Does he realize…?
He realizes it's all his fault, but does he realize what he lost? He said he didn't want to ruin our friendship, but does he realize how much damage he did to it? Does he realize that in his attempt to not be hurt, he broke my heart? Does he realize that just because people in his past hurt him, doesn't mean that everyone in his future will?
The glass was cold beneath my fingertips. I traced each silvery liquid line down the window pane. Watched the rain fall from the sky, softly touch the land, quenching the earth's thirst. The rain; it made me want to cry. To pour out every last emotion, till I was empty inside. Yet, I had cried too much…
I had cried too much over a man who…who…broke my heart? I suppose that's what he did… I heard it shatter when he left. I heard the pieces hit the floor in quiet grievance. The tears tickled my eyes, then, and fell to the floor, mingling with the broken shards of my existence.
He had left with the soft plea that we just be friends. That this couldn't go on anymore, that he needed it to stop. But, I could never be friends with someone who still held my heart so tightly clenched in their fist. I wouldn't be able to look at him without remembering the feel of his smooth skin, the glimmer in his grey eyes, the touch of his lips.
I released a shaky breath. I don't know if he even saw that in his attempt to escape the pain that he thinks could follow a normal relationship he completely squashed my heart. Completely ruined my dreams…
And left me feeling as if I could no longer live…
No longer go on…
He had spilt every thing to me. All his fears about his childhood, all his worries and doubts. Doesn't he know that just because his father tormented him, bruising him in body and soul…that just because his mother stood by and watched…doesn't mean all people are so heartless?
I turned from the window, facing the cold room. It held no warmth, no solace… only the faint remnants of all that had been. Of all the distantly fading dreams she had hoped to one day accomplish with him by her side…
Doesn't he know what he lost? Doesn't he understand that no one, no one could possibly love him like I did? My hand shook as I trailed it across the cotton of the comforter, along the lacquered edges of the mahogany dresser.
Tears slipped once more, unbidden from my eyes. They hit the wooden floor with an echoic thump. It seemed to ring through the room. My eyes swam as I stepped in front of the mirror…
Yes, he had hurt me… deep down…
He had torn some deep piece of me and taken it with him…
I picked up a silver framed picture, running my fingers gently over the glass, over the image of a smiling Draco. His blonde hair wind ruffled and his eyes alight with a laughter I had witnessed only after they had come together…
Oh, but something I would never forget…
Ever…
I replaced the picture, sitting down on the stool, still staring into the mirror. God knows what he ever saw in me. I touched my cheek, felt the cool traces of tears. Chocolate eyes watered and threatened to spill.
What did he see in me?
How pathetic I am… Crying… was he?
Did he mourn for me the way I mourn for him?
Or had he already replaced me…?
It was a sickening feeling that ripped another choking sob from deep inside, that hidden place that he seemed to have crushed when he left. I wasn't meant for this type of emotional pain. I couldn't stand it… all these painful remembrances. They fill the room.
I can still smell his cologne, still feel his hands, still taste him…
He's always here…
Was this why he ran? Did he not want to feel this way? Did he not want to endure the onslaught of emotions? Was he afraid that if I left him he wouldn't be able to cope? So, he left me… left me to bear the unbearable…
Left me to fend for myself…
How selfish he was… that in doing all this… did he have no thought on what might happen to me? How I might cope? What if I couldn't handle it? What if I caved in with emotional regret…?
Would he even care…?
Would he come back then…?
Craving the forgiveness that I so want him to beg for…
Does he realize that in all the egotistical acts he performed…
He left me hanging…
Left me wanted…
Left me… slowly…
Slowly…
Dying…