Jeopardy!
Disclaimer: Not my property. But I can dream, can't I?
Summary: Not even Clayton Webb is safe from the lunacy that has struck my JAG universe. Everyone's favorite spy makes an appearance on Jeopardy and Hollywood will never be the same.
Sunday Morning
Great Falls, Virginia
"Clayton, why are you doing this?" Porter's tea cup clinked in its saucer as she set it down. She had a slightly exasperated look on her face.
"Mother, it's an assignment," Webb calmly replied. "The daughter of one of the delegation from Cameroon is going on the show, and State thought it would be a wise decision to assign additional protection, since she will be on national television."
His mother sighed. "At least protecting a diplomat's daughter is better than that awful assignment in Suriname."
"Yes, Mother, it is. And besides, it might prove to be interesting." He looked at his watch. "I need to leave now. My plane leaves at eight o'clock tonight." He walked over to his mother's chair and kissed her on the cheek. "Wish me luck."
She responded, "You're a Webb. You don't need luck."
Later That Evening
LAX Airport, California
Webb picked his suitcase up from baggage claim, all the while keeping a discreet eye on the diplomat's daughter, Uba, whose luggage was in the next carousel over from him. She had an official bodyguard; Webb's role was an undercover one.
Uba was a striking woman. She was nearly as tall as he was, with flawless coffee-colored skin. According to the background information he had read, she had been offered a job as a model. He was not surprised.
Uba and her attendant bodyguard had gathered all of her luggage and were whisked off in a limousine. Webb followed behind them in a taxicab - the company had arranged for him to stay at the same hotel as Uba.
He got checked into his room and waited for the bodyguard to come by so they could coordinate tomorrow's activities. The taping of the game show did not start until 3:00 pm, and their charge wanted to do some sightseeing before then. Webb sighed. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.
Monday Afternoon
Los Angeles, California
Webb walked into the studio. Uba was already there and was waiting to go into makeup. She walked over to him and shook his hand.
"Hello, I am Uba Mtumbi, and you are?" she asked, her accent making the words sound exotic and beautiful.
He responded, "I'm Walt Cobbney. Glad to meet you," using his alias for this assignment. "You're here to be on Jeopardy too?"
"I am. Father wasn't terribly pleased, but I got my way." She chuckled.
He laughed along with her. "My mother felt the same way. So what do you do when you're not overruling your father?"
"Not as much as I'd like. Father tends to be overprotective. Most of the time I assist with translation for visiting dignitaries. And you?"
Webb went into his rehearsed identity. "I work for the government. Claims processing for the Department of Veterans Affairs." He gritted his teeth. Why couldn't they have given him a more interesting cover job?
"That sounds ... interesting, Walt." Webb could tell Uba was simply being polite. It was time for them to go to makeup and get prepared for the game. "It was nice to meet you, Walt. Good luck." They both got up and went to their respective makeup areas.
Minutes later, they were on stage. The theme song was playing and Alex Trebek came out on stage.
"Good evening, everyone, and welcome to tonight's edition of Jeopardy." The three contestants, Uba, Webb, and a third person, Eric, stood at their podiums.
"Uba, Walt and Eric, are you ready? Let's get started."
Alex Trebek read off the categories for the first round, "Starts with 'M'." "Ancient Rome." "Rulers." "World Geography." "Hodge Podge."
Uba had won the draw to select the first category. "Alex, I'd like 'Starts with M' for $100, please."
Alex read the 'answer.' "This computer software company was founded in late 1975, and is now the largest software company in the world."
Webb was the first to buzz in. "What is Microsoft?"
"Correct." And like that, he was in the lead. The game was a close match between Uba and Webb. She swept the "Ancient Rome" category, and they split on "Rulers." He was irritated that she had beaten him to buzz in with the correct answer to the final answer in that category. "He is the acting President of Nauru after the death of President Dowiyogo." The answer, of course, was "President Gioura."
The last category left on the board was World Geography. Uba selected the top dollar answer in this section, since the round was nearly over. Alex read the answer. "This small French dependent is directly north of Brazil."
Webb buzzed in. "What is Guyane?" using the local name without thinking.
"I'm sorry Walt, that is incorrect." Before anyone else had a chance to buzz in, Webb retorted, "I'm sorry, Alex, but it is you that is incorrect. Guyane is another name for French Guiana. Check with your judges."
Alex looked annoyed, but paused as he looked out to where the judges were. "I stand corrected, Walt. How did you know that?"
Oops. He was supposed to be a claims processor for the VA. "I dated a girl in college who was from there. She always called it that, and I picked up the habit." He knew it was a lame excuse, but he hadn't expected to be tripped up by a game show host, of all things.
Alex seemed to accept his explanation. "Go ahead and select again." Just then the "out of time" beeps sounded. "I'm sorry we're out of time. After a short break, we'll be back with Double Jeopardy." After finishing, he stalked off the stage, and they could hear cursing as he did.
Uba leaned over toward Webb. "You know, he doesn't like it when contestants question his knowledge."
Webb chuckled nervously. "Thanks for the advice. I'll try to keep that in mind."
"You know, for a guy with a desk job, you seem to know a lot." Uba sounded admiring.
"Well, I do have a lot of down time, so I spend a lot of time reading."
She smiled at him. "I have the same problem. An overabundance of idle time, and the embassy has a large library."
The break was over and Double Jeopardy began. Alex again read off categories. "Hollywood Stars." "Books and Authors." "Odds and Ends." "Word Origins." "Class Trip to Washington."
"Since you had the last correct answer, Walt, you get to select again."
"I'll take 'Word Origins' for $200, Alex."
"The Latin root of this word means to sustain."
Uba buzzed and guessed, "What is nutrition?" "That is correct."
They went through this round without any incidents. At the end, Uba was in the lead with $3200, and Webb had $3000. Eric, the third contestant, ended the game in negative territory, so did not compete in Final Jeopardy.
The category for Final Jeopardy was "Imports and Exports." After a short time for the contestants to write down their wagers, the answer was displayed on the monitors. "This is the top export from the country of Suriname."
Webb couldn't believe his luck at getting such an easy question. He quickly wrote his answer down and waited for time to expire. Uba was having a more difficult time, and wrote her answer in right at the end.
Alex asked for their answers. Uba went first. "What is coffee?" was what she had written down.
"That is incorrect, Uba. How much did you wager?" The monitor revealed she had bet just $199. If Webb did not get the question correct, or had bet $0, she would win.
"Walt, what is your answer?"
He had written, "What is alumina?"
"I'm sorry, Walt, the correct response would have been 'What is bauxite?' How much did you wager?"
"Wait a minute, Alex, alumina is the correct answer. Bauxite is the raw material from which alumina is manufactured."
"I've just about had enough of you!" Alex exploded. "Who are you to think that you know more than our research experts? You're a lowly desk jockey for the government!"
Webb said with his teeth clenched, "You don't have the clearance for that information."
"Really?" Alex taunted him. "You could tell me, but then you'd have to kill me?"
"Don't tempt me," Webb muttered under his breath. He realized he needed to do something to keep what was left of his cover intact. "Have your researchers go to this web page," and he scribbled it down on a piece of paper. "This is a web page that anyone, including you, can go to and see what Suriname's exports are."
Alex turned red and looked as he were on the verge of cardiac arrest. However, he did give the paper to one of his assistants and had them check, confident that he would be proven correct. The young assistant returned and, looking somewhat scared, whispered in Alex's ear.
"That can't possibly be!" Regaining his composure, he turned back to the contestants. "After careful consideration, our judges have determined that Walt's answer is correct. And with your wager of $201, that gives you a total of $3201 and you are tonight's winner. Congratulations."
The show was ending and instead of standing and talking to the winner as he usually did, Alex left the stage, and Webb was standing there, feeling somewhat foolish. Uba walked over to him.
"Congratulations, Mr. Cobbney. Or is that your real name?" she asked.
He stared at her blankly.
"My father asked for extra protection, did he not?" She pressed on. "You know far too much to be a medical benefits processor."
The other bodyguard joined them, laughing at the expression on Webb's face. "Webb, they should have known better than to put you on this assignment. It's going to take some serious editing before anyone lets this show air, both on State's part and Alex's. You sure made Trebek look like an ass."
"Ahhh, so your name is Webb, is it? And you work for State?" She seemed amused by his deception, rather than angry. "That fits your personality much better than Veterans Affairs. Since you're no longer undercover, perhaps you would like to come with us to dinner."
Webb didn't know how to respond for a moment. "Sure. That would be, uh, nice." All three walked out of the studio.
The End.
Note:
All of the trivia in here is accurate. The Nauru, French Guiana and Suriname answers I got from the CIA factbook web page - . Very interesting page. The other stuff came from random web surfing, including on the Jeopardy site.