Dylan McKay banged his locker door shut in frustration, as David headed off to his first class. After running from his bed last night, Kelly hadn't taken his calls and he'd tossed and turned alone, turning things over and over in his mind. Brenda's untimely call had elicited a bad scene last night and he really needed to talk to Kelly. But she hadn't shown up to school today. David had said that Kelly was sick, but Dylan knew better. She was avoiding him. He could cut class and go over there. He took two steps towards the parking lot and then thought better of it. He knew that in her present mood it wouldn't do any good. Much better to wait until school was out. By then she might have calmed down enough to talk to him.
He turned round and was back at the lockers – back to square one. "Okay" he told himself firmly, the problem with Kelly could wait until after school. Right now he had to figure out what to do about Brenda. Knowing Brenda, she'd be going crazy waiting to hear from him. He didn't have any classes with her today, but there were plenty of opportunities to talk to her if he wanted to. He could do it now, go catch her before her first class. He didn't move. He couldn't talk to Brenda because he didn't know what to say.
Brenda had done the one thing he had never expected her to do; she had compromised. Dylan knew that for Brenda Walsh compromise didn't come easy. He had never known her to back down over anything she truly believed in. He smiled. Her tenacity was one of the things that had kept them together, despite her father's fervent disapproval. It was one of the things that he loved most about her.
By backing down over the college issue Brenda was making a major statement of her commitment to him. He knew it and she knew it. The question was what was he gonna to do about it? In his heart he was aware that it wasn't really what she wanted, that it would be selfish of him to ask her to stay. But he wanted to. More than anything he wanted to ask her to stay.
He slammed his fist against the lockers in anger, scoring some inquiring looks from the passing students. Dylan scowled at them and they hurried on their way. Who was he kidding? How could he even think of asking Brenda to give up on her dreams of going away to school, when he was seeing Kelly behind her back? He was pretty certain that she would feel differently about staying in town if she knew what had been going on. He winced. If Brenda ever did find out, she would end things with him once and for all and that was something he didn't wanna think about. But then, if he was in love with Kelly, which he kinda thought he was, why was the prospect of losing Brenda so impossible to bear?
He lent back against the lockers, and closed his eyes in defeat. He hadn't slept at all last night and he was so tired he couldn't think straight. This whole mess was clouding his mind and sapping his strength. So many times over the last few weeks he'd been tempted to have a drink to solve his problems. So far he'd resisted but he could feel his will power slowly ebbing away. It was only a matter of time.
His mind drifted back to Kelly. He was gonna have a hard time talking her round. The way she had run out on him last night, he wasn't sure if they even had a relationship anymore. Maybe he shouldn't bother making his peace with Kelly, he thought perversely. He could let the relationship fizzle out, and just pray that Brenda never found out about it. He frowned. Trouble was he didn't want to do that. He and Kelly definitely had something and he didn't know if he was willing to give up on it just yet. But then there was Brenda. How could he risk what he had with her? It was impossible; he loved them both. But he knew that by dating both girls, he was playing with fire and sooner or later he was likely to get burnt.
He scowled. The more he tried to work it out the more messed up things seemed to get. Maybe cutting class wasn't such a bad idea after all. In fact the idea of just skipping town for a few days and escaping from his problems suddenly seemed incredibly appealing. Not for the first time Dylan wondered how he'd gotten himself in to this mess.
"Where are you Dylan?" Brenda Walsh muttered under her breath as she took a second tour of the campus. Everywhere she looked there were students, lounging on the grass, eating their lunch, tossing footballs, shouting greetings to each other, making the most of the last of their freedom before afternoon classes started. There were even some who diligently spent their lunch period studying in the library. Donna and David had been amongst that group. They'd looked a little embarrassed to be caught studying, but Brenda was impressed by their dedication to each other and to the books.
She sighed in frustration. She had looked everywhere she could think of, some places twice, but Dylan hadn't been in any of them. She knew he was around somewhere. David had already talked to him this morning, and besides his Porsche was parked outside in the lot.
For weeks now she'd had the feeling that she was losing him, that they were drifting apart. She'd been so sure that offering to stay in town next year would be the solution to all their problems. But now she was afraid. Afraid that Dylan had decided that he didn't want a future with her after all. She knew that Brandon thought she was overreacting, jumping to conclusions. He'd told her to wait until she'd talked to Dylan. But the longer she went without hearing from him, the more scared she felt. They had always been able to talk about anything, so why wasn't he talking to her about this? She just wanted to find him, wanted him to smile and tell her how much he loved her.
She wished Kelly were here, she needed some moral support, someone to confide in. But Kelly wasn't in school today. David had told her that Kelly was sick. Maybe she'd take a drive over there later, make sure she was okay, but right now she had more important things on her mind. Lunch period was nearly over and she still hadn't found Dylan. Refusing to accept defeat she turned and headed purposefully back inside the school building. She'd try his locker. He'd have to go there sometime and when he did she'd be waiting. Brenda wanted some answers and she wasn't gonna give up until she got them.
Dylan was so preoccupied he didn't notice Brenda waiting by his locker until it was too late. He cursed under his breath. He'd let his guard down for a second and now there was no avoiding the inevitable confrontation. He paused almost involuntarily, unsure how best to proceed.
Brenda's heart lurched when she saw Dylan approaching. She'd spent all morning desperately searching for him. Now he was here and she didn't know what to say to him. She watched apprehensively as he approached her. He seemed to be walking so slowly he might have been moving in slow motion. Then suddenly he was in front of her.
"Dylan I…"
"Look Bren…"
They both spoke at once and then both abruptly stopped. Brenda had never felt so awkward around him. She drew a steadying breath and fought to get her emotions under control. "I'm sorry Dylan. What were you going to say?"
"No you go first Bren." Dylan shifted uncomfortably.
Brenda spoke as casually as she could manage. "Actually I was wondering why you didn't call me back last night." She searched his face looking for a sign that would give away his feelings. For once his expression was guarded and she couldn't read him.
He shrugged "I went for a long ride on the bike, by the time I got back I figured it was too late to call". Even to his own ears he sounded defensive, and he found that he couldn't quite meet her eyes.
Brenda was finding this intolerable. Why couldn't he just come right out and say what he was thinking? Taking a deep breath she asked "So what do you think of my plan to go to school in LA next year?" Was that a flicker of uncertainty on his face? She couldn't be sure and now his expression was closed again.
Dylan hesitated trying to find the right words, fighting a selfish urge to ask her to stay. "I think that you shouldn't rush in to it. It's a big decision Bren, you need to be sure it's what you really want".
Brenda was stung by his words but fought hard not to show it "I am sure Dylan. I know exactly what I want. I want you and I want college". She smiled. "This way I get to have both."
Carefully Dylan tried again "I just don't want you to do this for the wrong reason".
Her smile faded, all pretence of nonchalance gone "I don't understand. How can saving our relationship be the wrong reason?" Her voice had a hard edge to it and she blinked away the tears that were threatening.
Dylan's heart skipped a beat. She had given him the opening. Was he gonna take it? He hesitated and found that his mouth had gone dry. Should he do it? Should he do the decent thing and confess everything to Brenda? It could mean the end of their relationship but didn't he owe her the truth? He loved Brenda and didn't want to hurt her, but wasn't he hurting her more by lying to her?
For a moment he thought he really was going to do it, but then his nerve failed him and the words died on his lips. He loved her, he needed her and he didn't want to lose her. He couldn't risk telling her, he just couldn't. Struggling under the intensity of her gaze he finally answered. "I just think that this is something that you should do for yourself. I don't want you to do it for me and then six months down the line wish you hadn't."
Finally his expression softened and Brenda could see the affection in his eyes. She knew that what he was saying made sense. They might not be the most romantic words he had ever spoken, but he was right. She felt a fool now for doubting him, for letting her imagination work overtime. When she next looked at Dylan a smile lit up her face. " I guess you're right. I won't make any hasty decisions". She kissed his cheek lightly "You see that's what I love about you Dylan, you always know what's best for me."
Dylan smiled weakly, finding himself unable to answer.