Entry Two: Wish I was in Slytherin
Natalia charms pimples onto students' noses, transfigures their school uniforms into sketchy Academy Award dresses and adores her Potions class. And for some reason people think she's in Slytherin.
2:06 AM
Somebody shoot me now.
There is no central heating in this place, our house head is a little dwarf with inkstains on his beard, and my housemates think the ideal way to hit on someone is to talk about Quantum Theory in a bar.
2:13 AM
Well, I guess it's better than what most people talk about in a bar.
8:37 AM
Things are looking up.
Overheard one of my housemates complaining to Roger Davies about how there are no "hot babes" in Ravenclaw.
I think I hear a call to arms.
8:54 AM
Bumped into a little slime named Draco Malfoy who knows more than any thirteen year old has a right to. Said he'd heard I played Quidditch and asked if I wanted to try out his brand spanking new Nimbus Two Thousand and One. And winked.
Puhleaase. Judging by the size of that hand I was forced to shake, Fisher- Price's "My First Wand" would be more like it. Don't flatter yourself, tiny.
And that nose, even a mother would put up for adoption. Think albino rat, but with a beak. It couldn't get any worse.
Or could it?
Neville Frogbottom's pimple has found a new home.
9:39 AM
Okay, now I'm having Charms with Gryffindor. Really don't like Gryffindor because they are such self-righteous little prigs. "We've got the House Cup and we've got Harry Potter and we've got the best house in the school and we've got Harry Potter".. Repeat ad nauseam.
On the plus side, have first Potions class in the next hour. It's taught by Severus Snape, the head of Slytherin house. Am quite looking forward to it as Gryffindors have been mewing about Snape all class, and anyone who hates Gryffindor is fine with me.
Okay, maybe not Malfoy.
10:32 AM
Potions. Adrian Pucey quite enticing. Snape needs a bath, a haircut, and a wardrove that isn't two hundred years out of date, but is still by far the sexiest teacher in the school (well, look what he's up against). That voice, I could listen to if it recited every recipe ever published in Witches Weekly. Damn.
Wish I was in Slytherin.
Asked Roger Davies about Adrian Pucey after class, but he said he doesn't bat for my team.
He hasn't seen my curveball.
Wish I was in Slytherin.
12:08 PM
Lunchtime. Running late because of having to deal with Interchangeable Weasle-y who dropped a White Chocolate Frog down the back of my sweater.
I hate white chocolate and as for frogs, well, do I look French to you?
Was in the process of transfiguring his school uniform in Bjork's Academy Awards dress when a big and rather gormless-looking second year in Slytherin colors asked if I knew the way to our common room.
"Our" common room?
Compliments come in many shapes and sizes and from some incredibly stupid people.
Wish I really "was" in Slytherin.
12:16 PM
Finally got to lunch but Penelope Clearwater (previously known as snotty curled-haired prefect) had nabbed the spot next to Roger Davies and was yapping on about Quantum Theory.
Quantum Theory?
Blatant hussy. She will learn a nasty playground lesson very late in life.
Sat next to a mosquito-bite-sized little thing named Cho Ching (why didn't her parents just call her Ker Ching and get it over with?) who is hoping to fill the vacant Ravenclaw Seeker's spot.
Penelope will have company.
12:41 PM
Cornered Marcus Flint, the Slytherin Quidditch captain, and asked if there was any way I could get into Slytherin. Replied, "No, but I know how I could get a Slytherin into you" and started fiddling with the buttons on my shirt.
Flint's chances of scoring here? Can you say "Impedimenta?"
I did. Mwaah ha ha.
Believe me, this incident doesn't come close to explaining why Adrian Pucey prefers boys.
2:57 PM
Collided with what looking like Miss Piggy's ugly second cousin but on closer inspection turned out to be Pansy Parkinson, Malfoy's girlfriend and a Slytherin.
Now understand Adrian Pucey completely.
Natalia charms pimples onto students' noses, transfigures their school uniforms into sketchy Academy Award dresses and adores her Potions class. And for some reason people think she's in Slytherin.
2:06 AM
Somebody shoot me now.
There is no central heating in this place, our house head is a little dwarf with inkstains on his beard, and my housemates think the ideal way to hit on someone is to talk about Quantum Theory in a bar.
2:13 AM
Well, I guess it's better than what most people talk about in a bar.
8:37 AM
Things are looking up.
Overheard one of my housemates complaining to Roger Davies about how there are no "hot babes" in Ravenclaw.
I think I hear a call to arms.
8:54 AM
Bumped into a little slime named Draco Malfoy who knows more than any thirteen year old has a right to. Said he'd heard I played Quidditch and asked if I wanted to try out his brand spanking new Nimbus Two Thousand and One. And winked.
Puhleaase. Judging by the size of that hand I was forced to shake, Fisher- Price's "My First Wand" would be more like it. Don't flatter yourself, tiny.
And that nose, even a mother would put up for adoption. Think albino rat, but with a beak. It couldn't get any worse.
Or could it?
Neville Frogbottom's pimple has found a new home.
9:39 AM
Okay, now I'm having Charms with Gryffindor. Really don't like Gryffindor because they are such self-righteous little prigs. "We've got the House Cup and we've got Harry Potter and we've got the best house in the school and we've got Harry Potter".. Repeat ad nauseam.
On the plus side, have first Potions class in the next hour. It's taught by Severus Snape, the head of Slytherin house. Am quite looking forward to it as Gryffindors have been mewing about Snape all class, and anyone who hates Gryffindor is fine with me.
Okay, maybe not Malfoy.
10:32 AM
Potions. Adrian Pucey quite enticing. Snape needs a bath, a haircut, and a wardrove that isn't two hundred years out of date, but is still by far the sexiest teacher in the school (well, look what he's up against). That voice, I could listen to if it recited every recipe ever published in Witches Weekly. Damn.
Wish I was in Slytherin.
Asked Roger Davies about Adrian Pucey after class, but he said he doesn't bat for my team.
He hasn't seen my curveball.
Wish I was in Slytherin.
12:08 PM
Lunchtime. Running late because of having to deal with Interchangeable Weasle-y who dropped a White Chocolate Frog down the back of my sweater.
I hate white chocolate and as for frogs, well, do I look French to you?
Was in the process of transfiguring his school uniform in Bjork's Academy Awards dress when a big and rather gormless-looking second year in Slytherin colors asked if I knew the way to our common room.
"Our" common room?
Compliments come in many shapes and sizes and from some incredibly stupid people.
Wish I really "was" in Slytherin.
12:16 PM
Finally got to lunch but Penelope Clearwater (previously known as snotty curled-haired prefect) had nabbed the spot next to Roger Davies and was yapping on about Quantum Theory.
Quantum Theory?
Blatant hussy. She will learn a nasty playground lesson very late in life.
Sat next to a mosquito-bite-sized little thing named Cho Ching (why didn't her parents just call her Ker Ching and get it over with?) who is hoping to fill the vacant Ravenclaw Seeker's spot.
Penelope will have company.
12:41 PM
Cornered Marcus Flint, the Slytherin Quidditch captain, and asked if there was any way I could get into Slytherin. Replied, "No, but I know how I could get a Slytherin into you" and started fiddling with the buttons on my shirt.
Flint's chances of scoring here? Can you say "Impedimenta?"
I did. Mwaah ha ha.
Believe me, this incident doesn't come close to explaining why Adrian Pucey prefers boys.
2:57 PM
Collided with what looking like Miss Piggy's ugly second cousin but on closer inspection turned out to be Pansy Parkinson, Malfoy's girlfriend and a Slytherin.
Now understand Adrian Pucey completely.