Disclaimer: Take one wild guess to what I don't own and did not write for profit...

Note from the Author: The character Shinji is a person from an HP forum that I used to frequent.She's probably reading this right now..Or probably not..Either way.I hope she doesn't mind.

Fractured Fairytales Fingerpuppet Players Present: Spandex, a Superhero's Tale.

::Fred and George come out on stage. The Narrator is in a hospital bed. She cries::

Narrator: "Doctor, please pull the plug. I just can't live like this."

::Fred and George pull out violins and play sappy sad music. The lights are dimmed except for a spot light on the twins and one on the Narrator. Sakura is floating through the air.::

Madame Pomfrey::suddenly beside the Narrator:: "I would, but you're not hooked up to any machines."

Narrator:".Well at least turn me into a fly or something?"

::The twins stop the music abruptly and the lights come back on::

Fred:" Well, that was pointless."

George: "I don't know why she's so upset. She doesn't narrate this one."

Narrator::eyes go abnormally large and watery:: "I don't?"

Fred: "No."

Narrator: "Then why am I here?"

Twins: "You entertain us."

::Narrator grumbles under her breath::

George: "Anyway, the next Fractured Fairytales Fingerpuppet play is a tad different from the last one."

Fred: "That's right. This FFF play is called 'Spandex, a Superhero's Tale.'"

George: "And in place of our beloved Narrator, we have a Very Annoying Announcer."

VAA::in an annoying announcer's voice:: "Thank you , Fred.er.George! You've just won an all expenses paid trip to Lincoln, Nebraska!"

::George whispers in VAA's ear. VAA nods.::

VAA::in a feminine quiet voice:: "Oh, I see." ::in an annoying announcer's voice:: "Frrrrractured Fairytales Fingerpuppet Players prrrreeeeeeeesent! SPANDEX! A Superhero's Tale! Guest starring Shiiiiiinjiiiii!"

::The audience, which only has one conscious Slasher at this point, applauds as Shinji runs onstage.::

Shinji::bows:: "Thank you! Thank you!"

Fred: "No, no! Thank You for volunteering, Shinji!"

Narrator: "You.volunteered?! Have you Seen the plays?"

Shinji: ".Yeeees..I came with bells on!" ::lifts her foot to show a tiny bell tied to her shoelaces:: "And I brought food!"

::The audience makes a miraculous recovery and gives her a standing ovation.::

Heckler: "You rock!"

::Shinji bows again::

George: "Now that everyone's met Shinji, it's time to start the show"

::The twins walk offstage, leaving Shinji bowing and thanking the audience. A hook reaches out and hooks Shinji by the waist. She struggles, but is pulled offstage. The curtains draw open to reveal the stage set like a dorm room::

Guy: "They sleep in the dungeon?!"

Narrator: "It's a dorm room!.And weren't you eaten a couple of plays ago?"

Guy::shrugs:: "People have a problem staying dead around here."

VAA: "Meet Ron Weasley! During the day, just your average wizard-in- training, but at night..he sleeps."

::Crickets chirp::

VAA::an anime sweat drop appears on the side of his face.:: "I mean, at night, he becomes CHIBI RON!"

::Chibi Ron runs onstage. He has large, anime-type eyes. A towel is tied around his neck like a cape. He is wearing yellow pajamas with duckie slippers.::

VAA: "Protector of cute, fuzzy animals! Defender of fun toys! Chibi Ron fights really mean doo-doo heads, with the help of his sidekick, SHINJI the Sarcastic Squirrel!"

::Shinji stalks onstage. She is wearing a headband with squirrel ears. Tied to her face is a plastic nose with rodent teeth. She scowls at spyofnabiki::

Shinji::drily:: "Chitter, chitter."

VAA: "Aww! Shinji the Sarcastic Squirrel doesn't look pleased. I thought you volunteered for this."

Shinji::half-heartedly:: "Just what I always dreamed. Dressing up like a giant rodent and babysitting a."

::Chibi Ron pulls on Shinji's big, bushy squirrel tail attached to her belt.::

Chibi Ron:: "Shinji-san, Ma'am? I gotta' go pee." ::does the pee-pee dance::

Shinji::sighs and rolls her eyes:: "Didn't I tell you to go before the play?"

Chibi Ron: "But..but..I really gotta' go!::his large, anime-style eyes get even bigger and start to water::

Shinji: "No! Not the mutant, big eyes! Too.cute.can't..resist!"

Lucius::sneaks onstage:: "I'm the mean doo-doo head. I hate cute fuzzy animals. I point at them and laugh! Why? Because I'm evil!" ::Puts his hands on his hips and laughs::

Heckler: "You're a Mama's Boy!"

Lucius: "Am not! I'm evil!"

Heckler: "Prove it!"

Lucius: "Then watch as my deliciously evil plan unfold! I will keep Chibi Ron so busy he won't get to the bathroom on time!"::evil laugh::

Heckler: "That plan blows!"

Lucius: "But.It will make him hurt.That's evil."

Shinji::seeing Lucius:: "No! Not the really mean doo.doo.head" ::puts her hands on her hips and looks at VAA:: "Who came up with that one?"

::VAA points to spyofnabiki, who smiles sheepishly. An enormous anime sweat drop appears on the side of her face. Its weight causes her to fall over.::

Shinji::shakes her head:: "Baka..Anyway." ::turns to Lucius:: "You're too hot!" ::She pounces on him.:: "Marry me!" ::blinks and then stands up:: "No! I mean.Stay away from Chibi Ron or else!"

Lucius::stands up and dusts himself off:: "Or else what?"

Shinji: "I will be forced to use my.sarcastic wit? Don't I get a weapon or something?"

Spyofnabiki:: sits up:: Actually, I didn't expect you to stick around so long.

Mary-Sue: "I'm a much better writer than you."

::spyofnabiki punts Mary-Sue like a ball. Mary-Sue's head gets stuck in the ceiling.::

Mary-Sue::voice muffled through the ceiling.:: "I can kick better, too."

::Everyone, including those reading this, throws a blunt objects at Mary- Sue. She is bludgeoned to death. We cheer.::

Lucius: "Your wit is no match for.this!" ::pulls out a thick book::

Shinji::sighs and raises an eybrow:: "And what is that?"

Lucius: "This is my big di."

::Professor Flitwick is suddenly standing on a tall stool in front of Lucius, covering his mouth with his hands.::

Flitwick: "Tut, tut! You know better than to use such language in this forum!"

Lucius::pushes Flitwick's hands away:: "I was just going to say my big di."

Flitwick::clamps his hands over Lucius' mouth again:: "How rude! There are children present!"

Lucius::kicks the stool out from under Flitwick, who plummets. He lands with a loud thump:: "As I was saying before! This!." ::holds up the book:: "is my big di."

::A red-haired, pig-tailed girl wearing a red Chinese shirt and black pants runs by, punching Lucius as she goes::

Surprise Anime Girl #1: "Hentai!"

::She is followed closely by a little black pig wearing an orange bandana and another girl with short, black hair. The second girl is brandishing a colossal mallet::

Surprise Anime Girl #2: "You're the hentai, BAKA!!"

Surprise Anime Pig: "Bweeee!"

::Everyone is left gaping after the two girls and the pig are gone::

Lucius::recovers and stands once more. A large bump is on his head where the girl punched him:: "Fine! It's my large BOOK! Of cute things" ::glaring at everyone.::

Chibi Ron:"Kawaii?" ::anime-style eyes now bigger than his head:: "Oooooh!"

Shinji::snidely:: "Oh, no. Anything but that." ::takes out a nail file and studies her finger nails::

Lucius: "That's right! Now why don't you come to Uncle Lucius and look at the cute pictures?" ::evil laugh::

Chibi Ron::does the pee-pee dance again:: "But I gotta' go baaaad!"

::Dobby runs out on stage dressed like a cheerleader::

Dobby: "It's the pee-pee dance! Let's all do it!" ::bends his knees, holds himself and bounces up and down like he's fixing to wet himself::

::Pip is suddenly by Dobby, mimicking him::

Pip: "Who's had too much butterbeer? I HAVE!"

::Mad-Eye Moody is suddenly beside Pip, doing the same thing::

Moody: "Constant vigilance! I never use public bathrooms! You never know when a Death Eater will curse you as you sit."

::Madame Maxime shows up beside Moody, doing the pee-pee dance.::

Maxime: "'Zis ees fun!"

::Johnny Bravo appears next to Maxime. He, too, is doing the pee-pee dance::

J.B. "Is this the line for the bathroom? Why do I have to be last in line?"

::Shinji stares blankly::

Lucius::smiles maliciously:: "Come now, Chibi Ron. Certainly a big boy such as yourself can hold it a bit?"

::Chibi Ron nods and walks over to Lucius, still in his pee-pee dance stance. Lucius stands the stool up, sits down and pats his leg. Chibi Ron crawls onto his knee as Lucius opens the book::

Lucius:: pointing to the pictures:: "See? There's a puppy. And there's a baby chick. And there's Ryou-Ohki. And there's..Why does my leg feel warm and wet?"

Chibi Ron: "I don't gotta' go pee no more!" ::evil giggle::

Lucius: "Gah! You filthy brat!" ::punts Chibi Ron::

Shinji: "That's disgusting! You're getting no galleons for this worthless waste-of-space, spyofnabiki!" ::stalks offstage as the audience applauds her announcement::

Spyofnabiki: "Maybe I'd better stop this now."

Heckler: "Good! This sucked!"

VAA: "And so, once again, the day was saved! Thanks to Shinji the Sarcastic Squirrel!"

Voldemort::sliding across the floor like the Red Guy from Cow and Chicken:: "END!"

Flitwick: ".ow.my neck."