Captain
Chapter Fifteen
Family
"No… you're…" But it can't be! "You're my dad?" I've long since forgotten my trained boy's tone and gone back to my feminine one. My medium length hair has begun loosening from the tail it'd been in.
The man smiles brilliantly, he has my smile, or actually I guess it would be I have his. Memories come flooding back with that smile of his. He holds me close while it thunders outside. I'm afraid of the lightening, so he whispers stories in my ears, blocking out the sounds of the storm. When the lightening strikes close he covers my eyes and laughs in my ear, saying it's a game.
"So you didn't get my memory after all!" He announces, picking himself off and brushing himself off a bit before offering me a hand.
I stare at the hand, paralyzed with my memories and bemused emotions. A man stands above me, I recognize him as the first captain of the first ship I trespassed on, disguised as a boy. He's teaching me the sword and I've just been knocked down. A shallow cut marks my arm, the first cut I've ever received from a sword. Lost in the boundaries between reality and my memories I take the man's hand and he helps me to my feet.
"Tristen." The man whispers with longing touching his tone. He wraps his muscular arms around me, and I can only stand tense in his embrace.
Tears begin to pool in my eyes. But the reason why is lost to me. Maybe all these years I really have missed him, deep down. Then why can't I bring myself to return the embrace? Am I the guilty one? Wasn't it me who chose not to follow him after he'd left me?
"I've been searching for you for seven and a half years." He whispers down to me, his voice is tight and I've been around salt water too long not to recognize the scent. Still I can't bring myself to hug him back, yet now I'm not sure what paralyzes. Perhaps I've bottled up too many emotions to recognize them anymore? Maybe this is what disbelief feels like? "What are you doing in China?" He asks randomly, pulling me back a little and kneeling down a bit to come eye to eye with me.
Again memories flood back to me. He kneels in front of me, almost sitting because of how tiny I am. His expression is stern, yet his emerald eyes are laughing. I've played a joke on his best friend's wife and he's upset with me, but I know better. Really he's not angry or sad with me, actually I think he wants to laugh, but his best friend and my mother look it down upon and so he won't laugh in front of them. But he'll laugh later, when he's tucking me in and I'm bragging about the mischief I've just committed.
"I'm Cabin Boy on a ship." I answer awkwardly, my tone torn between confusion and betrayal. But who's the traitor? I didn't follow, but he left me. Can blame not be lain?
"What ship?" My eyes widen, I know my fears show in them.
"You can't tell! Captain will kill me!" I plead; tears drip down my cheeks and sting the scabs they cross.
"How were you injured?" He asks, the concern in his voice as well as his eyes. With a large thumb, he wipes away my tears. Like he did when I was a child. When mother died.
"Mullins…" But I stop myself just in time and begin to tremble, though I'm not sure why.
"What or who's Mullins?" He asks, the anger at the man evident in his eyes, though he's trying to hide it in his tone. I've only heard him angry once before, when Struet's oldest son had pushed me out of a tree we'd been climbing. I was young, but he'd been worried and Struet had had to hold him back from whipping the boy. "Never mind, you can answer me once we get you back to the ship.
"But Nat…" I trail off and now avert my gaze from his as I continue to shiver.
There are too many memories and I can't sort them all. They've been bottled up for too long and now they have the chance they won't stop ailing me. Slowly I lower myself to the ground and clutch my head that's begun to ache in my hands. He lowers himself too, holding my shoulders all the while.
"Nat, you mean the boy I injured?" I look up at him, everything has cleared and one single word sticks out at me from that sentence.
"You injured?" I growl.
I'm a caged animal. On one side of my cage stands my memories, on the other are my emotions. And so I sit in the middle, fearful of both, and when either approaches me I have no choice but to attack.
The man looks taken aback by my sudden rush of anger.
"I didn't mean to. I mean I didn't recognize-…" he trails off, I know now he feels trapped, and so I am pushed towards my emotions, because my cage isn't made for two fearful animals. Guilt rushes to greet me and I hang my head.
"No, I'm sorry. It's just… not fair. You abandoned me…" I trail off as a tear falls to the ground, more follow in its wake, sliding down my cheek.
He's speechless, or perhaps I've pushed the caged animal into guilt as well.
"I can't make excuses." After a few minutes of the awkward silence he finally answers. "I was drunk, I'd given up trying to… but the next thing I knew you were gone. I woke up in an alley in London, and I couldn't find you. After that I cleaned up and realized you were the only one bringing smiles to my face, and so I began searching for you. But no one had heard of you, and as the years progressed any scent I'd caught of you went cold."
"I came back and you weren't there, but I thought you'd be back. Mrs. Hibs took care of me until then, but I never grew attached to anyone. Then I broke some special plates and she was threatening to cane me, but some strange man came to my rescue, saying he needed a package delivered. So I rushed to the task, I was sent to the harbor with the package, which I delivered. But I told the man I was an orphan, so he took me in, thought me a boy. I sailed on his ship for years, but then I grew up little by little and soon he discovered I was a girl and he thought I'd betrayed him. So I escaped and moved on.
"I moved from ship to ship over the years, and finally arrived on the Grey Ash, the ship I'm on now. Hook took me as Cabin Boy after a quick swordplay with Nat, the old Cabin Boy. Been on the ship ever since, round six months now I suppose. I haven't seen the harbor or Mrs. Hibs in around four years. But I never became attached, I couldn't, because I belonged to you."
I'm too absorbed in my memories to take much notice, but I can sense the tension in the air. The man, my father, sits completely still; his eyes have taken on an angered glaze.
"Hook, you say?" Without a sound he gets to his feet, pulling me up with him. Instantly I notice my mistake.
"A lie. I meant Book, short for Booker." I try frantically but already I can see the man's not buying it one bit. I grab his muscular arm, giving him my most pleading look, and considering I've never begged in my entire life he should consider this a great feat. He glances down at me but his gaze remains hardened even as he reads my emotions.
"It's my duty to the navy. I have to Tristen. Besides, I thought you said you weren't attached to anyone but me?" He smirks a bit but I can sense the hollowness of it.
"I've been a liar my entire life, that's no different. You weren't there to be a father; Hook took me as a son." My gaze hardens as well. This time my words are true. I have grown attached to my Captain, he's the one I'm willing to stay loyal too. "He's saved my life more then I can count with that oaf Mullins abroad."
"Then how were you injured?" Challenges he but I won't back down. I'll give up my freedom before I give away my captains.
"I was thrown into a table, Captain wasn't around to save me then." He gets an arrogant glint in his eye that begins to truly anger me. "But neither were you. You weren't there to save me from anything more then my fear of lightening." A hurt look crosses his expression. "All along, my captain and that crew has been my family, and you'll have to drag me away screaming or kill me before I betray them."
Applause sounds from somewhere I can't pinpoint and my heart feels like it's been in a vice grip.
"Well you heard her Peter. I'm as good as the child's father now. Why not leave now? Surely you don't want your own flesh and blood to witness your murder." Comes the icy tone of my captain.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: OKAY I lied. There's going to be one more chapter after this, before an epilogue. Sorry this chapter was so long, but you must believe me, at least you weren't the one typing it! Thanks for all the reviews, thanks for reading! Almost done…
Disclaimer: I don't own Peter Pan. I do own any of my original characters.