Chapter 18: Peace talks
Sauda's hand was slightly shaking when she set the cup back down on the table. A bit of the tea had already been spilled leaving wet circles on the wooden surface. It was a warm day, golden rays of sun were falling inside the room through the huge window and playfully traced wondrous little patterns on the stone floor.
The old woman leaned back in her comfortable armchair and folded her wrinkly hands, partly to keep them from shaking, partly because it was simply comfortable. She wore a blanket around her shoulders - being constantly cold was one of the incommodities of old ages- whose dark red color mixed with several different orange tones made her white hair shine out more prominently than ever. Though her entire appearance had changed, her turquoise eyes were still as lively and observant as ever. Right now they were fixed on her daughter never missing a bead, starring at the young woman unblinkingly and full of interest.
"So, why are you doing me the honor of your visit, oh mighty one?" the old woman asked with sarcasm ringing in her raspy voice.
Arnaya rolled her eyes. Would she never learn? After everything that had happened her mother was still as obstinate as ever. Obviously nothing would ever be able to change her opinion or soften her heart.
"Well, I came to talk and judging from your comment it is high time for it," Arnaya answered calmly, while the other woman narrowed her eyes in disapproval. Very much like her daughter Sauda had stubborn, sometimes almost unreasonable streak, which tended to kick in on the most untimely occasions.
"Look, I didn't ask for Gandalf to give me your power," she reasoned. "To be honest, I was content with how things were. For the first time in my life I was getting close to the point of feeling absolutely comfortable with myself, but now I have to start from scratch again. Those powers are almost incontrollable and in addition to that extremely dangerous."
"Oh, you poor thing you," Sauda answered mockingly.
"Other witches strife an entire life time to achieve what you have right now and you do nothing but complain about your oh so dire lot. Be proud of what you are! Look at you! You are young, powerful, you are free to do with your life anything you want..Isn't that what everybody wishes for?" the old woman said exasperatedly.
"I guess," she said hesitantly. Arnaya had to admit that Sauda was at least right about this point.
"You guess....you guess!" Sauda shook her head incredulously, reaching for her cup again. Her voice had become raspy from all the talking and maybe the tea would also be able to sooth her flaring temper a little bit. She took a huge draught and closed her eyes enjoying the pleasant warmth that spread through her body thanks to the hot beverage.
"Mother?" she heard Arnaya ask softly. "Why did you lie to me?"
She sighed and looked down into the cup where a little lake of warm liquid rhythmically swashed from side to side. She drank again and then set the cup back on the table circumstantially, taking some extra time to find the right words to answer Arnaya.
This seemingly simple questions demanded careful reflection and to a certain point even self-knowledge. Sauda knew that she had to be honest with her daughter. She deserved to know the truth. She owed her this much. After a few moments of silence she was finally ready, but before she gave Arnaya an answer she had to ask something herself.
"Did I hurt you?" Sauda asked, though she feared her daughter's answer, which she secretly already knew before the words had left her mouth.
"Yes."
A sad expression flickered in Sauda's eyes which seemed to soften momentarily. "I'm sorry."
She massaged her forehead tiredly. "Guess now I know that I went wrong somewhere. I never had the intention of hurting you, but in the end that's all I did. Perhaps you were right, perhaps I should have given up the thought of vengeance ages ago. What happened between my and Gandalf, was several life times ago and yet I let my bitterness poison me. I could have done so much with my life, but instead I chose to dedicate it to hatred. Now that the sand of the hourglass is running through my fingers I see the senselessness of it all. Funny how mortality puts everything into perspective."
Realization seemed to set in while she spoke and strangely enough with every word that left her mouth Sauda felt as if a weight was lifted of her shoulders. In the last few days she had felt the anger, which had been her loyal companion for several decades, recede gradually, even to the point of vanishing completely. Was it due to the transformation she had gone through, or the fact that she had had her chance of killing Gandalf and failed? She could not tell exactly. Her recent defeat had taught her one thing she never realized before - she was not invincible, she could be killed. The fact that even she was flawed, conjured doubts that rose like birds of prey from the depths of her soul and now circled around Arnaya's question.
"Did I lie to you?" the old woman repeated, "I only lied when I talked to you about Gandalf and King Elessar. I wanted you to help me. I needed someone to understand me, to be there for me. I describe the world to you in the colors in which I saw it and you never had any possibility to find out if what I told you was right or wrong."
Every word that came from Sauda's lips seemed to cost her immense strength. A tired expression played at the corner's of her mouth, her forehead was wrinkled in a contemplative frown, the shadows under her eyes seemed more prominent than ever.
"I'm sorry, child," Sauda repeated again and sincerity was swinging in her voice, while her turquoise eyes begged Arnaya for forgiveness.
The young witch hesitate. Could she forgive her that easily after all that had happened? She sensed that Sauda had changed in the last few days. After the confrontation between her and Gandalf she had grown silent, spoke to no one and retreated into herself.
Arnaya had seen the horror in her mother's eyes when she discovered that she was now confined to a mortal body that was no longer strong and youthful, but weary and bent by old age. The threat of dead had suddenly become very real, not something you observed with wonder from a far. The echo of her own deeds resounded in Sauda's ears and she could no longer play them down to the size of an insignificant footmark in the seemingly endless story of her life. The end was already in view and everything she did gained incredible importance. So maybe her request for forgiveness was really sincere, Arnaya reasoned.
She remembered how she herself had felt only weeks ago - the disorientation and the constant confusion she had been exposed to. She had received the chance to redeem herself. There had been people who had offered her comfort and even friendship, in times when she needed them the most. Who was she to deny those things to her mother of all people?
"It seems that this is the right time for a new start, as we both are different people than we were back then," the young witch said and saw hope sparkle in her mother's eyes.
"What about we see this as an opportunity to get to know each other anew," she smiled encouragingly at Sauda, extending her slender hand to her.
"I would like that," the other woman said, taking the hand offered to her.
The moment between them was broken when they heard somebody clear his throat behind them. Mother and daughter whipped around in unison to greet the new arrival and saw Gandalf the White standing there, his white robe gleaming as the rays of sun engulfed him like a second skin.
"Well, if that isn't the old wizard himself. Always good for a spectacular entrance," Sauda said with a lopsided grin and a tint of hostility in her voice.
"It seems you are already better, Sauda," Gandalf looked at her with suspicion in his gaze.
"Gallows humor, " the old woman remarked dryly and shrugged.
The wizard had come to visit the old witch quite frequently in the last few days. Partly to monitor her and partly because he still felt responsibility for what had happened to her. The hostility between them had narrowed down to the minimum of a few pointed remarks and some angry glares here and there. They would never come even remotely close to being friends, but at least they weren't enemy anymore either. The status quo of their mutual truce was something they could both live with perfectly fine.
"Arnaya," Gandalf nodded at her as a greeting.
The old wizard had helped Arnaya a lot when her new powers threatened to overwhelm her. He had encouraged her to keep on fighting and never give up hope. Arnaya highly esteemed him, but she also knew that she would never be able to understand him. There was always an air of mystery about him. At times he seemed nothing but an ordinary old man, but then his immense powers shone through. The young witch suspected that there was more to him than met the eye even at second glance, even if you looked extremely carefully. She thought herself to have a relatively good knowledge of the human nature, but nevertheless he always managed to surprise her anew. Maybe she still underestimated him.
"How is Legolas? I reckon you visited him this morning," Arnaya was ripped out of her thoughts by Gandalf's question.
"He is fine," there was a brief hesitation in the young woman's voice which Sauda immediately picked up. There was something wrong and she intended to find out what it was. Sauda made a mental note to herself to address the subject a little later in private.
"Did you tell him about your decision?" the old man asked, looking at her expectantly.
"No, I didn't. Not yet," Arnaya hung her head.
"But you really should. You might be surprised by his reaction," wizard's eyes sparkled knowingly.
"Wait a second. What decision?" Sauda interjected curiously.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi there and thank you, my lovely reviewers! I hope you had fun with this chapter. The end of this story slowly draws near and as I want to make it a graceful exit it is going to take some time. Next week there will be an extreme important exam and after that I will have plenty of time to write the next chapters. So there will be no update next week / until after my exam :( but I promise I will make it worth the wait. (At least this pesky cold is finally gone) Well, see you very soon and take care!!
Sauda's hand was slightly shaking when she set the cup back down on the table. A bit of the tea had already been spilled leaving wet circles on the wooden surface. It was a warm day, golden rays of sun were falling inside the room through the huge window and playfully traced wondrous little patterns on the stone floor.
The old woman leaned back in her comfortable armchair and folded her wrinkly hands, partly to keep them from shaking, partly because it was simply comfortable. She wore a blanket around her shoulders - being constantly cold was one of the incommodities of old ages- whose dark red color mixed with several different orange tones made her white hair shine out more prominently than ever. Though her entire appearance had changed, her turquoise eyes were still as lively and observant as ever. Right now they were fixed on her daughter never missing a bead, starring at the young woman unblinkingly and full of interest.
"So, why are you doing me the honor of your visit, oh mighty one?" the old woman asked with sarcasm ringing in her raspy voice.
Arnaya rolled her eyes. Would she never learn? After everything that had happened her mother was still as obstinate as ever. Obviously nothing would ever be able to change her opinion or soften her heart.
"Well, I came to talk and judging from your comment it is high time for it," Arnaya answered calmly, while the other woman narrowed her eyes in disapproval. Very much like her daughter Sauda had stubborn, sometimes almost unreasonable streak, which tended to kick in on the most untimely occasions.
"Look, I didn't ask for Gandalf to give me your power," she reasoned. "To be honest, I was content with how things were. For the first time in my life I was getting close to the point of feeling absolutely comfortable with myself, but now I have to start from scratch again. Those powers are almost incontrollable and in addition to that extremely dangerous."
"Oh, you poor thing you," Sauda answered mockingly.
"Other witches strife an entire life time to achieve what you have right now and you do nothing but complain about your oh so dire lot. Be proud of what you are! Look at you! You are young, powerful, you are free to do with your life anything you want..Isn't that what everybody wishes for?" the old woman said exasperatedly.
"I guess," she said hesitantly. Arnaya had to admit that Sauda was at least right about this point.
"You guess....you guess!" Sauda shook her head incredulously, reaching for her cup again. Her voice had become raspy from all the talking and maybe the tea would also be able to sooth her flaring temper a little bit. She took a huge draught and closed her eyes enjoying the pleasant warmth that spread through her body thanks to the hot beverage.
"Mother?" she heard Arnaya ask softly. "Why did you lie to me?"
She sighed and looked down into the cup where a little lake of warm liquid rhythmically swashed from side to side. She drank again and then set the cup back on the table circumstantially, taking some extra time to find the right words to answer Arnaya.
This seemingly simple questions demanded careful reflection and to a certain point even self-knowledge. Sauda knew that she had to be honest with her daughter. She deserved to know the truth. She owed her this much. After a few moments of silence she was finally ready, but before she gave Arnaya an answer she had to ask something herself.
"Did I hurt you?" Sauda asked, though she feared her daughter's answer, which she secretly already knew before the words had left her mouth.
"Yes."
A sad expression flickered in Sauda's eyes which seemed to soften momentarily. "I'm sorry."
She massaged her forehead tiredly. "Guess now I know that I went wrong somewhere. I never had the intention of hurting you, but in the end that's all I did. Perhaps you were right, perhaps I should have given up the thought of vengeance ages ago. What happened between my and Gandalf, was several life times ago and yet I let my bitterness poison me. I could have done so much with my life, but instead I chose to dedicate it to hatred. Now that the sand of the hourglass is running through my fingers I see the senselessness of it all. Funny how mortality puts everything into perspective."
Realization seemed to set in while she spoke and strangely enough with every word that left her mouth Sauda felt as if a weight was lifted of her shoulders. In the last few days she had felt the anger, which had been her loyal companion for several decades, recede gradually, even to the point of vanishing completely. Was it due to the transformation she had gone through, or the fact that she had had her chance of killing Gandalf and failed? She could not tell exactly. Her recent defeat had taught her one thing she never realized before - she was not invincible, she could be killed. The fact that even she was flawed, conjured doubts that rose like birds of prey from the depths of her soul and now circled around Arnaya's question.
"Did I lie to you?" the old woman repeated, "I only lied when I talked to you about Gandalf and King Elessar. I wanted you to help me. I needed someone to understand me, to be there for me. I describe the world to you in the colors in which I saw it and you never had any possibility to find out if what I told you was right or wrong."
Every word that came from Sauda's lips seemed to cost her immense strength. A tired expression played at the corner's of her mouth, her forehead was wrinkled in a contemplative frown, the shadows under her eyes seemed more prominent than ever.
"I'm sorry, child," Sauda repeated again and sincerity was swinging in her voice, while her turquoise eyes begged Arnaya for forgiveness.
The young witch hesitate. Could she forgive her that easily after all that had happened? She sensed that Sauda had changed in the last few days. After the confrontation between her and Gandalf she had grown silent, spoke to no one and retreated into herself.
Arnaya had seen the horror in her mother's eyes when she discovered that she was now confined to a mortal body that was no longer strong and youthful, but weary and bent by old age. The threat of dead had suddenly become very real, not something you observed with wonder from a far. The echo of her own deeds resounded in Sauda's ears and she could no longer play them down to the size of an insignificant footmark in the seemingly endless story of her life. The end was already in view and everything she did gained incredible importance. So maybe her request for forgiveness was really sincere, Arnaya reasoned.
She remembered how she herself had felt only weeks ago - the disorientation and the constant confusion she had been exposed to. She had received the chance to redeem herself. There had been people who had offered her comfort and even friendship, in times when she needed them the most. Who was she to deny those things to her mother of all people?
"It seems that this is the right time for a new start, as we both are different people than we were back then," the young witch said and saw hope sparkle in her mother's eyes.
"What about we see this as an opportunity to get to know each other anew," she smiled encouragingly at Sauda, extending her slender hand to her.
"I would like that," the other woman said, taking the hand offered to her.
The moment between them was broken when they heard somebody clear his throat behind them. Mother and daughter whipped around in unison to greet the new arrival and saw Gandalf the White standing there, his white robe gleaming as the rays of sun engulfed him like a second skin.
"Well, if that isn't the old wizard himself. Always good for a spectacular entrance," Sauda said with a lopsided grin and a tint of hostility in her voice.
"It seems you are already better, Sauda," Gandalf looked at her with suspicion in his gaze.
"Gallows humor, " the old woman remarked dryly and shrugged.
The wizard had come to visit the old witch quite frequently in the last few days. Partly to monitor her and partly because he still felt responsibility for what had happened to her. The hostility between them had narrowed down to the minimum of a few pointed remarks and some angry glares here and there. They would never come even remotely close to being friends, but at least they weren't enemy anymore either. The status quo of their mutual truce was something they could both live with perfectly fine.
"Arnaya," Gandalf nodded at her as a greeting.
The old wizard had helped Arnaya a lot when her new powers threatened to overwhelm her. He had encouraged her to keep on fighting and never give up hope. Arnaya highly esteemed him, but she also knew that she would never be able to understand him. There was always an air of mystery about him. At times he seemed nothing but an ordinary old man, but then his immense powers shone through. The young witch suspected that there was more to him than met the eye even at second glance, even if you looked extremely carefully. She thought herself to have a relatively good knowledge of the human nature, but nevertheless he always managed to surprise her anew. Maybe she still underestimated him.
"How is Legolas? I reckon you visited him this morning," Arnaya was ripped out of her thoughts by Gandalf's question.
"He is fine," there was a brief hesitation in the young woman's voice which Sauda immediately picked up. There was something wrong and she intended to find out what it was. Sauda made a mental note to herself to address the subject a little later in private.
"Did you tell him about your decision?" the old man asked, looking at her expectantly.
"No, I didn't. Not yet," Arnaya hung her head.
"But you really should. You might be surprised by his reaction," wizard's eyes sparkled knowingly.
"Wait a second. What decision?" Sauda interjected curiously.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi there and thank you, my lovely reviewers! I hope you had fun with this chapter. The end of this story slowly draws near and as I want to make it a graceful exit it is going to take some time. Next week there will be an extreme important exam and after that I will have plenty of time to write the next chapters. So there will be no update next week / until after my exam :( but I promise I will make it worth the wait. (At least this pesky cold is finally gone) Well, see you very soon and take care!!