The table was empty except for Cassie and Ashley, and they could hardly find words to speak to each other now. Distressing, perhaps, because they always could think of something worth spending their breath on, but now it was as if a rift had developed between them, and dinner was silent.
So different from lunch, just 5 short hours before.
Cassie stirred her specially-ordered chow mein around her plate with her fork, and glanced sideways at Ashley for what seemed to be the hundredth time that evening. She could hardly tolerate silence, and the uncomfortable and impersonal silence of their usually companionable dining was especially difficult. She actively sought out even a hint of civility, but her search was in vain. Ashley kept her eyes locked on her plate and only shifted them when reaching for her beverage.
A cough penetrated the silence, and Cassie quickly covered her mouth before it exacerbated into a reeling hack, which it indeed did. It never failed; winter was nearly upon her hometown, and despite the fact that she was lightyears from home, her body still knew it was early December and time to develop a miserable cold. It never did make sense to her that she could get such colds in California, sneezing and bundling up in 70 degree weather never appealed to her, and the irony was that she had once taken a trip to Montana and in the 20 degree mountains, wearing a child's down coat and boots, she never had so much as a sniffle.
Ashley failed to acknowledge her discomfort, and Cassie drew an unabashed sigh. If only there was someone else to join them; TJ or Carlos or Zhane. But, unfortunately, TJ was very concerned about the port hyperspeed generator and had elected to spend dinner in the engine room with Zhane as his unwitting assistant.
And, Carlos had been so inexplicably angry about what occurred at lunch that he had retreated to his quarters immediately after Andros gave Karone the ultimatum. He hadn't been seen for hours, Cassie mused.
As for Karone and Andros... they too had yet to emerge from their private area, and Cassie felt worry grow in her midsection as she recalled the events leading up to their harried departure.
***
Karone sank into the nearest chair, a haunted look in her eyes. The rest of the rangers felt a similar discontentment at seeing their intrepid leader breaking down in such a manner. It had all been so sudden, but now the enjoyable companionship of just a minute or two ago was completely dissolved.
Ashley had been breathing hard for several seconds, and all of a sudden she broke out into a ragged series of sobs, turning away from the table and clutched her hair in fistfuls as she tried to regain her composure. Cassie just looked at Karone, then Andros, then Karone with a jaded sort of interest.
A badly-stifled wail emerged from Ashley's lips, and suddenly Carlos leapt to his feet, rattling the table. Karone looked up at him in surprise, an expression he met with rage.
"If I may be excused, I've got something I need to do." He said viciously.
The silence that came in his wake lasted for several minutes, broken only by Cassie's occasional drink of pop. Karone's steady gaze at her hands lasted the entire silence, and it was ultimately an inadvertant knuckle crack from those hands that broke the silence and triggered the words that changed the rest of the day.
"Andros, I'd like you to tell me." She said, her voice quivering.
Ashley whirled around at the sound of her voice, and narrowed her red-rimmed eyes. "Why?" She asked incredulously.
Karone frowned. "B..because..."
"Didn't you hear him?! Look at him, Karone! He's your brother, for god's sake! Don't you care about him?!"
"Ashley," Andros said loudly.
"Andros, I stood idly by when you went back to get her once, but this is ridiculous. Why make things more miserable than they already are?!"
Karone looked puzzled at the comment about standing idly by, and Cassie cocked her head with a comforting smile.
"She... she has a right to know. Karone.. are you absolutely sure?"
"Yes. Yes, I am." She answered weakly. "I'm so sorry.."
He pushed his hair behind his ear and shrugged. His movements were highly contrary to what his face expressed, but he casually walked across the room and took Karone's hand. "Then let's go."
"Right... right now?" She asked.
"Yes. Right now."
Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she suddenly leapt to her feet and hugged Andros with all her might.
"Thank you...." she whispered. "Thank you...."
***
Ashley cleared her throat, and Cassie turned expectantly toward her. However, instead of it becoming a segue to some sort of conversation, it erupted into a cough similar to the one Cassie earlier experienced. After a few seconds of coughing, Ashley reached for her glass and drowned her throat in iced tea.
Cassie smiled privately and took a bite of her chow mein.
"Dammit, Cassie. You gave me your cold." Ashley muttered suddenly. She was rewarded with a snap of Cassie's head and an insulted frown.
"I did not. I get colds every year around this time. I bet you do too."
"What? I never get colds. Never. You gave this to me."
Cassie shrugged. "I'm always the generous one." She said, giggling. A small, almost infinitesimal smile crept onto Ashley's face as she lifted her eyes from her plate for the first time all evening.
"Hey, Cassie.. uh.. sorry I'm so quiet. I guess... I uh.. I'm just worried about Andros." She said lightly and almost defiantly.
"I know. I'm worried, too. It's hard not to be. Karone tries so hard to be strong, but sometimes..."
"Karone? You're worried about her?"
"Aren't you?"
Ashley sighed. "After the way she acted... I don't know how I feel. I mean, I was scared, you know? I thought... I thought Karone was really gone, you know what I mean? It was like Astronema was back.. her eyes had no life in them."
"I know. It was really creepy, wasn't it?" Cassie concurred. "But something must have brought it on."
"Do you think so? I'm not so sure... I mean... I have no reservations about saying that I think this is a really bad idea."
"What is?"
"Telling her about everything. Do you think she can handle it?"
"Well... sure."
"Cassie, seriously! I don't think it's safe."
"What's so unsafe about it? I think it's the not knowing that's the most difficult. I mean, she'll be upset.. but she's got to realize that she was legitimately unaware of her actions and not at fault."
Ashley shook her head. "I don't know why it's taking so long."
"I don't either.. it's aggravating."
A sigh from Ashley, and she pushed her plate off to the side. "I can't finish this. You want some of it?"
"No... I'm good."
Ashley seemed to spend a moment thinking that over, and then she got up. "Jeez, I haven't seen Carlos in hours, either. He's really mad about the whole thing."
"Yeah.. what do you think his problem is?" Cassie asked casually. It wasn't an insult or a statement of contempt coming from her, but rather a genuine query, though perhaps not worded very delicately.
"Cassie, you have to admit that... that we're not all in agreement about how this should go. Carlos was really opposed to how things went down, you know?"
"Well, yeah, but I mean, he could... at least come out for dinner."
Almost immediately following her utterance of the word "dinner", Zhane appeared in the doorway, looking frustrated as he ran a hand through his short, white-blonde hair.
"Hey. How are the engines?" Ashley asked, pushing aside her concern about Andros.
He shrugged, taking a seat. "Beats me. TJ says we're going to KO35 at the right time, though. It's possible the engines wouldn't have made it if we'd put it off. As it is, we've had to reroute other functions to make sure they run as smoothly as they can."
"Sounds serious..." Cassie said, chewing.
"Nah, we'll make it. He likes to exaggerate." Zhane said, looking at Ashley's abandoned plate. Ashley slid it over to him, and he momentarily hesitated before digging in.
"So, we should make it.. before tomorrow, right?" Ashley asked.
"Yeah, Andros says between midnight and 0100."
"So, a late night."
"Yeah, and then being inconspicuously whisked off the ship and put up in KO35's most luxurious and accomodating tents, just outside the planet's most bustling cave." Zhane remarked.
"Oh, come on, Zhane. It can't be that bad." Cassie said with annoyance.
"Sure it can. And it is. I don't know how they're going to fix the ship unless they had some way of protecting their storehouses and factories from Astronema."
"That's... not exactly a good thing."
"Which is what I tried to tell Andros this morning. Oh god, speaking of..."
"No. He's still gone." Ashley cut him off.
"What's taking so long?!"
"I have no clue. No damn clue."
***
I must say, the words "no damn clue" seemed almost sacred to me at the time that Cassie and Ashley were so idly wondering about where I was. I hungered, thirsted for the ability to once again be able to say that I, in fact, had "no damn clue" about my past.
Ironic, isn't it? That for so many weeks I lived and breathed desire to know what had happened, and now, just as Andros had predicted, my mind was in a panicked, horrified state; trying to both accept and expel the words that had been flung into my porous mind.
Maybe I'd better back up a bit. It hurts me to recall the words Andros used, but as long as I live, I swear I will never be able to forget a single nuance, a single word or phrase. It will haunt me for eternity, try as I may to go on with my life normally.
Normal no longer existed, after all. Were I to be struck down, were I to bleed all over the carpet of the Megaship after hearing what Andros told me, it would be safe to assume that I truly had been killed.
Lucky me, to know the difference.
***
So different from lunch, just 5 short hours before.
Cassie stirred her specially-ordered chow mein around her plate with her fork, and glanced sideways at Ashley for what seemed to be the hundredth time that evening. She could hardly tolerate silence, and the uncomfortable and impersonal silence of their usually companionable dining was especially difficult. She actively sought out even a hint of civility, but her search was in vain. Ashley kept her eyes locked on her plate and only shifted them when reaching for her beverage.
A cough penetrated the silence, and Cassie quickly covered her mouth before it exacerbated into a reeling hack, which it indeed did. It never failed; winter was nearly upon her hometown, and despite the fact that she was lightyears from home, her body still knew it was early December and time to develop a miserable cold. It never did make sense to her that she could get such colds in California, sneezing and bundling up in 70 degree weather never appealed to her, and the irony was that she had once taken a trip to Montana and in the 20 degree mountains, wearing a child's down coat and boots, she never had so much as a sniffle.
Ashley failed to acknowledge her discomfort, and Cassie drew an unabashed sigh. If only there was someone else to join them; TJ or Carlos or Zhane. But, unfortunately, TJ was very concerned about the port hyperspeed generator and had elected to spend dinner in the engine room with Zhane as his unwitting assistant.
And, Carlos had been so inexplicably angry about what occurred at lunch that he had retreated to his quarters immediately after Andros gave Karone the ultimatum. He hadn't been seen for hours, Cassie mused.
As for Karone and Andros... they too had yet to emerge from their private area, and Cassie felt worry grow in her midsection as she recalled the events leading up to their harried departure.
***
Karone sank into the nearest chair, a haunted look in her eyes. The rest of the rangers felt a similar discontentment at seeing their intrepid leader breaking down in such a manner. It had all been so sudden, but now the enjoyable companionship of just a minute or two ago was completely dissolved.
Ashley had been breathing hard for several seconds, and all of a sudden she broke out into a ragged series of sobs, turning away from the table and clutched her hair in fistfuls as she tried to regain her composure. Cassie just looked at Karone, then Andros, then Karone with a jaded sort of interest.
A badly-stifled wail emerged from Ashley's lips, and suddenly Carlos leapt to his feet, rattling the table. Karone looked up at him in surprise, an expression he met with rage.
"If I may be excused, I've got something I need to do." He said viciously.
The silence that came in his wake lasted for several minutes, broken only by Cassie's occasional drink of pop. Karone's steady gaze at her hands lasted the entire silence, and it was ultimately an inadvertant knuckle crack from those hands that broke the silence and triggered the words that changed the rest of the day.
"Andros, I'd like you to tell me." She said, her voice quivering.
Ashley whirled around at the sound of her voice, and narrowed her red-rimmed eyes. "Why?" She asked incredulously.
Karone frowned. "B..because..."
"Didn't you hear him?! Look at him, Karone! He's your brother, for god's sake! Don't you care about him?!"
"Ashley," Andros said loudly.
"Andros, I stood idly by when you went back to get her once, but this is ridiculous. Why make things more miserable than they already are?!"
Karone looked puzzled at the comment about standing idly by, and Cassie cocked her head with a comforting smile.
"She... she has a right to know. Karone.. are you absolutely sure?"
"Yes. Yes, I am." She answered weakly. "I'm so sorry.."
He pushed his hair behind his ear and shrugged. His movements were highly contrary to what his face expressed, but he casually walked across the room and took Karone's hand. "Then let's go."
"Right... right now?" She asked.
"Yes. Right now."
Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she suddenly leapt to her feet and hugged Andros with all her might.
"Thank you...." she whispered. "Thank you...."
***
Ashley cleared her throat, and Cassie turned expectantly toward her. However, instead of it becoming a segue to some sort of conversation, it erupted into a cough similar to the one Cassie earlier experienced. After a few seconds of coughing, Ashley reached for her glass and drowned her throat in iced tea.
Cassie smiled privately and took a bite of her chow mein.
"Dammit, Cassie. You gave me your cold." Ashley muttered suddenly. She was rewarded with a snap of Cassie's head and an insulted frown.
"I did not. I get colds every year around this time. I bet you do too."
"What? I never get colds. Never. You gave this to me."
Cassie shrugged. "I'm always the generous one." She said, giggling. A small, almost infinitesimal smile crept onto Ashley's face as she lifted her eyes from her plate for the first time all evening.
"Hey, Cassie.. uh.. sorry I'm so quiet. I guess... I uh.. I'm just worried about Andros." She said lightly and almost defiantly.
"I know. I'm worried, too. It's hard not to be. Karone tries so hard to be strong, but sometimes..."
"Karone? You're worried about her?"
"Aren't you?"
Ashley sighed. "After the way she acted... I don't know how I feel. I mean, I was scared, you know? I thought... I thought Karone was really gone, you know what I mean? It was like Astronema was back.. her eyes had no life in them."
"I know. It was really creepy, wasn't it?" Cassie concurred. "But something must have brought it on."
"Do you think so? I'm not so sure... I mean... I have no reservations about saying that I think this is a really bad idea."
"What is?"
"Telling her about everything. Do you think she can handle it?"
"Well... sure."
"Cassie, seriously! I don't think it's safe."
"What's so unsafe about it? I think it's the not knowing that's the most difficult. I mean, she'll be upset.. but she's got to realize that she was legitimately unaware of her actions and not at fault."
Ashley shook her head. "I don't know why it's taking so long."
"I don't either.. it's aggravating."
A sigh from Ashley, and she pushed her plate off to the side. "I can't finish this. You want some of it?"
"No... I'm good."
Ashley seemed to spend a moment thinking that over, and then she got up. "Jeez, I haven't seen Carlos in hours, either. He's really mad about the whole thing."
"Yeah.. what do you think his problem is?" Cassie asked casually. It wasn't an insult or a statement of contempt coming from her, but rather a genuine query, though perhaps not worded very delicately.
"Cassie, you have to admit that... that we're not all in agreement about how this should go. Carlos was really opposed to how things went down, you know?"
"Well, yeah, but I mean, he could... at least come out for dinner."
Almost immediately following her utterance of the word "dinner", Zhane appeared in the doorway, looking frustrated as he ran a hand through his short, white-blonde hair.
"Hey. How are the engines?" Ashley asked, pushing aside her concern about Andros.
He shrugged, taking a seat. "Beats me. TJ says we're going to KO35 at the right time, though. It's possible the engines wouldn't have made it if we'd put it off. As it is, we've had to reroute other functions to make sure they run as smoothly as they can."
"Sounds serious..." Cassie said, chewing.
"Nah, we'll make it. He likes to exaggerate." Zhane said, looking at Ashley's abandoned plate. Ashley slid it over to him, and he momentarily hesitated before digging in.
"So, we should make it.. before tomorrow, right?" Ashley asked.
"Yeah, Andros says between midnight and 0100."
"So, a late night."
"Yeah, and then being inconspicuously whisked off the ship and put up in KO35's most luxurious and accomodating tents, just outside the planet's most bustling cave." Zhane remarked.
"Oh, come on, Zhane. It can't be that bad." Cassie said with annoyance.
"Sure it can. And it is. I don't know how they're going to fix the ship unless they had some way of protecting their storehouses and factories from Astronema."
"That's... not exactly a good thing."
"Which is what I tried to tell Andros this morning. Oh god, speaking of..."
"No. He's still gone." Ashley cut him off.
"What's taking so long?!"
"I have no clue. No damn clue."
***
I must say, the words "no damn clue" seemed almost sacred to me at the time that Cassie and Ashley were so idly wondering about where I was. I hungered, thirsted for the ability to once again be able to say that I, in fact, had "no damn clue" about my past.
Ironic, isn't it? That for so many weeks I lived and breathed desire to know what had happened, and now, just as Andros had predicted, my mind was in a panicked, horrified state; trying to both accept and expel the words that had been flung into my porous mind.
Maybe I'd better back up a bit. It hurts me to recall the words Andros used, but as long as I live, I swear I will never be able to forget a single nuance, a single word or phrase. It will haunt me for eternity, try as I may to go on with my life normally.
Normal no longer existed, after all. Were I to be struck down, were I to bleed all over the carpet of the Megaship after hearing what Andros told me, it would be safe to assume that I truly had been killed.
Lucky me, to know the difference.
***