Chapter 17: Imperfection
Legolas woke up with a start. He gasped loudly as if he was still trying to catch his breath. His hands automatically reached for his neck in order to reassure himself that those invisible claws that had nearly chocked him to death had really loosened their merciless grip. Relief washed over him when he found them gone. His head was heavy and he felt slightly disorientated. What had happened? His eyes quickly scanned his surroundings. He was lying on a huge and comfortable bed.
Legolas blinked lazily and tried to sit up, but his endeavor was cut short when suddenly the whole room seemed to be spinning. He let himself fall back on the soft cushions, accepting the limitations his weakened body imposed on him and stared up at the ceiling, trying to calm his breath and collect his thoughts. With every passing second his head became clearer and clearer. Then his eyes suddenly widened in realization and a scream escaped his lips, "Arnaya!"
His loud cry received an immediate response as his keen senses picked up a movement in the next room , the door was ripped open and the pitter patter of swift feet came closer and closer. He felt a touch on his shoulder and a smiling face came into view. A pair of brown eyes sparkled at him warmly. "You are finally awake," Arnaya exclaimed and engulfed him in a perhaps a little bit too enthusiastic embrace. He coughed violently and the young witch backed off with an embarrassed smile on her face. "Sorry," she said shyly.
"There is no need for excuses," he answered and grabbed her hand before she could retreat any further. His eyes met hers and for a moment there were both speechless. Unspoken words filled the air, caresses that had never been shared, kisses that had not yet been tasted.
"Things have changed while you were asleep, " she said with a firm voice. The young witch snatched back her hand almost embarrassedly, breaking the moment between them.
He nodded slowly. Since they were both alive, Sauda must have been defeated. The danger was over and now he would be able to clear up those misunderstandings that were still standing between them.
After a moment of hesitation she finally added, "I have changed."
Legolas looked at her with unspoken questions in his eyes and a strange sense of foreboding and dread overcame him, nagging at him with its pointy little teeth.
"Gandalf gave Sauda's powers to me," Arnaya paused and checked his face for a reaction. She found him looking at her with a preoccupied frown on his handsome, yet pale face. The young woman sighed, she was still having a hard time dealing with this new situation herself.
"How are you feeling?" she felt his slender hand caress her check. It was nothing more but the ghost of a touch, but it held so much meaning, so much emotions.
"The same and yet completely different. It's hard to explain, because I can't even begin to understand it myself. Suddenly there is all this power, its coursing through my veins, it's in the air I breath, it's everywhere. It is ever present, there is no need to summon it anymore as it is always there, always a part of what I am. I can't shake it of or store it inside of me to use it whenever I want. I am the power and it is me. We are inseparable. Sometimes I feel like I will be able to control it someday, yet there are also times when I fear it will devour me like a hungry wolf and for the first few days it truly did..," a faraway expression passed over her face.
"What happened to you?" Legolas asked. Now he was clearly worried.
A pained expression appeared on the young woman's face. At first glance she seemed to be exactly the same person as before, but when you looked closer you discovered that from time to time there was a wistful expression flickering in her eyes that had seen so many things in the last few days normal mortals would not even dream of in all their life.
"It took control of me, responded immediately to my thoughts. It dragged my into a world that is full of joy, bright and beautiful and at the same time as dark and dang as the land of Mordor. Whenever I think back at this place I'm filled with a strange longing, that will probably never pass, but at the same time with utmost terror. Every wish, every thought I had became reality, starting with my deepest desire and ending with my worst nightmare," her voice became weaker and weaker as she continued to talk. She stayed silent for a few minutes, to regain her composure, looking everywhere but at him.
"I locked myself in my room for a few days. It was much safer for everyone else, trust me. Finally after a long and desperate struggle I was in control again. I was myself again."
Her eyes wandered here and there nervously, it was still difficult for her to talk about all this, then they finally fixed on Legolas's neck that was marred by huge crimson red bruises that looked rather painful. Though he had been treaded by the king's best healers they had not even begun to fade. It pained her to see him like this: so weak and pail. It just wasn't right.
She hesitantly extended her hand till her fingertips touched the wound. Legolas sucked in a sharp breath of air, as even the tiniest touch was agonizing torture for him, but then he felt a very pleasant tingling sensation spread through out his entire body as the pain that radiated from the bruises gradually receded. He starred at her face in wonder. What was she doing? Her expression was absolutely calm, almost serene. Her lips whispered words in an unknown language that had a soothing and very melodic quality to them. When she finally retreated her hand all proof of Sauda's attack was gone.
Arnaya seemed to be feel a bit uneasy with what had just happened. She had acted out of instinct, without giving it a second thought. Usually she should feel drained after performing a healing spell, but instead she felt normal, even well. She unconsciously retreated a little bit, looking at her hands with widened eyes. Every time she made use of her powers she was reminded of the enormous responsibility she was now carrying and to say that she was intimidated by it would have been an understatement.
She felt his compassionate gaze on her and though she knew he only meant well, she felt the undeniable urge to flee this room and put as much distance as possible between him and herself. She scooted further away from him, moving unconsciously closer to the door.
"Stay," Legolas said with a calm voice, "for it is time we talked about a few things."
"Now is not the right time to discuss anything," she wrinkled her brow, waving her hand dismissively.
"No, now is just perfect. Life is too short to postpone anything as especially when it is as important as this."
"Fine," she crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him challengingly. "Let's talk then."
He had spent a lot of time on the task of putting together a perfect plan on how to start this conversation, but now he had to realize that it was probably best to cut straight to the point. Elves were known to often use flowery speech. They had a great love for details and that also included language, but Legolas knew that it would be best if he didn't mince around matters talking to Arnaya. She highly esteemed honesty, which often went as far as being utterly blunt. So he took a deep breath, forcing back all his hesitations and doubts, and ask the one question that had been almost constantly on his mind in the last couple of days.
"Are you in love with me?"
Arnaya just sat there a few seconds with her mouth agape, but it didn't take her long to recover from the initial shock. What he had just done came utterly unexpected.
"What has that got to do with anything?" she asked with an arched eyebrow. She was trying hard to overplay the fact that her heart was beating quickly in side her chest and her palms were all sweaty.
"It would mean that you would love me back," he said, looking at her with an intensity that made shivers run down her spine.
"Oh, "she said breathlessly, blushing furiously. For the first time in her life she was at a complete loss of words.
He took her hand in his and fixed her with his intense blue eyes. "You can trust me, " he paused to emphasis his words. "I will not betray you or lie to you. You are by far too dear to me to ever do that. Whenever I look at you I know with absolute certainty that it is you I want to be with."
"How? Why? I don't understand this....I'm not right for you. Don't you remember what I tried to do? What I'm capable of? You are perfect in every way whereas I am nothing but an ordinary woman."
"I do not seek perfection, because it is nothing but pretence, it is just another mask worn by those to frail to face their own mistakes. No one is perfect, unless they are skilled illusionists. I could not tell you how I felt because I was a fool. I did not know what was in my heart, I was too hesitant, too timid to admit it to myself. So you see, I am everything but perfect. But now I finally know with absolute clarity that I love you."
You are by no means just an ordinary woman. To me you are a miracle, a rarity. You do not try to hide what you are. You esteem honesty above anything else and I have never seen you do anything else but being honest. When I am around you I feel fearless and liberated. You inspire me to follow your example. I find myself wanting to tell you all my secrets, talk to you till my voice fades, listen to the sweet sound of your voice forever."
"I have seen your darkest hour and I have also seen all this potential in you. Come what may, I cannot tear my eyes away from you. When I look into your eyes I feel like I have come home. The call of the sea lessens, my restless heart is soothed. I just want to be with you. Nothing more, nothing less."
He looked at her with an unspoken question in his eyes, waiting for her to answer him. She blinked rapidly, trying hard to suppress those tears that had gathered in her eyes while he spoke. Her face was flushed. She was somewhere between being absolutely terrified and at the same time completely ecstatic.
"I...I honestly don't know what to say," she paused and her inquietude radiate from her in huge waves. "I do have feelings for you, they are stronger than anything I ever felt before, they are confusing me because I find myself saying and doing things I have never done before. I love being with you, I never get tired of your company, of seeing your face. But I'm changing, I'm changing constantly and I don't know what person I will turn out to be.
"I have never said 'I love you' to anybody, not even to my mother. Those words are monumental to me. They mean more than I could ever tell. Perhaps even everything. I will say them to you some day, but not today. To be honest I'm scared. I'm scared that I will ruin the one thing in my life that has meaning, that if we move too soon everything will fall to pieces."
"We have time. As much as you need, but nevertheless I can reassure you that my feelings for you will not fade ," he said and his voice sounded as if he was absolutely convinced by what he was saying.
"How can you be so sure?" she asked and her voice was as thin and timid as the voice of a child.
He took her hand in his. "Do you fell this?"
Arnaya closed her eyes and concentrated on their entwined hands.
"What does it feel like?"
She felt the warmth radiate from his hand and course into hers. It extended in soothing waves from her palm, all the way up her arm and finally spread throughout her entire body. A beautiful smile tugged at the corners of her lips, as the realization that she was no longer alone slowly sank in. His touch was an unspoken promise she knew he would keep no matter what.
"It feels like coming home, like being at peace. Something I will still have to earn."
Legolas woke up with a start. He gasped loudly as if he was still trying to catch his breath. His hands automatically reached for his neck in order to reassure himself that those invisible claws that had nearly chocked him to death had really loosened their merciless grip. Relief washed over him when he found them gone. His head was heavy and he felt slightly disorientated. What had happened? His eyes quickly scanned his surroundings. He was lying on a huge and comfortable bed.
Legolas blinked lazily and tried to sit up, but his endeavor was cut short when suddenly the whole room seemed to be spinning. He let himself fall back on the soft cushions, accepting the limitations his weakened body imposed on him and stared up at the ceiling, trying to calm his breath and collect his thoughts. With every passing second his head became clearer and clearer. Then his eyes suddenly widened in realization and a scream escaped his lips, "Arnaya!"
His loud cry received an immediate response as his keen senses picked up a movement in the next room , the door was ripped open and the pitter patter of swift feet came closer and closer. He felt a touch on his shoulder and a smiling face came into view. A pair of brown eyes sparkled at him warmly. "You are finally awake," Arnaya exclaimed and engulfed him in a perhaps a little bit too enthusiastic embrace. He coughed violently and the young witch backed off with an embarrassed smile on her face. "Sorry," she said shyly.
"There is no need for excuses," he answered and grabbed her hand before she could retreat any further. His eyes met hers and for a moment there were both speechless. Unspoken words filled the air, caresses that had never been shared, kisses that had not yet been tasted.
"Things have changed while you were asleep, " she said with a firm voice. The young witch snatched back her hand almost embarrassedly, breaking the moment between them.
He nodded slowly. Since they were both alive, Sauda must have been defeated. The danger was over and now he would be able to clear up those misunderstandings that were still standing between them.
After a moment of hesitation she finally added, "I have changed."
Legolas looked at her with unspoken questions in his eyes and a strange sense of foreboding and dread overcame him, nagging at him with its pointy little teeth.
"Gandalf gave Sauda's powers to me," Arnaya paused and checked his face for a reaction. She found him looking at her with a preoccupied frown on his handsome, yet pale face. The young woman sighed, she was still having a hard time dealing with this new situation herself.
"How are you feeling?" she felt his slender hand caress her check. It was nothing more but the ghost of a touch, but it held so much meaning, so much emotions.
"The same and yet completely different. It's hard to explain, because I can't even begin to understand it myself. Suddenly there is all this power, its coursing through my veins, it's in the air I breath, it's everywhere. It is ever present, there is no need to summon it anymore as it is always there, always a part of what I am. I can't shake it of or store it inside of me to use it whenever I want. I am the power and it is me. We are inseparable. Sometimes I feel like I will be able to control it someday, yet there are also times when I fear it will devour me like a hungry wolf and for the first few days it truly did..," a faraway expression passed over her face.
"What happened to you?" Legolas asked. Now he was clearly worried.
A pained expression appeared on the young woman's face. At first glance she seemed to be exactly the same person as before, but when you looked closer you discovered that from time to time there was a wistful expression flickering in her eyes that had seen so many things in the last few days normal mortals would not even dream of in all their life.
"It took control of me, responded immediately to my thoughts. It dragged my into a world that is full of joy, bright and beautiful and at the same time as dark and dang as the land of Mordor. Whenever I think back at this place I'm filled with a strange longing, that will probably never pass, but at the same time with utmost terror. Every wish, every thought I had became reality, starting with my deepest desire and ending with my worst nightmare," her voice became weaker and weaker as she continued to talk. She stayed silent for a few minutes, to regain her composure, looking everywhere but at him.
"I locked myself in my room for a few days. It was much safer for everyone else, trust me. Finally after a long and desperate struggle I was in control again. I was myself again."
Her eyes wandered here and there nervously, it was still difficult for her to talk about all this, then they finally fixed on Legolas's neck that was marred by huge crimson red bruises that looked rather painful. Though he had been treaded by the king's best healers they had not even begun to fade. It pained her to see him like this: so weak and pail. It just wasn't right.
She hesitantly extended her hand till her fingertips touched the wound. Legolas sucked in a sharp breath of air, as even the tiniest touch was agonizing torture for him, but then he felt a very pleasant tingling sensation spread through out his entire body as the pain that radiated from the bruises gradually receded. He starred at her face in wonder. What was she doing? Her expression was absolutely calm, almost serene. Her lips whispered words in an unknown language that had a soothing and very melodic quality to them. When she finally retreated her hand all proof of Sauda's attack was gone.
Arnaya seemed to be feel a bit uneasy with what had just happened. She had acted out of instinct, without giving it a second thought. Usually she should feel drained after performing a healing spell, but instead she felt normal, even well. She unconsciously retreated a little bit, looking at her hands with widened eyes. Every time she made use of her powers she was reminded of the enormous responsibility she was now carrying and to say that she was intimidated by it would have been an understatement.
She felt his compassionate gaze on her and though she knew he only meant well, she felt the undeniable urge to flee this room and put as much distance as possible between him and herself. She scooted further away from him, moving unconsciously closer to the door.
"Stay," Legolas said with a calm voice, "for it is time we talked about a few things."
"Now is not the right time to discuss anything," she wrinkled her brow, waving her hand dismissively.
"No, now is just perfect. Life is too short to postpone anything as especially when it is as important as this."
"Fine," she crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him challengingly. "Let's talk then."
He had spent a lot of time on the task of putting together a perfect plan on how to start this conversation, but now he had to realize that it was probably best to cut straight to the point. Elves were known to often use flowery speech. They had a great love for details and that also included language, but Legolas knew that it would be best if he didn't mince around matters talking to Arnaya. She highly esteemed honesty, which often went as far as being utterly blunt. So he took a deep breath, forcing back all his hesitations and doubts, and ask the one question that had been almost constantly on his mind in the last couple of days.
"Are you in love with me?"
Arnaya just sat there a few seconds with her mouth agape, but it didn't take her long to recover from the initial shock. What he had just done came utterly unexpected.
"What has that got to do with anything?" she asked with an arched eyebrow. She was trying hard to overplay the fact that her heart was beating quickly in side her chest and her palms were all sweaty.
"It would mean that you would love me back," he said, looking at her with an intensity that made shivers run down her spine.
"Oh, "she said breathlessly, blushing furiously. For the first time in her life she was at a complete loss of words.
He took her hand in his and fixed her with his intense blue eyes. "You can trust me, " he paused to emphasis his words. "I will not betray you or lie to you. You are by far too dear to me to ever do that. Whenever I look at you I know with absolute certainty that it is you I want to be with."
"How? Why? I don't understand this....I'm not right for you. Don't you remember what I tried to do? What I'm capable of? You are perfect in every way whereas I am nothing but an ordinary woman."
"I do not seek perfection, because it is nothing but pretence, it is just another mask worn by those to frail to face their own mistakes. No one is perfect, unless they are skilled illusionists. I could not tell you how I felt because I was a fool. I did not know what was in my heart, I was too hesitant, too timid to admit it to myself. So you see, I am everything but perfect. But now I finally know with absolute clarity that I love you."
You are by no means just an ordinary woman. To me you are a miracle, a rarity. You do not try to hide what you are. You esteem honesty above anything else and I have never seen you do anything else but being honest. When I am around you I feel fearless and liberated. You inspire me to follow your example. I find myself wanting to tell you all my secrets, talk to you till my voice fades, listen to the sweet sound of your voice forever."
"I have seen your darkest hour and I have also seen all this potential in you. Come what may, I cannot tear my eyes away from you. When I look into your eyes I feel like I have come home. The call of the sea lessens, my restless heart is soothed. I just want to be with you. Nothing more, nothing less."
He looked at her with an unspoken question in his eyes, waiting for her to answer him. She blinked rapidly, trying hard to suppress those tears that had gathered in her eyes while he spoke. Her face was flushed. She was somewhere between being absolutely terrified and at the same time completely ecstatic.
"I...I honestly don't know what to say," she paused and her inquietude radiate from her in huge waves. "I do have feelings for you, they are stronger than anything I ever felt before, they are confusing me because I find myself saying and doing things I have never done before. I love being with you, I never get tired of your company, of seeing your face. But I'm changing, I'm changing constantly and I don't know what person I will turn out to be.
"I have never said 'I love you' to anybody, not even to my mother. Those words are monumental to me. They mean more than I could ever tell. Perhaps even everything. I will say them to you some day, but not today. To be honest I'm scared. I'm scared that I will ruin the one thing in my life that has meaning, that if we move too soon everything will fall to pieces."
"We have time. As much as you need, but nevertheless I can reassure you that my feelings for you will not fade ," he said and his voice sounded as if he was absolutely convinced by what he was saying.
"How can you be so sure?" she asked and her voice was as thin and timid as the voice of a child.
He took her hand in his. "Do you fell this?"
Arnaya closed her eyes and concentrated on their entwined hands.
"What does it feel like?"
She felt the warmth radiate from his hand and course into hers. It extended in soothing waves from her palm, all the way up her arm and finally spread throughout her entire body. A beautiful smile tugged at the corners of her lips, as the realization that she was no longer alone slowly sank in. His touch was an unspoken promise she knew he would keep no matter what.
"It feels like coming home, like being at peace. Something I will still have to earn."