Author's Note: **MEGA SPOILER!** If you haven't yet finished reading HP&The Order of the Phoenix, you may not want to read this!!
Based on Sirius's POV during particular moments throughout his life. R/R! Btw, this is a songfic... ^_^;;
Disclaimer: Characters, names and places belong to JKRowling. The song is Adam's Song by Blink 182 (the only song of theirs I like ^_~) The li'l bits in between (plotwise) BELONG TO ME - quotes, etc from Sirius's mouth are mine, as are his actions, unless recognised as to be exactly from the Harry Potter series. Don't steal the good bits, in other words.
Forever Gone: Chocolate Eyes
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
Sirius Black gave a sigh and fell back onto the grass next to James and Lily. They both gave him a sad, pitying smile and joined their best friend at looking through the magical clouds into the world of the living. Harry was on the Hogwarts Express, on his way back to Privet Drive after his gruelling fifth year at Hogwarts. Ron and Hermione, who had previously been in the Prefects carriage, walked in and sat down across from their best friend. Luna and Ginny looked up as the two entered. They all looked at Harry. The 15 year old hero was staring out the window, crying silently. In the heaven he and the Potters shared, Sirius looked upon his godson and shed a tear himself, remembering all the times he had wished to be with Harry, and now hating himself for leaving the boy alone.
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
Sirius looked up through his barred window: Azkaban was hell. He couldn't stand it much longer - images of the Potters' ruined home, still blazing in parts; Harry held in Hagrid's arms, who refused to hand over the baby; Peter standing across from him with his wand outheld...
If it hadn't been for that bloody Pettigrew...
"Damn you, Wormtail!" Sirius yelled, and smacked his fist against the solid brick wall, his knuckles shrieking in agony as they emitted spouts of blood. The grief-ridden man transformed himself into his Animagus form and put his head down on his paws, licking the one that was bleeding.
The sorrow and self-hate ebbed away slowly as the power of the Dementors faded - he burrowed his muzzle into the dirt floor under his right paw and fell into a fitful sleep, ignoring the mad screaming coming from a man in the cell opposite.
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
A 16 year old Sirius landed onto the muddy ground and jumped off his broom as James splattered down next to him. The two looked at one other, grinned through the pouring rain and raced to be the first one to hold aloft the Quidditch Cup. The Gryffindor Quidditch Team gathered around the two as they lifted the shiny trophy together, heedless of the merciless weather. Amidst the deafening cheers coming from a blur of people wearing scarlet scarves, James gave a lopsided grin and said, "Well played, Padfoot!"
"You too, Prongs. This outta get Lily's attention on ya, for sure!" Sirius teased, and James blushed as Lily scowled up at him from the crowd.
"Ah..." James said sullenly as the red-head stalked off.
"Well...maybe next year, eh?" Sirius laughed, and patted James on the back, then ran off around the Quidditch pitch, his broomstick in one hand, the cup in another. A swarm of Gryffindors raced after him, cheering his name.
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
They'd just graduated from school less than ten minutes before, but the Hogwarts Marauder's were already in the Three Broomsticks, sculling Butterbeer and Firewhisky, even Lily.
"TO THE END OF OUR LAST YEAR OF DUNGBOMBS AND EXAMS!" Remus shouted, and the other four raised their bottles.
"To an everlasting love!" Peter said groggily, sloshing Butterbeer down his robes. James and Sirius looked at him as though he had gone insane. Lily giggled, and Remus raised an eyebrow, a Butterbeer in his hand.
"Oh...of course!" Sirius exclaimed, then raised his bottle, spilling Firewhisky on the table, unaware of a young Madam Rosmerta watching him with stars in her eyes.
"TO THE EVERLASTING ARGUMENTS!" Sirius roared, nodding at James and Lily with their arms inter locked, a shiny diamond ring on Lily's left wedding finger. Remus laughed, Lily blushed, James scowled and Peter sculled more Butterbeer.
"TO US - MOONY, WORMTAIL, PADFOOT, PRONGS AND MY WIDDLE ANGEL WHO ELUDED ME FOR 6 AND A HALF YEARS!" James bellowed and ordered another Firewhisky. Everyone cheered but Lily, who scowled at the comment. Madam Rosmerta filled up James's goblet, then Sirius invited her to sit on his lap. She giggled, took off her apron, sat sideways on Sirius's thighs as the boy held her around the waist. The six friends raised their drinks and drank to a good year, ignoring the looks from the other customers who were reading about Voldemort's attacks in the Daily Prophet.
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months, I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never step foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault
"No, James! They'd suspect me in an instant! What about Moony?" Sirius said angrily. James was begging Sirius to become his Secret Keeper for the Fidelius Charm that would hide him, Harry and Lily from Voldemort.
"Remus? He refused; he said he wouldn't be strong enough to withstand torture from Voldemort. God knows if he can't, then nobody can but you and Dumbledore! You're an expert at DADA, you can stand stuff like that!" James retorted.
"Don't be so dense - nobody BUT Dumbledore could stand torture off Voldemort. Don't you think I WANT to become your Secret Keeper? I'd die before I told anyone where you were! But think about it - if it came down to it, stealth is better than strength - go for Wormtail! Nobody would suspect him!"
"...Padfoot, you're my best friend, and I'd trust you with anything -" James began.
"I know that," Sirius replied, his throat tight. James gripped his friend's shoulder, and suddenly found he could never place such a burden upon someone he cared for so dearly.
"...Which is why I'll take your advice," James finished, a deep feeling of foreboding swarming in his stomach. He closed his eyes with regret, knowing little chubby Peter could never hold out long. But he had to trust Sirius - he had to. All those years with a tight relationship right from the start - their brotherly love was so rare, he would never risk it for anything, not even his wife and son, as selfish as it sounded.
Sirius embraced James, and said, "I won't let you down, Prongs."
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
Sirius faced Peter on that road - the road whose history would send Sirius to Azkaban.
An anger so intense, so massively red hot coursed through Sirius, and a furious surge crept up into Sirius's stomach as he looked at his best friend's murderer.
"You, Wormtail. You betrayed them," Sirius whispered, his voice tight from hate so extreme he could barely breathe.
Peter gave a smile, his watery eyes bright and excited. Then he put on a fake sob, and shouted amongst false tears,
"Lily and James, Sirius! How could you!"
Sirius's hate gave way into irony - the whole world was about to see this from Peter's story, and nobody would believe a word he said - simply because Peter Pettigrew would 'never lie' - such a nice sweet boy, without friends, but so very kind - why would he lie?
Sirius gave a bitter laugh from the madness of the situation, and as he did, saw Peter give a blast from his hidden wand; saw Peter cut off his finger and run into the sewers as a rat; saw a bunch of Muggles fall dead into a crater that filled the street, as deep as the sewers beyond.
"I failed you, James," Sirius whispered, and a deep darkness crept into his eyes that would forever stay there as a haunting of his past.
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
Sirius, in his Animagus form, watched Harry in a Quidditch Match. It was the match against Hufflepuff in Harry's third year - a few months after Harry had seen Sirius in his dog form in Magnolia Crescent, and thought his godfather to be the Grim. And now, as his animal's vision allowed him to see easily through the pelting rain, Sirius witnessed the strikingly identical ways in which Harry flew on his broom - identical to the way James used to fly. Little Harry James Potter flew as magnificently as his father once did; he was as slender, fast and agile as his father once was; he flew upon his broom with elite speed and as he flew past in a blur, rolling in mid-air, Sirius sighed softly inside his heart - it was almost like James was alive again.
Harry clapped eyes on Sirius and his hand slipped from his broom, his eyes wild and afraid.
"Damn," Sirius thought, then turned and trotted down the back stairs out of the stadium, just before Harry looked up again after regaining his balance.
The Gryffindor Seeker looked among the rows of seats, shook his head, then turned in a race after the Snitch.
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over, we'd survived
I couldn't wait 'til I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
Bellatrix Lestrange shot a curse at Sirius, who ducked the red shot of light and stood up again, laughing at the woman, then yelled, "Come on, you can do better than that!". His voice echoed around the cavernous room, muffling the second cry from Bellatrix. This time, the curse smashed straight into Sirius's chest.
His mouth still laughing, but his eyes widened in shock, Sirius began a fall almost in slow motion. His body arched backwards in an almost graceful manner, then he slowly sank into the veil, the material rippling graciously as the man's body passed through.
The last thoughts to cross his mind were in a blur - he knew what this meant to pass through the veil: he was going to die. And as the veil fluttered as though in a breeze, Sirius knew only three things - he was letting Harry down; he was going to join James again; and that he would forever be in Remus's debt, because of what happened next:
Sirius's heart gave a tug as his godson launched himself towards the dais that held the veil, but was caught around the chest by Remus. Harry was shouting madly, straining to get at his godfather. Sirius's expression was that of mingled fear and surprise, and he saw almost in slow motion the way Harry was struggling madly, his black hair flying wild as he wrestled with Remus, a fire of rage and sorrow flashing in his emerald eyes that once belonged to Lily...
And the veil fluttered to a close, obscuring his vision.
A tear welled up in Sirius's left eye and it spilled over - knowing Harry couldn't hear him but not giving a damn, he gave a massive howl from the deep part of his throat - the dog in him refused to believe his life was over, but Sirius knew it couldn't be helped. His body was stuck in midair, he couldn't move, and the tears splashed onto the dark clouds of forever beneath his motionless body. This midnight-landscape with no shapes or colours slowly swarmed into his senses and he knew no more as the darkness clouded over the once-gorgeous chocolate eyes.
I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I've survived
I can't wait 'til I get home
To pass the time in my room alone.
Author's Note: Yes I know I put a tad of extra detail into the last bit, but it just fit nicely, I thought. Hee. ^-^;; Anyway, sorry if I spoiled anything, but I *did* warn you at the beginning, remember? =p
Oh dear...I just re-read over my work and I feel rather teary-eyed.... ohhh! *Bursts into tears*