The Match Game
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. Never have. Never will.
Summary: Harm and Mac get a special assignment that gives them some ideas. It's a bit of an alternate universe. I know some of the folks in the panel are dead, but I couldn't bear to replace them.
Friday Morning
JAG Headquarters
Harm and Mac walked into the Admiral's office. "You wanted to see us, sir?" Harm asked.
"Yes, Commander, Colonel. We've received an, um, invitation, for two officers to be panelists on a game show. The Match Game PM, have you heard of it?" AJ looked at Harm.
"No, I haven't, sir. But then, I don't watch much TV," Harm responded.
Mac stared at him. "Never heard of the Match Game? It's my favorite game show! I have my VCR set up to tape it so I won't miss it even when I'm away on assignments."
"I'm glad you think so, Colonel. I was thinking of sending you and the Commander here. It would be good PR for the military in general and JAG in specific. I've arranged for Commander Turner and Lieutenant Roberts to take care of your cases while you're gone."
"Sir, I don't think …" Harm began to protest, but was silenced by a look from Mac. "It sounds like a great idea. When do we leave?"
"They'll be taping Monday, so your flight leaves Sunday afternoon. Your return flight is Tuesday evening. Have a great time." With that, the Admiral dismissed them.
Monday Afternoon
Burbank, California
"Here we are." Mac put the car in park. "Come on, let's go."
"I don't know why I let you and the Admiral talk me into this," Harm moaned as they walked into the television studio.
Mac smiled at him. "Because it will be fun. This is something I've always wanted to do."
They were greeted at the door by an intern. "Right on time. If you'll follow me, we'll get you into make up and on the set."
"Last chance to back out, Mac," Harm's voice took on a wheedling tone. "How about dinner and a movie? I'll even pay."
"Not on your life, sailor," Mac countered. She took him firmly by the arm and led him into the building.
"Get ready to match the stars!" The camera panned towards the panel. "Brett Somers, Charles Nelson Reilly, Fannie Flagg, Richard Dawson and special guest panelists Marine Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie and Navy Commander Harmon Rabb, as we play the star-studded, big money Match Game PM! And now, here's the star of Match Game PM, Gene Rayburn!"
Harm cringed as the host made his entrance. Hopefully I can get through this with a minimum of embarrassment, he thought to himself. He looked over at Mac, who looked excited to be there.
"And let's meet our two contestants. Jerry Anderson is a plumber from Long Beach, California. How are you tonight, Jerry?"
"Great, Gene. I'm ready to play the game."
"Our other contestant is Sally Baxter, a computer programmer from Louisville, Colorado. And how are you my dear?" Gene leaned in towards the attractive young woman.
"Just fine, Gene."
"So are we ready to play? Time for round one. This question is for Jerry." Gene pulled out his cue card and read, "Tiny Tim said, 'My real name is Ralph Tim. I got the name Tiny in school when my teacher measured my BLANK." The audience began laughing.
The music started to play, the cue for the panel to write down their answers. Everyone was scribbling furiously. Harm looked over at Mac, who had a mischievous grin on her face. That gave him an evil idea.
"Time's up," Gene announced. He repeated the question and Jerry answered "guitar". Gene went to the panelists for their answers. He had one match when they came to Harm. He held up his card, which read, "Feet." "And you know what they say about the size of a man's feet. Big feet … large … shoes." He looked at Mac significantly, and she blushed.
Mac was the next to show her answer. She had written down "Feet" as well. Gene ribbed her a little for that. "Is there something you can tell us about the Commander?" Both she and Harm blushed now.
The next question was Sally's. "Wendy the Widow said, 'I want to treasure the memory of my husband forever – when he died, I cut off his BLANK and put it in a safe deposit box."
After the panel finished writing their answers, Gene asked for Sally's answer. She came up with "curly hair". No one matched her. When it was Harm's turn, he held up his card, which read "head". Mac's card had the same answer again. This time, the rest of the panel joined in the teasing. Brett Somers wanted to know which head were they were thinking of.
Harm just smiled wickedly. Mac was shooting him dirty looks.
Sally was eliminated and it was time for Super Match. Jerry picked Mac, Harm and Richard. The phrase was "BLANK kiss."
Richard's answer was "Hershey's". Mac had "French". Harm was slow to turn his card over. "What is it?" Gene asked him, taking the card. His eyes widened. "Well, you matched the Colonel at least." His card read "French".
Jerry went with Richard's answer, which won him $250.00. He went on to the final round, where he lost on the one-on-one match with Brett Somers as his partner,
As the show closed, Gene said to Harm and Mac, "None of the contestants matched your answers, but you matched each other every time. And those answers were more than a little … interesting. Maybe you two should get a room somewhere…" As soon as the words left his mouth, Harm and Mac jumped up from their seats and ran out of the studio hand in hand.