"Mmm this is nice". Brenda Walsh stretched out on the rug and watched the flames of the fire dance and flicker. Although it was now early December it was still warm, and they really didn't need the fire, but Brenda was glad of it. She had always loved real fires. There was something about them that was welcoming. She guessed it came from growing up in Minnesota and having to survive all those harsh winters.
"What's nice?" Dylan McKay asked sleepily.
"This. Us. Curling up with you in front of a log fire." Brenda always felt safe and content in his arms.
"Yeah well I have to admit it's better than studying" Dylan indicated the books scattered across the rug.
Suddenly Brenda felt guilty. They were supposed to be studying for finals. Only this morning she'd told her parents how serious she was about getting good grades. She'd had every intention of studying but she'd been here an hour already and so far she hadn't even opened a book. With a monumental effort she rolled away from Dylan and shifted in to a sitting position. Retrieving the remote she flicked off the TV.
"Hey!" Dylan complained, "Casablanca is a great movie".
Dylan loved watching old black and white movies and usually Brenda enjoyed watching them with him. But today she couldn't shake that little voice in her head that told her that right now studying was more important. "You know I told my father I was coming over here to study." She said pointedly. "Finals are only two weeks away, maybe we should get started". To demonstrate her conviction she picked up one of the books.
"C'mon Bren the studying can wait a while." Dylan groaned taking the book off her and dropping it back on the rug. He knew that if Kelly were here with him the last thing they'd be doing would be studying. He'd been seeing her intermittently for weeks now and whilst he hated himself for the deceit, in his heart of hearts he knew it was symptomatic of the problems that he was having with Brenda.
For some time now he and Brenda had been moving in two completely different directions. Initially he had closed his eyes to it, unwilling to accept the truth, but each day that passed, it had become clear to him that they wanted different things from life. Brenda had her heart set on college, whilst he couldn't wait to break free from the shackles of education. She had their future all mapped out, whilst he didn't wanna look beyond his next surfing trip. A gulf had opened between them and it was getting wider. He hated to admit it but the cracks in their relationship were beginning to show.
He certainly hadn't gone looking for an affair this summer, it had just happened. Brenda's departure had left a void that somehow Kelly had managed to fill. He couldn't even say when it had started. All he knew was that lately Kelly seemed to understand him in ways that Brenda no longer could.
Ever since he'd restarted his relationship with Kelly, he'd been struggling to resolve his inner turmoil. He knew that relationships should be based on trust. He should be honest with Brenda, admit his infidelity, and share his doubts and fears. Yet he hadn't said anything. He was afraid that if he did, Brenda would leave him.
Dylan had had plenty of experience with women, but on reflection none of those relationships had really meant anything. Nothing he had experienced before had come anywhere near what he had with Brenda. He had given his heart to Brenda Walsh a long time ago and he would always love her. He couldn't imagine ever giving her up.
But then there was Kelly. What was she to him? A distraction? A stopgap? Or was she just a product of his fights with Brenda? He sighed heavily. If he was honest, he knew that it was more than that These last few months with Kelly he'd gotten to see a side to her that he never knew existed. His feelings for her had crept up on him without any warning. Now the thought of losing her appalled him.
Dylan frowned. For once he was at a complete loss. There was no doubt that he loved Brenda, but all he could see ahead for them were problems. He was convinced that a relationship with Kelly would follow a smoother path, but it was too soon for him to be sure if what he felt for her was love. He'd been juggling both girls, hoping that somehow a solution would present itself, that he'd simply know the right thing to do. But it hadn't happened and now his life was a mess. How had he let things get so complicated? His head throbbed, boy, a drink sounded good right now.
Brenda was torn. She hadn't missed the frown on Dylan's face. It was obvious he was mad at her for putting studying first again. She bit her lip, unsure how to proceed. In her heart she knew that she hadn't been paying Dylan enough attention lately. He had every right to be upset. After all, what kind of girl preferred to spend the afternoon studying to making out with her boyfriend?
'The kind that wants to get in to a good college' a little voice in her head told her. 'And if he really loved you' the voice continued 'he'd understand that'. Brenda forced the accusatory thought out of her mind. That was her father talking not her. She knew that Dylan loved her. They'd been through rough times before yet somehow they always managed to get through them together.
'But this time it's different' the voice returned unbidden. 'This time you want different things. This is the problem that will tear you apart.' Brenda felt her face flame and hoped that Dylan couldn't read her disloyal thoughts.
'You're wrong' she told the little voice firmly. 'We'll make it through this just like we always do'. But suddenly she wasn't so sure. Brenda was convinced that what she had with Dylan was the real deal. But was it enough? Could true love really conquer all?
She realised that Dylan was watching her with a curious expression on his face. She couldn't quite read it. A mixture of sadness, affection and was that fear? She couldn't be sure. Had he sensed her doubts? Flustered she picked up a book and moved over to the couch. "So about that studying?" She asked with forced brightness. If only he would agree to study with her. Just for once show that he understood how much college meant and that he supported her decision. Reassure her that he loved her and would be there for her no matter what the future held.
Dylan remained on the rug watching her carefully. Finally he stretched out an arm and retrieved the remote "How about we finish the movie first. Then we can think about studying?" It came out more like a challenge than a question. He prayed that she would agree. If only she would put him before college just this one time, provide the reassurance that he so desperately craved. It had never seemed so important.
They regarded each other in silence. They had reached an impasse and although unspoken, the importance of the decision was not lost on either of them. Seconds ticked by and still neither spoke. Brenda desperately wanted to spend the afternoon cuddling up to Dylan in front of the fire but she knew that she couldn't.
Somehow weeks of arguing about college had come down to this one moment. If she caved now it would be tantamount to admitting that he was right, that college wasn't important. She couldn't explain it but she knew that if she gave in today, there would be no going back and Dylan would never go to college.
Resolutely she began to gather up her books. All the while hating herself for leaving. "You know what. I think I'm gonna go home and study". She said carefully. "If I stay here I'm not gonna get anything done."
Dylan felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest, but he didn't try to stop her. He merely nodded his agreement and started to help her collect her stuff. "You need a ride?" He asked quietly.
"No I think I'll walk, clear my head". She forced a smile "Maybe it'll help me concentrate". As she kissed him goodbye Brenda thought she noticed something different about Dylan's kisses. They hadn't argued exactly but there was some unspoken tension between them. She felt as though they were parting on bad terms and she didn't want that. Halfway down the driveway she turned back "I love you Dylan".
His expression softened "I love you too Bren". He hesitated then spoke firmly "Don't worry we're gonna make it through this".
She nodded "I know".
Dylan watched until she disappeared around the corner, and then headed back inside. Gloomily he flopped back down on the rug and switched the movie back on. After a few minutes he switched it off and threw the remote across the room. He was no longer in the mood. Hugging a cushion to his chest, he gazed in to the fire hoping to find the answers to his troubles. But the flames provided little comfort.
By the time the fire had burnt itself out he could stand it no longer. He knew that he had to take action. Right now he wasn't being fair to either girl and it was time that he made a choice. Determinedly he marched over to the phone and picked up the receiver. Cursing he put it down again, hands shaking. Boy he wished he had a drink to steady his nerves. He stood by the phone for a long time lost in thought. Then reaching a decision he picked up the receiver and dialled. She answered on the third ring, obviously surprised to hear his voice.