Author's notes: I meant for this story to be a story and a sequel, and it is everywhere else but here. The first chapter is called Helpless, the second and third Holy Matromony. Sorry for the confusion! Oh yeah, and I really would love more feedback- it's really great to know what you all think! so please r&r!
~nalaniangel (www.geocities.com/welcometomutantx/home.html)
___
"Weak!"
"Monster!"
"Useless!"
"Idiot!"
Insults like that weren't usually thrown around on the street… I turned to see who had said it. The busy street corner I found myself on was lined with people shouting at me, but I could only hear four voices clearly. A female shouted "Weak!" again and I desperately spun around. To my horror, every person lining the streets to my left was Shalimar and they were all shouting at me.
"Monster!" I turned again to see a thousand Brennan's standing on the sidewalks, pumping their fists.
Before I heard "Scum!" I turned 90 degrees again and what I thought I would see was true. Adam's were not only on the sidewalks, but in the streets, blocking off the traffic. I could see cars and vans trying to get through.
That leaves only one person…
I turned once more and my heart hit the floor. There was only one person on the final street, standing right in the middle.
Jesse. The one I loved.
He opened his mouth and began to shout. "Idiot! Idiot!"
My eyes flew open into darkness. Sounds of my breathing filled the silence in the room and I wondered where I was. As my breathing calmed, I began to realize that I wasn't alone in the room. Someone else was sitting next to me. I blinked my eyes a few times to get adjusted to the light and looked over. It was Jesse.
___
"Ahh!" I screamed, jumping. Jesse jumped too and instinctually massed, ready to protect me. I sat up, chest heaving. As soon as he realized there was no trouble, he went normal again and went to me. I touched me on the arm and I screamed again, soaring off of the bed. I backed up until I hit a corner and stood backed up to it for a long while.
Jesse stood in front of me next to my bed. I had been sleeping in the medical lab. There was a chair next to my bed with a blanket and I realized Jesse had been sleeping next to me.
We stood facing each other until my pounding head could take it no longer. I sunk to the ground and hugged my knees, resting my head on them. Slowly Jesse walked over to me. Step by step with all his muscles tensed, ready to respond to anything I might throw at him. Ironically, a year ago, there was no defense that could have stopped me and every offense I could stop. Now I was completely vulnerable to anything. Not that I had been sitting on my ass, though. Although I was nowhere near as good as anybody else yet, for the past year I had been learning martial arts from Shalimar.
Shalimar…
"Weak!"
My headache exploded and I buried my head in my hands, pressing my temples, trying furtively to stop the pain.
"Emma, what's wrong?" Jesse said, rushing to me. He crouched down and tried to touch my face, but I doubled over in pain, holding my head tightly. Fearing he had caused it with his touch, he pulled away but stayed just as close.
The images that had come with my vivid dream, but faded as I had regained consciousness, now played themselves over in my mind. As clearly as I could hear Jesse's concerned voice I could hear him shouting "Idiot!" at me. I opened my eyes and looked at him.
"Do you think I'm an idiot?" I asked through the blinding pain.
"No!" he shouted, hovering next to me. "I would never think that."
"That's what I thought," I whispered. But I could still hear the single voice shouting it in my mind with such conviction that I could believe it. I closed my eyes again so that I could concentrate on blocking it out.
Jesse tried again to reach me and placed his hand on my leg. It made me open my eyes and I looked straight into his own. They were the same chilling eyes in my dream.
I screamed and jumped up, still holding my head and covering my ears, desperately trying to block it all out. But the voices and the images just got stronger.
"Adam, Brennan, Shalimar, she's awake and she's freaking out. I don't know what to do," Jesse said, through their comm.-rings.
It was a few seconds until someone responded. "Ok," Adam said, groggily. He had just woken up. "I'll be right there."
"We're coming too," Shalimar added.
"We?" Jesse asked. "Are you two together right now?"
Neither Shalimar or Brennan responded. If I hadn't been writhing in pain, Jesse probably would have cracked a joke about them being in the throws of love. I doubted they had been, but I had more pressing matters on my mind.
I leaned against the wall in my own private hell. Those words.. weak, monster, useless, idiot… I had heard them all before, but coming from the friends I considered family, they carried a different meaning. And the fact that it had been a dream, but I could still see and hear it scared me deeply. It replayed in my mind until I began to hear them chant louder and louder. The words exploded in my ears and I screamed to try and cover them.
"Stop it!" I shouted, crying and begging for it to stop.
"Emma!" My hands were pulled from my face and were slammed against the wall, being held there by the wrists. All of the voices fled and my name echoed in the void left by them. My eyes flew open and I was face to face with Adam. I breathed a sigh of relief and my feelings over took me. I began to shudder with tears. Adam looked lost and gently let my sore wrists go. Shalimar replaced him and wrapped her arms around me. I crumpled onto her and let my tears flow.
___
I walked into a room I had nearly forgotten, a room where I had spent many hours meditating before I lost my powers. It felt so good just to let go and live in emotions. It was such a relief from spending so much time with Shalimar, Jesse, and Brennan, walking balls of stress. Sometimes they were wound so tight I thought their heads would pop off.
The platform was on top of a beautiful water bottom. The light bounced and moved off of the walls and pillars. It was so relaxing. And it was the perfect place to think about my dream.
"Weak!"
I heard the word crystal clear like it had come from Shalimar's mouth. But it only echoed once in my mind. Somehow, I was able to control that. I could analyze dreams pretty well, but I had a feeling that this wasn't an ordinary dream. For some reason, I knew I should take it as face value, that my subconscious was acting out exactly what it thought.
But did I think that Shalimar thought I was weak? I had been called weak by the GSA plenty of times because I was a New Mutant. What if I thought Shalimar thought I was weak because I wasn't a New Mutant anymore? But that was crazy, since I knew she had friends who were regular humans. And I knew she didn't think that of me.
And Brennan. He had called me a monster. Did it have anything to do with the fact that I had tried to kill myself using his knife? Or the fact that I had tried to kill myself at all? Analyzing this dream wasn't working out. Nothing was making sense.
I moved onto Adam. "Useless!" I shuddered in remembrance. I could understand this one. I had had serious fears that I was going to be useless to the team after I lost my powers and I thought that Adam would kick me out for sure. It made sense. But I had stopped thinking that after a year of living at Sanctuary powerless. I knew I was still important to the team even if I couldn't fight. Maybe it didn't make sense. My head swam. I took a deep breath to try and center myself again as I moved onto the hardest part of the dream.
Jesse's eyes still pierced me as the word "Idiot" left his lips. Did he think I was stupid for trying to commit suicide?
Maybe the seizure had caused the strange dream and it's after-effects. Sourly, I thought that if I could have drawn on Shalimar's inner strength to help me through it, the dream might not have happened.
Shalimar's inner strength…
My mind began to race harder as a new realization hit me. What if each of my friends in the dream represented their strongest characteristic and not themselves?
It all became clear. The dream was trying to tell my why I couldn't say yes to Jesse's proposal!
Shalimar's strength was her strongest characteristic and she had called me weak. She was trying to tell me about my present state. I wasn't mentally strong enough to take anything on.
Brennan's loyalty was his best quality and he had called me a monster because I had tried to kill myself. I still felt guilty for trying to abandon my friends via suicide after I thought I was useless. My past.
Adam wasn't a new mutant, but he still helped the team. He had called me useless. I had thought that I couldn't do anything because I wasn't a telempath anymore, but Adam was the leader of Mutant X. If I wanted to, I really could do anything with my future.
And Jesse. He was the embodiment of love for me. And he had called me an idiot and I knew why. It was because he loved me enough to try and help me and I had pushed him away.
I couldn't say yes because I had to much holding me back.
Did I love him? Truly? My heart already knew the answer. Then what was stopping me?
My present state, with all my weaknesses.
My past, with my suicide attempt and my guilt with trying to leave my friends.
My future, with the uncertainty of gaining a new role on Mutant X as a non-New Mutant.
But then there was Jesse, who loved me knowing all of this already. He loved me enough to accept me forever and seal our love in marriage.
I opened my eyes and breathed deeply, coming out of my deep trance. A smile slowly spread across my face as I reflected on my perfectly analyzed dream. Shalimar represented my present, Brennan, my past, Adam, my future, and Jesse, the one man that I could share it all with.
So that left only one more question. Why was my dream so vivid?
"Emma."
I looked around the room for anyone, but it was empty. Suddenly I realized it was my comm.-ring.
"Emma."
"Yes?" I answered. It was Adam.
"I have some answers for you. Can you come to the medical lab?" he asked.
"Of course," I told him, immediately getting up.
I walked quickly to the lab, hoping he could answer my questions. I walked through the doors. To my surprise, the entire team was there.
Adam must have seen my shock because he asked, "Do you want them to leave?"
"No," I told him. I went up to Shalimar and hugged her. "Thanks," I whispered into her ear. She had no idea what it was for, but she hugged me back. I moved onto Brennan, who rose slightly out of his chair to hug me. "You too," I said. He was too confused to say anything. Finally I came to Jesse. "I love you," I told him. I went to hug him but he pulled me into a full embrace, kissing me passionately.
Adam cleared his throat and we reluctantly pulled away from each other. In a small act of defiance, I sat on Jesse's lap, curled up on him. Shalimar tried to hide her smile, but Brennan laughed out loud and Adam's obvious embarrassment and disapproval.
"I have some big news for you, Emma," he said. "I ran some tests while you were unconscious to find the cause of your seizure and I found something else." He paused, gearing up for a big medical speech. "When you lost your powers last year, you lost them because you got into the mind of another psyonic who sent your attack back in kind of a feedback loop. The attack damaged it's origin, the part of your brain that controls your telempathy."
We all nodded, surprised that we were all following so far.
"You've all heard about people with brain damage that affected, say, their ability to walk or speak, right? Well in those cases, eventually with work, the brain finds ways around the damage. I think that that is what is happening to you, Emma."
"But I haven't worked at it," I argued. "I thought my telempathy was gone. I haven't spent any time trying to get it back."
"Well we all have empathy and we all spend a lot of time trying to help each other with their emotions, being concerned for one another, talking about it and so on. That could have worked as a type of therapy for your mind. I believe you had your seizure when it tried to suddenly reassert itself. I understand it did begin when Jesse proposed, a highly emotional time."
Nobody said a word.
"Are you saying my telempathy is coming back?" I asked slowly.
"Your dream was more real, wasn't it?"
My lips curved into a smile and Adam walked forward to hug me. "Congratulations, Emma."
I hugged the man I considered my father back. "You're so smart," was all I could think of to say. Adam laughed.
"I'm just glad it all worked out."
"It would have worked out anyway," I told him. "Even if I didn't get my telempathy back."
Adam couldn't have fully appreciated what I meant, but even with partial knowledge it was enough reason to hug me again, then step out of the way for Jesse. As Adam left, I found myself directly in front of Jesse, who was on one knee, holding out the ring.
"You know I love you more than anything and that I'll stay with you no matter what happens. Will you marry me, Emma deLauro?"
I could only think of one word and, this time, nothing was holding me back.
I wiped away a tear as I looked into the eyes of the man I loved and whispered "Yes."
___
My dress hung lightly off my shoulders as I inspected myself another time in the mirror. My red hair was curled slightly and my green eyes glistened against the white of my wedding dress.
I sighed. Could it get any more perfect? I could feel Jesse's love so strongly, even though I was far away from him, in my room. He was waiting nervously in the main part of the Sanctuary. I could feel every emotion he was experiencing while he waited for me to appear. I loved knowing what he was feeling, but if I looked deep inside myself, I knew that I would have been okay if couldn't.
Adam arrived at my door in a tuxedo and held out his arm. I slipped mine in his and we stood in the hallway. He was going to give me away.
"I'm so proud of you," he told me as we stopped before we rounded the corner into the gardens. It was just me and Adam there. I had no bridesmaids. It would have been pointless because if Shalimar had been in my maid of honor and Brennan had been Jesse's best man, only Adam would have been in the audience. I heard the click of a tape and the wedding march began to play. Adam and I began to walk down the aisle.
When I saw Jesse my heart stopped.
A minister Adam hired began to read the well worn vows that had sealed love eternally for hundreds of years. Jesse held my hands tightly in his and listened to the minister distractedly, for he was looking into my eyes with such longing that I knew I could easily spend the rest of my life just gazing back at him.
"What did I do to deserve you?" he mouthed to me.
"Nothing," I mouthed back. "Because I spent my whole life trying to deserve you."
"I love you," Jesse whispered to me.
"I love you, too," I whispered back. With more restraint that I thought possible, we held on until the minister said we could kiss.
And we came together, like we were kissing for the first time. And as our lips touched, our lives were promised to eachother, in holy matrimony, to share our love forever and ever.
~nalaniangel (www.geocities.com/welcometomutantx/home.html)
___
"Weak!"
"Monster!"
"Useless!"
"Idiot!"
Insults like that weren't usually thrown around on the street… I turned to see who had said it. The busy street corner I found myself on was lined with people shouting at me, but I could only hear four voices clearly. A female shouted "Weak!" again and I desperately spun around. To my horror, every person lining the streets to my left was Shalimar and they were all shouting at me.
"Monster!" I turned again to see a thousand Brennan's standing on the sidewalks, pumping their fists.
Before I heard "Scum!" I turned 90 degrees again and what I thought I would see was true. Adam's were not only on the sidewalks, but in the streets, blocking off the traffic. I could see cars and vans trying to get through.
That leaves only one person…
I turned once more and my heart hit the floor. There was only one person on the final street, standing right in the middle.
Jesse. The one I loved.
He opened his mouth and began to shout. "Idiot! Idiot!"
My eyes flew open into darkness. Sounds of my breathing filled the silence in the room and I wondered where I was. As my breathing calmed, I began to realize that I wasn't alone in the room. Someone else was sitting next to me. I blinked my eyes a few times to get adjusted to the light and looked over. It was Jesse.
___
"Ahh!" I screamed, jumping. Jesse jumped too and instinctually massed, ready to protect me. I sat up, chest heaving. As soon as he realized there was no trouble, he went normal again and went to me. I touched me on the arm and I screamed again, soaring off of the bed. I backed up until I hit a corner and stood backed up to it for a long while.
Jesse stood in front of me next to my bed. I had been sleeping in the medical lab. There was a chair next to my bed with a blanket and I realized Jesse had been sleeping next to me.
We stood facing each other until my pounding head could take it no longer. I sunk to the ground and hugged my knees, resting my head on them. Slowly Jesse walked over to me. Step by step with all his muscles tensed, ready to respond to anything I might throw at him. Ironically, a year ago, there was no defense that could have stopped me and every offense I could stop. Now I was completely vulnerable to anything. Not that I had been sitting on my ass, though. Although I was nowhere near as good as anybody else yet, for the past year I had been learning martial arts from Shalimar.
Shalimar…
"Weak!"
My headache exploded and I buried my head in my hands, pressing my temples, trying furtively to stop the pain.
"Emma, what's wrong?" Jesse said, rushing to me. He crouched down and tried to touch my face, but I doubled over in pain, holding my head tightly. Fearing he had caused it with his touch, he pulled away but stayed just as close.
The images that had come with my vivid dream, but faded as I had regained consciousness, now played themselves over in my mind. As clearly as I could hear Jesse's concerned voice I could hear him shouting "Idiot!" at me. I opened my eyes and looked at him.
"Do you think I'm an idiot?" I asked through the blinding pain.
"No!" he shouted, hovering next to me. "I would never think that."
"That's what I thought," I whispered. But I could still hear the single voice shouting it in my mind with such conviction that I could believe it. I closed my eyes again so that I could concentrate on blocking it out.
Jesse tried again to reach me and placed his hand on my leg. It made me open my eyes and I looked straight into his own. They were the same chilling eyes in my dream.
I screamed and jumped up, still holding my head and covering my ears, desperately trying to block it all out. But the voices and the images just got stronger.
"Adam, Brennan, Shalimar, she's awake and she's freaking out. I don't know what to do," Jesse said, through their comm.-rings.
It was a few seconds until someone responded. "Ok," Adam said, groggily. He had just woken up. "I'll be right there."
"We're coming too," Shalimar added.
"We?" Jesse asked. "Are you two together right now?"
Neither Shalimar or Brennan responded. If I hadn't been writhing in pain, Jesse probably would have cracked a joke about them being in the throws of love. I doubted they had been, but I had more pressing matters on my mind.
I leaned against the wall in my own private hell. Those words.. weak, monster, useless, idiot… I had heard them all before, but coming from the friends I considered family, they carried a different meaning. And the fact that it had been a dream, but I could still see and hear it scared me deeply. It replayed in my mind until I began to hear them chant louder and louder. The words exploded in my ears and I screamed to try and cover them.
"Stop it!" I shouted, crying and begging for it to stop.
"Emma!" My hands were pulled from my face and were slammed against the wall, being held there by the wrists. All of the voices fled and my name echoed in the void left by them. My eyes flew open and I was face to face with Adam. I breathed a sigh of relief and my feelings over took me. I began to shudder with tears. Adam looked lost and gently let my sore wrists go. Shalimar replaced him and wrapped her arms around me. I crumpled onto her and let my tears flow.
___
I walked into a room I had nearly forgotten, a room where I had spent many hours meditating before I lost my powers. It felt so good just to let go and live in emotions. It was such a relief from spending so much time with Shalimar, Jesse, and Brennan, walking balls of stress. Sometimes they were wound so tight I thought their heads would pop off.
The platform was on top of a beautiful water bottom. The light bounced and moved off of the walls and pillars. It was so relaxing. And it was the perfect place to think about my dream.
"Weak!"
I heard the word crystal clear like it had come from Shalimar's mouth. But it only echoed once in my mind. Somehow, I was able to control that. I could analyze dreams pretty well, but I had a feeling that this wasn't an ordinary dream. For some reason, I knew I should take it as face value, that my subconscious was acting out exactly what it thought.
But did I think that Shalimar thought I was weak? I had been called weak by the GSA plenty of times because I was a New Mutant. What if I thought Shalimar thought I was weak because I wasn't a New Mutant anymore? But that was crazy, since I knew she had friends who were regular humans. And I knew she didn't think that of me.
And Brennan. He had called me a monster. Did it have anything to do with the fact that I had tried to kill myself using his knife? Or the fact that I had tried to kill myself at all? Analyzing this dream wasn't working out. Nothing was making sense.
I moved onto Adam. "Useless!" I shuddered in remembrance. I could understand this one. I had had serious fears that I was going to be useless to the team after I lost my powers and I thought that Adam would kick me out for sure. It made sense. But I had stopped thinking that after a year of living at Sanctuary powerless. I knew I was still important to the team even if I couldn't fight. Maybe it didn't make sense. My head swam. I took a deep breath to try and center myself again as I moved onto the hardest part of the dream.
Jesse's eyes still pierced me as the word "Idiot" left his lips. Did he think I was stupid for trying to commit suicide?
Maybe the seizure had caused the strange dream and it's after-effects. Sourly, I thought that if I could have drawn on Shalimar's inner strength to help me through it, the dream might not have happened.
Shalimar's inner strength…
My mind began to race harder as a new realization hit me. What if each of my friends in the dream represented their strongest characteristic and not themselves?
It all became clear. The dream was trying to tell my why I couldn't say yes to Jesse's proposal!
Shalimar's strength was her strongest characteristic and she had called me weak. She was trying to tell me about my present state. I wasn't mentally strong enough to take anything on.
Brennan's loyalty was his best quality and he had called me a monster because I had tried to kill myself. I still felt guilty for trying to abandon my friends via suicide after I thought I was useless. My past.
Adam wasn't a new mutant, but he still helped the team. He had called me useless. I had thought that I couldn't do anything because I wasn't a telempath anymore, but Adam was the leader of Mutant X. If I wanted to, I really could do anything with my future.
And Jesse. He was the embodiment of love for me. And he had called me an idiot and I knew why. It was because he loved me enough to try and help me and I had pushed him away.
I couldn't say yes because I had to much holding me back.
Did I love him? Truly? My heart already knew the answer. Then what was stopping me?
My present state, with all my weaknesses.
My past, with my suicide attempt and my guilt with trying to leave my friends.
My future, with the uncertainty of gaining a new role on Mutant X as a non-New Mutant.
But then there was Jesse, who loved me knowing all of this already. He loved me enough to accept me forever and seal our love in marriage.
I opened my eyes and breathed deeply, coming out of my deep trance. A smile slowly spread across my face as I reflected on my perfectly analyzed dream. Shalimar represented my present, Brennan, my past, Adam, my future, and Jesse, the one man that I could share it all with.
So that left only one more question. Why was my dream so vivid?
"Emma."
I looked around the room for anyone, but it was empty. Suddenly I realized it was my comm.-ring.
"Emma."
"Yes?" I answered. It was Adam.
"I have some answers for you. Can you come to the medical lab?" he asked.
"Of course," I told him, immediately getting up.
I walked quickly to the lab, hoping he could answer my questions. I walked through the doors. To my surprise, the entire team was there.
Adam must have seen my shock because he asked, "Do you want them to leave?"
"No," I told him. I went up to Shalimar and hugged her. "Thanks," I whispered into her ear. She had no idea what it was for, but she hugged me back. I moved onto Brennan, who rose slightly out of his chair to hug me. "You too," I said. He was too confused to say anything. Finally I came to Jesse. "I love you," I told him. I went to hug him but he pulled me into a full embrace, kissing me passionately.
Adam cleared his throat and we reluctantly pulled away from each other. In a small act of defiance, I sat on Jesse's lap, curled up on him. Shalimar tried to hide her smile, but Brennan laughed out loud and Adam's obvious embarrassment and disapproval.
"I have some big news for you, Emma," he said. "I ran some tests while you were unconscious to find the cause of your seizure and I found something else." He paused, gearing up for a big medical speech. "When you lost your powers last year, you lost them because you got into the mind of another psyonic who sent your attack back in kind of a feedback loop. The attack damaged it's origin, the part of your brain that controls your telempathy."
We all nodded, surprised that we were all following so far.
"You've all heard about people with brain damage that affected, say, their ability to walk or speak, right? Well in those cases, eventually with work, the brain finds ways around the damage. I think that that is what is happening to you, Emma."
"But I haven't worked at it," I argued. "I thought my telempathy was gone. I haven't spent any time trying to get it back."
"Well we all have empathy and we all spend a lot of time trying to help each other with their emotions, being concerned for one another, talking about it and so on. That could have worked as a type of therapy for your mind. I believe you had your seizure when it tried to suddenly reassert itself. I understand it did begin when Jesse proposed, a highly emotional time."
Nobody said a word.
"Are you saying my telempathy is coming back?" I asked slowly.
"Your dream was more real, wasn't it?"
My lips curved into a smile and Adam walked forward to hug me. "Congratulations, Emma."
I hugged the man I considered my father back. "You're so smart," was all I could think of to say. Adam laughed.
"I'm just glad it all worked out."
"It would have worked out anyway," I told him. "Even if I didn't get my telempathy back."
Adam couldn't have fully appreciated what I meant, but even with partial knowledge it was enough reason to hug me again, then step out of the way for Jesse. As Adam left, I found myself directly in front of Jesse, who was on one knee, holding out the ring.
"You know I love you more than anything and that I'll stay with you no matter what happens. Will you marry me, Emma deLauro?"
I could only think of one word and, this time, nothing was holding me back.
I wiped away a tear as I looked into the eyes of the man I loved and whispered "Yes."
___
My dress hung lightly off my shoulders as I inspected myself another time in the mirror. My red hair was curled slightly and my green eyes glistened against the white of my wedding dress.
I sighed. Could it get any more perfect? I could feel Jesse's love so strongly, even though I was far away from him, in my room. He was waiting nervously in the main part of the Sanctuary. I could feel every emotion he was experiencing while he waited for me to appear. I loved knowing what he was feeling, but if I looked deep inside myself, I knew that I would have been okay if couldn't.
Adam arrived at my door in a tuxedo and held out his arm. I slipped mine in his and we stood in the hallway. He was going to give me away.
"I'm so proud of you," he told me as we stopped before we rounded the corner into the gardens. It was just me and Adam there. I had no bridesmaids. It would have been pointless because if Shalimar had been in my maid of honor and Brennan had been Jesse's best man, only Adam would have been in the audience. I heard the click of a tape and the wedding march began to play. Adam and I began to walk down the aisle.
When I saw Jesse my heart stopped.
A minister Adam hired began to read the well worn vows that had sealed love eternally for hundreds of years. Jesse held my hands tightly in his and listened to the minister distractedly, for he was looking into my eyes with such longing that I knew I could easily spend the rest of my life just gazing back at him.
"What did I do to deserve you?" he mouthed to me.
"Nothing," I mouthed back. "Because I spent my whole life trying to deserve you."
"I love you," Jesse whispered to me.
"I love you, too," I whispered back. With more restraint that I thought possible, we held on until the minister said we could kiss.
And we came together, like we were kissing for the first time. And as our lips touched, our lives were promised to eachother, in holy matrimony, to share our love forever and ever.