Mary-Sue?" Legolas cried.
He directed his gaze upwards, his tear-filled accusatory eyes meeting the malevolent eyes and devious grin of that horrid Mary-Sue.
"Oops. The sword must have slipped," Pippin said, not even bothering to fake politeness. And this time, Pippin didn't even fake an apology. Instead, he ended his statement with an extremely evil laugh, which frightened even Gandalf.
What happened to the sweet elven lady whom we have come to love?, thought the rest of the fellowship, who backed up from Mary-Sue in fear.Even Legolas, who returned his gaze downward, was too scared to face her. He knew that she was evil, but he did not realize that she was psychotic as well. And Legolas was terrified of psychotic people!
Pippin suddenly stopped laughing, for he was eager to continue his harassment of Legolas.
"I'm sorry. Did my laugh frighten all of you? I really didn't mean to. I can't help how I laugh. Please forgive me."
Pippin gave them all his puppy dog eyes.
Ah, there's our sweet Mary-Sue that we know, thought the rest of them, except for Legolas, who would not be fooled by her disguise.
"We weren't frightened by you, Mary-Sue! We love you!" they yelled in unison.
Not Legolas, though. Instead, he yelled,
"You do not fool me, Mary-Sue, with your false politeness and your fake apologies . You are an evil creature, and I will NEVER love you!"
Evil laughter filled Pippin's mind. Legolas was only feeding Pippin's drive to humiliate him. Pippin could not voice his laughter out loud, though, lest he wished to frighten all of them again. Besides, he had to continue his mission to humiliate and cause havoc on poor Legolas's mind; and quickly, too, before he transformed back to his hobbit state.
"Oh, by the way. I think I have something that belongs to you, Legolas, which you probably want back," Pippin said.
Legolas looked up at Mary-Sue questioningly.
Pippin reached into his knapsack and pulled out Legolas's favorite hand-held mirror. He held it out, mirror frontward, for Legolas to see.
"You can take a look at your new hairstyle as well. I think you'll be very pleased with it," Pippin told him, an evil smile spread out on his face.
Legolas rose from the ground and slowly raised his eyes in apprehension to take a peek at his new image. And, contrary to what Mary-Sue told him, he didn't think he was going to be pleased at all with his new look, and, boy, was he right!
As soon as Legolas saw his reflection in his favorite hand-held mirror, he started hyperventilating. He didn't even remember that he was supposed to be really angry that Mary-Sue stole his favorite mirror, which he couldn't live without.
Just then, however, Pippin released his hold on the mirror, and in slow motion, or at least it seemed that way to Legolas, his favorite hand-held mirror fell to the ground and landed with a…
CRASH! SHATTER!The rest of the fellowship stared at Legolas to see his reaction.
Legolas was staring at his mirror in shock, right down the center of which was a huge crack. SEVEN YEARS of BAD LUCK, was all Legolas could think about, aside from the fact that his favorite hand-held mirror, which he couldn't live without, had just broken, of course.
This seemed to be the last straw for Legolas, and everyone looked on as Legolas's eyes rolled back into his head, and his body stiffened and fell forward to the ground, dead still.
Everyone around him, except for Pippin who was staring at Legolas's immobile body in awe and pleasure, stared at Legolas's body in shock. No one knew what to do.
Finally, Aragorn snapped to his senses and called for Lord Elrond.
Lord Elrond, the greatest healer in all of Rivendell, quickly came over to see what was the problem.
"What seems to be the problem?" he asked as soon as he arrived.
He looked at the fellowship members, all of whom were directing with their eyes his gaze towards Legolas's body.
"Ai! What happened to him?" he wondered aloud, curious as to why an arrow was sticking out of Legolas's butt.
Pippin, never one to miss a chance to tell a story, explained to Lord Elrond exactly what was wrong with Legolas.
"Well, let's see… Where shall I start? Oh, right! You must be wondering why there is an arrow protruding from Legolas's behind!"
Elrond raised his eyebrows in surprise and nodded. He was awed that such a beautiful elven lady, whom he had never seen before, was standing before him and speaking to him.
"Well, it was an unfortunate accident really. He challenged me to show him my shooting skills, which I did. I taut my bow, aimed, and released. Sadly, my arrow went array and landed…well, I think you can see where it landed."
At the end of Pippin's explanation, the rest of the fellowship, minus Legolas who was currently incapacitated, snickered as they replayed the scene in their minds. Even Lord Elrond couldn't keep a smile off his face at the image the elven lady's explanation produced in his mind.
Lord Elrond nodded. "What about his hair? What happened to it?" he enquired.
"Oh, that! Well, while we were fighting with our swords, mine accidentally slipped and cut off a portion of his hair," Pippin answered.
"Ah, I see…"
Lord Elrond pondered over this.
"Well, what caused him to fall over?" he asked, checking Legolas's pulse to make sure he was not dead. Relieved that he was only unconscious, he looked up at the gorgeous elven lady to hear the explanation; and he could not deny that she was very pleasing to look at as well.
"Oh, yes. Why is he like that? Well, you see, I held out his favorite hand-held mirror, so that he could see how he looked with his new hairdo, which apparently he was not very pleased with, and he started to hyperventilate. And then, on top of all that, aside from his gorgeous – I presume that's how Legolas would have described it – butt being wounded and his gorgeous waist-length hair being cut off, not to mention his pride being hurt, unfortunately for this poor soul, his favorite mirror slipped from my hand and shattered on the ground," explained Pippin, a sorrowful expression on his face, but with very far from sorrowful thoughts and feelings entering his mind and heart.
Every one of the men were fooled, who believed Mary-Sue was sincerely sorry for all that happened.
"I see. That makes sense. Well, he will have to stay in the healer's chambers until he recovers from his state of shock."
That said, Lord Elrond picked up Legolas's body -- not so gently, either -- and started walking towards his destination.
And, while he was walking away, Lord Elrond was thinking, Serves him right! He gave all elf men a bad name. No wonder, too! I mean, he is a Mirkwood Elf.
As soon as he left, Pippin felt a tingling sensation flow through his body.
I must be transforming back now, he thought. It'll be great to see everyone's reactions!
And soon, as the rest of the fellowship, minus Legolas, of course, were gathering towards him as "Mary-Sue", the world around Pippin turned black and he found himself slipping away.
When he came to, he opened his eyes slowly since he found that opening them quickly caused his head to hurt even more. When his vision cleared, he saw that all the rest of his companions, except for Legolas, were standing around him and looking at him with shock-filled expressions.
Pippin started to arise, and everyone else backed up so that he had room to stand, although that was not really necessary since he was back in his hobbit form and was therefore only around three feet tall and no longer the six feet tall he had been when he was in his elven state, which meant that he did not need more space. His companions did realize this. However, they decided to act like gentlemen and backed away in order to give Pippin his personal space. Plus, they were a little scared of Pippin since he was just a gorgeous elven lady a few moments ago, and they weren't sure if he was really Pippin or an evil demon planning to kill them all.
"Pippin? Is that really you? What happened?" wondered Merry, awakening from his stupor.
This brought everyone else out of their stupors as well, all of whom were nodding, expressing their desire to hear what he has to say.
Pippin looked around at his companions.
"Well, to make a short story long," Pippin started, for Pippin was known to love being the center of attention, and prolonging his explanation ensured that he would be the center of attention for a very long time.
"…I was having a Wonderfully Splendid Day, this day starting out as one of my most productive days yet, as you all probably know, and I decided to cause more havoc around town, and as I was skipping through town, I stumbled upon a black stone, which I picked up and saw that it had elven writing on it, which I could not understand since I do not know elvish, and, as I was pondering about what the writing might have meant, my stomach started growling, and, not finding any mushrooms on the ground, I decided to eat the stone in my hand, which I probably shouldn't have done, since, after eating it, I felt myself slipping away into darkness like what happened just now, and when I awoke, I found that I had transformed into a stunningly beautiful elven lady, who looked exactly like Legolas, and I decided that I could not pass up this chance to humiliate Legolas further, and, at this point, my Wonderfully Splendid Day had Just Picked Up a Notch, so I quickly came to the location where you guys were stationed, which is when my Wonderfully Splendid Day turned into my Unbelievably Wonderfully Splendid Day and…well…I think you know the rest, and, needless to say, my Unbelievably Wonderfully Splendid Day became my Impossibly Wonderfully Splendid Day."
Pippin said this so quickly that the rest of them had to take a moment to put it all together and make the long story short in their minds, which they all thought that Pippin should have done for them, and so they were quite exasperated with him for not doing so.
Gandalf decided to voice his opinion.
"Fool of a Took! Why didn't you just make the long story short?!" he yelled.
Quickly afterwards, though, he added,
"Actually, perhaps you should not answer that, for I don't think I have a strong enough heart to handle it."
Everyone else nodded at this, and they all continued trying to decipher Pippin's explanation in their minds. Although they couldn't understand all of what Pippin had said, they did catch the drift of it and put it all together in their minds, and this is what each of them had come up with.
"So, to make your story short," began Gandalf.
"…you ate a black stone, which caused you to transform into the gorgeous elven lady named Mary-Sue, whom we all were drooling over when we first met her, and, in her body, you notched an arrow into Legolas's butt, cut a portion of his hair off, and broke his favorite hand-held mirror, all of which was too horrible for Legolas to handle, which caused him to go into shock, and then you transformed back into your hobbit self. Am I correct?" asked Gandalf.
"Exactly!" explained Pippin, who now wore an impossibly wide smile, showing everyone how pleased with himself he was for causing so much havoc, most of which was utterly humiliating and harassing the terribly unfortunate Legolas.
Poor, wretched Legolas! they were all thinking to themselves. He most definitely deserved it, though! Everyone started laughing uproariously; apparently with delight, Pippin saw, for they all had the same expression of pleasure in their faces as Pippin had on his.They looked at Pippin, pride and awe evident in their expressions; all of which were being directed towards himself, Pippin pleasantly realized.
Wow! Never before have they looked at me in such a way! It's usually looks of contempt being thrown my way. I could definitely get used to this! Pippin thought.
Suddenly, before he thought he could feel any more jubilated, he felt himself being raised from the ground by Gandalf and Aragorn, who balanced him on their shoulders, his right leg resting on Gandalf's left shoulder and his left on Aragorn's right. He quickly placed his arms around their necks to steady himself. His heart was soaring by now!
This day keeps getting better and better, he thought to himself, his impossibly wide smile growing even wider.
Little did he know that the best was still to come.
And it came not a moment too soon.
Gandalf and Aragorn started marching with Pippin on their shoulders through the city, and the rest, consisting of Merry, Frodo, Sam, Gimli, and Boromir, followed behind them, all chanting loudly,
"Pippin is our King! Pippin is our King! Loud and clear we'll continue to sing, Pippin is our King!"
Pippin's heart was not merely soaring anymore; his heart was bursting with joy, and his smile seemed to span the entire length of his face.
…And so marked the climactic ending to Pippin's Wonderfully Splendid Day!
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A/N: First of all, I have to admit that the chant does not belong to me. I borrowed most of it, except for the "Loud and clear we'll continue to sing" and the Pippin parts of course, from J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix. Please don't kill me! :) Hehe ^_^ Thank you, everyone, for reading my fic! I hope you all immensely enjoyed reading it as much as I immensely enjoyed writing it! I'm really sad that it has come to an end so soon, but I really can't work on it anymore since I have to concentrate on my studies now, and I wanted to end it as soon as possible for you guys. Thank you SO much again for reading this fic and thank you everyone who reviewed! I immensely appreciate all of them! :) Now onto my replies for the reviews since the last update! :)
Oddwen: Hehe :) Mary-Sues are quite painful to read, aren't they? Well, I hope this chapter wasn't too painful to read. Pippin would never act like all those Mary-Sues out there, although he certainly does look like one. Hehe :) Thanks for sticking with my fic for so long! I really appreciate your support! :)
Bilbo-San: Hehe ^_^ That would be funny, wouldn't it? Alas, that did not happen in this fic. It would feed Legolas's ego way too much, I presume. And Pippin did NOT want to feed his ego. Quite the opposite in fact. Tee-hee :) Thanks for reading my fic! And thanks so much for reviewing! :)
Hobbit shortness: Well, I hope you were happy to see that I did continue. And I hope you enjoyed this chapter and all the lego-bashing. :) Thanks so much for reviewing my last chapter! I really appreciate it! ^_^
Phishykiss: Oh, I'm so glad you love it! :) Your review made so happy! :) And I'm so glad that my attempts at humor did not fail! :) Hehe ^_^ Thanks so much for reading my fic and reviewing! :)
Lthien Arnatuil: Hehe…yeah, strange does describe me really well. :) I'm glad you love lego-bashing. So do I! Although Legolas is NOT one of my favorite characters… I'm really glad you think it's funny, though. Thank you for reviewing! I really appreciate it! ^_^
Venyatuima: Thanks for reading the fic! :) And I'm so glad you think it's funny! I do try. :) Hmm…why don't I just send you an e-mail? *wink wink* Hehe :) Thanks so much for reviewing! :)
Paladin Dragoon: Hehe :) I'm sorry I didn't update so soon, which I think that was what your nudging and winking was about, right? I'm not too good with those kinds of things. Hehe :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter, though, and thought it was funny. Thanks for reviewing and reading my fic! I really appreciate it! :)
Princess of Mirkwood: Awww! I'm so happy that you really loved it! :) I'm really sorry about the lego-bashing, though. And it didn't get much better in this chapter, did it? So I'm really sorry about that. But thanks so much for sticking with my fic even though you don't like the lego-bashing. I'm so happy that you have! :) And once again, I'm sorry about the unbearable amount of lego-bashing. I really just can't help myself. Thanks again for reading and reviewing! I appreciate it very much! :)