Once again, I don't own Sailor Moon
Though I do really really want the first season on DVD that is just coming out.
Chapter Three
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Serena gasped in shock as the steaming water hit her bare flesh. The water was almost beyond being bearable but she refused to lower the temperature. Anything less and she wouldn't be able to feel as if she was clean. Then again, she would probably never feel clean again. Finding a cloth, she lathered it with as much soap as she could and started to scrub.
As she did, her mind drifted. In her minds eye she could see Darien, standing before her by the door, offering his hand. Then she could feel his arms around her as he carried her to his apartment. The look in his eyes before she shut the bathroom door. She shuddered at the thought. 'This is Darien,' she reminded herself. 'He hates me; he won't do anything, let alone that. Besides, he promised not to let anyone hurt me and that's gotta mean he won't hurt me either.' Shuddering again, she wished it didn't sound so much like she was trying desperately hard to convince herself.
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'Is she taking a little longer in there than is needed?' 'Should I have left her alone?' 'I hope she's all right.' All these thoughts moved through Darien's head as he prepared a large breakfast. Serena hadn't looked as if she had been eating much, her face had a carved out look to it and she had felt entirely too light when he was carrying her.
Finally, he heard the bathroom door open and soft footsteps pad into the kitchen. Her blond hair fell in a horrible tangle down her back to the floor; she obviously had not attempted to brush it. His pants were baggy on her but with the cuffs rolled up and a belt they fight her pretty much the same as her own pants would. The sweater was another story all together though. The bottom hem reached to mid-thigh and he suspected that if she didn't have the sleeves pushed up around her wrists they would hang down just as long, if not longer. Smiling, trying to coax a like response out of her, he commented, "You've got to be hungry. Why don't you sit down and I'll dish you some of this." He gestured to the stove behind himself.
"Sure," Serena agreed. "But only a little bit," she hesitated a moment, "I've been eating too much lately and I don't want to get fat."
Darien almost dropped the plate he was holding. 'Fat! Now where would she have gotten that idea?' Aloud he assured her, "You're not anywhere close to fat. In fact, I think you look almost too thin to withstand a gust of wind." Seeing that she was about to argue he set the food down in front of her. "Just eat what you can, that should be enough for now." Watching her with a feeling of anxiety, he couldn't explain away he waited to see if she would eat. He was disappointed, seeing her only picking at the food he had set in front of her, so unlike the way he used to tease her about.
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Serena was aware of Darien's eyes on her but she couldn't force down more than a few bites. The funny thing was that no matter how many times Aaron had told her she should stop eating, that she was getting fat, that was the one line of insults she had ignored. Now though, he would be happy to know that he hadn't had to say a word. Just the sight of food made her sick after what had happened, almost as if her body rebelled against anything that was meant to go inside her.
His voice broke through her thoughts and she was grateful for the distraction, though maybe not in the form she received it. "Serena," his voice was cautious, almost as if he knew what her answer would be but he had to ask the question anyway. "I have to go to work tomorrow and with the way you've been acting, I don't think it would be a good idea for you to be left alone. Would you let me call at least one of your friends?"
She couldn't help it; she stared at him with her mouth hanging open. For one, he was asking her, and obviously wanted to hear her honest answer. Every time Aaron had phrased something as a question, she had known that she didn't actually have a choice in the matter. Closing her mouth, she shook her head. "Can't you just stay home again?"
"I'd like to, to tell you the truth. I can't take too many sick days, though. Besides, I have holidays starting in three days. So it will only be until then." As he spoke, Darien stood and began gathering up their dishes. What was left of Serena's he put in a tupperware for later.
'He wants to stay here with me? But why?' Then she recalled the look on his face earlier, and fought to suppress a shiver. "I'll be fine by myself, really," she said, attempting to persuade him. "Just, please, don't call them." 'I know they must hate me. There is no way I can face them now.'
When Darien didn't say anything more on the subject she allowed herself to believe she had won. This time at least. Watching him do the dishes for a moment, she finally got up, pushed the large sleeves up to her elbows, and shyly asked to help.
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Darien put away the last dish and looked over to where Serena sat on the couch, her back to him. Something was bothering him about the conversation they had earlier but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Actually two things about it were bothering him but the other was quite easy for him to determine. When he had said he would like to stay here with her he had only meant to assure her that he wasn't abandoning her and had surprised himself by actually meaning it. As much as he loved his work with the children at the hospital, he really did want to just stay here and spend the time with her.
Walking around the wall dividing kitchen from living room, he joined her on the couch. He wasn't surprised when she moved to the opposite end, but was a little hurt by it. Sighing he slouched down and looked over at the TV After watching a few minutes of what was obviously a Disney movie he began to get a little bored. "Do we have to watch this kids show?" he asked, looking over at her.
She never took her eyes off the screen. "What's wrong with it?"
"Nothing, I guess. It's just that…" His own thoughts interrupted him. "How old are you anyway, Serena?"
This question did manage to get her attention long enough that she looked over at him. "Why?" she asked suspiciously.
Darien shrugged, 'Why did he want to know?' "I don't know. I guess I was just wondering because though you look older, most of the time you act about fourteen years old."
"Oh," she looked as if she was trying to take that as a compliment or an insult and obviously just decided to ignore it with a shrug. "I'm seventeen."
Not sure why, Darien felt a surge of relief. She was only five years younger than him and not eight like he had thought. The feelings that followed his relief were a jumbled mess and he abruptly stood up and headed out to the balcony. Standing at the edge, looking down at the busy street, he concentrating on the breeze that was ruffling his hair. Letting it calm him. When he felt that he was ready, he started to sort through his emotions.
What he found surprised him. Looking back though, he could believe that he wasn't lying to himself. Remembering all the times he had teased her, all the times that they had argued, he realized that he hadn't done it to get a rise out of her. He had done it more often than not because he couldn't think of any other way to get her to notice him. Also, everything he had bugged her about was something about her that he had liked. Especially her meatball hair-do. The first day he had seen her with a different style he had almost not recognized her, and when he had, he had felt a pang of sorrow that he wouldn't get to see her with her hair flying around her anymore. Finally, after two years, he had to admit to himself, he had done something he promised never to do. He, Darien Chiba, had allowed another person grow to mean more to him than anything else. He hadn't even realized it was happening.
After standing outside for nearly an hour, thinking over his discovery, Darien felt ready enough to go back in. Composed enough that he wouldn't reveal anything to Serena that he didn't want her to know. He was amazed to see her still in front of the television, though it was a different movie. Darien was about to suggest that they watch something else when he took a good look at her. The look on her face was completely enraptured. Clearly, she had managed to forget at least partially whatever it was that was troubling her while she watched the movie.
Opting not to bother her, he grabbed a book off the shelf and relaxed on the couch beside her.
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The next morning they were both up earlier. Darien because he had to work and Serena because Darien said he needed to use his room. Serena didn't argue. She personally didn't want to be in there while he was just beyond the bathroom door that led into his room. Even with the door that was a little close for her liking, a little too close to him while he was naked. So instead of sitting on the couch and feeling useless she put some of the cooking lessons Lita had given her to work. By the time he was ready for work she had breakfast ready for the two of them. This time she managed to eat more than a few mouthfuls, though judging from the look on Darien's face he still didn't think that it was enough.
They had been eating in silence for a quarter of an hour when Darien started to speak, "Look, Serena, I really wish...."
Knowing that he was going to ask about calling the girls she interrupted him by asking if he was finished. When he nodded in the affirmative, she started gathering up the dishes and placing them in the sink. Before he had a chance to ask again the doorbell rang. Whipping around to stare in the direction of the door Serena felt fear start to fill her heart.
When Darien rose to answer it she reached out and grabbed his arm without ever realizing that was what she intended to do. Pulling her hand back as if she had been burned she looked up him with pleading eyes. "Please. It's him, he's found me. Please don't answer it."
"Don't worry Serena. Even if it is him, he won't ever know you're here." She wasn't sure why but for some reason Darien's cool, confident tone infuriated her. Here she was, scared out of her mind, and he looked as if he didn't have a care in the world. Still, she didn't reach out to stop him again and just stood in the kitchen, shaking uncontrollably.
The voices that answer Darien's at the door were not male though. She still recognized them. Amy and Lita. 'He called!' she thought, feeling betrayed. She couldn't let them find her here, wouldn't face them. Turning she ran down the hall to Darien's bedroom.
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Darien was relieved to see two of Serena's friends standing at his door. This meant that the decision to call them was totally out of his hands.
"Darien," Lita was the first to speak, "Serena's been missing for three days and we've all become really worried. We were wondering if you've heard anything?" Her worry and fear were plain in her voice and there was no way Darien could have lied to them, even if he wanted to.
"Actually," he began reluctantly, still feeling guilty about going against what Serena asked, even if it wasn't his fault. "She asked me not to call you guys. I couldn't just go ahead and do it anyway."
Amy looked at him sharply, "You mean, she's here?"
Her answer was the slamming of a door in the back of the apartment.
Moving aside Darien made room for them to fit past him and enter the apartment. "It's a good thing you two decided to show up today, actually. I have to go to work and I don't want to leave her alone."
"Why not?" Lita asked as she walked back to the close door. "In here?"
"More than likely," Darien nodded. "Because she's well, she's not Serena." Before they could question his choice of words, he tried to explain, "She has been acting real weird. Not to mention the fact that she is scared of everything, including leaving this apartment. Don't say anything to her but," he lowered his voice, "I think it has to do with Aaron."
Both girls had confused looks on their faces. "Her boyfriend," he told them.
"She has a boyfriend?" Lita asked, following his example and keeping her voice down. "She never told us anything about him."
Sighing Darien grabbed his jacket and slid his keys and wallet into the pockets. "I gathered as much. I don't think he is a present tense boyfriend anymore now though. And don't mention the name within her hearing, she freaks out." Walking up to his bedroom door, he tried the handle. Locked. Swearing under his breath, he walked through the bathroom and tried that door. There was a weight holding it closed though and he suspected she was leaning against it. "Listen, Serena," he called through the door, "I'm going to try and get back by noon. If I can't get off early, I'll be home by seven. All right?" He waited for her to confirm that she had heard what he had said. The other side of the door remained silent.
Giving up he turned and saying goodbye to the girls he left for work. Looking back as he closed the door, he saw Lita and Amy exchange a glance and knew that they would take care of Serena.
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Listening carefully Serena could hear Darien's footsteps as he moved away. Their sound disappeared a moment before she heard the main door shut. Everything was quiet for a few seconds then she heard shuffling as Lita and Amy settled themselves down on the other side of the door.
"So, Serena. How've you been?"
The normalcy of Lita's question surprised Serena. Not saying a word she decided to see if they would get bored and go away.
"You know Serena. You have had everyone very worried. You should have at least let Darien call us." Trust Amy to get right to the topic at hand, and she guessed there was no way they were going to leave.
She had to try anyway. "Would you guys just go away?"
"Not a chance," Lita exclaimed. "And Amy is right, if you ever scare us like that again…" She let her threat trail off. At Amy's urging more than likely. "Anyway," Lita continued, "Why don't you come out of there so that we can talk like normal people?"
Serena didn't answer right away. Instead, she looked down at her hair, which spread all around her on the floor. They didn't sound as if they hate her, but she couldn't be sure. She especially didn't want to walk out there and find out her suspicions were correct.
"Serena?" Amy's voice was low and coaxing.
"I can't," Serena answered, her voice shaking.
"And why the hell not?" That was Lita, ignoring Amy's attempts to calm her. "You disappear for three days and then tell us you can't even talk to us. I want to know why."
Serena shivered. She had made Lita angry, that couldn't be a good thing. Sighing she thought, 'Oh well, I'm going to have to find out eventually. Though I really wish it was later.' After a false start, she cleared her throat and tried again, "You guys hate me."
When no one said anything she added, "Because I've been avoiding you and I almost got you killed Amy."
There was a shuffling and she heard one of them storm off. It must have been Lita because Amy was the one to talk to her next. "Serena. We were hurt when you wouldn't talk with us anymore but we could never hate you. I forgive you for what happened, I swear. I only wish you would talk to us about what is the matter."
Serena felt as if a huge rock lifted off her shoulders. "You don't hate me?" Her voice was so quiet she wasn't sure Amy could have heard her.
"Never." It was the only word spoken but it was enough.
Pushing herself up Serena slowly opened the door. Peeking around, she saw Amy standing on the other side. Her serious eyes softened with worry. "Thank you Amy!" Serena cried and flung herself at her friend. At her first voluntary contact with another person in three days, Serena broke down in tears. After leading her to the couch both Lita and Amy held her while she cried. Letting her get rid of some of the tension caused
by the fear she had kept bottled up inside.
When the tears finally stopped Serena sat up and accepted the kleenex box from Lita. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose before she looked at her friends. "Thanks guys."
They both nodded, understanding. "So, do you want to tell us what's been happening for the past three days?" Amy asked.
"And how you got that shiner?" Lita added. Coming back from the kitchen where she had gotten a wet cloth.
"No!" she answered abruptly. Maybe too abruptly she admitted. A little calmer she added, "I can't talk about it, not yet. Probably not ever."
There was a silence and the girls seemed to accept that. Serena was even relaxing to spend the day gossiping with her friends. That is, until Lita spoke.
"Serena, since we haven't talked with you in such a long time it seems we're behind in your love life. Why don't you tell us about Aaron?"
"Lita!" Amy actually screeched, "Darien said not to mention that name!"
The damage was done. Serena was sitting shock still, her eyes glazed over. Like last time, when Darien mentioned his name, everything that had happened showed in her mind. Like a movie moving a top speed, allowing her to catch only glimpses of the worst parts. At the same time Lita and Amy each put a hand on one of her shoulders. At the contact she broke down and despite her determination to keep it all in, the story spilled out.
Between sobs she managed, "He was.... It was... horrible.... I thought... thought that... he loved me... but he kept telling me things... hurting me... and then he... He…" She couldn't manage to get anymore out as her sobs turned to wailing and she buried her face in her hands.
Slowly Amy's soothing voice reached her. "Calm down Serena. We are here with you now. Just start at the beginning. We'll listen." Amy's voice, combined with multiple hands rubbing her back helped and Serena soon had her self mostly under control. The great heaving sobs had stopped but the tears, amazingly enough, were still readily flowing. She thought she should have run out of tears a while ago.
More calmly she started over, pausing to compose herself again every once in awhile. "I met him a couple of months ago. At the arcade. He bought me ice cream and said I was beautiful. I believed him. I had to believe him. I had another fight with Darien that day and was feeling low. What Aa...." she tried to say his name but just couldn't manage, "he said things that made me feel better."
"I started seeing him more and more and I guess we became a couple."
"Why didn't you ever tell us about him?" Lita asked, sounding hurt.
Serena had to think about that for a moment. She had almost forgotten his reason and now that she thought about it, it seemed pretty lame. "He asked me not to because he figured you guys would want to meet him. He said he was too shy to meet all my friends and it was enough just knowing me." Shaking her head Serena looked from Amy to Lita and then laughed harshly. "And I actually believed him. After awhile though, he stopped being so nice. Oh, he said that the things he told me were for my own good, but I just did as he asked because I was a fool and I believed that I loved him. The first thing was with my hair." At the self-reminder, she reached behind her and gathered all her hair
in her fist, pulling it over her shoulder.
"Why haven't you brushed it?" Amy asked.
"I didn't see any point. He would just tell me it looked awful, no matter how I
wore it. He said he liked red heads best. I almost dyed it too, except my mom wouldn't let me. Can you believe how stupid I was?"
Amy had left for a moment so Lita answered the question, "You are not stupid Serena. You thought you were in love, but we've all made that mistake."
Serena gave Lita an almost jealous look. As if to say, she wished she could be that clueless again. "Not with consequences like mine."
Someone laid a hand on her head and she jumped, looking around to see Amy, a brush in her hand. "Thank you," she smiled, or at least tried.
"Continue," Amy urged her as she began brushing.
"After I changed my hair he would start to find other things he didn't like. By the
time I realized he didn't really love me, that I didn't really love him, he had me convinced I was totally worthless and nobody but him would go out with me."
"You're not worthless," Lita jumped in to defend her.
"Yes I am," Serena countered, looking down at her hands. "I'm an idiot. I am always late for everything. I am a klutz. And I'm fat."
Amy stopped brushing and Lita sat back to get a better look at her. "Don't tell me you actually believe all that crap!" Lita said in astonishment.
Serena shrugged. "Why not, it's true. Even Raye and Darien say so."
"Raye and Darien," Amy whispered, thinking. "No!" she cried, catching what Serena was pointing at, "Raye is one of your best friends, she is just very straight forward and states the obvious. We all know that your clumsy at times and can be a little late. Neither of them has ever said you are an idiot. So what about school." This remark brought both pairs of eyes settling on her in amazement. "Just cause you don't study doesn't mean you're stupid. I know you can figure out how to do things if you try. None of us has ever even hinted that you are fat. We just say that you eat a lot and that's completely different."
Looking down at her hands Serena tried to think about what Amy had said but what thing kept intruding. "But that fight. I was worthless then. I almost got you killed."
Amy leaned forward over the couch and wrapped her arms around Serena. Lita did the same from where she was seated beside Serena. "We've forgiven you for that. Now you have to forgive yourself."
Wrapping an arm around each of her friends Serena completed the group hug. "Is it all right if I just say I'll try?"
Standing back up Amy smiled and started brushing again. Lita sat back and got comfortable once again. "That's all we can ask," Lita assured her.
"That's pretty much all. Except I guess you guys want to know what made me so scared of... of... him. So scared that I really don't ever want to leave this apartment again." Both girls nodded. "Well, it happened the night my parents left," her voice broke and she fought to hold back the fresh flood of tears and fearfully shivering. "He told me to dress up then he took me out for dinner. The whole time he kept looking at me and touching me leg…"
Serena recounted the whole night. In such perfect detail that the other two probably did not want to hear. When she was done, she sighed and let the tears she had been holding back fall. Unable to face the pitying looks she knew they would have Serena got up and ran down the short hallway, only to discover that the bedroom door remained locked. Turning back, she went through the bathroom and threw herself on the bed, burying the sound of her tears in one of Darien's pillows.
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Lita and Amy looked at each other with twin shocked expressions on their faces. No wonder Serena was so scared and timid. Amy was the first to head towards the bedroom. Lita followed close behind. Standing in the bathroom doorway Lita leaned back against the frame. It was probably better if she let Amy talk to Serena first. Serena needed Amy's calmness. At the moment, Lita was feeling anything but calm. Truthfully, she wanted to pound something, preferably that Aaron guys face.
She couldn't stay quite any longer. "Who does that jerk think he is?" she exploded like a bolt of lightening.
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Serena looked up, alarmed by the sudden noise. "Lita, calm down," Amy admonished.
Tentatively Serena looked at each of her friends, searching their faces. "You guys don't blame me?"
"Why would we? It's not your fault," Lita said, calmer now.
Serena sat up on the bed, once again wiping away tears. "He said it was my fault. Because of the way I was dressed that night. That I obviously wanted it."
"Serena, who told you to wear that dress?" Amy asked, the voice of logic.
"He... he did," Serena stammered.
"There you go. So obviously it couldn't have been your fault." Serena wasn't listening to Amy anymore. She had noticed Lita pulling something out of her pocket. She flew off the bed and across the room, snatching the communicator out of Lita's hands before she had a chance to touch any of the buttons.
"Serena!" Lita gasped in surprise.
"You guys have to promise not to tell them!" Serena insisted animatedly.
"But they should know," Lita protested.
"You're going to have to tell them eventually.
"All right," Serena gave in, "But I will tell them. That way I can make sure neither of them runs off and does anything stupid."
"Are you sure?" Amy asked, eyeing her critically. "Do you think you can handle telling the whole story again?"
Serena nodded solemnly. "And this way they won't be able to run off because they will be comforting me. Their tempers are just as bad as Lita's"
Lita blushed. Serena had guessed her intent exactly.
"Fine," Amy said. "Why don't we go get something to eat and then watch some television?"
Serena glanced at the clock, three in the afternoon. She guessed that Darien hadn't been able to get away as he wanted to. Smiling a small smile at Amy, she nodded and they followed Lita into the kitchen.
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Darien let himself into his apartment, flicking on the hall light so that he could hang up his jacket and keys. He was so tired. Work had been hectic today, running from one end of the hospital to the other constantly. To top it off he had an emergency patient and had to stay a couple hours later than planned. It was now nine o'clock. Turning the light back off he noticed that the only other light in the apartment was from the television. Walking over he saw Lita and Amy, eating popcorn and watching some movie. "Sorry I was so late girls."
Neither turned around but Amy did answer, "Don't worry Darien. We'll get going so that you can get some sleep. You were right about Serena. She needs to be around people, not left alone."
"Did you guys find out what's wrong," he asked hopefully. He saw Amy and Lita exchange a glance he couldn't read.
"She told us," Amy confirmed. "But she got us to promise we wouldn't tell anyone."
His shoulders drooped dejectedly. "Thanks for coming today."
Amy nodded. Finally, she got up off the couched and hauled Lita up after her. "Oh Amy, this is the best part!" Lita whined good naturally. However, she followed Amy's lead to the door. Just before she closed the door, she turned back and said, "If you haven't already guessed, Serena is already asleep. And there is some supper made for you in the fridge." Then she too disappeared, closing the door softly behind her.
Darien didn't bother to check the fridge. He headed straight for his room. The thought of seeing Serena, even if she was asleep, lifted his spirits. Carefully opening the door to let as little light in as possible he entered and made his way over to the bed. Kneeling down on the floor beside Serena, he rested his head on the bed and gazed at her. There was very little light coming in from the hall and most of the light he was seeing by was moonlight from the half moon. The gentle rays of the moon softened the slight puffiness cause by crying. It looked to him as if it cut by her eye had already started to heal but he could be seeing things. Her hair took on the look of spun gold, spread out around her. As he watched, she started to dream. At first, he wasn't too concerned but then she started to thrash at the blankets. Gently he laid a hand on her cheek, brushing some hair out of her eyes. Amazingly, as soon as he touched her she calmed. A slight smile even appeared on her lips. Satisfied that she would be all right he pulled himself to his feet. No point in wasting whatever food Lita had left him.