Disclaimer: I don't own any of these folks. Wish I did, especially one Navy Commander. Hehehehe!
Summary: The final stop in the Game Show Network series. Everyone comes together for one last bit of fluff – the whole gang goes on The Hollywood Squares.
Spoilers: Not really any, except this assumes that A.J. and Meredith have made it to their wedding day.
Wednesday Morning JAG Headquarters"Tiner!" Jason heard the bellow from inside the Admiral's office. He pressed the intercom button.
"Sir?"
"Will you have Colonel MacKenzie and Commanders Turner and Rabb come to my office?" The Admiral sounded more than a little irritated.
"Right away, sir." He disconnected and went in search of the three officers. He found them in the kitchen.
"Ma'am … sirs?" He stood at the doorway. When he had their attention, he continued. "The Admiral would like to see you right away. And I mean right away, ma'am, sirs."
As they made their way to the Admiral's office, Tiner wondered what could have gotten their superior officer so annoyed so early. Whatever it was, he was glad he didn't have to be in there.
As they walked past Tiner's desk, Sturgis asked Harm, "What did you do this time?"
He replied, "Nothing that I know of. Besides, why does it always have to be me?"
Mac rolled her eyes at Harm. Sturgis laughed. "Unfortunately, Harm, you have acquired quite a reputation over the past several years.'
The trio entered the Admiral's office. Mac spoke for them. "You wanted to see us, sir?"
The Admiral sighed, but didn't reply. The officers shared a look among them, puzzled at his behavior. Finally, he spoke. "The SecNav has come up with a damn fool idea, and I can't figure out a way to get out of it."
Sturgis asked, "What does he want us to do, sir?"
"He has arranged for the staff to appear on The Hollywood Squares."
Harm started chuckling, then realized the Admiral wasn't joking. "When, sir?"
"Next week. We fly out Sunday evening. Our flight and hotel arrangements have already been made, courtesy of the SecNav's office." He leaned back in his chair. "And it gets better. He's including Meredith."
The Following Sunday Evening Dulles Airport, VA"Is everyone here?" Meredith was trying to count heads before they boarded the plane. "Let's see … A.J., Harm, Sarah, Sturgis, Bud, Harriet, Victor, Jason and Jennifer. That's everyone, I-" She was cut off by a familiar voice.
"What about me, Meredith?"
"Clayton! I didn't know you were coming." Everyone was surprised to see him.
"Apparently, Secretary Sheffield thought I should be part of the group, since we seem to work together so often," he said, with just a hint of sarcasm in his voice. "Not that I mind being associated with you, but not so publicly."
"Well, you'll just have to make the best of the situation," the Admiral drawled. "I don't think any of us are thrilled about being here, but we do what we're ordered."
They began to get on the plane at that point. A.J. and Meredith were sitting together, of course, as well as Bud and Harriet. The remainder were distributed throughout the plane. After some finagling with the other passengers, they were seated in groups –Sturgis, Harm, Mac and Webb, and Gunny, Tiner and Coates.
The flight to California was uneventful, and the group got checked into their hotel without incident. Before going to their rooms, Meredith reminded everyone that they were meeting at 9:00 am for breakfast, and the cars that were taking them to the studio would arrive at 10:00,
"I would advise everyone get a good night's sleep," the Admiral said, "This is technically official Navy business, not a vacation." Next to him, Meredith groaned and rolled her eyes.
Tuesday Morning Television Studio, Burbank, California"Hello, how is everyone?" They were greeted by a studio intern, who escorted them to makeup, and explained the basic rules of the game.
"If you get picked, the host will ask you a question. You answer it as best you can, and then the contestant will decide whether to go with your answer or not. And one of you will get selected to be the 'Secret Square'. If the contestant picks you, they have a chance to win a special additional prize. Any questions?"
Harm spoke. "Yes. Have we been assigned to any particular squares yet?"
"Not that I know of." As soon as she stopped speaking, Harm dashed towards the studio. "I call center square," he yelled. When he got there, Webb was already seated.
"How did you get here so fast?" he demanded.
Webb's response was, "Classified."
"Well, I called it, so you'll just have to sit somewhere else."
Webb stood up and said, "I believe there's a saying – 'To the victor go the spoils.' I got here first, so you lose."
A.J. strode up to them. "Is there a problem, gentlemen?"
Harm started, "I called the center square, but Webb got here first and …" his voice trailed off as he realized how childish he sounded.
A.J. snorted. "There's a very simple solution."
Both Harm and Webb looked at the Admiral. "What is it?"
"I outrank both of you, so I get the center square. Problem solved." He squeezed in behind Webb and sat down, a big smile on his face. "Now will you two move, so Meredith has somewhere to sit?" Harm looked at Webb sheepishly. "I guess I know when we've been outmaneuvered."
Everyone else filed into the studio. Bud and Harriet were sharing a square, as were A.J. and Meredith. To her surprise, Coates was told she was the Secret Square. The studio darkened and the theme music began.
The host, Tom Bergeron, walked onstage. "Good afternoon, everyone. Today we have some very special guests filling in our squares. The Judge Advocate of the Navy and his crack staff are 'manning the bridge'at H2." He turned to the contestants and introduced them as well, a woman named Mary Beth from Louisiana and a man, Cliff, from California. "Let's start the game."
Mary Beth picked Bud and Harriet. Tom read the question. "Johnny Cash wrote his hit song 'Folsom Prison Blues' about prison life. Has he actually ever served time?"
Harriet took the lead on answering the question. "I think so. Isn't that where he got the inspiration for 'A Boy Named Sue?'" Her eyes twinkled as she spoke. The audience roared with laughter at her response.
Tom asked, "So do you think she has the right answer or not?"
"I'm going to disagree, Tom."
"All kidding aside, our friend Harriet had the right answer. Back in the 60s, Johnny Cash spent a night in jail, so technically, yes, he has served time." Their box was lit up with the opponent's mark, an "O". The turn reverted to the other contestant. He selected the bottom right square, occupied by Clayton Webb.
Tom read the question. "According to a sociology professor at the Fashion Institute of Technology, why do women like to wear men's clothing?"
Webb looked at Tom and said, "Do I look like a woman?"
The host was caught off-guard by his remark and replied, "Um, well, I guess try to put yourself into a woman's frame of mind."
Webb rolled his eyes at him. "Get inside a woman's mind? Now that's impossible." He paused a moment and then continued, "I guess I'll say because they're more comfortable."
Cliff chose to agree with Webb. Much to his surprise, he had guessed the right answer.
The game continued, until AJ and Meredith were selected.
Now this is for Mary Beth to win," Tom announced. The question was "First he was known as Prince, then he was known as a symbol, then he was 'the artist formerly known as Prince.' What's he known as now?"
AJ and Meredith looked at each other. He said with a deadpan expression, "The artist who formerly sells albums."
The audience went wild. Even the host had a hard time controlling his laughter. He turned to the contestant and said, "What do you think?"
"I disagree, Tom. I think he's gone back to using Prince as his name."
"Good job, and you've won the game!" He went on to describe the prizes for both contestants, and then thanked the panelists again as the show ended.
"The artist who formerly sells albums," he chuckled. "I'll have to remember that one."
After they were done taping, AJ turned to his staff and told them, "Well, we got through that fairly unscathed." He sighed with relief. "Dinner's on me!"