Merry and Pippin
Note: Sorry this has taken so long, everybody. I just want to say that A LOT of random Disney (and a few other) fairy tale people show up in this chappy, so I just want to remind you that I don't own any of them. I warn you that this chapter also contains crazy princesses, wooden boys, and an enraged Legolas, so be afraid. Very afraid. Now sit back, read and review!!
~Chapter XII- A Stroll Down Fairy Tale Lane~
"So, Pip, what do you say? Left path, or right?" Merry asked. There was a mischievous hobbit grin on his face.
"I don't know. I mean, everyone's told us to go right, but I just want to get back to Bag End as soon as I can."
"Then let's go left. They said it isn't dangerous, after all."
"Alright." Said Pippin. They started down the left path. It wasn't long before they found themselves surrounded by trees. Birds were singing all around, and cute furry wood animals were scurrying about every which way.
"It's a pity we don't have any 'taters." Sighed Pippin, as he looked longingly at a brace of plump, furry bunnies that rested along the path.
"Yes," agreed Merry, " some Coney stew would really hit the spot right about now." Remember, these two growing hobbits hadn't eaten in almost an hour, and it was almost time for second breakfast. The two Halflings walked on. Very soon, they encountered a small wooden boy walking aimlessly down the path.
"Hello." It said, as it's knobby knees clanked together. "Are you real boys?"
"Umm, no." Merry answered, thinking the boy more than a bit strange. "We're hobbits."
"Really? My name's Pinocchio, and I am a real boy." His stubby wooden nose began to grow. This must have been a regular occurrence, because the puppet boy didn't look at all surprised. He merely pulled out a pocketknife and began to whittle his nose back down to normal size. Merry and Pippin walked a head, going just a little bit faster than they had before. I can't say that I blame them, either.
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Aragorn stared at the sign, confused and bewildered. It just didn't make sense.
'Welcome to the Shire: Population 6 and ½ [Aragorn could see the sign had previously read '7 and ½', but had been scratched out] and still growing'. It read.
"How in Middle Earth can this place have HALF of a person?"
"Hmm," Legolas said, looking like he was deep in thought. "Oh! I know. I remember coming here once before. There's an orc here that fought in the war. He lost a couple limbs." Sure enough, an orc hobbled out of the woods and waved at them with the remains of his right arm. One leg was missing, the other ended at the knee. He also lacked a second arm, an ear, and a good portion of his nose. The two royal friends kept silent until the orc was out of earshot.
"Umm, anyways. . . why did you come here before, Legolas?" Aragorn asked, trying to fill the awkward silence.
Legolas blushed. He mumbled something incoherently.
"What was that, Legolas?"
"Iwentofairytanelane."
"What?"
"I WENT TO FAIRY TALE LANE!" he shouted. Aragorn shuddered. He had never heard of The Shire before his bride hunting began, but he had heard of the feared Fairy Tale Lane. Some people said that they would rather face the Path of the Dead.
"Why ever did you go there?" Legolas blushed once more.
"Well. . . I went because I heard that there was a girl with hair that was long enough to reach the ground from the tallest tower. I thought she might have some good tips on how to take care of a bad hair day (not that I ever have any)."
Aragorn tried without success to hold in the laughter. "She must use more shampoo that you do, Legolas! And what is it with elves and hair? You went to one of the most feared places in Middle Earth to get advice on HAIR?" Aragorn laughed again. Apparently, the combination of his stress from trying to find a wife and the hilarity of Legolas' story had made him forget the most important rule in Middle Earth. I'm going to go ahead and give you the moral. If you don't get anything else out of this, remember: NEVER MAKE FUN OF AN ELF'S HAIR IF YOU HAVE ANY DESIRE WHATSOEVER TO LIVE.
Legolas's fair face was clouded with rage. When Aragorn turned and saw the evil look on his friend's face, he was terrified.
"Run, Hasufel!" He urged his horse. But it was too late. The elf leaped from his own horse, Arod, and tackled Aragorn. And don't be fooled by the slender appearance. Legolas is very strong. The last thing Aragorn saw was an infuriated Legolas binding his arms and legs with elvin rope before hi temporarily blacked out.
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Merry and Pippin were scared. The further down the path they went, the weirder things got. They had already seen a small boy (who was wearing only a red Speedo-thing) dancing with a singing bear, an enstranged white rabbit (who was apparently late for a very important date), and a flying oliphaunt (they had both seen a house fly, and a horse fly, but neither Shire Lad had ever seen an oliphaunt fly). Now, as they looked into the clear blue sky, they saw a green-clad boy zoom overhead.
"Hello! My name is Peter!" He said in a chipper voice. "Would you like to fly? It's easy! All you have to do is think of a happy thought!" He flew off.
"A happy thought, huh? Getting home!" said Merry. However, with the absence on pixie-dust, which Peter had carelessly forgotten, the hobbit stayed firmly on the ground.
"I'd just be happy to get OFF of this road!" Pippin said. "We'll get home eventually."
"OH! You are looking to get home!" cried a bird with a French* accent. "I know a wonderful song that will help you!
You're sure to do impossible things,
If you follow your heart!
Your dreams will fly on magical wings,
If you follow your heart!
North or South or East or West,
Where to point your shoes?
Which direction is the best?
If the choosing gets confusing,
Maybe it's the map you're using!
You don't need a star to guide you!
Close you eyes and look INSIDE you!"
"If only we had some arrows!" lamented Pippin as the two brothers ran away from the crazy bird. Unfortunately, in their haste, they ran off of the path a bit, and stumbled onto two willow trees that were engaged in conversation.
"What's wrong, dear?" asked the first willow, who had the voice and face of an old Native American woman. She wrapped her vines around the second willow tenderly, in a sort of tree-hug.
"That stupid Bombadil fellow ruined my entire day!" replied the second tree. "First, he sings that annoying 'Hey dol, merry dol, ring a dong dillo' song, then he made me release the trespassers that I caught, and then he called me OLD MAN WILLOW! Do you know how HURTFUL that is! I'm not OLD, and I'm definitely NOT a man! I'm a willow, gosh darn it, and I'm proud of it!"
"Oh, I know how you feel, dear. Do you think I like being called Grandmother Willow by that strange little Indian girl? It's not like I'm even HER grandmother. Young people have no respect these days!" The two trees nodded in agreement, before sharing a tree-ish kiss.
"EWWW!" shrieked Merry from the bush that the two hobbits had hid themselves behind.
"Gross!" Agreed Pippin. "Let's get out of here!" And they did.
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When Aragorn finally regained consciousness, he found himself dangling upside down from a tree. Legolas was nowhere in site, and the ranger thought himself blessed for that. He began working the knots that bound him loose. He knew he needed to be hasty. The blood would start rushing to his head soon, and he had had bad experiences before. This wasn't the first time he had insulted his elvin friend's hair.
Meanwhile, Legolas had found a stream nearby and was bathing. He knew he needed to calm down, and washing his hair always removed his stress. He couldn't help but think about his visit to Rapunzel.
~Cool Flashback-y Type Sequence~
"Hello? Is anyone up there?" Legolas called. He stood before the door less tower that was rumored to house the beautiful maiden with the long, golden hair.
"I'm here!" called a sweet voice. A face appeared in the window high above the elf's head. "I'm Rapunzel."
"And I am Legolas Greenleaf. I came here to seek your advice on hair." He shouted to Rapunzel.
"Why don't you come up here and we'll talk?"
"That would be great! But how do I get up there? I don't see a door, or any stairs!" Legolas was very curious about how he would reach the woman. Suddenly, her long hair cascaded down, glimmering in the sun. Legolas was transfixed.
"Here you go! Just climb on up!" Legolas paled.
"You want me to climb up your HAIR!" He felt like he could faint. She wanted him to put his feet in her hair, to climb up it. That would get it dirty and tangled, and doubtlessly hurt her. He wasn't so sure that this was the person he wanted to get hair advice from.
"I think I'll just pass." He said. He was sure he was going to be sick.
"Must be afraid of heights." Rapunzel murmured to herself as the elf quickly left.
~Un-Cool Flashback-y Type Sequence~
Legolas carefully rinsed the shampoo from his hair. He knew he shouldn't have been so hard on Aragorn. They were both very stressed out.
"Why couldn't he have just married Eowyn?" Legolas asked himself.
"There are a number of reasons, Legolas." Answered Aragorn, who had freed himself and snuck up on the unsuspecting elf.
"She seems so perfect for you, Estel. She's smart, beautiful, strong, independent, and she's falling all over herself to get you to notice her. What's not to like about her?"
"I like her well enough, friend. But I don't love her. Faramir does."
Legolas sighed and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'you outrank him, who cares what he thinks.'
"Legolas." Aragorn said sternly. "Faramir loves her. And I'm sure that when she gets over this infatuation with me, she'll realize that she loves him too. In fact, I'm willing to bet that they'll be engaged by the time we get back to Gondor."
A mischievous smirk spread across the archer's face. "How much?"
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"Merry. We have to stop. I'm sooo tired." Pippin wailed. Merry was tired as well, but he wanted to get out of the Fairy Tale neck of the woods as quickly as possible. He considered for a moment.
"Alright. That clearing looks pretty safe. We'll go rest there for a while."
The two hobbits sat down under a tree. Soon, large amounts of furry woodland creatures began gathering nearby.
"Is everyone here?" asked a bossy sounding squirrel. A chipmunk saluted it, so the squirrel continued talking.
"I'd like to welcome everyone to the Cute Furry Woodland Creature Union meeting. I think I speak for everyone here when I say I'm tired of always being in the background of these movies!"
'Merry, what's a movie?' Pippin whispered.
"Hear, hear!" shouted the other animals.
"I'm tired of letting some ditsy princess steal the spotlight while I'm the one making the setting so cute."
"Yes!" shouted the animals again.
" I've dedicated my whole life to this job, and have I ever gotten a lead role?"
"NO!"
"We have!" shouted a painfully naïve little deer, who had just walked in with a rabbit and a skunk. The other animals began to glare daggers at the trio, who finally got the impression that they weren't wanted there and left the meeting. The squirrel continued.
"We've got to fight for our rights as adorable woodland creatures. Are you with me, yay or nay?
"Yay!"
Merry and Pippin were quite frightened by how violent and assertive the little bunnies and chipmunks were getting. They decided that they didn't need any more rest when the leader squirrel suggested violent protests to get better roles in 'movies' and good dental insurance.
There was a sigh of relief as both Shirelings saw the end of the path nearing. They were almost free! Key word- almost. A little girl in a checkered blue dress and a picnic basket stopped them.
"Are you munchkins?" she asked enthusiastically.
"No, we're hobbits. And if you'll excuse us, we'll be going home now." Pippin answered for the both of them.
"Oh, I know how to get home! Just tap your heels together three times and say 'there's no place like home'."
"I think we'll just stick to our way, if that's alright with you." Said Merry. He eyed the girl's picnic basket hungrily. His fear of these weird people didn't go as far as to refuse food from them. Suddenly, the basket popped open, and a little dog's head peeked out. Merry's eyes widened. Pippin screamed in horror. Both hobbits ran off, leaving a very confused girl and her dog in their dust.
"Pippin?" Merry asked, panting from their sprint. They had done it! There had finally reached the end of Fairy Tale Lane.
"What Merry?"
"I don't think I could ever be THAT hungry!" Merry wondered why such an innocent looking girl would want to eat a dog.
"I don't think so either. But look Merry! We're almost home!"
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This chapter has two main morals: Stay away from Fairy Tale Lane, and of course NEVER MAKE FUN OF AN ELF'S HAIR.
Do you have any suggestions? Next chapter, the hobbits (quite literally) run into Aragorn and Legolas. (Oh, gasp of excitement!) And I think I've discovered a new romantic couple- Grandmother and Old Man Willow! It's a match made in heaven!
*At least, a French accent defined by American T.V.
Note: Sorry this has taken so long, everybody. I just want to say that A LOT of random Disney (and a few other) fairy tale people show up in this chappy, so I just want to remind you that I don't own any of them. I warn you that this chapter also contains crazy princesses, wooden boys, and an enraged Legolas, so be afraid. Very afraid. Now sit back, read and review!!
~Chapter XII- A Stroll Down Fairy Tale Lane~
"So, Pip, what do you say? Left path, or right?" Merry asked. There was a mischievous hobbit grin on his face.
"I don't know. I mean, everyone's told us to go right, but I just want to get back to Bag End as soon as I can."
"Then let's go left. They said it isn't dangerous, after all."
"Alright." Said Pippin. They started down the left path. It wasn't long before they found themselves surrounded by trees. Birds were singing all around, and cute furry wood animals were scurrying about every which way.
"It's a pity we don't have any 'taters." Sighed Pippin, as he looked longingly at a brace of plump, furry bunnies that rested along the path.
"Yes," agreed Merry, " some Coney stew would really hit the spot right about now." Remember, these two growing hobbits hadn't eaten in almost an hour, and it was almost time for second breakfast. The two Halflings walked on. Very soon, they encountered a small wooden boy walking aimlessly down the path.
"Hello." It said, as it's knobby knees clanked together. "Are you real boys?"
"Umm, no." Merry answered, thinking the boy more than a bit strange. "We're hobbits."
"Really? My name's Pinocchio, and I am a real boy." His stubby wooden nose began to grow. This must have been a regular occurrence, because the puppet boy didn't look at all surprised. He merely pulled out a pocketknife and began to whittle his nose back down to normal size. Merry and Pippin walked a head, going just a little bit faster than they had before. I can't say that I blame them, either.
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Aragorn stared at the sign, confused and bewildered. It just didn't make sense.
'Welcome to the Shire: Population 6 and ½ [Aragorn could see the sign had previously read '7 and ½', but had been scratched out] and still growing'. It read.
"How in Middle Earth can this place have HALF of a person?"
"Hmm," Legolas said, looking like he was deep in thought. "Oh! I know. I remember coming here once before. There's an orc here that fought in the war. He lost a couple limbs." Sure enough, an orc hobbled out of the woods and waved at them with the remains of his right arm. One leg was missing, the other ended at the knee. He also lacked a second arm, an ear, and a good portion of his nose. The two royal friends kept silent until the orc was out of earshot.
"Umm, anyways. . . why did you come here before, Legolas?" Aragorn asked, trying to fill the awkward silence.
Legolas blushed. He mumbled something incoherently.
"What was that, Legolas?"
"Iwentofairytanelane."
"What?"
"I WENT TO FAIRY TALE LANE!" he shouted. Aragorn shuddered. He had never heard of The Shire before his bride hunting began, but he had heard of the feared Fairy Tale Lane. Some people said that they would rather face the Path of the Dead.
"Why ever did you go there?" Legolas blushed once more.
"Well. . . I went because I heard that there was a girl with hair that was long enough to reach the ground from the tallest tower. I thought she might have some good tips on how to take care of a bad hair day (not that I ever have any)."
Aragorn tried without success to hold in the laughter. "She must use more shampoo that you do, Legolas! And what is it with elves and hair? You went to one of the most feared places in Middle Earth to get advice on HAIR?" Aragorn laughed again. Apparently, the combination of his stress from trying to find a wife and the hilarity of Legolas' story had made him forget the most important rule in Middle Earth. I'm going to go ahead and give you the moral. If you don't get anything else out of this, remember: NEVER MAKE FUN OF AN ELF'S HAIR IF YOU HAVE ANY DESIRE WHATSOEVER TO LIVE.
Legolas's fair face was clouded with rage. When Aragorn turned and saw the evil look on his friend's face, he was terrified.
"Run, Hasufel!" He urged his horse. But it was too late. The elf leaped from his own horse, Arod, and tackled Aragorn. And don't be fooled by the slender appearance. Legolas is very strong. The last thing Aragorn saw was an infuriated Legolas binding his arms and legs with elvin rope before hi temporarily blacked out.
()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_() ()_()
Merry and Pippin were scared. The further down the path they went, the weirder things got. They had already seen a small boy (who was wearing only a red Speedo-thing) dancing with a singing bear, an enstranged white rabbit (who was apparently late for a very important date), and a flying oliphaunt (they had both seen a house fly, and a horse fly, but neither Shire Lad had ever seen an oliphaunt fly). Now, as they looked into the clear blue sky, they saw a green-clad boy zoom overhead.
"Hello! My name is Peter!" He said in a chipper voice. "Would you like to fly? It's easy! All you have to do is think of a happy thought!" He flew off.
"A happy thought, huh? Getting home!" said Merry. However, with the absence on pixie-dust, which Peter had carelessly forgotten, the hobbit stayed firmly on the ground.
"I'd just be happy to get OFF of this road!" Pippin said. "We'll get home eventually."
"OH! You are looking to get home!" cried a bird with a French* accent. "I know a wonderful song that will help you!
You're sure to do impossible things,
If you follow your heart!
Your dreams will fly on magical wings,
If you follow your heart!
North or South or East or West,
Where to point your shoes?
Which direction is the best?
If the choosing gets confusing,
Maybe it's the map you're using!
You don't need a star to guide you!
Close you eyes and look INSIDE you!"
"If only we had some arrows!" lamented Pippin as the two brothers ran away from the crazy bird. Unfortunately, in their haste, they ran off of the path a bit, and stumbled onto two willow trees that were engaged in conversation.
"What's wrong, dear?" asked the first willow, who had the voice and face of an old Native American woman. She wrapped her vines around the second willow tenderly, in a sort of tree-hug.
"That stupid Bombadil fellow ruined my entire day!" replied the second tree. "First, he sings that annoying 'Hey dol, merry dol, ring a dong dillo' song, then he made me release the trespassers that I caught, and then he called me OLD MAN WILLOW! Do you know how HURTFUL that is! I'm not OLD, and I'm definitely NOT a man! I'm a willow, gosh darn it, and I'm proud of it!"
"Oh, I know how you feel, dear. Do you think I like being called Grandmother Willow by that strange little Indian girl? It's not like I'm even HER grandmother. Young people have no respect these days!" The two trees nodded in agreement, before sharing a tree-ish kiss.
"EWWW!" shrieked Merry from the bush that the two hobbits had hid themselves behind.
"Gross!" Agreed Pippin. "Let's get out of here!" And they did.
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When Aragorn finally regained consciousness, he found himself dangling upside down from a tree. Legolas was nowhere in site, and the ranger thought himself blessed for that. He began working the knots that bound him loose. He knew he needed to be hasty. The blood would start rushing to his head soon, and he had had bad experiences before. This wasn't the first time he had insulted his elvin friend's hair.
Meanwhile, Legolas had found a stream nearby and was bathing. He knew he needed to calm down, and washing his hair always removed his stress. He couldn't help but think about his visit to Rapunzel.
~Cool Flashback-y Type Sequence~
"Hello? Is anyone up there?" Legolas called. He stood before the door less tower that was rumored to house the beautiful maiden with the long, golden hair.
"I'm here!" called a sweet voice. A face appeared in the window high above the elf's head. "I'm Rapunzel."
"And I am Legolas Greenleaf. I came here to seek your advice on hair." He shouted to Rapunzel.
"Why don't you come up here and we'll talk?"
"That would be great! But how do I get up there? I don't see a door, or any stairs!" Legolas was very curious about how he would reach the woman. Suddenly, her long hair cascaded down, glimmering in the sun. Legolas was transfixed.
"Here you go! Just climb on up!" Legolas paled.
"You want me to climb up your HAIR!" He felt like he could faint. She wanted him to put his feet in her hair, to climb up it. That would get it dirty and tangled, and doubtlessly hurt her. He wasn't so sure that this was the person he wanted to get hair advice from.
"I think I'll just pass." He said. He was sure he was going to be sick.
"Must be afraid of heights." Rapunzel murmured to herself as the elf quickly left.
~Un-Cool Flashback-y Type Sequence~
Legolas carefully rinsed the shampoo from his hair. He knew he shouldn't have been so hard on Aragorn. They were both very stressed out.
"Why couldn't he have just married Eowyn?" Legolas asked himself.
"There are a number of reasons, Legolas." Answered Aragorn, who had freed himself and snuck up on the unsuspecting elf.
"She seems so perfect for you, Estel. She's smart, beautiful, strong, independent, and she's falling all over herself to get you to notice her. What's not to like about her?"
"I like her well enough, friend. But I don't love her. Faramir does."
Legolas sighed and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like 'you outrank him, who cares what he thinks.'
"Legolas." Aragorn said sternly. "Faramir loves her. And I'm sure that when she gets over this infatuation with me, she'll realize that she loves him too. In fact, I'm willing to bet that they'll be engaged by the time we get back to Gondor."
A mischievous smirk spread across the archer's face. "How much?"
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"Merry. We have to stop. I'm sooo tired." Pippin wailed. Merry was tired as well, but he wanted to get out of the Fairy Tale neck of the woods as quickly as possible. He considered for a moment.
"Alright. That clearing looks pretty safe. We'll go rest there for a while."
The two hobbits sat down under a tree. Soon, large amounts of furry woodland creatures began gathering nearby.
"Is everyone here?" asked a bossy sounding squirrel. A chipmunk saluted it, so the squirrel continued talking.
"I'd like to welcome everyone to the Cute Furry Woodland Creature Union meeting. I think I speak for everyone here when I say I'm tired of always being in the background of these movies!"
'Merry, what's a movie?' Pippin whispered.
"Hear, hear!" shouted the other animals.
"I'm tired of letting some ditsy princess steal the spotlight while I'm the one making the setting so cute."
"Yes!" shouted the animals again.
" I've dedicated my whole life to this job, and have I ever gotten a lead role?"
"NO!"
"We have!" shouted a painfully naïve little deer, who had just walked in with a rabbit and a skunk. The other animals began to glare daggers at the trio, who finally got the impression that they weren't wanted there and left the meeting. The squirrel continued.
"We've got to fight for our rights as adorable woodland creatures. Are you with me, yay or nay?
"Yay!"
Merry and Pippin were quite frightened by how violent and assertive the little bunnies and chipmunks were getting. They decided that they didn't need any more rest when the leader squirrel suggested violent protests to get better roles in 'movies' and good dental insurance.
There was a sigh of relief as both Shirelings saw the end of the path nearing. They were almost free! Key word- almost. A little girl in a checkered blue dress and a picnic basket stopped them.
"Are you munchkins?" she asked enthusiastically.
"No, we're hobbits. And if you'll excuse us, we'll be going home now." Pippin answered for the both of them.
"Oh, I know how to get home! Just tap your heels together three times and say 'there's no place like home'."
"I think we'll just stick to our way, if that's alright with you." Said Merry. He eyed the girl's picnic basket hungrily. His fear of these weird people didn't go as far as to refuse food from them. Suddenly, the basket popped open, and a little dog's head peeked out. Merry's eyes widened. Pippin screamed in horror. Both hobbits ran off, leaving a very confused girl and her dog in their dust.
"Pippin?" Merry asked, panting from their sprint. They had done it! There had finally reached the end of Fairy Tale Lane.
"What Merry?"
"I don't think I could ever be THAT hungry!" Merry wondered why such an innocent looking girl would want to eat a dog.
"I don't think so either. But look Merry! We're almost home!"
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This chapter has two main morals: Stay away from Fairy Tale Lane, and of course NEVER MAKE FUN OF AN ELF'S HAIR.
Do you have any suggestions? Next chapter, the hobbits (quite literally) run into Aragorn and Legolas. (Oh, gasp of excitement!) And I think I've discovered a new romantic couple- Grandmother and Old Man Willow! It's a match made in heaven!
*At least, a French accent defined by American T.V.