Guys Night Out: Part Three
As told by Funyunboi.
(....I want a Funyun........)
....mmm.....Jessica.........not here, we'll get......mmm........
Hawk smiled, his eyes closed. He turned and pulled his beautiful one closer to him, lost in the sweet bliss that was 'Jessica'. He pondered to himself how he ever could have thought of another woman, how there ever could have been ANYONE else, even BEFORE he met her. He loved her, that much he knew. That ALONE he knew. He leaned forward, locking lips with her, and felt her arm fall heavy against his side.
......have you been working out, Jess?....
....I love you, Jess.........
....I'm so alone without you.....
"I wuz lonely buhfor yoo, baybuh."
....I know.........
...
.....Jess, is there something in your mouth? You're talking funny.....
"I ates your bread, sorry. I always talk dis ways, though. Gimme 'nuther kiss, pretty li'l boy...."
...
Hawk's eyes fluttered opened.
Hawk screamed.
"DAMMIT! DAMN YOU!"
"Aw, coom on, baybuh..."
"THERE ARE TWO BEDS IN THIS CELL! ONE FOR ME, AND ONE FOR YOU!"
He dashed towards the bars.
"GUARD! GUUUAAAAAAARRRRRD!"
Hawk started as he heard something rustling behind him, and flipped around, his back to the bars.
"You! You just......you just STAY THERE, Bubba! STAY! STAY!"
His large cellmate froze, staring at him. Hawk waited, staring down the large man, before slowly turning back towards the bars.
"GUARD! GUARD, DAMMIT, GET OVER HERE!"
He whipped back around to face Bubba, praying to whatever would hear him that the guard would show up. Soon. Bubba was still frozen in place.
Hawk had only been in the cell a few hours, but in that brief amount of time, he had let his guard down and fallen asleep on numerous occasions, always to the same result: Bubba would, without fail, remove his clothes and climb in bed with Hawk, brushing his hair and ultimately trying to.....well.........
Hawk licked his lips nervously, and banged on the bars some more.
....fat assed, donut munchin'.........
"GUAAARRRRRRD! HE'S DOING IT AGAIN!"
***
Captain Maplan, the man who Hawk incessantly (and, as far as the Captain was concerned, incorrectly) referred to as 'Guard', was asleep at his desk, having, in fact, munched far too many donuts that day.
***
Hawk kept his stare level and strong, trying to conceal the growing panic in him. He had learned that his cell mate, Bubba, was, in essence, nothing more than a big, dumb, amorous rabbit. If you could hold his gaze, he wouldn't move a muscle.
.....Duran, I swear to you, if I ever get out of this place, the very first thing I'm going to do is get you drunk again and throw you in this cell to rot.
***
Captain Maplan groaned, and belched quite loudly, waking himself in the process. He sniffed the air, smelling something faintly akin to bacon, before shaking his head and staring down at his desk.
Captain Maplan was the head of a small contingent of guards that kept the peace in this sleepy little town. And it was just that: A sleepy, LITTLE town. He hadn't met quota in months, half the residents of the town agreed that the guards weren't even needed.
But tonight, tonight, TONIGHT! Captain Maplan himself had apprehended a dangerous criminal! A murderer!
Well, an attempted murderer, anyways. This was a story he would be telling his grandchildren, and that they would tell their grandchildren!
He settled back in his chair, and reviewed his report:
2:30 AM, Mana Standard Time.
Tonight, I, with the assistance of my town Guard, apprehended an attempted murderer, by the name of Hawkeye of Navarre. Mr. Hawkeye was found in the middle of the street, bludgeoning another young man, a Duran of Forcena, with the hilt of a long, narrow dagger, owned by Mr. Hawkeye. Upon apprehension, Mr. Hawkeye denied any intent to murder, 'informing' us that he was a friend of Mr. Duran, and that Mr. Duran, in a drunken stupor, had attempted to 'attack' the local......pub. When asked as to how one may attack a building, Mr. Hawkeye replied, rather ashamed, that 'Duran thought it was a dragon.'
Mr. Hawkeye was taken into custody, and Mr. Duran, who appeared quite disheveled and drunken, was released to the local hospital, where the dedicated nursing staff is attempting to relieve the pain of his head wounds.
Mr. Hawkeye is being held on charges of assault and attempted murder.
My personal opinion on the two 'gentlemen' involved? Mr. Hawkeye hails from Navarre, a dangerous land, so it is quite safe to say that he has already murdered several hundred innocents in cold blood.
Mr. Duran seems to be nothing more than your standard transient. The nursing staff will treat him and send him on his way with some candy and a 'Junior Doctor' sticker.
***
To be continued.....again.....as usual.