Summary: Eames finds Goren's journal among his personal effects. She soon discovers the many sides to the man that she labeled, "The Unreadable Mystery".

Disclaimer: Hey, I don't own any of the characters. They belong to Dick Wolf and the actors who portray them. I'm just borrowing them to tell this story that I thought up. Oh, the song lyrics belong to one of my favorite bands, 3 Doors Down. Their lyrics inspired me to write this…they just fit with the mood of their (Eames & Goren's) relationship.

Okay, now that we've got that all settled, here's the story:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Journal of Robert Goren

By CJSpooks

Prologue: Personal Effects

Eames stepped into his apartment. It felt so…empty without him there. Robert "Bobby" Goren, partner, friend, and detective died yesterday. They said that the doctors did everything they could…but it wasn't enough. At first, when they gave her the news, she couldn't believe it.

"Are you Detective Eames, Detective Goren's partner?"

"Yes I am…is he okay? I heard he was attacked…"

"He was…I'm sorry to have to inform you…your partner didn't make it."

But…after a few days off (courtesy of the captain), she had come to terms with it. But still, Eames felt like crap…she felt sad, angry, and most of all, empty. Bobby was the world to her. He was always there…Now he wasn't. She could still hear his voice clear as a bell in her head. Their last conversation was two days ago.

"Hey Eames…I want to give you something."

"What is it, Bobby? Paperwork to sign?"

"No. Here."

"Bobby…a locket? Why?"

"So you'll never be alone. You'll have me around your neck making sure you're okay."

"I'm…touched. Thanks Bobby."

Eames clutched the locket around her neck. She wished Bobby were here right now…Eames shook her head suddenly, trying to clear her mind. She needed to stay calm.

Since Bobby's mother was technically an invalid due to her mental state, she (as next of kin) took possession of his personal effects. Though, there wasn't that much material of a personal, sentimental nature. He didn't own much in the way of stuff in general. Lying around were academic books and case folders. His job seemed to be all he had.

Bobby was an odd one, which's why she missed him so much. He was different from any other guy she had ever met. She felt so alone. Which was odd because Eames always thought their relationship was totally platonic, aside from the occasional candid moment they shared. But, Eames admitted…she loved Bobby. She couldn't deny it.

Without realizing it, she had shed a few tears thinking about him. Then, she saw it. It was a hardcover bound notebook, lying in the floor under the coffee table. On the cover were the words: Journal of Robert Goren.

Eames' eyes started to blur as more tears came to her red eyes. She wiped them away as she opened the book and began to read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter One: When I'm Gone

There's another world inside of me that may never see.

Entry # 1

Writing a journal is something I would think to be a waste of time. But, in a way, I believe it could be therapeutic in a way. So, I'm going to try it.

I don't talk much to anyone…about my personal life or otherwise. I'm very introverted that way. It's kind of hard to be sociable when you're always stuck in your head. I have a reputation for being the borderline psychopath. My co-workers believe me to be a ticking time bomb waiting to explode…and go over "the edge".

There are secrets in this life that I can't hide.

According to my partner, Alexandra Eames, I'm a bit of a mystery. She even refers to me as "The Unreadable Mystery" sometimes. I guess she wonders if I have any dirty little secrets hidden somewhere under the many layers. Like I mentioned before, I do not share details about myself to anyone…not even her. Though, wouldn't she like to know about the time…maybe I'll save that embarrassing memory for some other time…

Somewhere in this darkness there's a life that I can't find.

I believe I live in a total darkness. Besides the gloomy subject matter surrounds me in, my life has been mostly pain. I have no family, besides my schizophrenic mother who resides in a hospital. I am a man who owns nothing of value, has no one to love and confide in, I have nothing to lose. I live for nothing…

Maybe it's far away or maybe I'm just blind, maybe I'm just blind.

No…I actually don't. The light that shines always, that lights up my abyss…I live for her. I live for my partner. I live and breathe for Alexandra Eames.

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

I wish there were no fraternization rules preventing a relationship between us. Though, I do understand the logic behind the ruling. We shouldn't be attached…they say that it will jeopardize our working relationship.

I know I must sound different…not myself. I know I shouldn't feel this way. I can't help what my heart tells me. I feel different around her. I feel…I'm not exactly sure what it is I feel. I may be crazy…

But, Eames makes sure I don't go crazy or fall into the dark abyss. She keeps me level and grounded on our most difficult cases. I'm thankful for that. Or, I fear without her, I would be in a straight jacket.

Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone

Even though I may not seem bothered by all the violence I face everyday, I do dream about it. All the images…of corpses, crime scenes, criminal monsters, unspeakable acts…they all embed themselves in my memory. Thus, causing me terrible nightmares and severe psychological trauma.

I sometimes fear revenge of all the monsters I put behind bars. So, I stay on top of all the parole hearings and things like that.

I wish Eames could bring me out of this. I wish I could tell her. I need to tell her. But what would I say? How would she react? Would she even care?

Everything I am and everything in me wants to be the one you wanted me to be

I do everything for Eames. She's my inspiration and motivation. I just want to impress her. Though, my efforts have been quite unsuccessful. They seem to just piss her off…she believes I'm a Mr. Know-it-all.

I'll never let you down even if I could

Our relationship is strong. I depend on her and she depends on me. We watch each other's backs. I would do anything for her.

I'd give up everything if only for your good.

I'd even take the most horrible pain and suffering for her…just as long as she's spared from any pain. Oh God, my heart aches for her right now.

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

You can hold me when I'm scared but you won't always be there

I want to tell Eames that I love her. I need to do it before I pop. The only obstacle…I don't know how to tell her. I've never told anyone that I love them. And the big question: Will she say it back?

I think I'm regressing in behavior. I'm acting like I'm a teenager…I guess I'm making up for lost years. I did have to mature early.

So love me when I'm gone, love me when I'm gone

I hope I can tell her before it's too late…

END OF CHAPTER ONE

Author's Endnotes: What do you think? Please review: This may well continue into a very long Goren/Eames story.

Hopefully, I have actually readers. And your ideas, thoughts, and other comments will help me move faster…and push this to a higher spot on my to do list (after homework and other school stuff, of course).

Oh, and Thanks for reading!

Coming soon: "I feel you".