First Love

~Celestial DreamBlaze

*******

Saigo no kisu wa

 Tabako no flavor ga shita

 Nigakute setsunai kaori

I remember our last moment like yesterday. You gave me a kiss, a heartbreaking and final kiss that left me in tears.

It was feather soft, with just a bit of pressure. A goodbye. You don't know what it did to me when you gave me that look, when you gave me that kiss. It shattered me. Will I never know your kiss again? Will that last kiss be a remnant of memories and heartbreak?

"Good bye," you said, and you never looked back.

There's just one thing I want to know. Why?

Ashita no imagoro ni wa

 Anata wa doko ni iru n' darou

 Dare wo omotte 'ru n' darou

I'm with my friends. It was the day after that fateful memory. It was laughable; my friends didn't even register my sadness. They don't even know who you are.

Where are you? Are you thinking of me? Or is there someone else, the real reason why you left. I'll always be wondering, always be hoping.

Always wishing that you'd come back to me.

You are always gonna be my love

 Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo

 I'll remember to love

 You taught me how

 You are always gonna be the one

 Ima wa mada kanashii love song

 Atarashii uta utaeru made

I wish I never met you. Wish I never saw your smile, heard your laugh, felt your love. It's left me nightmares, nightmares of happiness that I know I could never possibly relive.

I'll always remember, know what you've done for me, and know what I've learned. Despite the heartache, I'll remember, I'll know what it was to love. You showed me that. That it came easily, that it came without cost, and, most of all, that, along with love, came sadness.

You'll always be the one.

Tachidomaru jikan ga

 Ugoki-dasou to shite 'ru

 Wasuretaku nai koto bakari

The days have stretched. Long days, long hours, minutes, seconds... Not a day goes by that I wish for you.

That I want you to make things start again.

I fear living. That, if I live again, I'll forget the many things I've learned, the many things you've graced me.

Ashita no imagoro ni wa

 Watashi wa kitto naite 'ru

 Anata wo omotte 'ru n' darou

I'm crying. Alone in my room, my friends have gone, and there is only truth. The truth that I want you. That I want you back and it's tearing me apart. There is only a shell; the soul of my being is shattered, following like a ghost by your side. Was this what it meant to be dying inside?

Do you know how hard it was? That I never did expect to fall in love with you, nor you to I?

It was hard to believe… The first time we met, the first time I bumped into you, you were cruel, your words cutting and deep. I had been fearful of you, fearful of your callousness, but there was this glint in your eye, something I had never before seen and it made me curious. It made me want to be your friend.

And so I pursued you. I followed you around, irritating you to no ends. Asking your name, wondering who you were, where you were from because you obviously were a foreigner. Tired of my ranting, you snapped back, answering all my questions. I just smiled brightly, thanking you for telling me and asking you to be my friend.

It was strange, I still don't know why, but you gave me a strange look, one I still can't decipher and yet one I remember. It was then you opened up to me. Talking to me voluntarily, laughing, being a friend.

I knew you withheld a lot of information from me, its all right, for I had my secrets too but I still wondered. You still had that cruel and calculated look, that of one who felt superior, it sent waves of mysteriousness, it made girls go wild.

I myself did not understand the pull towards you. You were just a friend. Just someone I could talk to, someone who wasn't a part of the Senshi and forgotten lore. You were just mine, someone I could speak to, someone I did not have to worry about being better.

With you, I was free to be myself.

It was strange, our first kiss. We were just sitting together, in yet another one of our moments of silence. I was looking at the stars, pondering my fate, wondering why I was cursed. I guess you were calling me and I did not answer, you shook me from my musings and I looked at you. You stared intently back, and then, something I still could not comprehend, you kissed me. It left me shocked and it made me tingle for more. Your kiss was different, it was not soft, but in fact harsh, you bruised me and I could only moan for more, leaning into your body, feeling the softness of your pale skin and the silkiness of your pale hair.

It was a battle, like the day we first met. I battled for your thoughts, your emotion, you battled for me to get away from you, to leave you alone. As I had won the last battle, you had won this one.

Leaving me in a daze, feeling hurt and wondering why you left and never once looked back.

You will always be inside my heart

 Itsu mo anata dake no basho ga aru kara

 I hope that I have a place in your heart too

 Now and forever you are still the one

 Ima wa mada kanashii love song

 Atarashii uta utaeru made

My heart. That day, you took it, and I was never able to claim it back. How I've tried. We didn't see each other for a week, I sought for you, and you avoided me. I was desperate. I wanted my heart back, I wanted to feel again. I did not want to feel this sadness and despair that took my senses.

When we finally saw each other. I was angry. I yelled at you, I cried, I screamed how could you do this to me. You just stood there, looking at me coldly. I remember your words. "You wouldn't understand."

I screeched in rage, how could I understand when you wouldn't let me. Huh? How? My mind yelled at me, telling me why was I setting myself for heartache, why I didn't just leave you. I just told myself I wanted my heart back.

You gave it back, as you told me that what we did last was a mistake. That we should never have associated with each other. You had glared so hatefully at me that day.

You gave it back. Gave my heart back in pieces, but I didn't care, because then, despite your hurtful words, it was not my heart that I wanted. I wanted yours. I wanted you to give me the love I wanted from you as I gave you mine.

I don't even know how I came to love you. You were my exact opposite, you were darkness bordering evil and I could only follow you like a slave. I was falling, falling so hard that, even if I had wings, I could not rise back up. It's so strange, my best moments, my best memories, were with you. With your cold behavior, your noncommittal feelings, and your refusal to participate in our conversations. Was I just a bug on your side? Still, those were my happy days, the days I were with you, the days were you protected me from the world, from my duties.

I love you for that.

Then, that last day… The day you left. You came to me, determined, unfeeling, and cold, you stepped up to me. I was frozen. You grasped me, whispered, "I love you," kissed me, said those hated words and left.

That was our second kiss… I never did tell you I loved you too.

I wish so bad that I could hate you. Hate you for what you've given me, and hate you for what you've left. You gave me happiness and with your loss, you tore it to shreds. I've tried, I did, but in the end, I can't. Because all I remember is those special moments. Those special times, where it was only between you and I.

You'll be the only one…

You are always gonna be my love

 Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo

 I'll remember to love

 You taught me how

 You are always gonna be the one

 Mada kanashii love song

 Now and forever...

…It hurts…

***********

Done… Here is the Translation for First Love

The last kiss

Tasted like tobacco

A bitter and sad smell

Tomorrow, at this time

Where will you be?

Who will you be thinking about?

You are always gonna be my love

Even if I fall in love with someone once again

I'll remember to love

You taught me how

You are always gonna be the one

It's still a sad song

Until I can sing a new song

The paused time is

About to start moving

There's many things that I don't want to forget about

Tomorrow, at this time

I will probably be crying

I will probably be thinking about you

You will always be inside my heart

You will always have your own place

I hope that I have a place in your heart too

Now and forever you are still the one

It's still a sad song

Until I can sing a new song

You are always gonna be my love

Even if I fall in love once again

I'll remember to love

You taught me how

You are always gonna be the one

It's still a sad song

Until I can sing a new song