Title: Ender's Game
Author: Lamia
Rating: PG-13 to R for explicit and extreme violence, gore, and language
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, and everything else belongs to me. Title belongs to Orson Scott Card. No infringement is intended nor is any money being made - this is purely for entertainment purposes. Please don't sue me, I have no money. (So there!)
Summary: The aftermath and the question of friends...
A/N: see below
And on with the story...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Nny felt disgusted with himself as he ripped off his clothing. Angrily, he threw them into the washing machine, dumping an obscene amount of laundry detergent in with them. He was satisfied only when he had set the machine to go through his clothes twice. When he had everything going, he stomped off, muttering darkly all the while. When Nny had come out of the depressive haze he had fallen into after killing the Jocks, he had been horrified to discover that his rather strenuous activities had left him covered in blood and gore from head to boots.
How dare they? HOW DARE THEY? Get their bodily fluids all over ME?!? They have left me completely covered with their blood, this liquid that has pumped mindlessly throughout their bodies, sustaining their worthless lives. Is this their petty form of vengeance for their trivial deaths? I am a walking disease carrier, and this is probably going to get my floor dirty too...
Contrary to logic, Nny kept a very clean house despite his rather messy hobbies. His basements might be nothing more than houses of torture and blood, but his actual house didn't have to be. In fact, Nny was very meticulous with the sanitary tendencies of his living space, taking almost as much care with it as his victims. Despite his furious and disgusted state while storming around his house, Nny had taken care not to drip onto his floor for fear of staining it. Thoughts of staining his floor made Nny even more mad than he already was...
Damn it, if it stains, I'll have to have someone clean it before I kill them... Damn Jocks and their extremely drippy blood. Blood that's ALL OVER ME!!! I'm covered in the blood of JOCKS!!! Oh angry asbestos, WHY?!? God, I feel SICK, DISGUSTING!!!
Nny continued on like this, ranting at the top of his lungs, stepping carefully so as to not get his floor dirty. He only started to relax when he saw his bathroom door.
I hope I didn't accidentally leave a body in there. I don't want to have to clean that up. I am in desperate need of a shower, and I really don't want to have to haul a body down to the basement when I'm covered in another's bodily fluids.
Nny sighed when he opened his bathroom door. No body, to his relief. He stepped into the shower and turned the water on, as hot as it would go. Nny hissed as the boiling hot water hit his body, both from the heat and from the stark contrast to the low temperatures he had just been in. The pain did not lessen, but Nny didn't mind, relishing it as he grabbed the soap and began to methodically scrub his body. His body became one large red streak as he furiously scrubbed every inch of it, even the small spaces between his fingers and toes. After he finished scrubbing his skin raw, Nny grabbed a small, stiff brush and started scrubbing his nails, making sure that no small pieces of matter or blood had gotten lodged in there. When Nny finally finished scrubbing his body, he began to work on his hair. He dumped shampoo on his head and began to rake his fingers through his hair, scrubbing it so hard that his head started to hurt.
Nny smiled as he stood under the unrelentingly hot water. He felt clean. He watched contentedly at the water as it swirled away, soapy and pink from all the soap, shampoo, and blood that had previously covered him. Nny stood under the hot water a little more, then turned off the water and got out of the shower.
Nny grabbed a thick, clean towel from the rack, and looked at himself as he rubbed his body and hair dry. His skin was raw and red from the harsh scrubbing and hot water. Little droplets hung from his haphazard and messy hair. He looked at his face. The man looking back at him was red and raw, but clean. A slow, satisfied smile appeared on the man's face because of this fact.
The cool air of his bedroom felt deliciously soothing on Nny's skin as he stepped out of the steaming bathroom. Wrapped in a towel, Nny padded over to his closet, looking for something to wear. He emerged from his bedroom moments later, encased in a warm pair of black pants, a black shirt with "Smile, You Fuck" emblazoned on it, and a light jacket. Nny went over to the washing machine and took his clothes out to inspect them.
Not one speck of blood. No brain matter from the third boy. I was afraid that all that blood from the second boy was going to stain, but it didn't. Nope, no blood anywhere at all. Everything's clean, like me.
A satisfied smile started to appear on Nny's face as he loaded his clothes into the dryer. He like this clean feeling, this feeling that came only in the aftermath of killing someone. He was clean, his clothes were clean, things were clean, and the Earth herself was a bit cleaner for ridding herself of a couple of her diseases. The calm and quiet Nny felt in the aftermath was always worth the killing, the only time his inner daemons would let him rest. Nny felt ugly, hated himself when he was killing. He tried not to think during those times, instead focusing on his feelings and relying on his hate and anger to carry him through. But in the aftermath, his soul felt purged, his problems seeping away like the blood of his victims. He became beautiful, clean, human. It was an all-together rare feeling.
"Hello there, Nny", Nail Bunny greeted as Nny walked into the living room. "Hello, Nail Bunny." Nail Bunny mentally grinned. It was very rare indeed that Nny returned his greetings in like kind... he must've just cleaned himself up after killing someone. Nail Bunny winced, sad that this sane side of Nny came out only at the expense of bloodshed and human lives, but then he had never had to pay this price. Nail Bunny was only present to reap the benefits.
While Nail Bunny was contemplating this, Nny had stopped in front of the window, startled by what he saw. Outside, the world was a portrait of white. Thick, angry flurries of snow swirled in the air, buffeted around by the wind like ethereal marionettes. Nny could see nothing - no sign of his yard, of the snowman he and Squee had built, of the Jocks - Nny couldn't even distinguish the earth from the sky. All Nny could see was a wall of white.
"Everything is all white, Nail Bunny," said Nny, surprise evident in his voice.
"Yes Nny, a blizzard started after you came back. It's been raging for about an hour now."
Nny fell silent as he looked out of the window, entranced by the violent, haphazard motion of the snow that raged outside. Silence reigned, and Nny heard even his prisoners' cries mingling with the wind that was moaning through his basement. Distractedly, he thought, "I need to make sure they don't die of hypothermia. The basements don't have heat like the house does." Nny ignored the fact that the cracks in his house far outnumbered the actual amount of solid wall that he had, and that the heater had never worked. His illusion of warmth was more comforting than reality.
After a pregnant silence, Nny surprised Nail Bunny by softly saying, "It looks pretty cold out there. I hope Squee got inside okay. Maybe I should go check on him..."
"Nny, like you said it is pretty cold out there. And no matter how endearing I find your concern for your neighbor, I think you should wait until the blizzard blows itself out before you attempt any such course of action."
"That's okay Nail Bunny, I don't mind the cold." Before Nail Bunny could protest, Nny was already out the door.
Nail Bunny was right - it was cold out. In fact, it was freezing. The cold was shocking, and stole Nny's breath away the moment he stepped out of his house. Shouldering himself against the mad, snow-laden winds, Nny slowly began to trudge over to Squee's house. Each step was an effort, and it seemed as if the snow was trying to suck him down into their white depths. Nny was suspicious. The wind was so cold and icy that breathing started to hurt. After a small eternity, Nny reached the large, gray blob that was Squee's front yard, and was glad to find Squee nowhere in sight. Because of the lowered visibility, however, Nny walked around the yard just to make sure that Squee was truly inside and not just buried under a pile of snow. He didn't find him, but instead, found the snowman that he and Squee had built. That was all that he found, though. Squee was hopefully inside, the second boy was now buried under a pile of snow, and the gore and body of the third was nowhere in sight, presumably buried under a thick layer of snow as well. All that remained of Nny's earlier activities was one blood soaked snowman, buried up to the waist in snow.
Well, how nice, the snow has covered up all evidence of my... ugliness. But it's nice to know that I am capable of long-lasting and sturdy craftsmanship. Nny poked the snowman's head. The mouth was still open in an eternal, soundless scream. As if anything could be heard in this cacophony. The wind howls so loudly - it's the only thing that I can hear, drowning out everything else... sort of like the snow.
Nny stood still and looked around, having nothing but endless, unrelenting white meet his stinging eyes, broken only by the grotesque mutation in front of him. The snow swirled around him, howling in his ears, screaming at him, obscuring his vision. The sheer whiteness of the sky and the ground, the indistinguishability of it disturbed Nny.
Everything is so empty and alone. If I died out here, no one would find my body until the snow melted. No one would even look for me - my body would be an unwelcome surprise. No one would mourn my death or mark my passing. My death would only serve as my own personal release from this fucked up world. No one but me would know. Who would care if I died out here? Who the hell would even notice?
Nny looked down, and through a haze of tears, noticed that his fingers had started turning blue. He turned around, realizing that he would soon get terrible frostbite if he didn't get out of the snow. As his boots tiredly plodded home, his racing thoughts quickly became morbid, causing his tears to fall faster. The cold made them freeze to his face, making Nny colder than he already was.
This unending whiteness, all around me, engulfing me in its apathy, in its icy embrace. I rush towards it with open arms. How much worse can this be than the life I am living? This sweet, numbing apathy, this deep, dark coldness... I welcome it. It is my brethren, matching the cold emptiness and loneliness that I carry within.
Nny hunched into himself as he sunk further into his depressive self-destruction. His lips were blue from the cold and his skin had a faint blue tinge to them, but Nny never noticed. His eyes were not there - they looked inward, becoming dark pools of despair. Nny stumbled into his house and fell on the couch, the relative warmth of the house making Nny realize how cold he really was. He draped a blanket around his thin shoulders and curled in on himself, silently lost in his self-created grips of depression.
"Nny, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
Silence, then, "I just feel so damn empty and alone, Nail Bunny..." It was a sad whisper, one that Nail Bunny barely heard.
"Well, maybe you should invest in a human companion, one that you could talk to", Nail Bunny hesitantly suggested.
"No, Nail Bunny, it would never work out. My forays into human interaction never turn out well. Devi almost killed me. Edgar Vargas died anyways. And conversations with my victims don't count as human interaction, they're self-inflicted torture. I am not meant to have a human companion. They would never understand, they would never understand anything." Nny fell silent as Nail Bunny tried to think of something to say. Then, quietly, almost as if to himself, Nny whispered, "But it would be nice to have someone to talk to..."
"Well, what about Squee, Nny? Maybe you could talk to him." Nail Bunny was being optimistic.
Nny sat up and shook his head. "No, Nail Bunny, I cannot talk to Squee. I protect him, not the other way around. I will not burden him with the knowledge of the world; I will not stain him further. He will not be like me."
"But you are quite possibly the best thing that will happen to his life," Nail Bunny countered. "Maybe you should try it out before you make your decision."
"I said NO, Nail Bunny." Nny was sitting straight up, claw-like hands feebly clutching the thin blue blanket around his razor-thin frame. "I told you, he WILL NOT be like me. I will not fuck him up!"
Nail Bunny was starting to get annoyed. He was only trying to help. Then he brightened up. "Well, you were intrigued with that Edgar Vargas character, even though he died anyways. Maybe you could talk to some of your victims before you kill them, or maybe not kill them at all..." Nail Bunny trailed off suggestively.
Nny sighed, and dropped his head into his cold hands. His voice was tired and sad as he said, "Nail Bunny, they are my victims for a reason. I would not take them into my basement if they had not in some way wronged me. But they did, all of them did. They are unthinking, unfeeling creatures. They cannot look past their own primeval urges, they know of nothing except for themselves and their own self gain, and they can do nothing but cause undue pain and suffering to others."
"Nny, I'm just suggesting that you talk to some of these people before you kill them, and if you find them interesting, like you found Edgar Vargas, well... maybe you should talk to them and let them go, instead of killing them. Maybe you should let them be your friends..."
Nny's head shot up, his eyes bright and shiny with a mad glint in them. Nail Bunny mentally sighed. Nothing good could come of this. "Friends? You want me to be their FRIENDS?!? They are in my basement for a reason Nail Bunny! They all deserve to die for their selfishness and malice. They are the plague of humanity. They are rude, dirty little greedy creatures that will cut a man down just for a laugh! They are the people who ridicule me to no end, with no mercy, the people who beat me up and kick me when I am down just to reaffirm their manhood to their fellow primates or to impress their girlfriends! Do you want me to show them mercy when they showed me none?!? Do you want me to simply wave off the cruelty they showed to me, say it's all over and done with, and skip off happily, hand in hand, into the sunset? These people only know how to toss out ridiculous insults and kick my ass. Do you really expect them to be able to carry on a coherent conversation? Do you REALLY expect me to accept them as my FRIENDS?!?"
"Well, Nny, you do tend to exaggerate sometimes --"
"Exaggerate? EXAGGERATE!?!" Nny jumped up from the couch, face twisted in rage, hands fisted up at his sides. His body became taut and rigid, a conducting rod for his anger.
"FUCK YOU NAIL BUNNY!!! The assholes that you suggest as candidates for friends are the ones who are responsible for all of this, for me, for you, for everything! Do you know what it's like to be a flusher, Nail Bunny? Do you know what it's like to be the universal toilet bowl for human emotional shit?!? DO YOU?!?"
Nny was starting at Nail Bunny, and he found it hard to meet those intense eyes. Eyes so full of anger and pain.
"Goddamnit Nail Bunny, they are the ones who made me who I am today. They are the ones who fucked me up!!! They live in their small ignorant worlds because I took the knowledge away from them. I took away the ability to see the world for what it really is, a seething cesspool of hate and filth, of pure, unadulterated ugliness! I experience all the pain for them, I cry all their tears for them, I see it all for them, I hate myself because of them!!! And all I get in return are taunts and insults, ass-kickings and physical scars. They place me on a pinnacle of human suffering so the world can mock me, so others can target me for mental abuse and physical beatings! You want me to be FRIENDS with these people!?! I don't need friends, I need revenge! Do you think I kill for no reason? I kill them because they made me what I am!!! Look at me damnit!"
Nny was screaming now, tears streaming out of his eyes as he stormed around the room, randomly punching and throwing things. Occasionally he would pull out a knife and stab at the air, or in Nail Bunny's direction.
"It is because of THEM that my life is a living hell!!! All I'm doing is just repaying the favor, returning some of the pain and misery. It is only in THEIR pain that I am momentarily freed, that my burden is slightly lessened!"
As if to illustrate his point, Nny hurled himself at Nail Bunny, a knife gleaming dully in his hand. Fortunately for Nail Bunny, he was not real, so Nny just sailed right through him. Unfortunately for Nny, he himself was made of physical stuff, and violently smashed into his wall of knives. Impossibly sharp blades rained down on Nny as he slowly slid to the floor, blood running freely from the seemingly hundreds of scratches he had sustained. One knife in particular ended up deeply embedded in his razor-thin arm, which was even now warm and slippery with his blood. The sight of it shocked Nny and calmed him down some.
"Nny..." Nail Bunny was concerned for Nny, but also too shocked to say anything more.
Nny's face scrunched up, a huge sob escaping his thin body as he said "Oh, Nail Bunny..."
Nail Bunny didn't know what to say as Nny started to cry, huge wracking sobs that ripped through his painfully thin body as he laid on the floor amidst a sea of dully glittering blades and dark, crimson blood.
"Look at me, Nail Bunny. Look at what I have become. How did it ever come to this? I have no one to talk to, no one to confide in, no one to commiserate with, no one."
"Shh, Nny, don't talk, just calm down and rest. Try to stop the bleeding." Nail Bunny was quite alarmed with Nny's emotional outburst and its violent repercussions, and so did not know how to react. As Nny lay quietly sobbing on the floor, Nail Bunny noticed just how young Nny was. His skin, which was even now streaked with blood, still looked soft and translucent, starkly pale when contrasted with his own blood. The skin underneath his eyes was heavy and dark-grey in color, damning evidence that attested to a lifetime of sleepless nights. Nny had never before looked so young, so vulnerable, so lost...
"I'm just so goddamned cold and lonely, Nail Bunny... So cold and alone..."
Only Nny's quiet sobs could be heard in the house as he slowly crept towards a warm, black unconsciousness.
TBC...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
A/N: Well, hello everyone, and thank you for your amazing reviews! Thank you so much for your support... I finally know what other writers are talking about when they live for reviews. Don't stop!!! Keep R-ing/R-ing, and if there's anything you particularly want to see, don't hesitate to drop me a line... To confess, I honestly don't know where to go from here, so if you have any suggestions...
LittleMaggie: Written by the great Jhonen himself? I am deeply flattered, thank you SO much! And like I said, please excuse my incompetence...
ZephyrSamba: I'm just glad that my little ficcy met your level of expectations!
LejindaryBunny: You do not know how honoured I am to be your first JTHM ficcy... I assure you that the priviledge is all mine. And I am so glad that your first ficcy wasn't some horrible, off the wall, completely misconcepted rubbish, it would have tarnished your whole attitude towards fanfiction.
lie: I agree, just this once is good. A million times would result in serious eye strain, and we wouldn't want that...
WeirdEd: Thank you very much! I actually wrote the first draft of the story in one night in a fit of passion, so I was more concept oriented than specifics oriented. But thank you for taking the time and attention to note my mistakes, both spelling and grammer...
Seet Briar: Thanks, I read the dictionary for fun.. j/k :o)
Scorpion Lady: Thank you for taking the time and attention to note my mistakes... Could you be a little bit more specific about my grammer, because I honestly don't know what's wrong. Thanks for reading this little ficcy, and I'm just glad you liked it.
Noodletwin, Saje of the Extreme: Thanks for reading my little ficcy!
Zim, nny777slavelabor, Sephiroth1Ripley8, Solle, NeoSatoshi: Thanks for reviewing, here you go!
Author: Lamia
Rating: PG-13 to R for explicit and extreme violence, gore, and language
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to Jhonen Vasquez, and everything else belongs to me. Title belongs to Orson Scott Card. No infringement is intended nor is any money being made - this is purely for entertainment purposes. Please don't sue me, I have no money. (So there!)
Summary: The aftermath and the question of friends...
A/N: see below
And on with the story...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Nny felt disgusted with himself as he ripped off his clothing. Angrily, he threw them into the washing machine, dumping an obscene amount of laundry detergent in with them. He was satisfied only when he had set the machine to go through his clothes twice. When he had everything going, he stomped off, muttering darkly all the while. When Nny had come out of the depressive haze he had fallen into after killing the Jocks, he had been horrified to discover that his rather strenuous activities had left him covered in blood and gore from head to boots.
How dare they? HOW DARE THEY? Get their bodily fluids all over ME?!? They have left me completely covered with their blood, this liquid that has pumped mindlessly throughout their bodies, sustaining their worthless lives. Is this their petty form of vengeance for their trivial deaths? I am a walking disease carrier, and this is probably going to get my floor dirty too...
Contrary to logic, Nny kept a very clean house despite his rather messy hobbies. His basements might be nothing more than houses of torture and blood, but his actual house didn't have to be. In fact, Nny was very meticulous with the sanitary tendencies of his living space, taking almost as much care with it as his victims. Despite his furious and disgusted state while storming around his house, Nny had taken care not to drip onto his floor for fear of staining it. Thoughts of staining his floor made Nny even more mad than he already was...
Damn it, if it stains, I'll have to have someone clean it before I kill them... Damn Jocks and their extremely drippy blood. Blood that's ALL OVER ME!!! I'm covered in the blood of JOCKS!!! Oh angry asbestos, WHY?!? God, I feel SICK, DISGUSTING!!!
Nny continued on like this, ranting at the top of his lungs, stepping carefully so as to not get his floor dirty. He only started to relax when he saw his bathroom door.
I hope I didn't accidentally leave a body in there. I don't want to have to clean that up. I am in desperate need of a shower, and I really don't want to have to haul a body down to the basement when I'm covered in another's bodily fluids.
Nny sighed when he opened his bathroom door. No body, to his relief. He stepped into the shower and turned the water on, as hot as it would go. Nny hissed as the boiling hot water hit his body, both from the heat and from the stark contrast to the low temperatures he had just been in. The pain did not lessen, but Nny didn't mind, relishing it as he grabbed the soap and began to methodically scrub his body. His body became one large red streak as he furiously scrubbed every inch of it, even the small spaces between his fingers and toes. After he finished scrubbing his skin raw, Nny grabbed a small, stiff brush and started scrubbing his nails, making sure that no small pieces of matter or blood had gotten lodged in there. When Nny finally finished scrubbing his body, he began to work on his hair. He dumped shampoo on his head and began to rake his fingers through his hair, scrubbing it so hard that his head started to hurt.
Nny smiled as he stood under the unrelentingly hot water. He felt clean. He watched contentedly at the water as it swirled away, soapy and pink from all the soap, shampoo, and blood that had previously covered him. Nny stood under the hot water a little more, then turned off the water and got out of the shower.
Nny grabbed a thick, clean towel from the rack, and looked at himself as he rubbed his body and hair dry. His skin was raw and red from the harsh scrubbing and hot water. Little droplets hung from his haphazard and messy hair. He looked at his face. The man looking back at him was red and raw, but clean. A slow, satisfied smile appeared on the man's face because of this fact.
The cool air of his bedroom felt deliciously soothing on Nny's skin as he stepped out of the steaming bathroom. Wrapped in a towel, Nny padded over to his closet, looking for something to wear. He emerged from his bedroom moments later, encased in a warm pair of black pants, a black shirt with "Smile, You Fuck" emblazoned on it, and a light jacket. Nny went over to the washing machine and took his clothes out to inspect them.
Not one speck of blood. No brain matter from the third boy. I was afraid that all that blood from the second boy was going to stain, but it didn't. Nope, no blood anywhere at all. Everything's clean, like me.
A satisfied smile started to appear on Nny's face as he loaded his clothes into the dryer. He like this clean feeling, this feeling that came only in the aftermath of killing someone. He was clean, his clothes were clean, things were clean, and the Earth herself was a bit cleaner for ridding herself of a couple of her diseases. The calm and quiet Nny felt in the aftermath was always worth the killing, the only time his inner daemons would let him rest. Nny felt ugly, hated himself when he was killing. He tried not to think during those times, instead focusing on his feelings and relying on his hate and anger to carry him through. But in the aftermath, his soul felt purged, his problems seeping away like the blood of his victims. He became beautiful, clean, human. It was an all-together rare feeling.
"Hello there, Nny", Nail Bunny greeted as Nny walked into the living room. "Hello, Nail Bunny." Nail Bunny mentally grinned. It was very rare indeed that Nny returned his greetings in like kind... he must've just cleaned himself up after killing someone. Nail Bunny winced, sad that this sane side of Nny came out only at the expense of bloodshed and human lives, but then he had never had to pay this price. Nail Bunny was only present to reap the benefits.
While Nail Bunny was contemplating this, Nny had stopped in front of the window, startled by what he saw. Outside, the world was a portrait of white. Thick, angry flurries of snow swirled in the air, buffeted around by the wind like ethereal marionettes. Nny could see nothing - no sign of his yard, of the snowman he and Squee had built, of the Jocks - Nny couldn't even distinguish the earth from the sky. All Nny could see was a wall of white.
"Everything is all white, Nail Bunny," said Nny, surprise evident in his voice.
"Yes Nny, a blizzard started after you came back. It's been raging for about an hour now."
Nny fell silent as he looked out of the window, entranced by the violent, haphazard motion of the snow that raged outside. Silence reigned, and Nny heard even his prisoners' cries mingling with the wind that was moaning through his basement. Distractedly, he thought, "I need to make sure they don't die of hypothermia. The basements don't have heat like the house does." Nny ignored the fact that the cracks in his house far outnumbered the actual amount of solid wall that he had, and that the heater had never worked. His illusion of warmth was more comforting than reality.
After a pregnant silence, Nny surprised Nail Bunny by softly saying, "It looks pretty cold out there. I hope Squee got inside okay. Maybe I should go check on him..."
"Nny, like you said it is pretty cold out there. And no matter how endearing I find your concern for your neighbor, I think you should wait until the blizzard blows itself out before you attempt any such course of action."
"That's okay Nail Bunny, I don't mind the cold." Before Nail Bunny could protest, Nny was already out the door.
Nail Bunny was right - it was cold out. In fact, it was freezing. The cold was shocking, and stole Nny's breath away the moment he stepped out of his house. Shouldering himself against the mad, snow-laden winds, Nny slowly began to trudge over to Squee's house. Each step was an effort, and it seemed as if the snow was trying to suck him down into their white depths. Nny was suspicious. The wind was so cold and icy that breathing started to hurt. After a small eternity, Nny reached the large, gray blob that was Squee's front yard, and was glad to find Squee nowhere in sight. Because of the lowered visibility, however, Nny walked around the yard just to make sure that Squee was truly inside and not just buried under a pile of snow. He didn't find him, but instead, found the snowman that he and Squee had built. That was all that he found, though. Squee was hopefully inside, the second boy was now buried under a pile of snow, and the gore and body of the third was nowhere in sight, presumably buried under a thick layer of snow as well. All that remained of Nny's earlier activities was one blood soaked snowman, buried up to the waist in snow.
Well, how nice, the snow has covered up all evidence of my... ugliness. But it's nice to know that I am capable of long-lasting and sturdy craftsmanship. Nny poked the snowman's head. The mouth was still open in an eternal, soundless scream. As if anything could be heard in this cacophony. The wind howls so loudly - it's the only thing that I can hear, drowning out everything else... sort of like the snow.
Nny stood still and looked around, having nothing but endless, unrelenting white meet his stinging eyes, broken only by the grotesque mutation in front of him. The snow swirled around him, howling in his ears, screaming at him, obscuring his vision. The sheer whiteness of the sky and the ground, the indistinguishability of it disturbed Nny.
Everything is so empty and alone. If I died out here, no one would find my body until the snow melted. No one would even look for me - my body would be an unwelcome surprise. No one would mourn my death or mark my passing. My death would only serve as my own personal release from this fucked up world. No one but me would know. Who would care if I died out here? Who the hell would even notice?
Nny looked down, and through a haze of tears, noticed that his fingers had started turning blue. He turned around, realizing that he would soon get terrible frostbite if he didn't get out of the snow. As his boots tiredly plodded home, his racing thoughts quickly became morbid, causing his tears to fall faster. The cold made them freeze to his face, making Nny colder than he already was.
This unending whiteness, all around me, engulfing me in its apathy, in its icy embrace. I rush towards it with open arms. How much worse can this be than the life I am living? This sweet, numbing apathy, this deep, dark coldness... I welcome it. It is my brethren, matching the cold emptiness and loneliness that I carry within.
Nny hunched into himself as he sunk further into his depressive self-destruction. His lips were blue from the cold and his skin had a faint blue tinge to them, but Nny never noticed. His eyes were not there - they looked inward, becoming dark pools of despair. Nny stumbled into his house and fell on the couch, the relative warmth of the house making Nny realize how cold he really was. He draped a blanket around his thin shoulders and curled in on himself, silently lost in his self-created grips of depression.
"Nny, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
Silence, then, "I just feel so damn empty and alone, Nail Bunny..." It was a sad whisper, one that Nail Bunny barely heard.
"Well, maybe you should invest in a human companion, one that you could talk to", Nail Bunny hesitantly suggested.
"No, Nail Bunny, it would never work out. My forays into human interaction never turn out well. Devi almost killed me. Edgar Vargas died anyways. And conversations with my victims don't count as human interaction, they're self-inflicted torture. I am not meant to have a human companion. They would never understand, they would never understand anything." Nny fell silent as Nail Bunny tried to think of something to say. Then, quietly, almost as if to himself, Nny whispered, "But it would be nice to have someone to talk to..."
"Well, what about Squee, Nny? Maybe you could talk to him." Nail Bunny was being optimistic.
Nny sat up and shook his head. "No, Nail Bunny, I cannot talk to Squee. I protect him, not the other way around. I will not burden him with the knowledge of the world; I will not stain him further. He will not be like me."
"But you are quite possibly the best thing that will happen to his life," Nail Bunny countered. "Maybe you should try it out before you make your decision."
"I said NO, Nail Bunny." Nny was sitting straight up, claw-like hands feebly clutching the thin blue blanket around his razor-thin frame. "I told you, he WILL NOT be like me. I will not fuck him up!"
Nail Bunny was starting to get annoyed. He was only trying to help. Then he brightened up. "Well, you were intrigued with that Edgar Vargas character, even though he died anyways. Maybe you could talk to some of your victims before you kill them, or maybe not kill them at all..." Nail Bunny trailed off suggestively.
Nny sighed, and dropped his head into his cold hands. His voice was tired and sad as he said, "Nail Bunny, they are my victims for a reason. I would not take them into my basement if they had not in some way wronged me. But they did, all of them did. They are unthinking, unfeeling creatures. They cannot look past their own primeval urges, they know of nothing except for themselves and their own self gain, and they can do nothing but cause undue pain and suffering to others."
"Nny, I'm just suggesting that you talk to some of these people before you kill them, and if you find them interesting, like you found Edgar Vargas, well... maybe you should talk to them and let them go, instead of killing them. Maybe you should let them be your friends..."
Nny's head shot up, his eyes bright and shiny with a mad glint in them. Nail Bunny mentally sighed. Nothing good could come of this. "Friends? You want me to be their FRIENDS?!? They are in my basement for a reason Nail Bunny! They all deserve to die for their selfishness and malice. They are the plague of humanity. They are rude, dirty little greedy creatures that will cut a man down just for a laugh! They are the people who ridicule me to no end, with no mercy, the people who beat me up and kick me when I am down just to reaffirm their manhood to their fellow primates or to impress their girlfriends! Do you want me to show them mercy when they showed me none?!? Do you want me to simply wave off the cruelty they showed to me, say it's all over and done with, and skip off happily, hand in hand, into the sunset? These people only know how to toss out ridiculous insults and kick my ass. Do you really expect them to be able to carry on a coherent conversation? Do you REALLY expect me to accept them as my FRIENDS?!?"
"Well, Nny, you do tend to exaggerate sometimes --"
"Exaggerate? EXAGGERATE!?!" Nny jumped up from the couch, face twisted in rage, hands fisted up at his sides. His body became taut and rigid, a conducting rod for his anger.
"FUCK YOU NAIL BUNNY!!! The assholes that you suggest as candidates for friends are the ones who are responsible for all of this, for me, for you, for everything! Do you know what it's like to be a flusher, Nail Bunny? Do you know what it's like to be the universal toilet bowl for human emotional shit?!? DO YOU?!?"
Nny was starting at Nail Bunny, and he found it hard to meet those intense eyes. Eyes so full of anger and pain.
"Goddamnit Nail Bunny, they are the ones who made me who I am today. They are the ones who fucked me up!!! They live in their small ignorant worlds because I took the knowledge away from them. I took away the ability to see the world for what it really is, a seething cesspool of hate and filth, of pure, unadulterated ugliness! I experience all the pain for them, I cry all their tears for them, I see it all for them, I hate myself because of them!!! And all I get in return are taunts and insults, ass-kickings and physical scars. They place me on a pinnacle of human suffering so the world can mock me, so others can target me for mental abuse and physical beatings! You want me to be FRIENDS with these people!?! I don't need friends, I need revenge! Do you think I kill for no reason? I kill them because they made me what I am!!! Look at me damnit!"
Nny was screaming now, tears streaming out of his eyes as he stormed around the room, randomly punching and throwing things. Occasionally he would pull out a knife and stab at the air, or in Nail Bunny's direction.
"It is because of THEM that my life is a living hell!!! All I'm doing is just repaying the favor, returning some of the pain and misery. It is only in THEIR pain that I am momentarily freed, that my burden is slightly lessened!"
As if to illustrate his point, Nny hurled himself at Nail Bunny, a knife gleaming dully in his hand. Fortunately for Nail Bunny, he was not real, so Nny just sailed right through him. Unfortunately for Nny, he himself was made of physical stuff, and violently smashed into his wall of knives. Impossibly sharp blades rained down on Nny as he slowly slid to the floor, blood running freely from the seemingly hundreds of scratches he had sustained. One knife in particular ended up deeply embedded in his razor-thin arm, which was even now warm and slippery with his blood. The sight of it shocked Nny and calmed him down some.
"Nny..." Nail Bunny was concerned for Nny, but also too shocked to say anything more.
Nny's face scrunched up, a huge sob escaping his thin body as he said "Oh, Nail Bunny..."
Nail Bunny didn't know what to say as Nny started to cry, huge wracking sobs that ripped through his painfully thin body as he laid on the floor amidst a sea of dully glittering blades and dark, crimson blood.
"Look at me, Nail Bunny. Look at what I have become. How did it ever come to this? I have no one to talk to, no one to confide in, no one to commiserate with, no one."
"Shh, Nny, don't talk, just calm down and rest. Try to stop the bleeding." Nail Bunny was quite alarmed with Nny's emotional outburst and its violent repercussions, and so did not know how to react. As Nny lay quietly sobbing on the floor, Nail Bunny noticed just how young Nny was. His skin, which was even now streaked with blood, still looked soft and translucent, starkly pale when contrasted with his own blood. The skin underneath his eyes was heavy and dark-grey in color, damning evidence that attested to a lifetime of sleepless nights. Nny had never before looked so young, so vulnerable, so lost...
"I'm just so goddamned cold and lonely, Nail Bunny... So cold and alone..."
Only Nny's quiet sobs could be heard in the house as he slowly crept towards a warm, black unconsciousness.
TBC...
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
A/N: Well, hello everyone, and thank you for your amazing reviews! Thank you so much for your support... I finally know what other writers are talking about when they live for reviews. Don't stop!!! Keep R-ing/R-ing, and if there's anything you particularly want to see, don't hesitate to drop me a line... To confess, I honestly don't know where to go from here, so if you have any suggestions...
LittleMaggie: Written by the great Jhonen himself? I am deeply flattered, thank you SO much! And like I said, please excuse my incompetence...
ZephyrSamba: I'm just glad that my little ficcy met your level of expectations!
LejindaryBunny: You do not know how honoured I am to be your first JTHM ficcy... I assure you that the priviledge is all mine. And I am so glad that your first ficcy wasn't some horrible, off the wall, completely misconcepted rubbish, it would have tarnished your whole attitude towards fanfiction.
lie: I agree, just this once is good. A million times would result in serious eye strain, and we wouldn't want that...
WeirdEd: Thank you very much! I actually wrote the first draft of the story in one night in a fit of passion, so I was more concept oriented than specifics oriented. But thank you for taking the time and attention to note my mistakes, both spelling and grammer...
Seet Briar: Thanks, I read the dictionary for fun.. j/k :o)
Scorpion Lady: Thank you for taking the time and attention to note my mistakes... Could you be a little bit more specific about my grammer, because I honestly don't know what's wrong. Thanks for reading this little ficcy, and I'm just glad you liked it.
Noodletwin, Saje of the Extreme: Thanks for reading my little ficcy!
Zim, nny777slavelabor, Sephiroth1Ripley8, Solle, NeoSatoshi: Thanks for reviewing, here you go!