"It's not enough." She said simply.
"What?" Dylan rasped his head snapping up in shock.
"I said it's not enough" Kelly repeated softly. "I can't share you Dylan, I won't".
"But I thought you said you loved me". He was half pleading half accusing.
"I do, but if I'm going to be with you it has to be with all of you" she paused the next words were painful "Not just the tiny part of you that's left over after Brenda". The calmness of her voice belied the turmoil she was feeling inside.
Dylan gaped at her, his mind struggling to comprehend the implications of her words. He didn't know why but he felt angry. Was he angry with her for rejecting him, or angry with himself for giving her that opportunity? Despite his earlier promise, he found himself arguing with her.
"I don't understand. It was enough for you before, now suddenly it isn't? What's changed?" he asked angrily.
Tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear and taking a deep breath Kelly tried to put in to words what had been going through her head for the past hour.
"I guess I just realised that I can't spend my life waiting around for you to decide what you want." She paused, carefully tracing the pattern of the bed sheet with her finger. "I've done a lot of things in my life that I'm not proud of Dylan. For a long time I didn't like the person I'd become". She hesitated then reluctantly met his eyes. "You of all people should understand that."
Dylan nodded mutely. Of course he understood. That was what made their relationship special. They knew about each other's past indiscretions, accepted them and most of all understood them. No matter how hard she tried, Brenda could never really understand what he'd been through in those early years. He didn't expect her to. How could she, when she had never experienced them herself? Brenda loved him in spite of his past, but Kelly loved him because of it.
Relieved that his anger seemed to be abating Kelly continued. "What you're offering me isn't a relationship Dylan. Not really. It's just a cheap imitation".
He opened his mouth to protest but she held up a hand to silence him. "In the past I would have taken it." She smiled ruefully "Back then I thought so little of myself I didn't think I deserved anything better." Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "But I'm not that girl anymore. If I stay with you now, like this, it'll be like going back to square one." She shuddered "I can't go back to that Dylan I just can't."
Dylan nodded "I understand" he said quietly, his anger replaced by sadness.
They contemplated each other in silence, both wishing that things could be different.
"So where do we go from here?" Kelly asked uncertainly.
Dylan shook his head "I don't know" he admitted. If he was honest he hadn't really expected her to reject him. Now that she had, he was at a complete loss as to how to handle the situation.
"Could we be friends?" she asked tentatively.
"Friends-right." He scratched the back of his head "Friends yeah that would be nice. Except I don't want to be your friend Kel." He looked at her intently "I want more than that".
Kelly shook her head in disbelief "You're not being fair. I've just told you my reasons. You said you understood." She swiped at the tears that were spilling down her cheeks. "You promised you wouldn't make this difficult," she protested. "You said that you'd walk out of my life if I asked you to."
Dylan got up and joined her on the bed. He reached over and took her hand. "Is that what you really want Kel? Cause right now I'm having a hard time believing that." He knew that he wasn't being fair, but he wasn't ready to lose her.
Kelly recoiled from his touch, moving swiftly off the bed and over to the door. Opening the bedroom door she turned to face him
"Please Dylan, just go," she begged wiping away tears that were flowing freely now.
Dylan got up off the bed and walked over to where she was standing. Firmly he pushed the door shut. "I don't want to walk out of your life Kelly. Don't ask me to do that," he pleaded.
Kelly shook her head resolutely "I'm sorry Dylan, I love you but I'm not gonna share you." She opened the door and looked at him pointedly.
Dylan glanced at the door, and then shifted his gaze back to her. Determinedly he closed the door again. "We've got something special here Kelly. Are you sure you're ready to give up on it?"
Her hand on the door handle, Kelly faltered. He was right, what they had was special, different. What if he was the one? What if she was throwing away her one shot at happiness? She'd never felt like this about a guy before what if she never did again? Slowly she let go of the door handle.
Dylan sensed that her resolve was weakening. She just needed a little more persuading. "C'mon Kel" he said gently taking hold of her hand "We can get through this".
Reluctantly Kelly allowed herself to be steered back towards the bed. Dylan smiled kindly as he wiped away her tears relieved that he had managed to talk her round "Everything's gonna work out fine you'll see." Slowly he began to kiss the back of her neck, talking soothingly in between kisses "All…… you have to do…. is concentrate on us…. and forget about Brenda".
"Dylan stop" Kelly protested pulling away from him. "I'm not doing this, we're not doing this."
Mentally Dylan berated himself for mentioning Brenda. How could he be so stupid? He would give anything to take the words back but it was too late, the damage was already done. This time Kelly opened the door and kept going.
"Kel wait" Dylan called, hastily following her out of the bedroom and down the stairs. By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs she was already at the front door.
Without hesitation Kelly flung the door open, blinking as the bright sunlight poured in to the room. "Dylan I want you to leave," she said firmly.
Dylan joined her at the door. He could tell that she meant it this time, yet still he had to try. Bending down so that his face was close to hers he spoke softly. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me, then I'll leave".
As she gazed in to his eyes Kelly desperately wanted to be able to tell him that she didn't love him, but she couldn't the words just wouldn't come. Truth was Brenda or no Brenda she loved Dylan McKay. She remained silent staring helplessly in to his eyes. Dylan instantly closed the distance between them and suddenly they were kissing. The kiss was so intense that they didn't hear the car pull up or the crunch of gravel underfoot as someone made their way up the driveway.