Son of Dread Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

"Huh… what time is it?" said Zenith. "9 o'clock?… godammit! I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say hello goodbye I'm late I'm late I'm late! Who the hell am I talking to?"

Zenith ran out into the kitchen or whatever. "Mum! MUM! Where are you? Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Shut-up you stupid little shit! I have a headache!"

"Were you out drinking last night?"

"I have no memory of last night."

"Yes you do, I mean, before your fifth drink."

"Oh, well, you see I met this guy… for $75…" she said in an undertone. "And since we already knew each other, we had a couple of drinks together… Uh, that's about all I can remember. Sorry, son."

"That's okay, I'm not worried about THAT. But why couldn't you wake me up on time? You know I had to get my first monster and save humanity… or was it destroy humanity?"

"Save humanity, sweetie. Save."

"Oh, thanks mum," and with that, he left… and then he came back again for his stuff… and then he left again… and then he came back again for his stuff… and then he left again… and then he came back for his toothpaste and underwear… and then he left again… and then he came back for his big, black, square, chunky glasses that he couldn't see a thing without… and finally, he left for good… no, he'd forgotten pokéballs… NOW he left.

Two hours later… well, we think it was two hours later, we can't count…

Zenith is outside a heavily guarded professor Utsagi's lab thinking of a way to steal "his" new monster. In the end he gave up thinking as it was giving him a headache (no that wasn't a hangover, at this point in the story he has no friends to get drunk with). In the end, Zenith just ran through the front gate. He was sure he was going to be stopped but the only person who tried to stop him was a stinky, crusty 80 year old man who wanted help crossing the road. Zenith punched him in the face breaking the old man's nose and ran on. Zenith made it into the lab and managed to steal the disc containing the mystery monster before professor Utsagi noticed he was there. Of course, that was because professor Utsagi was a 43 year old fat ass whose real name was Cartman. However, after Zenith got the disc he noticed. Possibly because the alarm went off. The loud alarms with pretty coloured flashing lights made professor Utsagi turn and see Zenith. Zenith fought with Utsagi/Cartman and won easily by kicking off professor Utsagi's head. Zenith was about to leave when the head began to talk to him. It said: "You shall never defeat me because you do not have the Tekken!"

"Is that a monster?"

"No it's not you pea-brained fool!"

"Now you've just pissed me off." Zenith then trod on the head of Utsagi/Cartman, finally killing him.

5 minutes later…

"Damn!" proclaimed Zenith (I swear that's a girls' name). "There are guards all over the place!"

"Hey! You!" yelled a very high-pitched feminine voice. "The one who just killed the fat assed dude! Come over here and rescue me fast!"

Zenith turned to see who had spoken and saw a very short woman in a cage.

Will he save the girl? Is this the start of a romantic relationship? Is this the beginning of the end? Find out next time, on Dragonba… hang on! This isn't Dragonball Z! And they forgot to ask if Goku knew what he was doing! And this isn't the end of the… uh… episode? Anyway it's NOT the end! Or the beginning of it!

Zenith ran over and opened the cage.

"Huh… what is that thing?" he asked, gesturing to a funny-looking Pikachu… okay, so you don't need the funny looking in front of it, but work with us here… it had an axe through its head, a knife through its foot and half of its tail was missing (a real improvement on the original, don't cha think?).

"Huh… oh, that's my monster 'AXE-ACHU' and my name's Washu, Little Washu to my friends."

"Okay Little Washu, let's get out of here," said Zenith.

"Oyo, dammit! I said people who are my friends can call me that. You not my friend!" said Little Washu.

"AXA! AXA!" said the Pikachu wannabe.

"What's an AXA? And you didn't say that, you said 'Little Washu to my friends'. Besides, I saved your life!" said Zenith.

"Oh yeah, you did. Okay, let's get out of here and find a shrine to Unlock your disc!Ô" said Little Washu.

Will they escape from professor Utsagi-slash-Carman's lab? Why was he holding Little Washu captive? And does my butt look big in this outfit???

Find out next time, on SON OF DREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!