(READ THESE!) Author's Notes: Okay, I know that I have a lot of explaining to do…especially with the discrepancy with the time lapse and everything. I think I made an X-Files like pregnancy…by accident of course. Last chapter was supposed to be five to six months after Bobby's "passing". Eames and Goren "took a tumble" a few weeks before he "died". I hope that makes sense. And, well…I was going to just make this an angst-based fan fiction but for some reason I changed my mind. Mostly because like most of you probably, I couldn't leave Bobby dead for long so I changed the plot. Actually, I changed it a whole lot…I'm making it partly angst and partly supernatural. (You'll see why that is after you read it.) Hopefully, that doesn't make you shy away…I'm trying the best I can.

Apologies: 1) Sorry if it took so long. I had lots of homework and finals to worry about. Now that school's out for the summer, I'll be updating a bunch (and hopefully finishing some) of my stories. 2) Sorry to all those who were confused about the pregnancy…I was too. 3) Sorry to all those who don't like the new direction this story has taken. It just happened.

Thanks: To all those who offer good reviews and support, I really appreciate it. It makes me happy so I work a hell of a lot faster.

Miscellaneous: There are lyrics to two songs used in this chapter. "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty and "Fill Me up" by Staind (my personal favorite). That means I don't own them…I wish all the songs I wrote were just as good.

Now that's all settled, here's the story:

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Journal of Robert Goren

By CJSpooks (AKA the Major Spaz)

Chapter 4, Part 1: Nothing Important Happened Today

Eames sighed. It was raining outside, quite fiercely if she had say in it. This was just a continuation of the rest of the week's weather pattern.

"This weather is really fucked up." Deakins said when he came in.

Her desk was full of paperwork and so was her partner's. Her partner, Detective Bryce Cosocki, was socializing elsewhere. He was a great detective, but not much of a shoulder to cry on. He didn't care much for Eames's constant morbid comments or evil glares when he spoke badly of the late Robert Goren. He was such a jerk at times.

Eames opened up her desk drawer slowly. She needed an aspirin, her head felt as if it were going to pop. She rummaged through the contents. Mostly there was nothing but a file folder, a few pictures of her parents, Bobby, and herself, an old birthday card, and her journal. No aspirin…damn bastard partner must've swiped it. –Eames thought.

She took out her journal and leafed through the previous entries. They all read: Nothing Important Happened Today scribbled over and over on the page. After Bobby left…her life seemed to melt into a crappy goo. It wasn't as happy and satisfying as it once was. It would never be again…without him. Even with her baby daughter she didn't feel right. It wasn't really a family…without the daddy, being Bobby. Especially when Bobby was the one who felt so strongly that families shouldn't get by without a daddy. Shit, I need to let him go. He's not coming back…ever. He's gone. He doesn't exist to me anymore. –She wrote in the journal under today's date.

As she was completing the rest of her paperwork, Jane came over and handed her something. "What's this?" –Eames asked

"Don't know…it's just addressed to you." –Jane replied before walking away.

Eames shrugged as she studied the envelope. It was not handwritten. It was printed up somewhere, like at Kinko's. She hesitated a few more seconds before opening it. She then began to read:

Dearest Alex,

All day

Staring at the ceiling making

Friends with shadows on my wall

All night

We've been apart for so long. I've been trying to count the minutes until we are reunited.

I'm hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good
For something

I might as well be going completely insane without you. You keep me sane and completely real. I mean all that.

Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why

I may not be okay right now. I'm feeling a little sick. I'm not in too much pain. I guess there's something wrong with me. I just need to see you. Then you'll tell me it's okay.

I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell
I know right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I'm thinking I need to get some help now. That's why I went away for awhile. Don't you worry your pretty little head. I'll be back…

I appreciate all you've done. I heard what you said at the cemetery. It was quite a shocker. How's our daughter? Is she all right? Most importantly, are you going to be okay? I'm really incredibly worried about you. I hope everything is okay. I may not sound like myself, you will know why.

It wasn't signed. 'Of course it wasn't…it was just a joke. It had to be…Bobby was not alive and writing letters to her. And he was certainly not communicating beyond the grave. That wouldn't be right.' –Eames thought. She shook her head and went back to her work.

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Part 2: Parental Guidance

Eames arrived home in a stupor. It was a little freaky…the letter she received. It was in the same style that Bobby wrote in his journals. But yet it could not be…or could it? Could he have faked his own death and not told her, Deakins, and Carver…and everyone else in his life? He was sure intelligent enough to pull off something that elaborate. But why do it? What the hell was he doing in all the time that he was gone? Was he playing around with her emotions or was there an actual purpose to all this crap? Shut up, Eames thought, you're scaring yourself. And your imagination is running a little too wild. Was she under the influence of something, or has she been watching way too many movies?

She quickly checked the time and decided that it was a good time for her to pick up the baby from her parents' house. She needed some time to think and take care of the baby.

Twenty minutes later, Eames arrived at the front door of her parent's house. She rang the bell and almost immediately her mom answered. "Hey Mom."

"Hello honey. Alex, come right in. Your dad has the baby in the living room."

Eames followed her mother to the living room and sat don on the old couch. Her father looked about ten years younger when playing with his granddaughter. Eames sighed. It was quite nice seeing the old timers so happy. The former cop looked up and noticed his daughter sitting on the couch. "Alex, it's time to let the baby go already?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Why don't you stay awhile? We're going to have dinner."

Eames was about to protest when her stomach growled suddenly. And the aroma from the kitchen smelled good. "Okay. I have nowhere to go."

When they settled down in the dining room, her mother began to say grace. "Thank you O Lord for the gifts we are about to receive. Bless us all who sit around this table."

Eames put in a silent prayer of strength for herself, safety for the baby, and one for the soul of Bobby Goren.

"Amen." –They all said and began to eat.

After dinner over a cup of coffee, she decided to discuss the letter with her parents. "Mom, Dad, can I tell you something?"

"Of course. What is it? Are you in trouble?" –Her mom asked.

"Is it the job? I know it can be kind of rough." –Her father asked.

"No, it's just…I got this letter at work today. It was addressed to me with no indication of where it came from."

"What did it say?" –Both of them asked instantly.

"It said some things that I find…quite unbelievable. I don't believe it was written by…It just sounded like it was written by…"

"Your partner, Goren, right?" –Her father asked.

"Yeah…but he's dead, I know that. It seemed like real."

"Do you believe that it was him? That he's still out there, Alex?" –Her mother touched her hand as she said this.

"I don't know. I guess…It seems impossible."

"Then find out what it is or isn't. You're a cop after all…you can do some snooping to figure out the writer of the letter." –her father said.

"Yeah…I'm going to do it. I'm going to find out the truth behind all this crap." –Eames said as she picked up the baby and got ready to leave.

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Part 3: Fill Me Up

Later that night, Eames tucked the baby into her crib and relaxed on the couch for some TV before bed. She picked up the remote and started surfing for something to keep her mind off of things. She landed the sci-fi channel and ended up watching a rerun of an X-Files episode. It was one where Mulder had left to go into hiding while Scully was left to care for the baby. Eames sat up abruptly, stunned. This story arc somewhat mirrored her situation. Bobby was…AWOL, somewhere and she was in her apartment with their baby.

"My God! My life is a fucking drama! What's next, Bobby was abducted by aliens all along? Did they do tests on him and he died…but now he's alive! What the hell?" –Eames said loudly, waking the baby.

Eames ran to the nursery and picked the baby up. "I'm sorry. I really am. Your mother is a major sucker…and your father is a crazy fool. Great parents you have, kid."

The baby slowly drifted back to sleep after this truth and Eames decided to get ready for bed herself. She continued to wash her face, brush her teeth, change into her pajamas, and check the locks on her door. When she did so, she realized that a letter had been slipped under her door. It was in the same printed style as the other letter she had received earlier. Eames walked slowly back to her bedroom as she read aloud:

Alex,

As I can tell, you are well. I hope you haven't dismissed my other letter as a joke and thrown it out. You're very good at playing in denial. Don't be blind to this sign. I want you to find me, my love. I want you to use your great skill as a detective. I want you to show Deakins and Carver…they may not believe it all either. Oh, I heard about your new partner…Bryce Cosocki. Tell him to expect a little surprise from me, when I get back. I know what he's said about me…he's a son of a bitch (and a mother fucking cock sucker! Excuse me, sorry).

Here's a special note for you:

I just had to let you know
cuz I don't always let it show

I really need to let you know how much you mean to me.


You give me needed room to grow
and I just had to tell you so

I hope you understand how I'm feeling. I hope you're not furious with me for leaving unexpectedly without letting you know. When I get back, I'll explain it all. I promise never to leave you again.

You fill me up,
you're in my veins

We are one in the same…you complete my emptiness.


A look could take my breath away

I love everything about you. Your beauty stuns me all the time.


And all these things, you give away

You sacrifice so much and you still stick by me, even though many people have warned you about me.


Sometimes I take for granted

When I first met you, I knew there was a connection. Though, I never really cared to acknowledge your presence. I'm sorry I didn't before.


It's just like poetry inside to hear you breathing by my side

I remember the night we spent together so well, like it was yesterday. I lay awake listening to your breathing that night. It was so soothing to me. I felt so safe and sane. I felt as if my demons could not hurt me then.


Like I'm in heaven and I've died

I would've been happy to die right then and there, so peaceful, demon free, and content beyond measure.


So glad you're with me for this ride

Alex, without you there at my side on all the cases we've solved, I probably would have gone crazy.


I see your face to start my day

When you entered the office every morning. My heart felt a little lighter. You always made me feel different.


Makes my all bad dreams go away

Just thinking of you now makes my demons hide from sight. You are the light that heals me.


And all the stupid games we play

I remember all the times we've pulled pranks on each other and fought because of stupid comments between friends…


Wouldn't have it any other way

Those are my happiest moments. My life seems to begin and end with you…time and everything else has no meaning when I'm with you.

Love,

Bobby (the "Crazy Fool")

Eames gasped suddenly. How the hell did he know about that? She has just mentioned it to the baby…Was he here? Was he nearby? Did she feel anything? Eames tried to pull herself back to reality. There was still chance that this was just a joke to get her hopes up.

She needed proof that he was still alive.

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Part 4: Proof in the pudding

Two days later, Eames stood with Deakins, Carver, the M.E. and a group of contractors. They were all helping to exhume the coffin that was supposed to be holding Bobby Goren's body. When she had showed Deakins and Carver the letters and her explanation, they seemed skeptical. Carver deemed it a prank on her emotions and Deakins doubted the scenario of Goren alive heavily. But, with Eames' constant insistence and the "threat" that the whole situation would be told to the commissioner and the District Attorney's Office (which may lead to the cancellation of pensions for the both of them), Deakins and Carver let her disturb the grave.

But the day before they were to, Deakins arranged to again question the man charged with Goren's murder, who was awaiting trial. That lead to a four-hour string of lies, deception, and nothing but bull shit, according to the captain. Though, he did say that the man said, "Detective Goren is not really dead. He is born again." Carver argued that it was hearsay and Eames quipped that they were not in a damn courtroom.

Now, they were all gathered to the opening of the casket. The M.E. stepped forward to open the casket. She put on her gloves and mask, "Everyone cover your noses, unless you're used to something like this." Everyone cringed and complied immediately. Eames braced herself for the outcome. Whatever is in there (or not) is what fate intended. -She thought as she struggled to breathe normally. It was too stressful. She needed to know now.

The M.E. gasped as she opened the lid. Eames, Deakins, and Carver peered inside. It was empty and there did seem to be traces of hair and fibers, which meant that Bobby had once been inside. "Oh God, this is getting more and more complicated." –Eames said quietly.

To be continued…


Sorry for any mistakes in grammar or spelling…mostly typos. I'm slow that way…

Please review…I happen to really like this chapter. Tell me what you think. I promise not to let you wait so long for the next installment.