There we go.Next chapter!!
It has been a busy week so far and I missed all my nice reviewers (hi there! You are the best and I'll never get annoyed with you musicgrl *g*) - I'm looking forward to the weekend when there will be no more stuff for university to do, for once. I added one of my favorite poems at the beginning of this chapter, somehow it seemed to fit the mood. Hope you like it. It is really bleak and depressing, but at the same time extremely beautiful. Well, enough of my babble lets get this thing going I say, shall we?
Chapter 11: The last deception or the only salvation?
Now, and forever, you may rest,
My haggard heart. Dead is that last deception.
I had thought love would be enduring. It is dead.
I know that my hoping, and even
My wishing to be so dearly deceived, have fled.
Rest, and forever. The strife
Had throbbed through you, has throbbed. Nothing is worth
One tremor or one beat; the very earth
Deserves no sign. Life
Has shrunk to dregs and rancor; the world is unclean.
Calm, calm. For this
Is the last despair. What gift has fate brought man
But dying? Now, vanquish in your disdain
Nature and the ugly force
That furtively shapes human ill, and the whole
Infinite futility of the universe.
Giacomo Leopardi: To Him
A drop of cool water ran down her index finger, leaving a wet trace on her skin wherever it slowly crept over it. It finally reached her fingertip where it lingered for a moment as if it prepared itself for the long and perilous fall. Then after a few seconds of indecisiveness one slivery droplet had formed and dared the adventures leap. When it hit the surface it was no more, uniting once again with the water of the fountain from which it had been stolen. Little concentric circles formed. They extended over the entire surfaces that, once calm and mirror like, was now reined by the seemingly never ending inquietude of motion, after a while, though, it returned to its previous state, as the tiny waves slowly softened and finally ceased to exist all together.
They gave away to her reflection that was staring back at her with reddened and incredible sad, almost haunted, eyes - their gaze frighteningly unbearable to her. Who was that woman staring back at her she wondered in strange fascination. What person had she been before? She couldn't tell anymore, maybe it had all been an illusion after all. All those thoughts that had been running through her head, that had influenced her every action, determined her entire being, had they been hers or did they belong to somebody else? Maybe that person she had been pretending to be was nothing more than a mask she had put on in order to fool the world and fulfill the expectations she had been burdened with. Those illusions, the image she had created of herself had been so perfect that even she had believed in it and accepted it as an eternal truth.
Arnaya had entered uncharted territory - her own identity had become blurry, from one day to the next it had been taken away from her. Every time her mind tried to find a way out of this bleak situation it failed miserably. She was standing at a crossway and had yet to decide which way she would choose. Reaching this point had already been a painful and arduous task, but the fact that she wasn't able to make up her mind was almost unbearable to her. She only needed a nudge in the right direction, but maybe her desperate attempts of forcing out the right decision came too soon and too fast.
She wanted to scream until her lungs burned, until her voice was silenced by exhaustion. Her mind was clouded by chaotic thoughts that whispered foolish advises to her that would only seal her doom. She tried to concentrate and chase them away. Arnaya closed her eyes, shutting out the world around her, blocking out the unspoken challenge in the eyes of her reflection. She wished silently that everything around her would disappear, that she was somewhere else, a completely different person free of those problems, the obstacles that fate put in her way constantly. "Please, let it all disappear, please," Arnaya whispered with a frail voice.
"Wishes will not help you," a sympathetic voice said and let her yelp in surprise.
She opened her eyes which where still directed at the smooth surface of the cool fountain in the middle of the palace garden. Arnaya saw Legolas's reflection hover behind her own and a frown of dismay passed over her face. Her hands massaged her forehead in a gesture expressing all the frustration and tiredness she experienced. "Go away," she said coldly, not bothering to turn around to acknowledge his presence.
"No."
She suddenly felt incredible anger rise inside of her ready to unleash itself upon anybody who was unfortunate enough to cross her way, which would undoubtedly be a certain pesky elf in this case. Right in this very moment she hated this palace and everybody who wandered its halls. Thinking about it closely she noticed that her dislike didn't only direct itself against entire palace; it included the whole city, too, even the entire planet.
All she wanted was to be left alone. It was really just as simple as that. She was already writhing on the ground to their feet after they had dealt an incredible painful blow to her. But instead off leaving her alone to recover she was pestered by the presence of this nosy elf again. Her eyes narrowed dangerously and her hands aggressively balled to fists in anger.
"Go away! Now!" she screamed and shot to her feet. Her slender figure suddenly seemed taller, even intimidating. The atmosphere in the garden also appeared to chang with her flaring temper. Where once the moonlight had covered everything with a melancholic silvery layer, now darkness crept up and extended from the shadows. They were surrounded by dim, colorless twilight, totally unnaturally and therefore an extremely frightening sight. Arnaya's hair was blown back by the wind and the black tresses moved like a nest of angry snakes. The air around her crackled charged with electric energy and her eyes, that almost seemed to glow, shot daggers at him.
Legolas just stood there unflinchingly, totally unimpressed by her threatening display of power which he recognized as what it was - an enormous bluff. He knew her too well to fall for this trick and Gandalf had also told him that she wasn't able to perform any dangerous spells, because the wizard did not allow her to make use of her old powers completely until he was not sure that she would only used them for doing good.
"Do I have to spell it out for you?!" Arnaya's voice was shrill and almost doubled.
"I am sorry, but I will not leave," he said firmly.
She positioned herself in front of him so that they almost came nose to nose. "I don't want you here. You are neither needed nor wanted. If you hurry back to the banquet now you might be there in time to have a nice laugh on my expense. Guess your friend Gimli is still around. I bet you will like that, won't you?" she hissed at him between clenched teeth. Maybe this would finally suffice to scare him off.
"The company there left much to wish for if you ask me," he answered and his eyes were sparkling dangerously at the thought of the dwarf, as the anger about his behavior was still freshly burning inside of him.
"Fine. Be like that if this is what you want," Arnaya said stubbornly with her head raised proudly and her arms crossed over her chest. She tried to appear totally unimpressed by his words, but the fact that he was still on her side made her cheer inwardly.
Legolas only nodded and patiently waited for her to calm down. His gazes were searching her face, trying to read in it what she wouldn't tell him with her words. Her cheeks were still flushed by her emotional outburst and her delicate eyebrows rose slightly in an expression of unmasked annoyance, yet there was a pensive expressions in her eyes. The emotions that played over her face gave away her thoughts as well as the complexity and the hidden beauty of her personality, only visible to those who where willing to take closer look. Her fair face was like a canvass that transformed into a masterful work of art, painted by the lively and intriguing colors of a myriad of different feelings.
She widened her eyes in an expression that spoke volumes about how uncomfortable she was with having him stare at her so intensely; taking in every detail, even the slightest change of mood that was visible on her face. Arnaya let out an exasperate huff and played nervously with a tress of her hair, her gaze roaming constantly here and there never focusing on anything completely. She still felt him stare at her as if he wanted to look down into the depths of her soul. The young witch didn't now if she was to be flattered by the interest he took in her or angry at him for not leaving when she had asked him to. Her eyes briefly locked with his and she felt delightful excitement mixed with intense and almost overwhelming joy rise inside of her. Those strange feelings made her forget her momentary problems completely, but only increased her inquietude.
She let out a surprised gasp when she felt Legolas's slender and long hand gently close around her own, stopping it thereby from fiddling continuously with her long hair. It had been an instinctive gesture, done without wasting a second thought about it - almost unintentionally as if somebody else had commanded him to do so. He looked at their entwined hands, how their fingers automatically, almost possessively curved and joined, fitting together so perfectly. Realization slowly began to dawn on him. It was as if he had stepped out of the darkness of a cave into broad daylight. Now he was blinking against the painful and almost blinding light trying to adjust himself to it.
Legolas had sometimes wondered why he mustered so much patience, whenever she had refused to open up to him or why he cared for her so much, even though he wasn't obliged to do so. The answer had always been there, though fuzzy and unclear; never ready to reveal its true nature to him, but now right in this very moment everything fell into place.
That he was shocked by this realization would have been an understatement.
He was in love with her.
How did this happen he asked himself silently, standing there motionlessly, still looking at their joined hands. They had started out as enemies, than they had come to a rather shaky truce, from which with time passing, a friendship had developed gradually. Right at this very moment his discovery was too overwhelming, too much to deal with right away.
"Are you alright?" Arnaya asked with a worried undertone in her voice, forgetting completely about the fact that she had been angry with him only moments before.
"Yes.Do not worry about me," Legolas answered hesitantly, still staring at their entwined hands. Somehow his reply sounded rather unconvincing.
"You feel it too," she stated softly.
Arnaya was a situation where she had nothing to lose. It didn't matter if she embarrassed herself in front of him after tonight's happenings, not any more. She extended her free hand and hesitantly touched his cheek, her soft and warm palm caused his skin that had been cooled by the night breeze to tingle excitedly and his breath accelerated immediately. Her fingers slightly caressed his face with a feather like gesture, leaving him with the unfilled desire of wanting to return the favor. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes savoring this moment trying to memorize every detail. The only thing that was hindering him from giving in to temptation, from caressing her skin, kissing her full lips, was his own will and the fact that he was not ready to do so yet.
"Please, we need to stop. I...we will need time," he said softly, yet determinedly, stopping her hand with his own from continuing to slowly glide over his cheek. This simple gesture cost him all the strength he could muster and an inner voice screamed at him that he was a foolish coward for doing so. He stepped back, trying to but some distance between them to make sure he would not give in to the emotions that tempted him continuously.
Arnaya nodded slowly. "I respect your wishes," she said hesitantly, though a shiver ran through her body due to the loss of the warmth of his embrace.
Though she wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth and the tenderness of his touch again, she knew that this was the right decision. His trust and friendship were important to her and she didn't want to lose them, because to her they were her one and only lifeline in those days of insecurity. If they moved too soon, maybe the hard earned trust that had been slowly established between them would vanish forever, which she didn't want to happen under any circumstances.
She noticed to her own surprise, that what she wanted was not a passing infatuation as fickle and fleeting in its nature as the weather in April, but love. Never, in her entire life had Arnaya longed for something like that. A brief flirt her and there had always sufficed her, everything else had meant investing too much of her precious time. She preferred to hurt people before they could hurt her, to leave before it got too serious, but she had already passed that point with Legolas several weeks ago. There was no turning back anymore. It had happened unbeknownst to her, when she had let him enter her life out of an impulse, a change of mood.
She stepped up to him, while his eyes followed her every move in wonder, unsure about what she would do next. Time seemed to slow down; he perceived every detail with an unusual accuracy -the barely audible rustle of the fabric of her dress when she moved, the soft light that let her chocolaty brown eyes sparkle and the mysterious smile that played around her lips. His heart rate increased the closer she got to him. Arnaya stopped to look him in the eyes, they where only inches apart, then she placed a tender kiss on his forehead. The touch of her lips was sweet torture, almost driving him insane, but he resisted, because he had to be sure of what he wanted before he gave into his feelings. He didn't want to hurt her at any cost.
It has been a busy week so far and I missed all my nice reviewers (hi there! You are the best and I'll never get annoyed with you musicgrl *g*) - I'm looking forward to the weekend when there will be no more stuff for university to do, for once. I added one of my favorite poems at the beginning of this chapter, somehow it seemed to fit the mood. Hope you like it. It is really bleak and depressing, but at the same time extremely beautiful. Well, enough of my babble lets get this thing going I say, shall we?
Chapter 11: The last deception or the only salvation?
Now, and forever, you may rest,
My haggard heart. Dead is that last deception.
I had thought love would be enduring. It is dead.
I know that my hoping, and even
My wishing to be so dearly deceived, have fled.
Rest, and forever. The strife
Had throbbed through you, has throbbed. Nothing is worth
One tremor or one beat; the very earth
Deserves no sign. Life
Has shrunk to dregs and rancor; the world is unclean.
Calm, calm. For this
Is the last despair. What gift has fate brought man
But dying? Now, vanquish in your disdain
Nature and the ugly force
That furtively shapes human ill, and the whole
Infinite futility of the universe.
Giacomo Leopardi: To Him
A drop of cool water ran down her index finger, leaving a wet trace on her skin wherever it slowly crept over it. It finally reached her fingertip where it lingered for a moment as if it prepared itself for the long and perilous fall. Then after a few seconds of indecisiveness one slivery droplet had formed and dared the adventures leap. When it hit the surface it was no more, uniting once again with the water of the fountain from which it had been stolen. Little concentric circles formed. They extended over the entire surfaces that, once calm and mirror like, was now reined by the seemingly never ending inquietude of motion, after a while, though, it returned to its previous state, as the tiny waves slowly softened and finally ceased to exist all together.
They gave away to her reflection that was staring back at her with reddened and incredible sad, almost haunted, eyes - their gaze frighteningly unbearable to her. Who was that woman staring back at her she wondered in strange fascination. What person had she been before? She couldn't tell anymore, maybe it had all been an illusion after all. All those thoughts that had been running through her head, that had influenced her every action, determined her entire being, had they been hers or did they belong to somebody else? Maybe that person she had been pretending to be was nothing more than a mask she had put on in order to fool the world and fulfill the expectations she had been burdened with. Those illusions, the image she had created of herself had been so perfect that even she had believed in it and accepted it as an eternal truth.
Arnaya had entered uncharted territory - her own identity had become blurry, from one day to the next it had been taken away from her. Every time her mind tried to find a way out of this bleak situation it failed miserably. She was standing at a crossway and had yet to decide which way she would choose. Reaching this point had already been a painful and arduous task, but the fact that she wasn't able to make up her mind was almost unbearable to her. She only needed a nudge in the right direction, but maybe her desperate attempts of forcing out the right decision came too soon and too fast.
She wanted to scream until her lungs burned, until her voice was silenced by exhaustion. Her mind was clouded by chaotic thoughts that whispered foolish advises to her that would only seal her doom. She tried to concentrate and chase them away. Arnaya closed her eyes, shutting out the world around her, blocking out the unspoken challenge in the eyes of her reflection. She wished silently that everything around her would disappear, that she was somewhere else, a completely different person free of those problems, the obstacles that fate put in her way constantly. "Please, let it all disappear, please," Arnaya whispered with a frail voice.
"Wishes will not help you," a sympathetic voice said and let her yelp in surprise.
She opened her eyes which where still directed at the smooth surface of the cool fountain in the middle of the palace garden. Arnaya saw Legolas's reflection hover behind her own and a frown of dismay passed over her face. Her hands massaged her forehead in a gesture expressing all the frustration and tiredness she experienced. "Go away," she said coldly, not bothering to turn around to acknowledge his presence.
"No."
She suddenly felt incredible anger rise inside of her ready to unleash itself upon anybody who was unfortunate enough to cross her way, which would undoubtedly be a certain pesky elf in this case. Right in this very moment she hated this palace and everybody who wandered its halls. Thinking about it closely she noticed that her dislike didn't only direct itself against entire palace; it included the whole city, too, even the entire planet.
All she wanted was to be left alone. It was really just as simple as that. She was already writhing on the ground to their feet after they had dealt an incredible painful blow to her. But instead off leaving her alone to recover she was pestered by the presence of this nosy elf again. Her eyes narrowed dangerously and her hands aggressively balled to fists in anger.
"Go away! Now!" she screamed and shot to her feet. Her slender figure suddenly seemed taller, even intimidating. The atmosphere in the garden also appeared to chang with her flaring temper. Where once the moonlight had covered everything with a melancholic silvery layer, now darkness crept up and extended from the shadows. They were surrounded by dim, colorless twilight, totally unnaturally and therefore an extremely frightening sight. Arnaya's hair was blown back by the wind and the black tresses moved like a nest of angry snakes. The air around her crackled charged with electric energy and her eyes, that almost seemed to glow, shot daggers at him.
Legolas just stood there unflinchingly, totally unimpressed by her threatening display of power which he recognized as what it was - an enormous bluff. He knew her too well to fall for this trick and Gandalf had also told him that she wasn't able to perform any dangerous spells, because the wizard did not allow her to make use of her old powers completely until he was not sure that she would only used them for doing good.
"Do I have to spell it out for you?!" Arnaya's voice was shrill and almost doubled.
"I am sorry, but I will not leave," he said firmly.
She positioned herself in front of him so that they almost came nose to nose. "I don't want you here. You are neither needed nor wanted. If you hurry back to the banquet now you might be there in time to have a nice laugh on my expense. Guess your friend Gimli is still around. I bet you will like that, won't you?" she hissed at him between clenched teeth. Maybe this would finally suffice to scare him off.
"The company there left much to wish for if you ask me," he answered and his eyes were sparkling dangerously at the thought of the dwarf, as the anger about his behavior was still freshly burning inside of him.
"Fine. Be like that if this is what you want," Arnaya said stubbornly with her head raised proudly and her arms crossed over her chest. She tried to appear totally unimpressed by his words, but the fact that he was still on her side made her cheer inwardly.
Legolas only nodded and patiently waited for her to calm down. His gazes were searching her face, trying to read in it what she wouldn't tell him with her words. Her cheeks were still flushed by her emotional outburst and her delicate eyebrows rose slightly in an expression of unmasked annoyance, yet there was a pensive expressions in her eyes. The emotions that played over her face gave away her thoughts as well as the complexity and the hidden beauty of her personality, only visible to those who where willing to take closer look. Her fair face was like a canvass that transformed into a masterful work of art, painted by the lively and intriguing colors of a myriad of different feelings.
She widened her eyes in an expression that spoke volumes about how uncomfortable she was with having him stare at her so intensely; taking in every detail, even the slightest change of mood that was visible on her face. Arnaya let out an exasperate huff and played nervously with a tress of her hair, her gaze roaming constantly here and there never focusing on anything completely. She still felt him stare at her as if he wanted to look down into the depths of her soul. The young witch didn't now if she was to be flattered by the interest he took in her or angry at him for not leaving when she had asked him to. Her eyes briefly locked with his and she felt delightful excitement mixed with intense and almost overwhelming joy rise inside of her. Those strange feelings made her forget her momentary problems completely, but only increased her inquietude.
She let out a surprised gasp when she felt Legolas's slender and long hand gently close around her own, stopping it thereby from fiddling continuously with her long hair. It had been an instinctive gesture, done without wasting a second thought about it - almost unintentionally as if somebody else had commanded him to do so. He looked at their entwined hands, how their fingers automatically, almost possessively curved and joined, fitting together so perfectly. Realization slowly began to dawn on him. It was as if he had stepped out of the darkness of a cave into broad daylight. Now he was blinking against the painful and almost blinding light trying to adjust himself to it.
Legolas had sometimes wondered why he mustered so much patience, whenever she had refused to open up to him or why he cared for her so much, even though he wasn't obliged to do so. The answer had always been there, though fuzzy and unclear; never ready to reveal its true nature to him, but now right in this very moment everything fell into place.
That he was shocked by this realization would have been an understatement.
He was in love with her.
How did this happen he asked himself silently, standing there motionlessly, still looking at their joined hands. They had started out as enemies, than they had come to a rather shaky truce, from which with time passing, a friendship had developed gradually. Right at this very moment his discovery was too overwhelming, too much to deal with right away.
"Are you alright?" Arnaya asked with a worried undertone in her voice, forgetting completely about the fact that she had been angry with him only moments before.
"Yes.Do not worry about me," Legolas answered hesitantly, still staring at their entwined hands. Somehow his reply sounded rather unconvincing.
"You feel it too," she stated softly.
Arnaya was a situation where she had nothing to lose. It didn't matter if she embarrassed herself in front of him after tonight's happenings, not any more. She extended her free hand and hesitantly touched his cheek, her soft and warm palm caused his skin that had been cooled by the night breeze to tingle excitedly and his breath accelerated immediately. Her fingers slightly caressed his face with a feather like gesture, leaving him with the unfilled desire of wanting to return the favor. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes savoring this moment trying to memorize every detail. The only thing that was hindering him from giving in to temptation, from caressing her skin, kissing her full lips, was his own will and the fact that he was not ready to do so yet.
"Please, we need to stop. I...we will need time," he said softly, yet determinedly, stopping her hand with his own from continuing to slowly glide over his cheek. This simple gesture cost him all the strength he could muster and an inner voice screamed at him that he was a foolish coward for doing so. He stepped back, trying to but some distance between them to make sure he would not give in to the emotions that tempted him continuously.
Arnaya nodded slowly. "I respect your wishes," she said hesitantly, though a shiver ran through her body due to the loss of the warmth of his embrace.
Though she wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth and the tenderness of his touch again, she knew that this was the right decision. His trust and friendship were important to her and she didn't want to lose them, because to her they were her one and only lifeline in those days of insecurity. If they moved too soon, maybe the hard earned trust that had been slowly established between them would vanish forever, which she didn't want to happen under any circumstances.
She noticed to her own surprise, that what she wanted was not a passing infatuation as fickle and fleeting in its nature as the weather in April, but love. Never, in her entire life had Arnaya longed for something like that. A brief flirt her and there had always sufficed her, everything else had meant investing too much of her precious time. She preferred to hurt people before they could hurt her, to leave before it got too serious, but she had already passed that point with Legolas several weeks ago. There was no turning back anymore. It had happened unbeknownst to her, when she had let him enter her life out of an impulse, a change of mood.
She stepped up to him, while his eyes followed her every move in wonder, unsure about what she would do next. Time seemed to slow down; he perceived every detail with an unusual accuracy -the barely audible rustle of the fabric of her dress when she moved, the soft light that let her chocolaty brown eyes sparkle and the mysterious smile that played around her lips. His heart rate increased the closer she got to him. Arnaya stopped to look him in the eyes, they where only inches apart, then she placed a tender kiss on his forehead. The touch of her lips was sweet torture, almost driving him insane, but he resisted, because he had to be sure of what he wanted before he gave into his feelings. He didn't want to hurt her at any cost.