Started on April 23, 2002
Completed on June 20, 2002
Hm. So May was the month from hell. But now school is over and I have many long and hours of happy writing time at my disposal.
Anyway, sorry that some of the last part was confusing, but I cut it short so I could get it out quickly and so I could switch perspective. I thought I'd get this next part out faster to clear up things. But alas, the world is against me. Whee.
Dark and Light - Part 5
By Silver Kitsune
As I left Zero behind in the room, I felt relieved. I'd almost screwed this whole thing up, but somehow everything had managed to turn out just as I'd planned. I messed around with Zero's head, I got exactly what I wanted from him, and then I completely crushed him. It was good to be on top.
Wasn't it?
I needed a cold shower.
Zero's eyes haunted me as I leaned into the steady spray.
'Hiead... Hiead, I...'
I closed my eyes, trying to erase the image from my mind. The way he looked at me...
"He is *not* getting to me," I muttered into the quiet of the shower room.
I was so conflicted. Why did I feel this way? Shouldn't I be pleased with my success? There was no reason to feel...
Guilt. I was feeling guilt.
This was ridiculous.
I hate him.
That's one thing that I can truthfully say. And yet...
I turned up the pressure of the water, soothed by the pounding on my skin. The tingling sensation helped to bring me back to my senses.
I had completely crushed Zero's spirit.
I laughed softly, pressing my forehead against the cool tile.
He looked so happy... His eyes gazed up at me adoringly, a light smile stretched across his face. He was breathing heavily, but he looked quite contented as he reached out a hand, gently tracing my jaw line.
'Hiead... Hiead, I...'
'Shhh...'
His lips were always sweet...
'I think... I think I could love you.'
He murmured those words with complete feeling.
With just as much feeling, I made my reply.
'And I still hate you.'
He looked so hurt just then.
So I just got up and walked away.
A shooting pain in my wrist snapped me out of the memory. My eyes slipped open, meeting a bruised fist and cracked tile. A sharp pain hissed up my injured wrist.
Why did I feel this way?
I began to shiver from the cold water. And yet, there was something burning inside of me...
Zero was burning in my veins.
* * * * *
"I don't see what you're so concerned about..." Clay commented as they reached the door.
"It's... I'm not... Just open the door, please," Kizna said, running a hand through her hair anxiously.
"Hai, hai..." Clay mumbled, reaching out to open the door.
Saki watched as Kizna fidgeted nervously. She had been calm when she'd asked Clay if he could take her to his room, but Saki had picked up on the worried inflection in her voice. Clay seemed to hear it, too, and had quickly agreed.
No one really knew what had Kizna so on edge, so as the door opened there were four pairs of anxious eyes gazing into the room.
Zero glanced up from where he was sitting on his bed, closing the book in his lap. "Uh, what's up, guys?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the four figures who were staring at him.
"He looks... the same..." Clay commented, pressing his glasses over the bridge of his nose.
"Yeah..." Saki agreed, suddenly looking disinterested.
The two exchanged a look and shrugged, somewhat disappointed that there was no great catastrophe going on in the small dorm room.
Kizna took a step into the room. "Zero... I thought... I mean, you were so late..."
Zero blinked in surprise. Then his eyes widened. "I was supposed to meet you..."
"Got that right, baka," Kizna said, pushing a stray wisp of hair out of her eyes. "Making me worry like that. What kind of partner are you?"
"Sorry..." Zero murmured apologetically, offering Kizna a cheerful smile.
Their eyes slowly met. Kizna's eyes widened, then she quickly looked away.
Hovering on the outside of the scene, Ikhny observed the catgirl's startled action with interest. What had Kizna seen in Zero that everyone else seemed to be missing? She tried to pick out some difference, some inconsistency, but Zero seemed to be the same as always.
"Well, thanks for letting me in, but would you mind if I spoke to Zero alone now?" Kizna asked, smiling at Clay and Saki. "It's partner stuff..."
Clay nodded, waving to the two partners as he made his exit. Saki followed in suit.
Only Ikhny lingered behind. As the door began to slide shut, she could see Kizna drawing closer to Zero. The only communication passing between them seemed to be coming from the intense looks they were giving one another. The door closed completely, but the scene was still perfectly emblazoned in the observer's mind.
Ikhny felt a pull at her heart. How could these two understand each other so completely with only a look? It seemed as though no amount of looks or even words or actions would ever help her to understand her own partner.
The quiet girl took a deep breath, then started to walk down the empty hallway by herself. She tried to clear her mind of the thoughts plaguing at her mind, but they continued to infuse her being. She couldn't rid herself of the blatant jealousy and anger that she felt.
"It's not fair..." she whispered, trying suppress the tears kissing at her eyelids. She quickened her pace. "It's not fair!" she cried, breaking into a run. But there was no escape from the truth.
* * * * *
Kizna sighed, sitting down on the bed next to Zero. "What's really going on?"
Zero looked up at her, feigning confusion. "What do you mean?" He received an angry thump in the head in response.
"Don't play dumb with me," Kizna replied warningly.
Zero glared at her, rubbing the back of his head.
"Why didn't you show up for your training?"
"I forgot," Zero replied nonchalantly, laying down on his stomach and flipping his book open.
Kizna shook her head. "I don't believe that..."
Zero stared at the page, refusing to meet his partner's imploring eyes.
"I know you're hiding something. Why won't you talk to me?"
"Hm?"
Kizna reached out and slammed the book shut, daring Zero to meet her gaze. "You're always honest, Zero. That's what I've always respected about you. You always say exactly what's on your mind, despite what the consequences might be. I always know that I'll receive an honest opinion from you. Don't make me lose my trust in you now."
Zero could feel the sincerity in Kizna's words. The last part stung a bit. He wanted to open up to her, tell her everything. Still, there was that insistent voice in the back of his head insisting that he not unload his burdens on her. Besides, he felt ashamed. He didn't want Kizna to think even lower of him. He might lose some of her trust now by not telling her, but it was better than telling her the truth.
"It's nothing, really. I just forgot. I mean..."
Kizna's reprimanding glare silenced any excuse he might try to come up with.
After a few moments of elapsed silence, Kizna rose to her feet. She had almost reached the door when she turned back to face him. "I will never be able to look at you in the same way..." she whispered.
When she had gone, Zero let his facade drop. She had sounded so hurt... He almost couldn't bear it. The whole time he had just wanted to collapse into her arms and tell her everything. Now he was left to the cold comfort of an empty room and a cold bed. Zero quietly hugged his pillow, refusing to let any tears escape. He wasn't that weak.
Why was this bothering him so much? When he had arrived at the academy, his only goal had been to become a pilot. That was all that mattered. So really, Hiead was of no importance to his current situation.
It was just a matter of convincing his shattered heart what his rational mind already knew.
* * * * *
As I entered the room, I was somewhat relieved to find that Clay was there along with Zero. Having someone else present in the room would serve as a buffer. I wouldn't do anything stupid. Hopefully.
"Hello, Hiead," Clay murmured, glancing up briefly from the manual he was studying.
Zero didn't budge from where he was lying on his bed. My eyes lingered over his sprawled out frame, tracing over the smooth curve of his hip.
I quickly averted my stare and wandered over to my dresser, grabbing my wrist brace and strapping it back on.
Clay glanced at his watch. "It's almost time for the evening meal... Are you two ready to head out?"
Zero shifted his position, letting his eyes slip open. "Already?" he murmured tiredly.
I took one look at his hazy, disheveled state and walked straight out of the room. After I was a good way down the hallway, I stopped to lean against the wall. I could feel my heart racing. What was this feeling?
I resisted the urge to hit the wall again, instead opting to take in a few deep breaths. Still, I couldn't seem to calm down. What was Zero doing to me? This wasn't the way things were supposed to be... What the hell was he doing to me?!
I needed to get away. Hastily making my way through the hall, I opted to escape into the training hall. Anything so I wouldn't have to see Zero.
* * * * *
I slipped into the room just as lights out was being announced. Not bothering to even change, I dropped onto my bed. I had been working out in the training hall almost all evening. It had helped to settle me a bit, so now I was ready to just go to sleep.
It didn't matter what Zero was doing to me or how he was making me feel. I just needed to seize better control over my emotions. It was a skill I'd mastered a long time ago. Everything would be fine.
Fine until Zero and I were alone again.
Luckily, that time didn't come for a few days. Neither of us seemed to want to be around the other. Whenever Clay left the room, one of us would leave as well. We didn't eat lunch together, we avoided the other during lessons, and not a single word passed between us.
I continued to act superior, being sure to smirk at him constantly and try in every way to show him that this situation didn't upset me at all. Still, Zero didn't play the victim like I expected him to. He was a bit quieter, though, and more subdued. Other than that, he continued on with his usual activities. There seemed to be a bit of tension between him and Kizna, but I wasn't around either of them enough to know what was going on. Not that I'd care.
Anyway, I was glad to be rid of Zero. I'd been spending a lot of time with him, so it felt good to retreat back into solitude. People only let you down; I'd rather be alone.
That must be why I spent most nights staring over Clay's bed to watch Zero sleep.
God, I'd never felt like this. It was almost like I cared about him. No no no no no no no no no no no no...
What was wrong with me? No, it wasn't me. It was him. He was doing something to me. That's the only possible explanation.
Plagued by these thoughts, I distractedly wandered into the room one afternoon after lessons. So distracted, in fact, that I didn't notice that Zero was sitting on the floor until I tripped over him.
Zero looked up at me in annoyance. "Watch where you're going, asshole."
"Watch where you're parking your sorry ass," I replied, breezing past him.
Zero just made a face and went back to pulling his boots off, tossing them over to his side of the room.
I dropped my books into my drawer, then turned to leave. Zero was still sprawled out across the floor, staring off into space. He looked... thoughtful. So very thoughtful. So very sexy.
I grabbed my head, letting out an angry cry. "What the hell are you doing to me?"
Zero looked up at me in confusion. "What...?"
Before my brain knew what my body was doing, I had Zero pinned to the ground, a hand resting over his throat. "Why are you making me feel like this?" I hissed.
Zero angrily shoved me off of him, attempting to stand.
Pissed off myself, I lunged at him, landing a good punch in his stomach through the process. We quickly found ourselves falling back into our usual pattern of punching, kicking, and inflicting pain in general, which soon faded into kissing, touching, and groping.
Zero finally shoved me away again, looking furious. "No, we're not going down that road again."
I stared at him desperately. I'd never felt so out of control before. He was doing this, it was his fault. He was making me feel this way. "Make it stop," I demanded, grabbing onto his arm.
"Make what stop?"
"You... you're burning under my skin."
Zero just shook his head, looking away from me. "Hiead, you're not making any sense."
"It's your fault, it's your fault, it's your fault, it's your fault..."
"What are you talking about?" Zero asked, trying to shake my grip off.
I could feel all of my carefully controlled emotions breaking down and coming out. It was his fault, it was his fault, it was his fault...
"Hiead, what's wrong? What are you saying?" Zero asked, starting to sound concerned.
"It's your fault!" I screamed, digging my fingernails into his arm.
All Zero could do was stare at me helplessly as I fell apart.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Woot. And that's all I have to say. Mayhap. Whoosh. Very tired. It is 1:35. A.M. As in the morning. I wrote most of this part while watching hours of Undressed, which may have been a bad idea. Hm...
Now I'm proofreading at 12 a.m. I can't be coherent this early in the morning, so its either pretty good or really bad or rather mediocre. Basically, I have no ability to judge. I used weird words. I feel like I have too many ideas and they're all trying to come out at once, making a nice, big, jumbled mess.
I don't know why I thought a timeline would be fun, but I wish it to go away. I've already given up staying true to the MK plot, though I'm trying the stay true to the characters as best as I can. Zero was a little OOC in this part, but that's because the poor boy has been traumatized ;_; Will he ever regain his sense of self again? ::dramatic gasp:: Hiead may appear a bit OOC at the end of this part, but I find that being a raving psychopath is an intrinsic part of his character ::shrug:: I don't know, I'm blathering on again.
Definitely need some feedback on this one ::wink:: Thanks for all of the reviews that everyone's already submitted. I like criticism and find flames amusing, so feel free to speak your mind; I won't be offended. I guess that's all I have to ramble about, so farewell until next time, as Kitsune desperately tries to figure out what the hell is going on in this story and where the characters are attempting to go next.