Author: Stace
Email: StaceG@xtra.co.nz
Rating: PG-13 (I think)
Summary: Its been six days...
Spoilers: For the episode that never happened. You hear me, it never happened!!
Feedback: Thoughts, comments, rotten tomatoes?
Archive: List archive, anywhere that already has my fics, The Repository. Anyone else, ask and ye shall receive.
Category: Angst, baybee, angst! Told from Sam's POV
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks were intended. Previously urecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Author's Notes: Funnily enough, this was actually my part at the beginning of a now-defunct Round Robin, and I discovered it again the other day and thought why not fix it up a little and send it to the list to whet people's appetites for more fic to follow in the coming weeks. Enjoy!!
It's been six days since it happened.
Six days in which I've cried myself to sleep each night, only to wake up screaming a few hours later, the scene replaying over and over in my head. Six days of having scenes from their life together flashing before my eyes. Six days of hating myself for not figuring out that Martouf was a zatarc sooner. Six days of mourning.
I haven't left my quarters on base since it happened, not even getting out of bed except to use the bathroom and shower. I don't even eat anymore. I'm the perfect image of a grieving widow, even though...even though we were never together.
As I sit here thinking, my mind wanders back to the embarkation room, to the dreaded moment when I fired the second shot from the zat gun, effectively ending Martouf's life. What was left of Jolinar seemed to scream in my head as my finger tightened on the button to deploy the killing shot, she knew there was no other way for this to end, but that did not stop the screams from reverberating through my mind.
I remember the pleading look on his face as he struggled against himself, not wanting to end his own life, yet imploring me to do it for him.
I remember running to him as he collapsed on the hard concrete floor, my arms cradling him gently. I know it was silly of me to think so, but I wanted him to be comfortable.
Anise said something, but I was not really paying attention. I just wanted everyone to leave so that I could grieve. But they all just stood there, both Tok'ra and Tau'ri alike, surrounding us in a circle. I wanted to scream at them to leave us alone, but I bit my tongue, knowing that some, but not all, were grieving also for the loss of a good man. I must have sat there cradling him for what seemed like hours, but in reality, were only a few moments.
Everyone's attention shifted as the Stargate came to life, startling everyone out of their own thoughts. There was a mad scamble as people immediately turned to leave the embarkation room, but not me. I just stayed there, sitting on the cold, concrete floor, cradling the body of the man who I'd become very fond of, but I had never told him, not even when he expressed his own feelings for me.
As the gate whooshed open above my head, I opened my eyes, contemplating it. What would it take for me to stand up right now and end it all? What would it take....
A voice rang out from the control room. "It's the Tok'ra IDC."
"Open the iris," General Hammond's voice called from somewhere in the room.
Everyone's attention turned toward the event horizon, waiting to see who stepped through.
The figure that stepped through the gate instantly brought fresh tears to my eyes. "Daddy," I sobbed openly, gently lowering Martouf's slowly cooling body to the ground.
As I reached him, I flung my arms around his neck and clung on whilst I cried, my body wracked with heart-wrenching sobs. Not knowing what else to do, he just held me, stroking my hair with gentle fingers.
I sit here on my bed, crying softly in remembrance. It's been six days since it happened, and tomorrow, I must go back to work...back to travelling the universe. A universe with one person missing...or two souls, depending on how you look at it.
I curl up in my blankets, not even bothering to wash my face to remove the tears that have streaked down my face. I just settle myself down to wait for morning.
THE END