Disclaimer: If I´d own the Matrix and the Twins….but unfortunately I don´t
**
„Okay, how do we proceed? "Asked Neo, watching Felice run around like a mad chicken.
One and Two tried quite helpless to calm her down but just received snippy comments.
Niobe looked like a cat that just ate the canary.
Morpheus looked quite tired and worn out.
Trinity desperately tried to banish the image of abused sock hand dolls out of her mind.
"The limousine is ready!" one of the servants announced.
Morpheus decided to take matters into his own hands.
"Trinity you'll accompany Felice. Take the limousine and fetch these parents of hers. And take your time, we've still got a lot to prepare for this little…theatre or comedy or however you want to call it!" he rubbed his forehead and felt a headache rise at the horizon.
He looked at the twins and furrowed his brow.
"Well, I fear you- "he pointed at One.
"Will have to make yourself invisible for the time her parents are here!"
"What??" One flared up.
"Oh come on, how will you explain yourself? It will be difficult enough to present Two as her husband, looking like he does! But introducing an identical twin, who also has the hots for her daughter, will raise more problems then it's worth it!" Neo said.
"Don't even think that I voluntarily-
One started but was distracted as Felice looked at him pleadingly out of bambi eyes.
Later, Trinity sweared that you almost could see how One´s macho attitude melted like ice in the sunshine.
"No chance, I won't……"
More bambi eyes.
"Okay, okay…" grumbled One and flung himself into one of the armchairs, muttering under his breath.
Trinity tapped Felice on the shoulder.
"Let's go!"
**
"Mama, Papa, over here!" Felice shouted and waved at the elderly couple that emerged out of the airport's gangway.
Trinity felt quite uncomfortable in the Chanel suit one of Mr Barney's female employees had lend her and Felice. She was not used to short, tight skirts and fought the impulse to tug at it every minute. But what truly got on her nerves was the ugly hair slide Barney forced her to wear, claiming that it suited perfectly to her. It was a big bow, out of black satin with big white polka dots on it. A bow with polka dots and a checked woman's suit. She truly wished for a paper bag to hide her face.
Felices parents got into sight and Trinity used the opportunity to watch them. Mr Guildenstern was a tall man with greyish hair in a dark pinstripes suit and a cigar between the teeth. He looked a bit like a Mafiosi, Trinity pondered. Mrs Guildenstern didn't walk, she floated over the ground. Clad in a vanilla dress with matching stole and hand bag, she was every inch a lady. You could clearly see from where Felice got her raven hair and the stunning eyes. But unlike Felice, Mrs Guildenstern senior was cold as ice and hard as diamond. Felice had inherited her mother's looks but fortunately her father's good natured temper.
Her parents hadn't changed much. They looked exactly like Trinity remembered them from her school days.
"At least Two will suffice your mother's fashion sense!" Trinity murmured to Felice, trying to cheer her up a bit.
Mr Barney had forced all of them to change into more formal clothes, except Morpheus and the Twins who already wore suits.
Felice started to giggle and then, of course, swallowed the air the wrong way.
Coughing and gasping for air, she leaned into Trinity who started to stagger in the unfamiliar high heels she was wearing, all the time giggling like mad women.
Trinity could already see a resentful look forming on Mrs Guildenstern senior's face.
Felice noticed it too and tried to straighten up herself.
"Mama, welcome! How was your flight?" she embraced her mother very formally and kissed her on the cheek. Then she flung herself into her father's arms.
"Hallo Papa, wie geht es dir? I missed you."
„Ah daughter you squeeze me to death one day! We're fine, the flight was comfortable. And if that isn't the young Miss Trinity, how are you my dear?"
Trinity resisted the urge to curtsy and shook his hand.
Mrs Guildenstern eyed her appraisingly.
"My, what a charming young Lady you've become. Chanel really suits you my dear!"
"Now Felice, where's your husband? After all we made this long journey to finally meet him!"
"He awaits us at the mansion where we have our…uhm.."
"Honeymoon" Trinity helped out.
"What mansion?" her mother asked suspiciously.
"It's a country residence. Now let's drive, dinner will soon be served!" Felice stammered and pushed her parents to the exit.
**
"I don't feel all too well.." Neo complained as he tried his borrowed suit.
The Twins snickered.
"If you had any sense for fashion left, you didn't have to lend one of the waiter's suits!" One smirked and removed an imaginary grain of dust from his ultra clean and ultra crease free lapel.
"Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me that my clothing sucks?"
"You look like a sissy in this…dressing gown of yours!" Two grinned.
"That's not a dressing gown, that's a handmade coat, tailored especially after my measures and my wishes!" Neo pouted and grabbed the borrowed necktie. Black with white polka dots. If you looked too long at it you got a headache or even worse things.
He looked into the mirror and pondered.
"Look Two, I bet he doesn't even know how to properly bind a tie!" One sniggered.
They watched Neo as he fumbled with the piece of black and white material.
"Aaarrgh!" he cried out in frustration.
"Don't worry, I help you!" Two smirked and grabbed after the abomination in tie shape.
"Will you stop squirming?" Two asked as he proceeded to bind Neo´s tie.
"That's way too tight! You strangle me, help!" Neo managed to gulp.
His face blossomed into an unhealthy bluish-reddish colour.
"Bullshit, if I'm doing something, I'm doing it proper!" Two smirked.
"Oh how I wished I had a camera!" One laughed and held his sides.
Niobe suddenly entered the room, wearing a man's suit and looking extremely pissed off.
"Stop fooling around boys, Barney's waiting. Now get your lazy asses downstairs!"
Two stopped strangling Neo and adjusted his own tie in front f the mirror while Neo gasped for air and loosened the gallows rope around his neck and tried to collect the remains of his dignity.
"If you dare to do that again I'll rip every single dread off your head!" he spat.
"Did you hear that, brother? Now he's trying to intimidate me!" Two said.
One just smiled smugly.
**
They went to the entrance hall where Morpheus and Mr Barney already awaited them.
"Okay, does everybody know how the evening will look like? I shall repeat, first we introduce ourselves. And what do you do, Two?"
"Shake her father's hand, kiss her mother's." Two answered.
"And you, One?"
"Stay in my room and don't make a sound!" One grumbled.
"Good. Then the servants will show them their room while we gather in the red parlour and wait for them to come down. What do you do in the meantime Two?"
"Check if One still is in our room and behaves."
"Good. Then we have the aperitif and some light chit-chat. What do you say if they ask after your profession Two?"
"I'm a security inspector for a multi-millionaire."
"Good. And you, Neo?"
"I'm an insurance broker." Neo spat through gritted teeth. Two snickered.
"And what else?" Barney inquired.
He reminded Two of a little Monsieur Poirot.
"Trinity´s fiancée."
"And what do you say, One?"
"Nothing, because I'm still in my room and don't make a sound!"
"Good. And what do you not mention under any circumstances Two?"
"That I'm an assassin?"
"Right! Then we have dinner. And what do you do Two?"
"Behave myself and act charmingly towards her mother and lovingly towards Felice."
"Good. And what do you won't do, Morpheus?"
Morpheus looked quite embarrassed.
"Don't play with the lobster?"
"Good. And what do you do, One?"
"Still stay in my room and probably die out of boredom because I have nothing do!"
"Right! Then we have a dance or two after dinner and lots of champagne. That should suffice." Barney wiped the sweat from his forehead.
"They're coming!" one of the servants informed them.
Barney went to greet them at the door.
"Okay, up with you One!" He took a critical look at Neo´s throat.
"Please Neo; your tie is far too loose. Tighten it a bit, won't you?"
Then he and Morpheus went to the entrance.
"Let me do this!" Two said and reached for Neo´s tie.
**
"May I welcome you in my modest home? It's a pleasure to finally meet you!" Barney said charmingly and kissed Mrs Guildenstern's hand.
Morpheus eyed Trinity and Felice unsuspicious out of the corners of his eyes.
Felice looked pretty nervous while Trinity looked as if she would break out into tears every moment. The bow on her head had slipped, so that she now looked like Minnie Mouse in a Chanel suit. Poor girl.
Barney introduced himself as Felices employer and guided the guests into the entrance hall. He noticed a light greenish colour in Felices face. The daughter in question was unnaturally quiet and played constantly with her wedding ring. He patted her on the shoulder.
"Mama, Papa, may I introduce you to my husband, Two?" Felice said and stepped aside.
Felice paled and Trinity and Morpheus groaned in unison.
Right in the middle of the entrance hall Two and Neo were doing some kind of wrestling, meaning that Two had a tight grip on Neo´s tie while the chosen One desperately tried to free himself out of the mess and tugged merciless at Two's dreadlocks. Groaning and cursing, with billowing coats and suits they made quite a sight.
Felices parents just gaped.
"Ahem…" Morpheus cleared his throat and the two men immediately let go of each other.
A moment of awful silence followed.
"Schatz, which one is it?" Felices daddy finally dared to ask.
"Excuse me?" Felice stammered and tried to break free out of her numbness.
"Which one is now your husband, dear?" her mother asked impatiently.
Two finally stepped forward and cleared his throat.
"How rude of me, that's me of course. Nice to meet you!" he said and kissed the woman's hand.
Then he stepped at Felices side and laid a hand on her shoulder.
Her mother eyed first him and then Neo, who tried to hide behind Trinity. She narrowed her eyes.
"May I now show you your room?" Barney interrupted the uncomfortable silence and gave one of the servants a sign.
Felices dad suddenly grinned and puffed at his cigar.
"Well, at least he's not one of those wimps who can't stand a proper fight!" he laughed and took his wife's hand.
"Show mercy on him, Liebling!"
"Well, we will see!" Mrs Guildenstern said and floated upstairs.
**
"Is everything alright, Feli?" Trinity asked concerned as her friend started staggering.
"Oh I'm fine, don't worry. Just a bit dizzy!"
Two tightened the grip around her shoulder to support her.
"Okay, stage one is over now starts stage two. Everybody now return to their rooms and change into their evening clothes. We meet at the red parlour in half an hour!" Barney said.
"Oh no!" Neo groaned as he saw another necktie rise at the horizon.
Two smirked evilly and helped Felice upstairs.
"What will you wear?" Felice asked Trinity in the isolation of her room.
"I don't know, they've just lent me a suit, no dress!" Trinity sounded quite frustrated.
"What about one of the velvet gowns?"
"They don't fit proper. And Niobe just snatched the only one from under my nose away that I really liked!" She complained.
Felice rummaged through the closet.
"What about this one?" she asked and held up a Chinese style gown out of yellow silk.
"Hmm, looks nice!"
"Then try it. I'll help you!" Felice offered.
Trinity stripped out of her Chanel suit and tried to pull the dress over her head.
Unfortunately, the dress seemed to be sewed for anorectic girls…
"Feli, help! I'm stuck!" cried Trinity, whose arms and head were already halfway into the dress.
Felice tried to pull the rest of the expensive gown over her head.
Midst of pulling the door opened and Neo stepped in, holding a tie in his hand and looking desperately.
"Trin love, I need your help- Oh my god what are you doing there? Are you trying to strangle my girlfriend??" Neo screamed and rushed to help Trinity.
"Let go off her!"
"I'm just helping her with the dress; now take your hands off me!!" Felice screamed back.
A wrangling between Felice and Neo started.
"Help!! I can't breathe!!" Trinity screamed in between.
The door sprung open again and an alarmed Two rushed in, razor blade raised.
Neo didn't notice, he was to busy shaking the hell out of Felice.
"Let go off my wife! NOW!!" Two screamed and whacked Neo over the head, who let Felice finally go.
"Your wife was strangling my girlfriend!" he accused.
"Can´t…breathe…too…hot.." Trinity whimpered.
"Bullshit!" Two hissed.
The two men started circling round each other like fighting cocks.
Felice used the opportunity to free Trinity out of her misery. With a last pull the dress finally slipped over her head and arms.
Poor Trinity gasped for air, face tomato-red and hair standing up in all directions.
The men stopped insulting each other and eyed her interested.
"Oh I know of what you remind me….wait a minute, you're reminding me of a…" Two said smirking.
"I know, one of these fat yellow caterpillars!" Neo cried out and helped himself to a glass of whine from one of the tables.
"WHAT?? A caterpillar?!" Trinity screamed and got up in a hurry, startling Neo who promptly drained the contents of his glass over Felices dress. She groaned in agony.
That sudden pressure was too much for the silken fabric.
*Rrrripppp*
The left side seam ripped open and Trinity literally stood in the open.
"Aarghh!!"
Neo´s eyes grew big like melons while Two´s sunglasses slipped off his nose.
Felice nudged him in the ribs. Hard.
Trinity desperately grabbed for a nearby towel to cover herself.
"Is there a problem?" One suddenly asked and stuck his head into the room.
"Okay, that's it. Out of here! Go!" Felice hissed and shooed the men out of the room.
"But my tie…" Neo pouted.
One and Two snickered merciless.
"I said out of here! Don't disturb women while dressing otherwise you'll risk a bloody lip!" she pushed them through the door, angrily glancing at her ruined dress.
"My tie.."
"Two, darling, help him! And now leave us be!!"
"No problem!"
Felice shut the door. From outside a frightened "Nooooo!!" from Neo could be heard.
She snickered evilly.
"Serves him right!"
**
"Well, I fear that's the only option left Trin!" Felice said and showed her the last remaining dress.
A black summer dress with a very low neckline.
With big white polka dots all over it.
Trinity groaned in defeat and grabbed it.
"You should hurry, Feli! We haven't got much time left!"
"I know, but I have to take a shower. That wine is terribly sticky!" she said and undressed out of her silver-white evening gown.
"Men!" Trinity said and rolled her eyes.
"Yes, and all the time I thought I was the klutz here!"
Trinity proved her appearance one last time in one of the big mirrors.
"Look, I go and tell them that you just need a few more minutes, alright?!
"Thank you, Trin!" Felice smiled and left for the bathroom.
Humming, she phased right into the bathroom and stepped under the shower, enjoying the feeling of hot water on her sticky skin.
A few minutes later, she wrapped her dripping body into a fluffy towel and returned to her room.
She opened her closet.
It was empty.
Empty?
She felt a light trace of panic flow through her mind.
Where the hell were her clothes?
She rubbed her unbelieving eyes and looked a second time.
Still empty.
Shit!
**
In the meantime inside the red parlour
"Where's my daughter?"
"I'm afraid she still needs a few minutes, Mrs Guildenstern. Neo--…I mean "I" accidentally spilled wine on her dress and now she has to change clothes!" Trinity stammered.
"I'm sorry!" she added.
Felices mother just shook her head.
**
Felice phased through one room after the other.
But the closets in Trinity's and Niobes room were empty too.
What the heck was going on here?
She sighed.
There was just one help left.
She phased into the Twins room. One said on the bed and listless zapped through the TV channels. He spotted her as she got solid again, still wearing nothing more than her wet towel. A sly smile formed on his lips.
"What an excellent idea, honey! Let Two entertain your parents, we can entertain ourselves!" he purred, patted on the mattress beside him and started to undo his tie.
"Stop fooling around! Better help me!!"
"I'd love to, if I knew what problem you actually have!" One sounded a bit irritated now.
"I can't find my clothes, they're all gone!" Felice cried and slumped herself next to One onto the bed.
One stroked her back.
"Of course they are! Didn't you listen to bumble bee this morning? Every Monday the chambermaids go round and fetch all clothes for cleaning!"
"Oh nooooo!" Felice buried her head in One´s collar and started sobbing.
"Shh, don't cry! We find a solution, I promise!" One whispered comfortingly into her ear.
"Really?" Felice asked hopefully and looked at him.
"Well, in such moment you have to improvise!"
His gaze fell onto the expensive silk curtains adorning his bedroom.
"I think I have an idea!"
**
What will One make Felice wear?
Will there be more clothing with polka dots on it?
Will One behave and stay in his room all night long?
What terrible things will happen during the dinner?
Will Neo be a convincing insurance broker?
We will see, yes we will…