Chapter 8: Sea roses
She was crying. Her body shook with sobs and the tears just wouldn't seize to run down her already reddened cheeks. She was lost and scared, alone in this world without a soul to trust, without a friend. She didn't know who she was anymore. She had been a powerful witch and now she wasn't even able to perform a spell she had already mastered perfectly many years ago as a child. Her powers had been taken away, leaving a great void inside of her. The enormity of the space they had occupied had hindered her insecurity from breaking free and taking control over her, but now it claimed the reign over the whole of her being. With her magical abilities so greatly diminished, who was she now but a defenseless woman in a city full of stranger? She had always been someone special, but now she had become just another face in the crowd, one more unhappy soul that walked this earth without a greater purpose or aim in life.
Arnaya had been captured, questioned and now an uncertain future was awaiting her. Could she rely on the king's promise that no harm would be done to her or her mother? Promises are just words. Words are not tangible, they are not solid. They appear for a brief moment and then disintegrate into thin air, forgotten for all times. So a promise was actually as meaningless as if it hadn't been given at all.
There was nothing to look forward to, nothing to go back to. No past and no future, just despair. So she cried. Every tear that fell was filled with the bitterness of her soul, the insecurity that chocked her and the disgust she felt for herself for being so weak. The intensity of those feelings gradually made room to numbness and exhaustion, because they were too powerful to sustain for a long time. The overwhelming emotions that had kept her from thinking coherently slowly began to loosen their grip on her and she became aware of the situation she was in.
She was engulfed in a warm embrace. Strong arms were wrapped around her protectively and gave her the feeling of comfort and understanding. It was a soothing, but at the same time, an extremely disquieting feeling. She had allowed herself to let her weakness show in front of another person who probably could not be trusted. Yet again a voice in side her head whispered to her that it was otherwise and that she knew all to well that the elf would not betray her, that he was not capable of doing such things.
Those emotions she felt, the pain and despair, were new to her, because she had not been allowed to explore them before. She had forced herself to be tough, when all she wanted to do was cry. Arnaya had always suppressed her emotion, but never analyzed them. Now it was as if she had opened Pandora's Box. She had unleashed terrors that she couldn't control and would follow her for all her life like an evil curse. But, unbeknownst to her, along with horrendous monsters and scary visions a beautiful golden butterfly escaped from the prison deep inside her soul. It fluttered around her and landed inside her heart never to leave again.
Legolas rocked her back and forth in his embrace whispering to her soothing words in elvish. She didn't understand what he told her, but his voice was as gentle and melodic as a lullaby. She slowly began to calm herself, but with each passing moment she felt more uncomfortable with the whole situation. The emotions that had previously clouded her mind, made room to clarity again and she realized, to her own dismay, that she stood there, engulfed in the tight embrace of a person she had only days before called her sworn enemy.
She stepped back abruptly. Her reddened eyes darted from side to side. She was torn between fleeing from him and running back into his embrace that had given her the feeling of safety - be it only for a few brief moments. As she couldn't make up her mind she just stood their, her face an expression of confusion and insecurity. Somehow Legolas knew that his next words, yes even his every move would determine what would happen next.
He slowly extended his hand to her, looking her deep in the eye. A gentle smile was playing at the corners of his mouth. Daylight cast its bright beams through the large windows of the corridors bathed him in a warm light and let his flaxen hair shine like gold. His chiseled features had a warm and sincere friendliness to them and his skin seemed to be engulfed by an ethereal glow. The green fabric of his tunic came alive in the light of day and stood out clearly against the gray stone floor and walls and the faded tapestries. The elf seemed to be completely out of place, a being that's beauty had its origin outside the world of men and could never be grasped entirely by the human mind. Right in this very moment Arnaya truly looked at him for the first time and recognized him for what he really was - the member of an ancient race whose appearance was determined by the grace of their features and the kindness of their hearts.
She looked at his hand with a strange fascination - the slender fingers, the perfect fingernails, and the fair skin. What did a being like him want something to do with her, of all people? Why did he even concern himself with her miserable fate? Her gaze alternated between his open palm and his eyes, speaking volumes about her indecisiveness and her timidity.
"Will you come with me?" he asked her softly.
"Where to?" she was confused.
"To the palace garden," was his simple answer.
"You still want to go? Even after you've seen what kind of person I am? I am weak, hysteric and I can't even keep my emotion in check," she said and the agitation made her voice raise a pitch.
He cocked his head and looked at her in wonder. Legolas couldn't believe that her emotions really ran that deep and that she was so insecure about herself. When he first saw her, she had appeared to be made of stone, like nothing could ever hurt her and much less touch her cold heart.
"You are anything but weak or hysteric. I do, by no means, think that your tears make you a lesser person. On the contrary, they show me that you are human and that your heart is not made of stone. If you are capable of such emotions there must be something good inside of you. That goodness deserves to be encouraged by respect and kindness."
"I can't tell the difference between good and bad anymore," she said, her voice sounded exhausted.
"And I will not teach it to you, because you have to make that decision on your own, just like everybody else has to. Nevertheless I can keep you company, so that you are not alone," he said.
Arnaya hesitated briefly. Her old self told her a million reasons why she shouldn't open up to him and much less trust him, but her heart begged her to finally allow herself to accept help from others, to face the fact that she sometimes had to show weakness in order to be strong. She fought out a silent battle with herself, while a million different emotions flitted over her face in the blink of an eye. This simple gesture cost her more strength and courage than anything else in her life ever had. Arnaya took in a deep breath and than she finally took the hand he offered to her. The elf rewarded her decision with a warm and beautiful smile, his eyes looking at her with a knowing expression, recognizing her actions as the consequence of hard earned trust and the beginning of change.
They slowly started walking and after a short while they arrived at the palace garden. Legolas had discovered this place shortly after his arrival and from that time it had been his refugee whenever he felt homesick or the need to look at something other than bleak stone walls and floors. It was the only patch of green in this gray fortress called Minas-Tirith.
The path they walked on was covered with gravel that gritted softly under their feet with each step they took. To their right there were rose bushes whose white blossoms emitted a sweet and intoxicating scent that filled the entire garden and mingled with the smell of the various other flowers that blossomed in it. They walked on and the path let them to a little fountain that lay right in the center of the green where they sat down. For a few moments the only sound that could be heard was the soft dabbling of the water behind them which was covered with a green carpet of sea roses.
"Is there any reason why you are being so nice? Do you want to trick me? Because if there is anything you want to know just ask me straight to the head. It might save you the trouble of acting all understanding and caring," she said after a while, voicing some of the questions that were currently running through her head and troubling her mind.
The elf looked at her in wonder. He had never met a person who was so on guard, her behavior was almost bordering on paranoia. "This is not an act," he punctuated every word he said. "I did not lead you here to question you."
"You did not?" Arnaya asked with one delicate eyebrow raised in wonder.
"No, I do not want you any harm. Can you not just enjoy being in this place without worrying that somebody may trick you?"
She looked at him with a blank expression on her face as if this thought was absolutely absurd and had never occurred to her.
"Let us pretend for a moment that we both had met under different circumstances, that we were nothing but to people spending some time in this beautiful garden. Try to forget all your difficulties for a while. Enjoy the sweet scent of the flowers, the soft breeze that caresses the green leaves of the trees and the way the sun reflects on the water."
"Is this the way you see live? This whole 'the grass is green and the sun is shining'-attitude?" Arnaya asked skeptically.
"I do perceive the world as it is. I see all it is brutality and all its harshness, but my eyes are not blind to its beauty."
She kept silent for a few minutes trying to follow his advice and discovered to her wonder that it was actually soothing her trouble mind and granting her some peace, at least temporarily. Arnaya took in a deep breath of air, inhaling the fragrance of the roses mingled with jasmine and lilies. The sun was shining down on her and warmed her skin, inspiring in her a feeling of relaxation and peacefulness. She let out a content sigh at which the elf threw her a knowing smile.
"Alright, I admit it. You were right," she mumbled grudgingly, but couldn't hide the laughter shining in her eyes. The tears she had cried recently were forgotten and she was seized by a light-hearted and playful mood inspired by her surroundings.
"So let's pretend for a second you were not prince puppy dog and I was not the 'evil and vicious witch' for whom everybody takes me these days."
"Who else would we be then?"
"Who we really are."
A pensive looked passed briefly over his handsome face. "Agreed," he finally said and nodded at her with a smile on his face.
"So, you didn't bring me here to question me, but that doesn't mean I can't ask you anything, or does it now?"
"No, it does not," he answered with laughter in his voice.
"I don't really know much about you.well, I've heard all elvish names have a special meaning. Yours, too, I assume?"
"Yes, it means 'green leaf'."
"Fitting," she grinned at him.
"Oh, I am really honored of your approval," he nodded at her and mirth was dancing in his intense blue eyes.
Her joking tone grew a bit more serious and indicated that this question had been on her mind for quiet some time. "I always wondered why you returned after I insulted you during your first visit to my previous accommodation in the..lets say palace cellar..sounds a lot nicer than dungeons."
"I do not give up easily and a challenge is to be accepted not ignored."
"Why am I a challenge?"
He sighed in fake annoyance. She was really merciless when it came to asking question, much like a little child she was always ready to come up with something new.
"We have already established that you want my answer to be completely honest..."
"So it is that bad," Arnaya interrupted him with amusement clearly written all over her face.
"That may depend on one's perspective," he said and his eyes twinkled with laughter. "Well, first and foremost it was because you enraged me more than anybody else has every managed to in the last centuries."
"Well, I do have a tendency to show myself from my worst side when I first meet people," she said with a smile on her lips and let her hand glide over the cool surface of the water slightly touching the edge of a sea rose leaf. Legolas followed her movement from the corner of his eye. Then he saw something that made him think his own senses had played a trick on him. The closed bud that sat in the middle of the plant floating in the fountain slowly opened, unfolding its deep red petals at the touch of her slender fingers. Arnaya immediately noticed the astonished look written clearly on Legolas's handsome features.
"What is it?" she asked. He slowly extended his hand and tentatively closed it around hers, moving it over the nearest sea rose bud. Her fingertip barely touched the velvety petals that were still folded together, but even the slightest touch from her was enough to let them blossom within the blink of an eye. A beautiful smile spread over her face. This smile seemed to briefly turn her into another person and Legolas thought for a moment he could see a glimpse of the woman Arnaya would have been had life treated her always fairly. What he saw truly overwhelmed him, because he would have never expected it. It was the reflection of person full of kindness and wisdom.
Arnaya reached into her hair and pulled out a single brown feather. She laid it inside her open palm and looked at it for a brief moment, then she cupped her other hand over it and briefly closed her eyes. Her mind was focused on the feather, explored its curved form and the tiny hairs that were sitting on it tickling her skin. What was now a lifeless object had once been part of a living being, in all its little details a unique creation of nature. She imagined what that creature had been like, how it had fluttered through the air on a sunny spring day, the way its brown feathers had shimmered when its wings moved up and down in a swift and rhythmic movement, barely visible to the human eye. A shining light glowed from her hands and when she opened them again a brown sparrow was sitting in the middle of them. With his little head held up high, as if it was a proud eagle, the tiny creature sauntered to the tip of her index finger from where it flew off majestically.
"My powers.they are back!" she exclaimed with a huge smile on her face and embraced the stunned elf. She was like a whirlwind, suddenly filled with an incredible energy, unable to sit still any longer. So she rose and turned to leave.
"Wait. Where are you going?" the elf asked her. He was still stunned by her sudden embrace and her unexpected change of mood.
"To my quarters. I have a candle to light," she grinned and quickly ran off.
His eyes followed her and a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth.
She was crying. Her body shook with sobs and the tears just wouldn't seize to run down her already reddened cheeks. She was lost and scared, alone in this world without a soul to trust, without a friend. She didn't know who she was anymore. She had been a powerful witch and now she wasn't even able to perform a spell she had already mastered perfectly many years ago as a child. Her powers had been taken away, leaving a great void inside of her. The enormity of the space they had occupied had hindered her insecurity from breaking free and taking control over her, but now it claimed the reign over the whole of her being. With her magical abilities so greatly diminished, who was she now but a defenseless woman in a city full of stranger? She had always been someone special, but now she had become just another face in the crowd, one more unhappy soul that walked this earth without a greater purpose or aim in life.
Arnaya had been captured, questioned and now an uncertain future was awaiting her. Could she rely on the king's promise that no harm would be done to her or her mother? Promises are just words. Words are not tangible, they are not solid. They appear for a brief moment and then disintegrate into thin air, forgotten for all times. So a promise was actually as meaningless as if it hadn't been given at all.
There was nothing to look forward to, nothing to go back to. No past and no future, just despair. So she cried. Every tear that fell was filled with the bitterness of her soul, the insecurity that chocked her and the disgust she felt for herself for being so weak. The intensity of those feelings gradually made room to numbness and exhaustion, because they were too powerful to sustain for a long time. The overwhelming emotions that had kept her from thinking coherently slowly began to loosen their grip on her and she became aware of the situation she was in.
She was engulfed in a warm embrace. Strong arms were wrapped around her protectively and gave her the feeling of comfort and understanding. It was a soothing, but at the same time, an extremely disquieting feeling. She had allowed herself to let her weakness show in front of another person who probably could not be trusted. Yet again a voice in side her head whispered to her that it was otherwise and that she knew all to well that the elf would not betray her, that he was not capable of doing such things.
Those emotions she felt, the pain and despair, were new to her, because she had not been allowed to explore them before. She had forced herself to be tough, when all she wanted to do was cry. Arnaya had always suppressed her emotion, but never analyzed them. Now it was as if she had opened Pandora's Box. She had unleashed terrors that she couldn't control and would follow her for all her life like an evil curse. But, unbeknownst to her, along with horrendous monsters and scary visions a beautiful golden butterfly escaped from the prison deep inside her soul. It fluttered around her and landed inside her heart never to leave again.
Legolas rocked her back and forth in his embrace whispering to her soothing words in elvish. She didn't understand what he told her, but his voice was as gentle and melodic as a lullaby. She slowly began to calm herself, but with each passing moment she felt more uncomfortable with the whole situation. The emotions that had previously clouded her mind, made room to clarity again and she realized, to her own dismay, that she stood there, engulfed in the tight embrace of a person she had only days before called her sworn enemy.
She stepped back abruptly. Her reddened eyes darted from side to side. She was torn between fleeing from him and running back into his embrace that had given her the feeling of safety - be it only for a few brief moments. As she couldn't make up her mind she just stood their, her face an expression of confusion and insecurity. Somehow Legolas knew that his next words, yes even his every move would determine what would happen next.
He slowly extended his hand to her, looking her deep in the eye. A gentle smile was playing at the corners of his mouth. Daylight cast its bright beams through the large windows of the corridors bathed him in a warm light and let his flaxen hair shine like gold. His chiseled features had a warm and sincere friendliness to them and his skin seemed to be engulfed by an ethereal glow. The green fabric of his tunic came alive in the light of day and stood out clearly against the gray stone floor and walls and the faded tapestries. The elf seemed to be completely out of place, a being that's beauty had its origin outside the world of men and could never be grasped entirely by the human mind. Right in this very moment Arnaya truly looked at him for the first time and recognized him for what he really was - the member of an ancient race whose appearance was determined by the grace of their features and the kindness of their hearts.
She looked at his hand with a strange fascination - the slender fingers, the perfect fingernails, and the fair skin. What did a being like him want something to do with her, of all people? Why did he even concern himself with her miserable fate? Her gaze alternated between his open palm and his eyes, speaking volumes about her indecisiveness and her timidity.
"Will you come with me?" he asked her softly.
"Where to?" she was confused.
"To the palace garden," was his simple answer.
"You still want to go? Even after you've seen what kind of person I am? I am weak, hysteric and I can't even keep my emotion in check," she said and the agitation made her voice raise a pitch.
He cocked his head and looked at her in wonder. Legolas couldn't believe that her emotions really ran that deep and that she was so insecure about herself. When he first saw her, she had appeared to be made of stone, like nothing could ever hurt her and much less touch her cold heart.
"You are anything but weak or hysteric. I do, by no means, think that your tears make you a lesser person. On the contrary, they show me that you are human and that your heart is not made of stone. If you are capable of such emotions there must be something good inside of you. That goodness deserves to be encouraged by respect and kindness."
"I can't tell the difference between good and bad anymore," she said, her voice sounded exhausted.
"And I will not teach it to you, because you have to make that decision on your own, just like everybody else has to. Nevertheless I can keep you company, so that you are not alone," he said.
Arnaya hesitated briefly. Her old self told her a million reasons why she shouldn't open up to him and much less trust him, but her heart begged her to finally allow herself to accept help from others, to face the fact that she sometimes had to show weakness in order to be strong. She fought out a silent battle with herself, while a million different emotions flitted over her face in the blink of an eye. This simple gesture cost her more strength and courage than anything else in her life ever had. Arnaya took in a deep breath and than she finally took the hand he offered to her. The elf rewarded her decision with a warm and beautiful smile, his eyes looking at her with a knowing expression, recognizing her actions as the consequence of hard earned trust and the beginning of change.
They slowly started walking and after a short while they arrived at the palace garden. Legolas had discovered this place shortly after his arrival and from that time it had been his refugee whenever he felt homesick or the need to look at something other than bleak stone walls and floors. It was the only patch of green in this gray fortress called Minas-Tirith.
The path they walked on was covered with gravel that gritted softly under their feet with each step they took. To their right there were rose bushes whose white blossoms emitted a sweet and intoxicating scent that filled the entire garden and mingled with the smell of the various other flowers that blossomed in it. They walked on and the path let them to a little fountain that lay right in the center of the green where they sat down. For a few moments the only sound that could be heard was the soft dabbling of the water behind them which was covered with a green carpet of sea roses.
"Is there any reason why you are being so nice? Do you want to trick me? Because if there is anything you want to know just ask me straight to the head. It might save you the trouble of acting all understanding and caring," she said after a while, voicing some of the questions that were currently running through her head and troubling her mind.
The elf looked at her in wonder. He had never met a person who was so on guard, her behavior was almost bordering on paranoia. "This is not an act," he punctuated every word he said. "I did not lead you here to question you."
"You did not?" Arnaya asked with one delicate eyebrow raised in wonder.
"No, I do not want you any harm. Can you not just enjoy being in this place without worrying that somebody may trick you?"
She looked at him with a blank expression on her face as if this thought was absolutely absurd and had never occurred to her.
"Let us pretend for a moment that we both had met under different circumstances, that we were nothing but to people spending some time in this beautiful garden. Try to forget all your difficulties for a while. Enjoy the sweet scent of the flowers, the soft breeze that caresses the green leaves of the trees and the way the sun reflects on the water."
"Is this the way you see live? This whole 'the grass is green and the sun is shining'-attitude?" Arnaya asked skeptically.
"I do perceive the world as it is. I see all it is brutality and all its harshness, but my eyes are not blind to its beauty."
She kept silent for a few minutes trying to follow his advice and discovered to her wonder that it was actually soothing her trouble mind and granting her some peace, at least temporarily. Arnaya took in a deep breath of air, inhaling the fragrance of the roses mingled with jasmine and lilies. The sun was shining down on her and warmed her skin, inspiring in her a feeling of relaxation and peacefulness. She let out a content sigh at which the elf threw her a knowing smile.
"Alright, I admit it. You were right," she mumbled grudgingly, but couldn't hide the laughter shining in her eyes. The tears she had cried recently were forgotten and she was seized by a light-hearted and playful mood inspired by her surroundings.
"So let's pretend for a second you were not prince puppy dog and I was not the 'evil and vicious witch' for whom everybody takes me these days."
"Who else would we be then?"
"Who we really are."
A pensive looked passed briefly over his handsome face. "Agreed," he finally said and nodded at her with a smile on his face.
"So, you didn't bring me here to question me, but that doesn't mean I can't ask you anything, or does it now?"
"No, it does not," he answered with laughter in his voice.
"I don't really know much about you.well, I've heard all elvish names have a special meaning. Yours, too, I assume?"
"Yes, it means 'green leaf'."
"Fitting," she grinned at him.
"Oh, I am really honored of your approval," he nodded at her and mirth was dancing in his intense blue eyes.
Her joking tone grew a bit more serious and indicated that this question had been on her mind for quiet some time. "I always wondered why you returned after I insulted you during your first visit to my previous accommodation in the..lets say palace cellar..sounds a lot nicer than dungeons."
"I do not give up easily and a challenge is to be accepted not ignored."
"Why am I a challenge?"
He sighed in fake annoyance. She was really merciless when it came to asking question, much like a little child she was always ready to come up with something new.
"We have already established that you want my answer to be completely honest..."
"So it is that bad," Arnaya interrupted him with amusement clearly written all over her face.
"That may depend on one's perspective," he said and his eyes twinkled with laughter. "Well, first and foremost it was because you enraged me more than anybody else has every managed to in the last centuries."
"Well, I do have a tendency to show myself from my worst side when I first meet people," she said with a smile on her lips and let her hand glide over the cool surface of the water slightly touching the edge of a sea rose leaf. Legolas followed her movement from the corner of his eye. Then he saw something that made him think his own senses had played a trick on him. The closed bud that sat in the middle of the plant floating in the fountain slowly opened, unfolding its deep red petals at the touch of her slender fingers. Arnaya immediately noticed the astonished look written clearly on Legolas's handsome features.
"What is it?" she asked. He slowly extended his hand and tentatively closed it around hers, moving it over the nearest sea rose bud. Her fingertip barely touched the velvety petals that were still folded together, but even the slightest touch from her was enough to let them blossom within the blink of an eye. A beautiful smile spread over her face. This smile seemed to briefly turn her into another person and Legolas thought for a moment he could see a glimpse of the woman Arnaya would have been had life treated her always fairly. What he saw truly overwhelmed him, because he would have never expected it. It was the reflection of person full of kindness and wisdom.
Arnaya reached into her hair and pulled out a single brown feather. She laid it inside her open palm and looked at it for a brief moment, then she cupped her other hand over it and briefly closed her eyes. Her mind was focused on the feather, explored its curved form and the tiny hairs that were sitting on it tickling her skin. What was now a lifeless object had once been part of a living being, in all its little details a unique creation of nature. She imagined what that creature had been like, how it had fluttered through the air on a sunny spring day, the way its brown feathers had shimmered when its wings moved up and down in a swift and rhythmic movement, barely visible to the human eye. A shining light glowed from her hands and when she opened them again a brown sparrow was sitting in the middle of them. With his little head held up high, as if it was a proud eagle, the tiny creature sauntered to the tip of her index finger from where it flew off majestically.
"My powers.they are back!" she exclaimed with a huge smile on her face and embraced the stunned elf. She was like a whirlwind, suddenly filled with an incredible energy, unable to sit still any longer. So she rose and turned to leave.
"Wait. Where are you going?" the elf asked her. He was still stunned by her sudden embrace and her unexpected change of mood.
"To my quarters. I have a candle to light," she grinned and quickly ran off.
His eyes followed her and a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth.