Son of Dread Series 3, Episode 2 – Boys from the Past
WE HAVE COKE!!!
Oh, and we can also buy those energy drinks…
That shorten our life spans… Yet still…
Provide us with priceless energy!
They are planning on marketing their own energy drinks.
We have access to so much free advertising.
So much! Get away from my story! STOP READING IT!
Please ignore Penny. She gets like this sometimes.
Aaah! I broke my cokie!
Penny stop crying. We'll get you a new one.
Bahamut kid: Don't cry.
Oh that's it! Piss off! Ha HA! You pressed Ctrl Tab! Or Shift Tab… I don't know…
Actually, I just pressed tab. Penny stop crying!
I'm going home…
Bahamut kid: It begins.
---Cut scene---
This is the introduction after the introduction. It's like when you hire a video, and before the movie they give you this crappy little music clip that makes you stop fastforwarding because you think that you've gotten to the movie!!!!!
Why are we cutting scenes?
Shut up! You're not in this scene! …Penny, stop crying.
But I'm not… *sniffle*
She-man: Boys from the past, joining yours and mine… Do I really have to sing this entire song?
Yeah, like you could.
Penny! You're not supposed to say that to She-man! He needs all the encouragement he can get!
---Swiftly ended cut scene---
Suddenly, the other world song from Final Fantasy X started up and everybody played air guitar.
--WARNING! This is a flashback/dream sequence! WARNING!--
Once upon a time, there were 3 Washus. Big Washu, Medium Washu and Little Washu. They lived together in disharmony in a house.
One day, the three Washus were inspecting their jars of shrapnel.
"I don't think we have enough shrapnel," said Big Washu.
"Let's take this hundred dollar note to the shop and buy some five-cent candy," said Medium Washu.
"Okay, but we have to take the winding road through the forest," said Little Washu, who had no sense of geography.
"Little Washu, We don't live in a forest," said Big Washu.
"The nearest forest is fifteen miles away," said Medium Washu.
"We're going through the forest," said Little Washu.
So Big Washu, Medium Washu and Little Washu went to the shops through the forest.
Some time later, Zenith was skipping school down the path to the three Washu's house. He went to the front door. It was locked, so he pulled out a crowbar and smashed his way into their house.
He went up to the three jars of shrapnel. The first one was Big Washu's. He picked it up. It was made of steel. "This jar of shrapnel is too hard." He shook it, and put it down.
The next one was Medium Washu's. He picked it up. It was made of glass. "This jar of shrapnel is too soft." He turned it upside down, then back again, and the bottom fell out (this part of the story was inspired by true events, just before this story).
The last one was Little Washu's. He picked it up. It was made of a hollowed-out muffin. "This jar of shrapnel isn't a jar… it's a muffin! It's juuuust right!!!" He ate it, and then began cough up spare change.
Hooray! Funding! Now we can do this all the time!
Next, he went to the piles of laundry. There were four of them. He went to the first pile, and She-man jumped out.
She-man: For the laundry of Greyskull!
"What the hell?! How come you're here? This is a flashback! You weren't here back then I mean now!"
She-man: For the laundry of Greyskull! Well, I've been playing Chrono Trigger.
And with that, She-man went off into a different room and began to do laundry loudly, singing the He-man and She-ra and mostly the She-man theme songs.
"But aren't they all the same?" asked Zenith.
She-man: Shut up, kid. You're cramping my style. Uh-huh-huh.
"Right…"
Back to the flashback/dream sequence/Cloud!
All: Cloud! (act demented and sit in wheelchairs)
(as Cloud) I'm gay!
That's what she named Cloud.
I'm gay…
Story time!!!
Zenith went up to the first pile of laundry, and it was too hot. In fact, it was on fire. Leaving dirty laundry lying around is a real fire safety hazard!
Zenith went up to the second pile of laundry, and it was too cold. We're not too sure how it was too cold, but we have informants who tell us it definitely was. We did need informants to tell us this, even if this occurred on our own set.
Zenith went up to the last pile of laundry, past She-man doing laundry.
She-man: For the laundry, of Greyskull!
This pile of laundry was just right. Zenith picked up a pair of panties. "Wow! In my size too! How lucky am I?" He put it on over his pants and walked upstairs, past She-man doing laundry.
She-man: For the laundry, of Greyskull!
There were three beds. Zenith went to the first bed. "This bed is too hard. It's threatening my manhood."
Zenith went to the second bed. "This bed is too soft. Eeeewww!"
Then an emu jumped onto the set. "Crikey!" Wait! Not yet!
Zenith went to the third bed. "This bed is made of tacos. It's just right!" And he went to sleep.
Meanwhile, the three Washu's were on their way back to their house. Oh wait, they were there.
"There's someone been smashing my house!" said Big Washu.
"There's someone been smashing my house!" said Medium Washu.
"There's someone been smashing my house, and they smashed the door in good!" said Little Washu.
"There's someone been touching my shrapnel!" said Big Washu.
"There's someone been touching my shrapnel!" said Medium Washu.
"There's someone been touching me! Boo-hoo!… Wait, There's someone been touching my shrapnel, and I think they ate it! Either that or I just lost it," said Little Washu.
"Somebody's been doing my laundry!" said Big Washu.
She-man: For the laundry, of Greyskull!
"Somebody's been doing my laundry!" said Medium Washu.
She-man: For the laundry, of Greyskull!
"Somebody's been stealing my knickers!" said Little Washu.
She-man: …It wasn't me. For the laundry, of Greyskull!
"Somebody's been *censored* in my bed!" said Big Washu.
"Somebody's been *censored* in my bed!" said Medium Washu.
"Somebody's done the same in my bed, and it's still sticky!" said Little Washu.
"That's not stickiness, that's a person!" said Big Washu.
"Let's poke him with a stick," said Medium Washu.
After a while…
"Somebody's been sleeping in my bed, and I wanna sleep with them!" Little Washu jumped in bed with Zenith and ….
We'll end the flashback/dream sequence/Cloud here.
Oooh, there're nakey…
In the future…
"Of Shi-no! Man once walked upon the earth alone. Now they fly at mega heights! Long live Orlando, Flight is might!" sang Shi-no.
Now back to the present…
"Why were we in the future?" asked Laggy-Lump-of-Fleshmon.
Don't ask questions to which we do not know the answer!!
"Right…"
And for some strange reason, all SoD characters were in the hotel in that place. That place were you go after Midgar in FFVII. Y'know, that place.
Mmm, where's Camela when you need her?
Getting married to Shi-no.
No, that's later.
I'm confused. I like pie.
She-man: I swear never to steal things from Crono again, and screw with the physics of time/space. But only until the next episode.
That's good, because we're sending you to a Shaolin training school far away in the mountains of China.
Have fun and train hard, daughter.
Son!
And stop doing people's laundry.
So She-man was shipped off to some place somewhere.
See, if we say 'China' three times in front of a mirror then Chuanchan will come. From China.
What word was that. Penny.
China. Ah shit.
Chuanchan: (runs out of the backdrop, whacks people with a saucepan and/or broom and runs back yelling about communism and maths homework)
Maths homework and communism is the same thing.
In theory.
Harry Potter ran in.
It's a witch, burn her!
"Is Voldemort the one, the one who gave me this?"
"That bad haircut? Yeah, guess so," replied Zenith.
"You bitch! From now on, I am the new evil character in SoD!"
"Heh heh, you said SoD," sniggered Shi-no.
"Why?"
"Because the narrators needed somebody to stand in as Sephiroth for this scene, and I was the only one who fit the outfit!"
No you didn't. You're just so damn easy to make fun of.
"Waah! My scar hurts!"
"He looks like a demented penguin!" said Little Washu.
"Anyway… Since I stand in for Sephiroth… Because Cloud, I mean uh, Zenith. You are…"
"What?"
"…"
"WHO AM I?!"
"No more Jackie Chan movies for you!" scolded Big Washu, who was there for no real reason except she was in the flashback/dream sequence/Cloud.
"…A puppet," concluded Harry Potter.
"What? Huh? I forgot what sentence you were continuing."
"Will you just go into a crazed Cloud like state already?" asked Harry Potter, and walked out.
"What if I'm not the real Zenith from your childhood? What if I'm only a doll made by Mr Popo? I'm sick of being Cloud already. Cloud sucks."
Cloud: CLOUD! Cloud? Cloud.
And here's Penny's savegame's version.
Im gay: IM GAY! Im gay? Im gay.
(Start advertising jingle here)
Buy Zero's Zero's Zero's Zero's Zero's Zero's Energy Drink! It's fun to eat it's fun to drink! Yee-haw!
For external use only.